Well, thanks to everyone for the lovely welcome, I’m very happy to be here–if a little nervous about suddenly bloggint to a large audience. My blog the lawyerwriter seems to generate a few hundred hits a day, which pretty much sums up my known friends, enemies, family and ex-boyfriends. From what I can tell, Sepia Mutiny gets about 16,000 hits a day. So this is a little like having a spotlight thrown on you while you’re singing in the bathub. You’re glad for the attention, of course, but you really wish you’d had a few more lessons to prepare yourself for the sudden publicity.That said, I haven’t the foggiest idea of how to reach a wide audience, unless it’s to counsel them against going into law school simply because they’d seen too many episodes of Law & Order. See–already, I’ve lost half of you. Yes, my references are very American–I was born in Poughkeepsie, New York, raised in San Jose, CA, and have spent the last ten years in New York City. I am proudly a “Southie” and doubly proudly the cousin of Siva Vaidhyanathan, recently of The Daily Show fame.
It’s tempting to introduce myself by answering the Proust Questionnaire which is in the back pages of every issue of Vanity Fair magazine(who knew that David Brubeck hates his nose?), but perhaps who I am and what I’ve done will reveal itself better over the course of the blog. I tend to write about pop culture and media–I like to see how desi culture is represented in the West–particularly America–since, for most of my life, it wasn’t at all. I didn’t mind being the only brown girl in my kindergarten class–it was pretty fascinating to see what assumptions everyone had about me, and my culture. I am an attorney, but I use my legal expertise largely in a consulting fashion, if at all, or in my writings about law. I did not like the law firm life, and it certainly didn’t like me. In fact, given that I never saw my friends or my boyfriend of the time, I think the only people who were happy were my parents.
So under the rubrick of “desi,” I would be categorized, I think, as second generation South Indian-American, originally from Madras (never been to Chennai) heavily influenced by hippie Northern California culture and too much Manhattan nightlife. Most of the desi influences in my life are back in the Bay Area , (insert a shout out to the Almaden Valley posse here!), but I have a feeling that will change with this blog. I’m currently reading The Argumentative Indian by Amartya Sen, which discusses India’s long history of rationalism and intellectual debate. It’s encouraged me to approach this guest blogging experience a little differently than I approach the lawyerwriter. There I write what it is in my own head, just to flex my writing muscles. Here, I hope my writing reaches fellow oddballs in the desi community–and perhaps beyond.
Of course, all my writing is personal. It’s not that I’m particularly fascinating; it’s just that you really should write about what you know. If more people did that…actually, wait, I’m a ghostwriter. I’d never get a job again.
Never mind.
(thanks for the welcome)
DesiInName:
One last thing:
You’re accusing 2-gers and 3-gers about succumbing to stereotypes? Dude, did you see your post? Reread it and tell us who’s stereotyping here.
Please grace us with an explanation as to what a “detailed knowledge” of, say, “Punjabi culture”. Or whichever “culture” that you’re most familiar with.
There are times when 1-gers claim to speak about, say, “Gujarati culture”, but this “Gujarati culture” according to the speaker is often composed of a small element or fragment of Gujarati society, not all of it. The fact that you see homogenous and self-contained “Pakistani culture”, “Bengali culture” etc is proof that you yourself are a victim of the very stereotypes that you accuse 2-gers and 3-gers of.
After having interacted with a lot of 1-gers, 2-gers, I feel that majority of them are well aware of their culutral roots and it heritage. When I first came here (some 5 yrs back), I was pleasantly surprised to learn this on a first hand basis. I had a totally different image in my mind (ABCD and all that stuff). One thing that stands out is the fact that most of the 1-gers and 2-gers are in touch with a multitude of cultures/traditions ..be it Punjabi culture, Gujrati culture,,w/e.
It wasn’t until I was in college and met other left-handed desis did i realize I wasn’t alone. It was incredible to find a “safe space” for left-handed desis.
Come on, I am left-handed. My uncle was. I have met quite a few left-handed people in India.
