Some of you may consider it good news that the top three finalists in the the Geography Bee, hosted by the great Alex Trebek himself, were Indian American. I do not. Some of you may also think fondly on the fact that the last four contestants in last year’s Spelling Bee were also Indian American. I do not.
“Well Abhi,” you say. “Aren’t you at least happy that the top Intel Science Award ($50,000) went to an Indian American?”
No.
I am afraid. I am afraid that most Americans aren’t able to tell us apart anymore. We aren’t all “the same.” I come from a vastly different culture and tradition than those people. I am nothing like them and I am tired of all the “so-called intellectuals” that are all “bhai-bhai” and want to give us all a common label. They don’t care about us so why should we be friendly to them? Ever since Indian-American kids started winning these types of competitions I get strange looks on the subway when I am reading a book. I can hear their whispers and their suspicions. “I know what he is up to,” they think. “All those people are the same. They just sit and study vocabulary lists and almanacs. They just come to ‘our country’ to win our competitions.” Nobody sits next to me sometimes, even during rush hour, all because they think we are all the same. I’m sick of it. I can’t even take pictures at tourist attractions anymore. Park security always comes up to me and asks me if I am forming a database of important geographic sites. Last time a guard mentioned to me that his son had “lost to one of you guys in a preliminary round.”
The solution is clear to me but will take some time to implement. Through forums like this we need to do a better job of educating the public. They need to know that some of us can’t spell and instead rely on readers or co-bloggers to point out spelling errors in their blog posts. They need to know that some of us don’t know which river the Port of Rotterdam lies on. Most importantly they need to know that they having nothing to fear from the vast majority of us.
I don’t know if you guys are like me but every time I read about another “incident” in the news I think, “Great. Now they will think that we are all capable of this kind of thing.” Here was the latest:
A woman teacher in Bhubaneswar has been arrested for inflicting three children with burn injuries on finding mistakes in their homework, police said on Sunday…
On Friday evening, Kabita allegedly lost her temper after she found mistakes in the home work of the kids. She punished them with a hot iron, a police official said. [Link]
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p>Moderates in the community need to come forward and speak out against these types of heinous acts. We can no longer afford to remain quiet while a radical minority dictates our image. We should denounce this sort of thing immediately and work to educate the community by pointing out that a lot of us are only average in intelligence and will work to demand the same from our children.
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p>I just wanted to get a dialog started on all of this before next week. In fact, usually I am a little afraid to even leave the house during this period which I often refer to as “hell week.”
Thank you all for your attention. I look forward to a productive dialog.
No! We are all the same. You are me an vice versa. Stereotypes are a reflection of reality and the effort to stamp them out in the name of anti-racism is just a ruse to allow more Mexicans in the country, who are really just like us…short, brown, and hardworking. See?
And don’t get me started on the Chinese.
Dude, SpoorLam is clearly hilarious satire–perhaps the best I’ve seen on this site. And as your earlier comment led me to understand, the name is clearly a spoof on MoorNam. Plus, he or she (I prefer to think he) has done enough work to be both mysterious enough to generate a buzz as well as good comedy. If they were both satire, then SpoorLam would be Daily Show and MoorNam and others would be Colbert Report.
Note: I am not SpoorLam. I’m just a close reader of good comedy.
This is awesome!!! I just saw X-Men 3 yesterday and so I think we should all come up with superpowers rather than ordinary powers. Whether of t he Mystery Men variety or the X-Men variety. Personally, I vote for being able to go through walls through prayer for weapons, but am open to suggestions.
Let the conspirasizing begin!
Saurav:
I am a “dudette”, not Dude 🙂 But yes, isn’t SpoorLam something else? When he/she accused me of being Wendy Doniger in disguise, I laughed out loud at that one. SpoorLam’s top comedy, yaar. Shabaz.
GujuDude:
Wow, bhery bhery impressive, yaar.
You are a true Guju. Props.
I agree with all the people who think worrying about what Whitey thinks is a waste of time. Whitey’s going to put anyone different down for any reason he can come up with, because that’s what Whitey does.
