Brahman Pimped My Site

An item in the November print issue of Wired drew my attention to the work of Dr. Smita Jain Narang, who has developed WebVastu, a system to design websites in balance and harmony with cosmic principles. According to the article (page 72 in the print edition), “Narang reports that on the 500 sites she’s redesigned, three-quarters received an imediate boost in traffic.” I took a look at Narang’s own site to learn more about this path-breaking technique:

We all know that the five elements that comprise the human and the world are called the “Paanchbhootas”. Similarly every website has its own “paanchbhootas” and a balance has to be maintained to achieve a desired result. Any disturbance in any of the element may result in negative consequences.

This is especially important for commercial sites, as you can imagine. Negative energies are never good for the bottom line:

For the websites to bring business the element in each quadrant must be honored and they should be kept in balance as this creates powerful and beneficial conditions, which draw business towards the owner. On the other hand, an imbalance of the elements can create negative energies, which may have an adverse effect on the websites.

Wired asked Narang, who is 30, to “diagnose one of our spiritual haunts, Slashdot.org,” and her assessment was mixed at best. It scored well for its address and graphics (good Water flow), but poorly on structure (too much Air), lead-off (inauspicious header), page length and footer, which should have been “brown, fawn or copper.”

Copperish colors must be extremely auspicious, as Narang’s own site involves white lettering bathed in a glowing, brown-yellow background that is nearly overwhelming to my bleary morning eyes. Then again, I haven’t been up since 3 AM performing austerities and contemplating the Divine. The site also lacks navigation; perhaps such tools only breed maya, and we must instead move about the site in an organic way. So should you, but if you don’t mind the spiritual shortcuts, here are a few highlights.

WebVastu takes its place in humanity’s long process of spiritual and material advancement:

Man has endeavoured to improve from time immemorial. Starting from the Stone Age to the 21st century, mankind has only improved and is keeping their step toward modernisation. But as we are becoming modern we are leaving our culture far behind and are overburdened by sorrows, unhappiness, mental tensions and what not. Thus all kinds of sufferings are taking place in the life and in order to get all the things back, we are trying to follow the path showed by our ancestors. In my book I have tried to formulate some principles for designing the websites on the fundamentals of Vastu science, so that the person can achieve the maximum benefit in totality.

I am only trying to smoothen the people business by making it more harmonious and thereby having gradual increase through websites. Destiny always prevails, but by implementing the Vastu concepts, one can enhance the business provided by websites. Therefore, it is advisable to follow Vastu to open the gates to a happy and prosperous life.

A detailed table of contents follows, leading the reader to the formulation and application of WebVastu’s principles, after, of course, studious analysis of the fundamentals:

3. A Deep Study of Internet
3.1. What is Internet?
3.2. How Internet Came into Being?
3.3. A Brief History of Internet
3.4. The Beginning

It was in the course of desiging building interiors that Narang realized that the same principles of balance and flow that apply to your home should also govern your website:

Dr. Smita Jain Narang is a science graduate from Delhi University and started her career as Interior designer after doing studies in Interiors. While practicing her career, she was equally engrossed in studying Vastu Shastra, the ancient science of direction. Being a computer wizard herself, she was keen in formulating a different science that brings the sciences of two worlds, the ancient with the modern together.

She continued her studies eventually obtaining an M.Phil and Ph.D in Vastu Shastra (I didn’t know you could do that!):

She made her seven-year flourishing practice of Interiors and Vastu consultation secondary and started her research on the new subject three years back of which this book is the result. She did her M.Phil and PhD in the same subject and extensively studied all concepts and of which arises WEBVASTU.

Long before the Wired item, her practice had earned her great recognition:

She is a renowned Vastu consultant and is a prominent author for many websites, has written hundreds of magazines articles, has introduced and promoted Vastu Shastra internationally by writing for many international magazines. She is a highly sought-after lecturer and has appeared on TV couple of times. Her major aim is to take Vastu Shastra, the science of directions to unlimited heights.

I shudder to think of what Dr. Narang would make of Sepia Mutiny. We would do well to consult her in the course of our much-rumored but as-yet embryonic redesign. I suspect we could use less Air and more Earth. I’m not sure what she’d make of the rotating banners. Perhaps they are a spiritually productive reminder that our lives are characterized by impermanence yet embedded in a stable Truth.

After all, there’s nothing new under Brahman:

The effect of the Vastu is permanent, because the Earth has been revolving round the Sun, in geo-stationary orbit for over 400 crores years creating the magnetic effect caused by the rotation.

Four hundred crores years! Now that’s what I call stability, an infrastructure that’s 99.99999% reliable. So fire those high-price Web consultants, with all their gibberish and obfuscation. Ancient wisdom has triumphed again.

33 thoughts on “Brahman Pimped My Site

  1. this is hilarious… :)… but i know a ton of people take their vastu shastra’s pretty darn seriously…

    i didn’t know it could translate into web design…that is definitely thinking ‘outside the box!’

    (we need more orange/yellows on SM to be more in ‘tune’ with the cosmos-maybe that is why threads were getting closed prematurely ;).. since :

    an imbalance of the elements can create negative energies, which may have an adverse effect on the websites
  2. Agree with Chick Pea! That is really funny because some people are so serious about it. I love the Vastu-Consultants they have in India who will give you analysis of why: 1.) Your kid isn’t doing well in maths 2.) Your parathas are chronically under-cooked 3.) And your mom-in-law won’t leave

    And people will change everything accordingly. My aunt was convinced that my cousin got his visa to come to America because of Vastu (which included giving him the master bedroom!) Maybe the US Consulate is in cahoots with WEBVastu et al!