You are sounding like some krazy prosecuted, underground, hunted by the establishment, secret minority.
unless you are being sarcastic, then it is all kool.
CAD: Thanks for your comments.
Let me try again: I made the following 3 points. 1) There are many layers of cultural identification: National, Regional, Religious, Race, Sex, etc. 2) Each layer imparts its own distinct knowledge base. For example, growing up in India, I learned to sing the national anthem. This is not meant as an insult or as judgemental: I would be surprised if my 2nd and 3rd gen Indian-American friends would even be able to identify the Indian anthem. Let alone sing it. 3) Living 8K miles away makes it impossible to relate to culture on the ground. Examples: emerging street slang, local fashion trends, obscure writers and artists.
From there, I assert the following: 2nd and 3rd generation kids (in my experience) are deeply confused about what it means to be Indian. By definition they understand what it means to be a 2nd or 3rd gen kid growing up in the States. But every other summer in India, Indian friends, aunties and uncles are insufficient to impart a deep cultural base of experience and nuance. I am not questioning the “Indian-Americaness”, nor am I maligning it, I am only questioning it when it turns into a false (IMHO) pretense of “Indian-ness”.
When I suggest that the cultural knowledge is lost for 2nd gen kids — this is what I mean: Does a 2nd gen kid know taxi driver slang in Delhi or Bombay? Does he/she know the exam stages and pass/fail levels between high school and college? In America, they all know the SATs and AP classes. Does a 2nd gen kid know how to get birth control in Delhi without tipping off parents? For that matter, what does a 2nd gen kid know about the sex lives of teenagers in India?
My answer to the questions above: next to nothing. Again — this isn’t to malign 2nd gen kids. It is a statement of fact. How can they possibly know micro-cultural stuff without living it 24/7. Worse, in my experience, a lot of 2nd gen kids know caricatures that they picked up here and there. Caricatures like: Indian boys are sexist and the girls are homely.
Lastly, I am quite confident of the knowledge I have and more importantly the knowledge I do not have.
My whole point here is that many 2nd gen and 3rd gen kids have no idea of the cultural knowledge they do not have.
(As for why I am posting these thoughts here — it is because some of comments in Neeraja’s writings caught my eye — so I posted an opinion. This is after all a discussion board?)
CAD, Comment #51:
The point isn’t stereotyping. We all do it. Including me — in my post.
The point is granularity. What is the granularity of your cultural knowledge? How precise and deep can you go? I get peeved when I meet 2nd-gen kids who believe that because they have the DNA and the family, their cultural granularity must automatically extend all the way to the local jalebi-vendor around back in the homeland, next to nanni’s house.
It does not and cannot.
Brown_fob, Comment #52 — makes a good point. Many 2nd-gen kids have far greater breadth of cultural knowledge about India than 1st gen kids. For example, I didn’t meet my first Tamil speaker until I was in college. This wasn’t a problem for 2nd-gen kids — they had often met a broader cross-section at a much younger age.
So, according to you, “being Indian” is:
To be honest, this is really superficial criteria on what it takes to “be Indian”.
Re: knowing only the SAT’s and AP’s, are you being serious? Are you saying that the 2-gers who are born and raised here and will go to school here, should educate themselves to be intimately familiar with the grading and exam system in India? Moreover, you state:
Exactly. 2-gers and 3-gers are living here, in the US, 24/7, not in India. So why are you blaming and taking issue with 2-gers and 3-gers for not knowing the above requirements, which themselves are superficial at best?
Judging from this comment, I take it you are a 1-gers. Let me point something out: you are generalizing and accusing 2-gers and 3-gers of being so confused that they resort to stereotyping whole communities. Excuse me, but what are you doing?
Um, I think you are maligning 2-ger kids. Furthermore, you should start questioning what “Indian-Americaness” means. Maybe investigating this will give you insight on who and what 2-gers and 3-gers are: Indian Americans.