You still deny it?
You can double-bluff ABCDs because they are low-grade Hindus and many have Christian and Muslim friends or even worse, some also have American lovers.
But SpoorLam cannot be fooled.
Stop trying to destroy Hindus!
Hail Mogambo!
Such stirring virile Hindu pride makes me feel damp.
Whitey don’t think of Hindus!
We don’t care what you think!
Except what you think of us in your California textbook!
Then we care!
Please change them. We are the model minority. We look like Mexicans but live like Jews.
(except Abrahamic aberrations among us – only by the sword did they come to have strange names)
Hail
WhiteyMogambo!Hey, check out Spoor’s pic (click on his name)…is this new? I’m still giggling 🙂
…I think thats the answer to our gender question, CADs!
Spoor – my Hindu virility makes you feel damp where exactly?
(Listen carefully. This may be a clue as to – um – it‘s gender)
SpoorLam/ LK Advani:
Where have you been, yaar? I missed you much.
Honestly, where do you come up with all of that? And it’s non-stop, too. You have something to say on ever single topic. A bottomless well of creativity!
Commander Shubas Bose:
Umm… but Spoor’s Advani! Check out his pic! (Spoor: Nice pose. That picture captures your good side).
SpoorLam:
I’m curious, what do you have to say about:
1) Bobby Jindal
2) Cheap Ass Gujus
3)
NOw, give us a few good laughs.
There are too many Anti-Nationals on this website.
Armpit, mouth, palm of hands.
Don’t make fun of me. You make me sick. Do you have an American boyfriend? Get out of my sight.
Hail
MiscegenationMogambo!SpoorLam:
Nice picture of Modi! That pic would have been funny, if he hadn’t been my uncle.
No, I don’t have an American boyfriend. I have a…
Muslim boyfriend. From Saudi Arabia, to be exact. Follows the Wahabi sect.
I have a bit of German crumpet on the side. Married her and had a kid too.
Has been tricked into converting to Christianity.
New Jersey RSS have a plan to re-convert him after he becomes President.
Then we nuke Pakistan.
Not true. The satellite link up from Gujarat to Madison Square Gardens for our leader was expensive when Wendy Doniger prevented him from visiting USA.
Communist scum.
Hail
MusharaffMogambo!I have experienced questions or comments like:
Although, these stereotypes can be somewhat irritating, I do think there is nothing wrong with it. I think it’s about time we took pride in who we are. I know certain people (or races!) cannot add 15 and 12 without hitting the “C” key on the calculator at least thrice!
Just because we give some folks inferiority complex doesn’t mean that we have to start making deliberate spelling errors or start toting calculators everywhere! In High School itself, I stopped making people feel better about themselves by self-deprecating comments / jokes! Let’s just stop apologizing for being smart!
GujuDude – a dude after my own heart, that list is the shit. when i’m chillin at my timeshare i use the free shampoo to do all my laundry. then i hang it on the balcony for everyone to see. a shah is a patel is a joshi is a modha.
i just spent a bill at sephora and am feeling like a traitor.
Speaking of stereotypes the positive ones don’t bother me. Someone mentioned earlier (sorry I lost it while scrolling) …
I may be mistaken in understanding the tone so can’t tell if there is scarcasm there. I know people that don’t want to be mistaken as the above and I find that notion offensive. What is wrong with working at 7Eleven, a gas station or drive a taxi? They are all respectable jobs that require an immense amount of hard work. That is one of the things I like about this country. You could sweep the train and still have respect from people. I don’t want to get caught up in the semantics of it but my old neighbor was a sanitation worker and made a shit load of money and he lived on the same floor as a lawyer, two doctors, a trader, a teacher, a retired police lieutenant and me. And we all hung out at some point or the other. There was no concept of “lower socio economic status”.
