Well, thanks to everyone for the lovely welcome, I’m very happy to be here–if a little nervous about suddenly bloggint to a large audience. My blog the lawyerwriter seems to generate a few hundred hits a day, which pretty much sums up my known friends, enemies, family and ex-boyfriends. From what I can tell, Sepia Mutiny gets about 16,000 hits a day. So this is a little like having a spotlight thrown on you while you’re singing in the bathub. You’re glad for the attention, of course, but you really wish you’d had a few more lessons to prepare yourself for the sudden publicity.That said, I haven’t the foggiest idea of how to reach a wide audience, unless it’s to counsel them against going into law school simply because they’d seen too many episodes of Law & Order. See–already, I’ve lost half of you. Yes, my references are very American–I was born in Poughkeepsie, New York, raised in San Jose, CA, and have spent the last ten years in New York City. I am proudly a “Southie” and doubly proudly the cousin of Siva Vaidhyanathan, recently of The Daily Show fame.
It’s tempting to introduce myself by answering the Proust Questionnaire which is in the back pages of every issue of Vanity Fair magazine(who knew that David Brubeck hates his nose?), but perhaps who I am and what I’ve done will reveal itself better over the course of the blog. I tend to write about pop culture and media–I like to see how desi culture is represented in the West–particularly America–since, for most of my life, it wasn’t at all. I didn’t mind being the only brown girl in my kindergarten class–it was pretty fascinating to see what assumptions everyone had about me, and my culture. I am an attorney, but I use my legal expertise largely in a consulting fashion, if at all, or in my writings about law. I did not like the law firm life, and it certainly didn’t like me. In fact, given that I never saw my friends or my boyfriend of the time, I think the only people who were happy were my parents.
So under the rubrick of “desi,” I would be categorized, I think, as second generation South Indian-American, originally from Madras (never been to Chennai) heavily influenced by hippie Northern California culture and too much Manhattan nightlife. Most of the desi influences in my life are back in the Bay Area , (insert a shout out to the Almaden Valley posse here!), but I have a feeling that will change with this blog. I’m currently reading The Argumentative Indian by Amartya Sen, which discusses India’s long history of rationalism and intellectual debate. It’s encouraged me to approach this guest blogging experience a little differently than I approach the lawyerwriter. There I write what it is in my own head, just to flex my writing muscles. Here, I hope my writing reaches fellow oddballs in the desi community–and perhaps beyond.
Of course, all my writing is personal. It’s not that I’m particularly fascinating; it’s just that you really should write about what you know. If more people did that…actually, wait, I’m a ghostwriter. I’d never get a job again.
Never mind.
(thanks for the welcome)
All anyone can do is be true to thy self and pursue what makes you happy. As for judging ‘how Indian someone is’ or ‘how Indian people do this vs. that’, all observations are anecdotal and perceptions are created by the immediate community surrounding you. If you live on Devon st. in Chicago vs. a motel in North Platte (Nebraska), you’ll have different experiences. If you have Dish Networks satellite TV beaming TV Asia, Zee TV, or B4U into your home, your families experiences with popular culture, particularly Indian will be different than someone who is relegated to renting movies on Netflix and watching regular cable television with American programming.
Proclaiming how Indian vs. American you are is like throwing up those color coded terrorism warnings. The judgment/indication provides no substance. Indians are as diverse a group as Americans are. It’s like looking into two different Kaleidoscopes and trying to compare their patterns as you spin the thing around. You’ll go nuts. Neither population is homogenous.
GujuDude:
Now that this match has been made, we definately will 🙂 To put the previous comments into context, see DesiInName’s comment that sparked off this whole mess.
We certainly will post the pictures. These will become the new SM banners that grace the top of the screen. But SM will be present at the ceremony. You are all cordially invited.
Absolutely agree with you. Nicely put.
brown_fob:
According to DesiInName‘s critera, this is the large data set that you should possess and therefore, strive to illustrate to my parents just how Indian you are. I strongly urge you to master these five criteria aforementioned, EXCEPT #3 and #4. I don’t think this would go down smoothly with my parents.
My parents are eagerly awaiting your biodata….
A helpful note: If you want to impress how desi you are to an Indian (in my case Gujarati) girl’s parents, just make sure you have your ‘uncle’ speak down. This consists of sitting with the father, yapping away about little things that remind you of India, and being a good listener. Ask him about his youth, stories, how he adjusted to Amreeka. Find out what he likes, particularly about food. Then dicuss to your heart’s content what sweets, dhabas back in the des, comfort foods you like. Show that you’re almost more interested in the family rather than the girl.