Tell you what: since you are “quite confident of the knowledge I have and more importantly the knowledge I do not have”, I suggest two things: one, for all those 2-ger and 3-ger “confused” kids who don’t know what it means to “be Indian” and don’t meet the requirements in your list above, you should open an “Become an Indian Academy” with free enrollment for all 2-gers and 3-gers.
Secondly, the “knowledge that you do not have” is that there are innumerable dynamics and processes that interplay with one another in the Indian American community, and each individual’s story, character, personality, and identity is unique. So, you should really lay off the generalizations about what, who and how 2-gers and 3-gers are.
Minister of Cultural Identity Affairs and President of Becoming Indian Academy DesiInName:
Dude, why does it peeve you? Why is this your problem?
Anyway, this is my last post to you. I have to study (but alas, I don’t know anything about Indian exams– sorry, I’m not Indian enough for you!!) and frankly, it is useless to engage in a discussion with someone who has major imagined problems with an imagined group of 2-gers and 3-gers.
DesiInName – ‘Micro-cultural stuff’ can be picked up by reading books, watching movies and interacting with family members on their summer vacations in India. There is no substitue for ’24/7 knowledge’…but the true fact is that an american born indian doesn’t need to have a 100% culture awareness..macro stuff is good enough. Being multicultural, one cannot expect them to ‘learn’ micro-cultural stuff.
oooh, excellent idea, Cicatrix. Yo Dad, we eagerly await the launch of your new blog — enquiring minds want to know….
CAD #56: You apparently didn’t get my point at all. As I said quite explicitly: I am not maligning 2nd-gen kids. I made a logical argument. Let me simplify it down, so even you might understand: A 1st-gen kid IS NOT THE SAME as a 2nd-gen kid. Got it? Good.
Apparently to you there is no difference between them. To me the differences are interesting. As another writer mentioned, 2nd gen kids often have greater breadth of cultural experience at a younger age. I pointed out one difference to emphasize: I get peeved when I meet 2nd-gen kids who believe they have the knowledge of, or speak for 1st-gen immigrants. It is a rather simple statement, a 2nd-gen kid cannot speak about an experience he/she did not have. Just like I don’t pretend to know what it is like to go to an elementary school where I’m the only Indian in the class, I don’t expect 2nd-gen kids to know about lining up to drink water after recess from a clay pot.
Why do I get peeved? Because. Dude — this is a discussion board. I posted an opinion. We discuss it. This is how it works.
What is so wrong with you that an opinion has you so riled up? Good luck on your exam.
Brown_Fob #58:
You make a good point about multiculturalism. Going to college in the States imparts a tremendous amount of cultural knowledge through osmosis. And I certainly think that people are the better for it. For example, I didn’t know about Indian origins of the population of Guyana until college.
But I have to go back to the thousands of miles inbetween 2nd gen kids and India. The distance requires that many cultural elements be condensed. My point about identity above was this: living in the States, an identity of “South Asian” or “Indian American” may very well be the most appropriate. BUT — and our dear friend CAD will get upset again — “South Asian” and “Indian American” are by definition not the same as “Indian” or “Bengali” or “Punjabi”.
Living 8K miles away, 2nd-gen folks must necessarily craft new identities. For those that can make it work — great. Clearly many have made it work extremely well. My problem is with those that cannot make it work. Those that insist that they are still “Indian” even though they are 2nd-gen. (For CAD, “Indian” != “Indian American”. Logic.)
In my experience, those that cannot make the identity work are the ones making broad unsupportable statements about “Indians” and “Indianness”.
President of the “Become Indian Academy” DesiInName:
In order to save the confused, bewildered, lost souls of 2-gers and 3-gers and purge Indian Americans of American influences, traces, and identities, I humbly submit to you my suggestions for the future academy. Here is a rough draft of the brochure:
About the Academy 2nd and 3rd generation kids are deeply confused about what it means to be Indian. By definition they understand what it means to be a 2nd or 3rd gen kid growing up in the States. But every other summer in India, Indian friends, aunties and uncles are insufficient to impart a deep cultural base of experience and nuance. As such, this academy was designed with the specific purpose in mind to transform 2-ger and 3-ger Indian Americans into strong, proud, 100% Indian Indians.