Dudette I want to hear all about it on the other post 🙂
JOAT:
You are mistaken in understanding the tone of this comment. This comment was in response to AMFD and my response was that being mistaken for working at 7/11 is only humilating if one does not want to be associated with being of lower socio-economic status; and not wanting to be associated with those of the lower socio-economic status is both deeply classist.
Please read the thread before responding.
I don’t know which country you live in, but I certainly don’t see that in the US. The US is a very class based society, which is why the comment you misinterpreted has significant relevance when one is discussing jobs such as working at 7/11, being taxi-drivers, etc.
JOAT:
??
Evil Abhi is so hott when he stops being nice.
Sometimes you just have to tell them what’s what. 😉
OK
There wasn’t much to read before that comment and I didn’t realize it was from you or I sincerely wouldn’t have responded. It just stuck out at me and I ended up saving it and couldn’t find it later when I scrolled up past the 100+ comments.
We certainly don’t live in the same US. Classes exist in EVERY society. The class difference among the average folk (not counting the Billionaire boys clubs) is fairly negligent as compared to other societies. People here also have the opportunity to work hard and move up. Someone who owns and works at a 7Eleven could quite possibly make more money than an accountant. I can bet my paycheck my sanitation worker neighbor made more money than me. I grew up in India, people define class levels by professions not financial status. One of my very good friend’s father is a taxi driver. He started out doing shifts 20 years ago and now owns 3 medallions. He’s managed to put three kids thru NYU. If he drove a taxi in India he may not have had the ability to do that.
I grew up in India, people define class levels by professions not financial status. One of my very good friend’s father is a taxi driver. He started out doing shifts 20 years ago and now owns 3 medallions. He’s managed to put three kids thru NYU. If he drove a taxi in India he may not have had the ability to do that.
Yes, and No.
Sure, Amreeka is a very mobile and dynamic country but also incredibly stratified.
In Idia there are hazaar stories like that too, read India Today often, or follow the life of Dirubhai Ambani, etc. The country is growing @ 7-8 % and there is lot of moving up and down happening. Not as much as USA but still.
I am right now in Delhi, the level of activity going on I am seeing is amazing. You can smell it.
Janeofalltrades:
I think you’re right. America is not a class society in the sense that England is, or for that matter, India under a caste system. The quintessential American hero rises from poverty into wealth; the British class system does not honor this type of achievement. People born into wealth here obviously have it easy, but they are given a lot of grief because of it, think GWBush or Ted Kennedy.
But it is not just an American phenomenon this is with happens when society transitions from a feudal system (where the aristocracy is honored) to a liberal democracy…which embraces the bourgeoisie. Of course America is the prime example of the enlightenment revolution.
I mean, there has to be a reason why we are all here.
Kush:
I think you’re right too. India, being freed from socialism, is one of the greatest developments I’ve ever been privledged to witness, and somewhat participate in. I think it will go down as one of the most extrodinary developments for mankind and will hopefully be a model for South and central America as well as Africa.
I can’t tell you how giddy my fathers old village (which is near bangelore) is about recent developments. You can smell it, as you say.
Its tough being a Guju man in a high rollers world. But you gotta keep stay in the fight, ya know?
I’m sure you have some items laying around your place that need to be returned. It doesn’t matter how old it is, as long as you have the reciept, you can claim some money back. COSTCO!!! They’ll take things back after a couple of years. A dude I know returned a big screen TV after like 15 months. There is always Ebay, too. Or buy a duplicate of an item you already have, then swap the items (as long as its in relatively good condition) and return it. You just upgraded, without spending a dime.
Booyashaka!
Kanjoos Makhee choos in DA HOUSE.
GujuDude:
GujuDude– you certainly know how to wheel and deal. According to my mentality, having to pull out money in the first place– no matter if I can return or exchange the item– makes me cringe. Guess I should take your advice, from one Guju to another, and stop missing out on life’s pleasures. Don’t want to spend money for a TV? Buy it (eek!) and then return it after a year and get your money back! Want that DVD player that I’ve been longing to have so I can watch the latest Bollywood DVD’s? Buy it (screech) and then return it for a full refund. I’ll get over having to fork over the money, and comfort myself that in the long run, I’ll get every single penny back.