For some reason, every uncle LOVES to talk to me. My fiance and friends seem to think it is funny as well as productive. Parents of my friends always trusted me, even when they knew I partied hard.
I am evil. MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Ok, back to the FOCUS: Nice first post Neeraja
I have already mastered the 5 essential requirements. I’m a bit concerned about # 3 – getting birth control in Delhi without tipping off parents. Delhi being such a small city..just 15 million people..and the fact that my cable-wallah beams all the close-circuit TV camera feeds straight into my living room…looks like a tough proposition.
So we’re all set then. Guest list, venue, food..oh my god. We better get to work. There are quite a few temples in and around chicago…you pick the venue….(except Devon St.)
My “dataset” is filling up. After reading the DesiInName’s seminal work on dataset theory, I could not help but watch De Niro’s “Taxi Driver” …now I know the Chicago/NYC taxi driver lingo. Correct me if I’m wrong. It goes like this You talking to me? You talking to me? Then who the hell else are you talking to? You talking to me? Well, I’m the only one here.
🙂
brown_fob:
Well, where else do you want to do it if not on Devon/Diwan St? You can’t get any more Indian than that!
Wait a minute…why not go back to the Desh to do the shaadi?! Yes! Let’s do it at the Taj Mahal, the Indian monument of love. You pay.
There’s a Radha Krishna mandir on South Hyde Park Ave, but I don’t think you nor my parents would like it– it is structured and set up to emulate a Christian temple, and it’s simply too American. Not Indian at all.
.
Saajan, I TOLD you, you shouldn’t try to show my parents how Americanized you are! It’s the other way around. Behave as if you just stepped off of Air India at O’Hare Airport. Instead of Robert DeNiro dialogue, polish up on the Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayange script. Show my parents that a Diasporan girl, enacted by the volumptious Kajol, should remain forever Indian.
Are you taking notes? Because this is sound advice. You should follow the plan as GujuDude has layed it out. This goes down really well with Gujurati parents.In addition, remember to bow down to touch my parents’ feet.
My parents will adore you.
Finally we’ve zeroed in on a venue – Taj Mahal. Next in line is the guest list, date/time etc. Given his deep understanding of Indian-ness, I feel that DesiInName will do a good job as panditji. What do you say? GujjuDude’s advice is indeed valuable…will come in handy some day.
I hope that you do know how to cook aloo/mooli/gobi parantha.
brown_fob:
Yes, it’s going to be romantic and lovely, isn’t? We can make believe that you were Shah Jehan, and I was Mumtaz, the true embodiments of Indian love….
(You’re paying though, right?)
Yes, this is a lovely idea. DesiInName as panditji it is. Actually, why not put him in charge of managing the entire Monsoon wedding?! He’d be great!
Umm… since you’re the Indian here, I was kind of hoping you’d know how to cook aloo/mooli/gobi parantha. I grew up eating hamburgers at McDonald’s. I’m an Indian American, remember?
Also, I hope you know how to make barfi, ladoo, and gulaab jamun. These are my favorite sweets.
That’ll be great. Yup, I’ll pay. Stingy…Cheap Ass Desi!
I’m not a great cook. I once ‘burnt’ water while boiling it! I guess that you’ll have to do without the home-made sweets. Sounds a bit tough…but I’m sure that you’ll manage it. Moreover it’ll slow down your transition form Cheap Ass to Fat Ass.
brown_fob:
Well, if you’re a doctor, (software) engineer, or dentist, you’ll have no problems spending the money to bring home trays of ladoos, gulaab jamun, and barfi from “Taste of Punjab”.
Arre, what’s this? “Fat Ass”? You were so sweet, understanding, and gentlemanly in the beginning– writing eloquent, sensitive and compassionate reports on the 2-gers and 3-gers and so on. What happened now? Are these your true colors? Calling your fiance a “Fat Ass”?
I’m not sure you want to start calling me names like “Fat Ass” when we haven’t even gotten married yet…
Hey, wait a minute, not so fast, Mister: it’s all nice, this syrupy talk about our shaadi at the Taj Mahal, making preparations, putting together the guest list and so forth, but where is your biodata, hm? My parents haven’t received this yet. Technically, they haven’t “arranged” our marriage yet. The carriage is running without the horse.
I’m starting to get suspicious…you’re not marrying me to get a greencard, are you? Are you marrying me in hopes of recieving a huge dowry?