Founded by: Aggrieved and peeved by the dire, pathetic, and hopeless situation of 2-gers and 3-gers, Professor DesiInName founded the Academy in 2006 with the goal of grooming Indian Americans into becoming 100% Indian.
Courses offered:
Become an Indian 101: fall quarter This is an introductory course on what being Indian truly means. It is designed to provide a firm foundation upon which to construct a 100% Indian identity. Topics covered this quarter are: 1. to know taxi driver slang in Delhi or Bombay 2. knowing exam stages and grading system of Indian schools 3. getting birth control in Delhi without tippig off parents 4. knowing the sex lives of teenages in India
Granularity of cultural knowledge 103: Winter quarter What is the granularity of your cultural knowledge? How precise and deep can you go? Having the DNA and the family does not automatically extend cultural granularity all the way to the local jalebi-vendor around back in the homeland, next to nanni’s house. Being Indian entails so much more. This course provides both theoretical and empirical coordinates which compose the granularity of Indian cultural knowledge.
Moving beyond stereotypes 106: Spring quarter. A lot of 2nd gen kids know caricatures that they picked up here and there, caricatures like: Indian boys are sexist and the girls are homely. In this course, we will try to move beyond these stereotypes that bedevil 2-gers and 3-gers, thereby preventing them from truly becoming Indian.
Micro-cultural elements of being Indian Study Abroad Program: Entire life. 2-gers and 3-gers cannot possibly know micro-cultural stuff without living it 24/7. This study abroad program offers 2-gers and 3-gers the opportunity to leave the US and permanently settle and live in India, 24/7, so that they become truly Indian. Completion of this course is the culmination of the student’s training at the Academy.
CAD #62:
Brilliant. Taken out of context as you have done, the whole thing is actually pretty funny. And the title I would prefer is “Guru”.
As much as cut-and-paste pass for intelligence and wit, I am impressed.
I would be more impressed if there was some suggestion of comprehension on your part. Try rereading Comment #60.
Don’t forget the exam. As the prized son, you must bring home good grades.
DesiInName:
I never said that. Also, don’t patronize me.
Tell me where I said this. Where did I insist that 2-gers and 3-grs are 100% Indian? If I’m not mistaken, no one here insisted that they are exclusively “Indian”. Furthermore, I never said “Indian”=Indian American. I explicitly stated that 2-gers and 3-gers are Indian Americans, not Indian. Your logic is that Indian Americans should be Indian.
Your assertions are specious and narrowminded. Also, don’t insult me with “what is wrong with you?”
Continue getting peeved and your chuddis all up in a bunch. Your confusion and anger is not my problem.
DesiInName:
Worry about your own children!
I’m a prized daughter, not son.
Neela asma so gaya. Good night and Farewell. May you achieve your dreams of churning out 100% Indian Indian- Americans.
CAD #64: Ahhhh. I see the problem. My logic never has been that Indian Americans should be Indian. My argument has been that 2nd gen Indian Americans are not Indians.
Anyway, somewhere along the way it got to be late.
“Prized daughter”: Where do I send the biodata? On second thought…. 🙂 Good night.
DesiInName – Isn’t this obvious ? They are Indian Americans and not just Indians.
DesiInName:
I can’t help myself, but:
What is so wrong with you that you get so peeved and riled up by 2-gers and 3-gers?
Good thing “on second thought”. One, I don’t think you’d be able to handle me: I’m an Indian American, and hence, not “Indian” enough for you. Being “Indian” for me means eating gulaab jamun and barfi, listening to Bollywood songs, garba dancing during the annual Navrati celebration at the local mandir, and wearing saris. All superficial stuff. I don’t know how Indian teenagers obtain birth control without tipping off their parents, something that every 100% Indian should know. Second, I don’t think I’d agree to marry you anyways–1-ger “Indian boys are sexist”.