It’s times like this that cause my heart swell with pride, bring tears to my eyes, choke me all up, and make me stand tall and proud because I’m Guju.
Respect that. And don’t I know it. I bought a tent from Walmart and went camping for a couple of days. Then I returned it in its original packaing, Po ass suckas never even looked inside when I returned it on tuesday or they would of seen the mud and leaves sticking to the tent inside. sniff I finally feel like I BELONG, thanks dude 🙂
The Onion tried that earlier with other nationalities, unfortunately it didn’t catch on.
“Romanians are Tom Clancy apologists.” Now who’s arguing that stereotypes aren’t based in reality??
I completely agree with the writer. I remember a couple of years ago, Vijay Singh was the world’s number 1 golfer. He was known to practice relentlessly. And I remember being in public with people staring at me and whispering to themselves (“oh look at that indian, he’s probably on his way to practice golf for hours so he can make our people look bad.”) I was embarrased to be indian. Then, Vijay Singh, sensing the plight of Indians worldwide, started intentionally playing badly and lost his number 1 ranking. Then i stopped being embarrased being indian … until these brainy indian kids started winning all these bees. If we only could get them to start losing.
I see you Gujus high-fiving each other on your miserly ways, even going so far to claim if Scripps Howard ever put out a competition for penny-pinchers, they’d be at risk of awarding the same family twice (one accolade for the winning speller and one for the father who’s demonstrated that hand-me-downs can last until his kid’s wedding night), but you guys have some serious competition from the Poonjabis. Case in point: did any of your parents force you to attend a university near your home so you could save them a few measly grand in dorm fees? Mine did, and that’s the only logical reason why I ended up watching Dateline on a Thursday night I could have spent studying the effects of binge drinking in Asian-American males whose name start with DJ and end with Poonjabi.
“Beta, come quick! There’s a desi on teevee!” my mom exclaimed excitedly from the living room. “Come and look at him!”
“No, mom. I’m busy right now!” I replied, as if desperately searching for a college party on Facebook to sneak off to somehow demanded my absolute attention.
“But why, beta? You never watch teevee with me! Come now, sit down and we can watch together!”
I inhaled sharply and, before I could gently remind her that the prospect of looking at a fellow Indian on television was as fascinating and appealing to me as kissing a toilet seat, I heard a gasp and startled mutter, something no son should EVER hear his mom say:
“Hai ram… he’s taking his kacha off.”
I stopped typing. At this point, several scenarios were running through my head: 1. Zee-TV was now showing Cinemax’s Emannuelle in Space in syndication. 2. The elderly neighbor from across the street was attempting to mow his lawn in the buff again, in contravention of all common decency and multiple court orders. 3. Dinesh D’Souza had finally hit rock bottom.
With these terrible images threatening to permanently lodge themselves into my consciousness, I ran in to see what the fuss was all about. I wasn’t prepared for what I saw next. (What follows are excerpts of the minutes.)
Chris Hansen, Dateline correspondent (walks in): You wanna explain yourself, grab that towel right there please. Wrap it around yourself. Please sit in that stool.
Hansen: What are you doing?
Lakhan: (shakes head) Making a mistake.
Hansen: Making a mistake? what is going on in your mind?
Lakhan: I donÂ’t know.
Hansen: Marvin youÂ’re naked.
Lakhan: Yeah I wouldnÂ’t have gone all the way, I wasnÂ’t.
Hansen: You went all the way when you took your clothes off just about…
Hansen: So whatÂ’s going to be happening if IÂ’m not here? YouÂ’re naked. ThereÂ’s a 14 year old girl. YouÂ’re chasing a cat around. YouÂ’ve got Cool Whip and you want this girl to do some sex act with the cat and then youÂ’ll have sex with her. Is that accurate?
Lakhan: Yes.