CAD:
I’ll prefer “Sukhadia’s” on Devon St.
Okay..I’ll wait. Let nature take its own course.
Biodata – umm..its already on its way. It won’t take long..intra city mail. I hope that you’ll put in a good word for me. “jab miyan biwi raazi..to kya karega qaazi”.
btw, how did your exam go ? I want a “padhi-likhi” wife.
CAD:
Relax. No need to get suspicious. I won’t need two green cards. Dowry! – 5 kg kaju katli and 5 kg gulab jamun.
If “nature takes its own course” and I become a Fat Ass, this would be when I have your children. However, if you EVER call me– the mother of your children who went through the pain and labor to bring them into this world– a Fat Ass due to this, rest assured that you’ll be hailing a taxi to go find a hotel to sleep at. There, you’ll be able to put your Bobby D dialogue to use.
Chho Sveet to ask of you! I haven’t had it yet. If I had had my exam, I wouldn’t have posted all the comments that I have today.
You want a “padhi-likhi” biwi; let’s hope that you are my equal.
Only if you proffer 10 kg barfi. No coconut, chocolate, or cashew barfi, please.
Now, make your biodata get here already!! There’s no time to lose!
Where has our cupid and authentic native Indian, Professor DesiInName, gone?
What I meant by nature’s course was as follows:
Cheap Ass Desi eats Mithai -> Gets Fat Ass Desi. You were clever enough to bring back the TaxiDriver reference and the mirror talk and stuff. So much for the taxidriver slang theory. But you missed a critical point…the fact that my “dataset” has information about “where to get birth control in Chicago w/o ticking off the parents”. Birth Control -> No baccha/bacchi -> No fat ass.
Time and again, we have to make use of DesiInName’s postulates. There’s no easy way out.
So: brown_fob – > 100% Indian – > possess a large data set – > has information on how to obtain birth control in Chicago without tipping off parents
Yes, I see your point. Bhery bhery smart, brown_fob.
But now that you have demonstrated your intelligence and large data set, I am starting to rethink the whole “not having kids for another five years”. And this isn’t very Indian, is it? I mean, usually, an Indian newlywed couple is expected to get busy right away so that the biwi gets pregnant as soon as possible. If she fails to concieve in less than 2 years, she is sent back home to her parents’ house. Anyway, as I was saying, given the fact that you have a large data set, I’d like to pass this down to our children so that they possess a larger data set than I do. This is illustrated in the following propositions:
brown_fob -> 1-ger: 100% Indian -> large data set
+
Cheap Ass Desi -> 2-ger: 50% Indian, 50% American (unfortunately) -> 1/2 the data set
=
little brown_fobs and cheaps ass desis -> 50% 1-ger, 50% 2-ger -> 3/4 Indian data set, 1/4 American data set
You see? Our bacchi/baccha will have larger Indian data sets than I do!! Thank God, they’ll be less confused than I am. But you don’t mind that 1/4 of their data sets will be American, do you? It’s better than 50%, or, God forbid, 100%!
CAD:
Who told you this ? Maybe this was the norm 20 years back….not nowadyas. Your 50% Indian dataset seems corrupted. I’ll have to mend it soon.
!!! Someone call Dr. DesiInName immmediately. We have a very serious patient here…she needs a dataset replacement surgery.
I hope that you weren’t preparing for your math or biology exam. Where’s the whole chromosome analysis..and what about probabilities ? You totally missed those two important issues in your analysis. Another thing…my dataset is more like 95-5 now. You must incorporate this new igure in your calculations.
How will a larger Indian dataset ensure that they are less confused ?? What’s so unique about this “Indian” dataset that it makes people less confused? Now I’m a bit confused! Care to throw some light.
If someone’s living in US, then its better to have 100% Amreekan dataset -> No Confusion. Same is true for a desi living in India. But as soon as you mix and match, it opens up the possibilities of “confsion”. Desi kid (someone like Cheap Ass Desi) living in America is better off if their Amreekan dataset > Indian dataset.
Good Luck for your exam.
brown_fob:
You know I was joking with all those assertions about making babies as soon as possible being very Indian, more Indian data set=less confusion, etc, right? 🙂
We’ve been joking for the past two days…ofcourse except the marraige thing 😉 Its still on I guess.
But I saw a tinge of seriousnes in your post ..so I too wrote a bit about being ‘confused’, asap babies etc.
brown_fob:
No! I wasn’t being serious. It was all in the spirit of the conversation that’s been going on in the past few days.