Infact a majority of Indian kids growing up in metros and some other big cities don’t have a real feel of their “Indian culture and tradition”. For those kids, being Indian is doing the things that CAD listed..watching movies, eating desi food, attending marraiges and dandiyas etc. They walk, talk and dress like their couterparts in the west. ..and feel ashamed to admit that they like hindi movies/songs. They don’t talk in ther native language (hindi, marathi, kannada etc)…usually prefer English. Some of the 2nd-gers in US are infact “more Indian” than those kids growing up in India.
Still awake!
Actually, to tell you the truth, most of my friends are 2nd-gen or 3rd-gen kids. And we usually have a great time together — our common bond is our age and to no small extent, our common heritage. What annoys me is the confidence that some of my 2nd-gen friends seem to have in speaking for all Indians and 1st-gen immigrants in particular.
I am glad you agree on the “second thought”. I am looking for a real ‘gharalu gharwalli’. Someone whose sole ambition is to follow a few steps behind me, offering me heaps of praise. Must be of suitable age and family!
(How long are we going to keep this up?)
brown_fob:
Exactly.
This is perceptive and acute of you to take note of this. I have met many 1-gers, like yourself, who are do not paint broad generalizations over an entire community. Much props to you.
Actually, you seem pretty nice and understanding… are you a 1-ger male? If so, my parents are looking for someone straight from the Desh. They would like me to have an Indian husband, someone who knows our language and religion intimately so that the Indian culture can be trasmitted to our offspring in a pure form, rather than a watered down version of Indian culture. They are getting old and would like to see me settled down before they die. I”m a “prized daughter” who brings home excellent grades. Are you interested? If so, please send your biodata to:
Mr. and Mrs. Cheap Ass Desi 50 Redneck Ave. Nebraska, 66666 White USA
Brown_fob #69:
CAD has given me crap for using superficial examples of ‘Indianness’. And in her collection, my examples are pretty silly. My point was to illustrate that there is a set of data posessed by 1st gen kids lacking in 2nd gen kids. It is the whole of this set that defines ‘Indianness’ to me. My point is that Indians in India, very simply, have a larger data set.
It just isn’t possible for a 2nd gen kid in the States to be more “Indian”. They lack the 24/7 exposure to the culture at large.
brown_fob:
You’re so… observant and sensitive.
I think my parents will really love you. Really. What region are you from? What language do you speak? How tall are you? How brown are you? What’s your occupation and income? It’s ok if you’re not a software engineer raking in $90,000 a year. Being a doctor or dentist is good enough.
So, brown_fob, are we going to do this or what?
DesiInName:
Well, I hope you find a nice Indian girl, straight from India, who has “a larger data set”. You can plug in all of the variables that you are looking for by going to shaadi.com. There, you will find the “larger data sets” conveniently listed on the webpage, whereby you can then click which of the variables you prefer or suit you the best. It’s very simple and easy.
I hope your children don’t come out as confused as we 2-gers and 3-gers have.
How did you ever guess? I sit on Shaadi.com every day, all day, refreshing every few seconds, waiting for the one. My limits are narrow, but I pray someone will filter through. Any recommendations on what I should say in my profile? (As you 2nd-gen kids might say: That was softball. Now hit the insult out of the park!)
CAD – My biodata is on its way..overnite mail. 🙂 btw, why are you hell bent on pulling my leg now ?
DesiInName:
Name: Desi In Name Age: No comment. Occupation: Harassing and mudslinging 2-gers and 3-gers; founder and president of “Be Indian Academy” Annual Income: $200,000 Educational titles: BA in BS studies; MA and PH.D. in “How to Be Indian” studies Religion and caste: No bar Hobbies: posting thoughtless, provocative, and inflammatory comments on Sepia Mutiny
Looking for: an Indian girl from India, who meets the following requirements: 1. Has mastered emerging street slang, local fashion trends, obscure writers and artists. 2. Must possess a large data set which includes: knowing taxi driver slang in Delhi or Bombay, the exam stages and pass/fail levels between high school and college knowing how to get birth control in Delhi without tipping off parents,knowing about the sex lives of teenagers in India, and other micro-cultural stuff. 4.Must be a homely and obedient wife as well as a good mother to my children by teaching them the Indian National Anthem and passing on Indian cultural granularity.