And there you have it: for the first time in years, two members of the Poonjabi household were peacefully watching the same program, sharing the same sense of rapt disbelief of listening in on a stone-faced Chris Hanson asking a buck-naked desi guy what he intended to with a bowl of Cool Whip and the family cat. The only thing conceivably more awkward than the experience we just shared was the silence that followed when the show went to commercial. An eternity passed before any of us spoke.
“Uh…okay mom. Thanks…for…showing…me…that…I’m going to go wash my eyes out with lye.” I turned to leave.
“Beta!” She called out sharply. I swiveled around to find my mother’s scornful eyes penetrating deep into mine. She said nothing but continued to stare. I grew nervous. She still said nothing. I sensed a terse monologue was forming in the deepest reaches of her mind, that she about to expectorate some pearl of wisdom only reserved for serious situations best not discussed ever again. My mom took a deep breath and assured me her maternal wisdom and grip on reality were as strong as ever:
“Don’t ever get a girl pregnant…[at least five seconds of silence] …you could go to jail! Or go on teevee so everyone can see your shame-shame!”
I would have given almost anything to see the looks on both of your faces!!! 🙂
Indian moms – you gotta love ’em!
DJ DRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRTY Poonaani-jaabi:
Maybe your parents forced you to go to college near home in order to keep an eye on you so you wouldn’t get some girl pregnant, not because they’re cheap. And with a name like “Poonaani-jaabi”, no wonder!
Seriously, I don’t think you can beat the Gujus in cheapness. We are world renounced for being Cheap Asses. There’s a reason for this.
Speaking of stereotypes, here’s one written by Sister Nivedita, from her acclaimed book “The Web of Indian Life”, published in the first half of the 20th century. As an Irish aurat living in India, Ananda K. Coomaraswamy claims that her book is
According to Sister Nivedita:
For those of you interested in reading similar books, you can obtain this and other delightful treasures on “Indian culture and history” at your local Radha Krishna Mandhir Bookshop. These books serve the dual purposes of educating yourself on your people, origins, and culture as well providing food for the soul. I myself bought this book out of sociological inquiry.
And the daughters of Gujerat are, like the women of merchant-peoples everywhere, soft and silken and flower-like, dainty and clinging as a dream.
Now, isn’t that nice?
Not only that, it may have been so that he didn’t go anywhere within a 5-mile radius of a non-familial female of the species until his wedding night.
I always find it humourous how some desi parents go to extraordinary lengths to keep their (adult) children from getting romantically-involved with members of the opposite sex, whilst conveniently forgetting the fact that guys and girls do actually socialise with ech other during daytime college hours and, a few years later, during working hours too. Desis don’t live in purdah in this neck of the woods, y’know.
Case study #1:
Desi parent: You went out for dinner with that woman/man ?! On your own ? At that time in the evening ? Arre, arre….. {cue despondently shaking head and expression implying the son/daughter’s actions are equivalent to the Apocalypse}
Desi son/daughter: Er, Mum/Dad, I do also have lunch with colleagues of the opposite sex when I’m at work. Sometimes on our own, too…..
Desi parent: When I was in India and before I married your father/mother, I never even sat next to a boy/girl, let alone actually having an extended conversation with him/her.
Desi son/daughter: A) Times have changed, and B) We don’t live in Afghanistan or Saudi Arabia…..
And so on and so forth.
CAD,
Which is…..?
*Presumably a Freudian slip, ie. should have said “renowned”. Although the original word makes sense too 😉
Sister Nivedita knows what she’s talking about!
Not where I’m from. Us sisters are salty like the earth, we spit and swear and make fun of sweet Ahmedabadi accents 🙂
My fellow scrooge-esque Gujus: I am proud to see all of us coming out of the woodworks. Canada, USA, India, Kenya, UK, wherever. We will not be denied.
I have a dream…and it is to see Uncle and Aunty scrooges like ourselves have the same respect, freedom, and equality that our fellow slot machine citizens get.