  3. Why didn’t I think of this ?!

    Are you reading this Dr. Narang? Can you pimp out my site?

    “Pimp my Site” .. haha .. ok I’m going to get some coffee now.

  4. Um, there’s a typo on her home page .. that doesn’t seem very balanced and harmonious to me.

    “When houses, restauants, shops, shopping centers can be made according to the ancient science of Vastu Shastra then why cann’t the Websites also follow the same rules”
  5. Holy html, batman.

    This is a direct competitor to my “feng-shui” school of website design.

  6. Talk about creating an anxiety and then offering to fix it for you (at a small price of course). Vastu is running amok in India, people are building the most ridiculously-designed homes based on it.

  7. Hey this is so cool! I never thought of the vastu of the website. Makes sense though. If the site is too loud or fonts/colors hurt your eyes, you’re not going to come back.

    I do believe in feng shui/vastu, though not as seriously to hire a consultant. I do just enough to work on removing clutter, add plants, create easy flow of energies.

  8. hehe.. meenakshi.. i spent 5 months in studying in pune and got to learn some of the vastu shastras… there are so many people who swear by it.. (to a scary degree…as you mentioned)..and i did keep the location of where the main door entrance and what direction a house was when i was in the market buying one..

    i know a family here in ATL who just built their most amazing home and they designed their house based on the shastras…they gave the architects this book from india telling them they must follow it to the core…

    i don’t knock her spelling.. mine isn’t so great either… oh well.. no akeelah for moi ;)), forget the typos, i just think her genius is going above and beyond the typical….i give hear an A for that alone…

    bad website design…drudge report (what in gods name is that…and SI.com as compared with espn)…

  9. As a web designer, I was just conquering some people’s notions of how a website should be designed per Mr. Jakob Nielsen. Now I am going to have clients be like, “Hey I get Wired…aren’t you Indian? I read this article and…”

    Thanks for the heads up ๐Ÿ™‚

  10. what in gods name is that…and SI.com as compared with espn

    doctor-lady please. ESPN’s site is an unholy disaster, plus more and more of it is pay-only. SI isn’t great but it’s a lot clearer. Direct links to articles from the drop-down menus. Clear differentiation between their content and wire stuff. And better writers…

  11. ugh.. i respectfully diasgree..oh scribe! i can’t stand si.com…

    bring on espn… heck bring on gammons for debate.. better yet, polamalu ๐Ÿ˜‰

  12. Totally unrelated, but how about a 55-Friday on wine, relationships, snobbery and brownness? I’d love to see what people come up with… ANNA?

  13. FukYoCouch on October 27, 2006 11:58 AM ร‚ยท Direct link My vasthu consultant said I should get some brand new suede couches, so I did,

    Impressive dude! finding an opportunity even here…Jungle mein Mungle???

    Vastu and Kundali Consultants are usually used as “JOKER CARDS” to escape an otherwise, sticky situation. If you have made quite a headway into the discussions ( Buying a house or Shaadi ke batein)..but want to get out of it, without burning bridges…you play Vastu or Kundali cards ๐Ÿ™‚

  14. Oooh! The socially conscious, saintly one does snark? Sweet : )

    After my brief time on the Mutiny (one month? two?) I thought I knew most of the SM bloggers. Thereร‚โ€™s

    the analytical even (handed / tempered / structured) academic;

    the pretty, emotional, pop-culture princess;

    the endearingly Krishna-like playboy punster;

    the refreshingly gamine and charming political savvie,

    And my favorite–the chappie who manifests childlike wonder that some hitherto obscure person/practice has Indian origins.

    I canร‚โ€™t say I expected Siddhartha, i.e. he who already knows all the things I one day want to know, to do snark so effectively. Whenever I grow the heck up, I want to be just like him!

  15. the pretty, emotional, pop-culture princess;

    I don’t think Ennis is all that pretty.

  16. BEAUTY = LIES/EYES

    and all that, Mr K ๐Ÿ™‚

    (and just don’t even get me started on the distinctive voices that Mutiny commentators have…)

  17. Sometime ago, the newschannel CNN-IBN covered Narang and her Web Vastu (here).

    She was quoted as saying stuff like this: “Just as the world comprises of the five basic elements, each Website has five elements and these need to be in balance with one another. […] Earth is the layout, fire is the color, air is the HTML, space is name of the Website, and water is the font and graphics.”

  18. the endearingly Krishna-like playboy punster; the refreshingly gamine and charming political savvie,

    Heh? Who are these two?

  19. Did you notice, her site says: Webvastu, a fusion of two sciences Vastu Shasta and Internet (websites). How should one design a website according to Vastu?

    And inconsistent Vastu, vaastu in some places.

    A typo from the PhD in the subject?

  20. Did you notice, her site says: Webvastu, a fusion of two sciences Vastu Shasta and Internet (websites).

    Also…the internet is a science… ? ?

  21. Also…the internet is a science… ? ?

    Are you telling me that the little tubes of the internets are not science?

  22. Also…the internet is a science… ? ? Are you telling me that the little tubes of the internets are not science?

    Ok maybe I am a pedant, but the internet is a public network that has been engineered using scientific principles.

  23. DDiA:

    Also…the internet is a science… ? ? Are you telling me that the little tubes of the internets are not science?

    Hey dude, maybe u were kidding. If you were, apologies for #30.

  24. Also…the internet is a science… ? ? Are you telling me that the little tubes of the internets are not science?

    I guess you were refering to this video … my bad.