DesiInName wrote
Yes..this is true. But this is quite obvious too. I can understand your “hypothesis”…but you should look at both the sides of the coin. I haven’t found a single 2nd-ger who claims to have the complete “data set”. They are infact not supposed to have the complete data..they are Indian Americans.
brown_fob:
Not so fast, brown_fob Saheb. My parents want to marry me off as soon as possible, but not to just anybody. I’m the Laxmi of the house, you know.
Answer those questions, please:
.
Its all in the biodata Laxmibai.
brown_fob:
Hey, wait a minute… are you saying that 2-gers don’t have “a complete data set”? Are we incomplete?
Listen, they HAVE a COMPLETE data set, except not all of the variables are straight from India. More or less, half of the variables are from India, the other half come from America.
CAD: Truly funny. And I appreciate the thoughtful details: “BA in BS”. That hurts. 🙂
I know that earlier I suggested your wit was entirely cut-and-paste….(wait a minute….you aren’t that author from Harvard are you?)
But your gratuitous embellishment and carefree, bordering on careless, use of the adjectives: harass, mudsling, thoughtless, provocative and inflammatory demonstrates a pretty impressive command of the English language.
Bravo. We’ll give you a home run for that.
I was refering to the “dataset” of being an Indian (for definition, please see DesiInName’s seminal post on dataset theory). They’re Indian + American ..so its x + (1-x) = 1. this completes the dataset.
DesiInName:
Oh, relax. I was just jesting.
No, I’m not Kaavya. The reason why I cut and pasted you, mera saajan, is because I didn’t want to put words into your mouth. I wanted to make sure that I didn’t distort anything.
Brown_fob #83:
I think this discussion left logic a while ago. It has degenarated into a convenient distraction from whatever task that is supposedly keeping us awake at such a late hour.
What timezone are you in and why are you awake?
I’m here in PST ostensibly watching the European markets open for trading.
brown_fob:
Gotcha.
DesiInName:
Don’t know about you…but mine had a pretty logical premise.. ” x + (1-x) = 1″.
I’m in CST…wide awake..working on my biodata!
brown_fob:
LOL. 🙂 Dude, you made me spit my chai out my nose.
How is the biodata coming along. You should ask CAD for help. After her rewrite, mine is perfect. Besides don’t Indian girls sort by income anyway?
CAD: You are a sweetheart. Thank you for summarizing my words using my words. Eloquence. If I do so myself.
BTW, do you have any ‘gharelu sahelis’ you can introduce me to?
DesiInName, you’re one solipsistic [deleted], and you deserve to be told so. Granularity?
There’s a subtext to your original point in the context it’s presented in. In other words, you come to a board that’s desi in nature and has a diasporic tone and start articulating differences between “1st” and “2nd and 3rdgeneration” using words like “confused” (hello? pushing buttons?) and you play the victim when you get backlash? Yeah, it’s your (divisive) opinion, now defend yourself from the political consequences of expressing it.
Get it?
Saurav:
Perhaps my original posts weren’t worded well. But it is a topic that is interesting to me. The evolving nature of self-identity among immigrants is a topic that I think many people on this board are probably interested in. Based on the strong responses I got, I clearly touched a few nerves. I understood a little better my own position, and also understood that this is a sensitive topic — because it goes to the very essence of people’s self-identity. What does it mean to be Indian? Indian American? American? South Asian? Is it language, culture, DNA,… It seems apparent now that everyone has their own definition of this.