Netflix will not throw a curve ball anymore to people like us when we watch 3 dvds per day burning them too, turning movies around like paapad over a flame. It is only the first step. We WILL maneuver around any obstacle in our place that keeps us from pinching that penny. Beware, we have embraced our cheapness and will march to the capitol by purchasing cheap shoes from walmart, and return them in the next town over. Nice fresh pair of shoes all the way.
Under a layer of hair. Atleast for my Patel women. But no worries, some of us are into hirsute ladies. Especially Yeti’s like myself. Modern technology affords one options, too. However, we are cheap. So unless the wax is on sale in Sams Club, Costco, or Walmart for certain price, one must sacrifice grooming. If your skin doesn’t see sunlight for another month, it’s OK. You’ll just look more ‘fair and lovely’ whenever the grooming does occur. Natural sunblock!
CAD, Oh, I know you’re a woman. I call everyone “dude” and “man” (it makes me more comfortable) but point taken and will address you as “dudette” or something more palatable like “sister, sister”.
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blockquote>One of my very good friend’s father is a taxi driver. He started out doing shifts 20 years ago and now owns 3 medallions. He’s managed to put three kids thru NYU. If he drove a taxi in India he may not have had the ability to do that.
Jane, Go read Taxi and get back to me about class in the U.S. Just because there’s more mobility in a country with 300 million people, a per capita income about 30K, and a lot of global power to set rules compared to a country with 1.3 or however many billion people and a per capita income below 5K, that doesn’t mean that there’s no such thing as an underclass in the United States. You might want to pay attention to the recent immigration debate–class, race, and immigration status work together in the U.S. to create an underclass and the fact that many of the programs that your friend’s parents had access to no longer exist for immigrants or poor people (or even middle class people) because they’ve been eliminated over the past 20 years. For example, welfare.
Jai, in the context of “model minority stereotypes”, it’s more like “if life throws you lemons and lemonade, toss those lemons like a hot potato to people worse off than you like poor White people, Black people, Latino people, Hmongs, Bangladeshis and sit down for a cool glass of lemonade with “life.”
[replace life with “elite power structure/society” and use lose some elegance but get more precision.]
Neha:
Be careful, now. You’re skating on bhery bhery thin ice here. Don’t be frontin’. I’m warning you.
GujuDude:
Yes, isn’t it lovely, this global Guju solidarity?
We will no longer be castigated for our shrewd business acumen. We will no longer be denigrated for putting sugar in everything. We will no longer bow our heads in shame for what others accuse us of being “cheap asses”. We will not succumb to the propaganda that we are pacifist weaklings. We will no longer be ridiculed for being related to Bapu Gandhiji.
We are on our way to a global revolution, to make our cheap ass voices heard, and to demand our fair share of the freedom, equality, and liberty to get everything for free. We will do our ancestors proud for the gem of wisdom that has been delicately passed down from generation to generation and guarded jealously: “Bathoo maphat chhe“.
All you other punk Desis, watch out. It is time to close the curtain on you. The limelight is no longer on you. We are about to take over the global stage. It is our time under the sun.
GUJUS of the world, UNITE! J’ai Gujurat!
–Cheap Ass Desi
GujuDude:
Buy wax?! No, bhai. This is not an option.
A guju woman makes her own wax at home. All you need is sugar, lemon juice, and strips of muslin.
-Sugar, if you recall, comes from the free sugar packets swiped from cafes. -Lemon juice is obtained from the neighbors’ lemon tree, when they are not looking. -Strips of muslin cloth requires pulling out cash from your pocket, so you make do with what you have at home: the kitchen towel used for drying dishes.
Saurav:
Oh, don’t worry. I’m not offended. You can call me “dude”, I understand that it’s jargon that is no longer gender specific. I just wanted to set the record straight. I am a woman; a Gujerati woman to be exact:
Thanks for taking on comment # 127. When I read it, I sighed wearily, thinking “Where do I begin”, but decided to leave it alone. Anyway, I have a gnarly exam coming up and shouldn’t be spending time on SM. Even though I can’t help myself and continue to post comments.
GujuDude:
Not all Gujarati women are Patels.