But your point is a valid one: next time, I’ll be more focused in my use of words. I’m new to Sepia Mutiny and am excited to have found this very active site.
Best.
for the sake of playing devil’s advocate, how many Indians in India (those in metros who incorporate much of western culture into their lifestyle) or 1-Gs know the following:
-what is a pork rind? -who’s too sexy for their cat? -what is the point of a tamagachi? -name 3 ways to serve spam -who’s a black sheep? (that one’s for ANNA)
having answered the following questions and hopefully scoring a perfect 100%, lest you be beaten by your papa when he comes home for not studying hard enough…
at the end of the day WHO CARES? Knowledge base is shaped by experiences, and the experience of being born and raised in India, emigrating from India as a child or young adult, leaving India as an adult, being born and raised in US, or leaving US for India in adulthood varies. We’re all as Indian as we wanna be.
DesiInName:
All joking aside, I used your exact words and concepts so that you can see for yourself how ridiculous your contentions and logic are. So, I did not quote you verbatim in my responses to you for lack of wit and intelligence; rather, it was an effort to make you see how what you were saying was short of comical. However, you refuse to see, and so I suppose we should terminate this discussion right here.
Have a good day.
Now, where did my husband-to-be, brown_fob disappear to?
DesiInName:
Last post to you:
WHO CARES? If everyone’s got their own definition of what it means to be “Indian American”, “American”, “South Asian”,thereby preventing everyone to reach a consensus on these definitions, hasn’t your whole argument from the very beginning been useless and in vain?
Furthermore, why do you think your definition is the correct one, especially if you’ve acknlowledged that “being Indian” is subjective and has different meanings for each individual?
CAD :
I’m still here…making some arrangements for the marriage and applying finishing touches to my bio-data. I have to master a few things though…pass/fail percentage in SAT/MCAT etc, taxi driver slang in US etc. I hope that you’ll help me with this.
I think that if people were a little less obsessed with trying to be “as Indian as possible” and a little more concerned with just trying to be a decent human being, they would hopefully (deliberately or inadvertantly) possess qualities which are in common with the positive aspects of Indian culture and, hopefully, have (again, deliberately or inadvertantly) rejected the negative aspects.
There is nothing inherently superior or virtuous about being Indian. There is nothing inherently inferior either. The best way forward, at least in my opinion, is to be a decent person, first and foremost — being a “good Indian” (or whatever) is secondary and nowhere near as important.
brown_fob:
Oh, look at you, trying so hard to become American…! That is so sweet.
Of course I’m going to help you, meheboob. What’s the point of marrying an Indian American if she’s not going to Americanize you? I hope you’ll help me and our future children become truly Indian. I don’t want my children to grow up deeply confused as I have.
CAD (#93, #94): You might note that in comment #91, I effectively conceded my original point. After our discussion last night, it is now clearer to me that labels are highly subjective and personal.
As for your comment ‘who cares?’ — I find it interesting to attempt to understand the evolution of self-identity among immigrants. What is emphasized? What is lost? What is conveyed to children? How are cultural priorities set between Indian and Western?
Anyway, thanks for a good discussion. As I mentioned earlier, I just discovered Sepia Mutiny and am excited to have found such a popular site.
brown_fob:
On second thought, while it is good to know these things, don’t try too hard to master them. After all, my parents are looking for a down and out 100% Indian from the Desh, and for you to gain mastery over these things would be counterproductive. If my parents had been looking for someone who knows taxi slang in America, the pass/fail percentages of the SAT/MCATs and so on, they would have married me off to a non-Desi American long time ago!
One thing I hope you do know is how to obtain birth control in Chicago without tipping off your future in-laws. My parents are already envisioning their grandchildren- a bunch of little Cheap Ass Desis and brown_fobs running around. But since I’m an American, I don’t want to have kids for another 5 years.
Seriously, folks. Get a room. A private communication medium would be a start – chat room, email, IM, text messaging, a phone call, etc.
Do post a link to pictures of your ceremony, though. A match made in mutiny.