Yes, of course the marriage is on! Are you making preparations or what? Have you bought the plane tickets for us, the SM crew, and our relatives to fly out to Agra? Have you contacted the restaurants for catering? Dancers for the traditional sangeet? Also, get a Qawaali group to perform at our wedding. I hope you’ve got the ball rolling and you’re on top of things. You pay.
Speaking of our wedding, where is the cupid that brought us together, and the one who’s going to be the panditji that consecrates our shaadi, makes us pledge our vows to one another in Sankrit, and witness up close our walk around the sacred fire 7 times, DesiInName? Where has he gone? I miss him. (Now, mera raja, don’t get jealous!!)
Well..I’m back after a hectic weekend. Lots of things to take care of..this marriage stuff is quite tiring. You have made a lot of demands and set the bar quite high…taj mahal, flight booking, qawallis, sangeet, mehendi, ghodi! Thats a bit too much. I’ll see what I can do.
Your list of cheesy hindi words is nearing its end…you started with “mere mehboob”, mere saajan. mere humdum….and now you’ve stooped down to using “mere raja”. You need to watch some hindi movies…NOW.
CAD:
Looks like you’ve been dreaming about this a lot…you’ve broken down and listed each and every step!
brown_fob:
Where are you back from, hanh? Hope you weren’t too busy frollicking around with some other ladkhi(s). What were you doing? I’m entitled to know. I’m going to be your wife!
You call these sweet names “cheesy”? I suppose you won’t be calling me any endearing names. Guess you’re not the romantic type. This may pose a problem further down the road, though. I’m a hopeless romantic.
There is a logistical reason for why I haven’t watched any Hindi filums lately.
Don’t worry yaar…I’m a “seedha-saadha” guy. I didn’t had any exam to prepare for..so I took a small break to get together with some friends in Chicago…desi movie, desi food and some desi talk.
Well..your guess is partly right.
So you’re saying that you don’t have any other desi store in your area! That can’t be true…I’ve been around Chicago (and suburbs) and I don’t buy this excuse.
ok cad and brown_fob,
what are you feeding your esteemed guests (me) at your wedding? somewhere someplace i heard that the guest (me) is god?
It sounds like she’s quoting Hindi film titles and songs from the 60s and 70s (well, apart from Saajan).
CAD: You left out “Mere Humsafar” and “Mera Saaya”.
bytewords:
Yes that’s true.. “मातृ’ देवो’ भव, पितृ देवो भव .आचार्य देवो भव , अतिथी देेवो भव” maa-baap-teacher-guest all are like God for me. We (me and my wife-to-be CAD) have planned to treat you like God..keep u on a pedastal, pour water/milk on you, sprinkle some rose petals and offer you the food of Gods. CAD will provide you a washcloth (if you need it).
Jai:
I guess you are correct. But I don’t mind these titles….she a true sati-savitri.
i thought you were the one to first complain. now here you are meek as a mouse…
cad what did you do? do i smell domestic abuse already? 🙂
Well…I never complained about “mere saajan”, “mere mehboob”, but I did complain about “mere raja”…which wasn’t at par with other cheesy words 🙂
Now I smell a rat here. Don’t try to impress my “cheapo”..or else I’ll have to remove your from the guest list.
brown_fob:
What’s wrong with “mere raja”? It plays into the whole theme of our shaadi– you know, you are Shah Jehan and I am Mumtaz!
Cheap Ass: “Kisi din banugi, me raja ko rani” brown_fob: “Oh, zara phir se kehe na!!”
So romantic!
bytewords:
Gotta keep him in line, you know? Can’t let him get out of control. You know how Desi ladkhas are.
brown_fob:
Oh, look at you, all jealous! Don’t worry; I am your Sita, and you are my Ram. I am eternally yours and faithful to you only ;).
Now, what you are going to give me as wedding presents? Trip around the world. Challo! Hurry up!
—Mrs. brown_fob (maiden name: Cheap Ass Desi)
Mrs. brown_fob (maiden name: Cheap Ass Desi)
I can’t stop laughing. I’ve already told you that you need to watch more hindi movies. I guess you meant – “Kisi din banoongi mein raja ki rani”
so sweet. you are like that only.
Well..thats a secret. Do you have any more ‘subtle’ suggestions ? 😉 We’ll be going half way round the world (across the atlantic) to get married ( @ Taj Mahal)..so lets plan the trip back across the pacific. That’ll complete the trip round the world. I pay. You have the choice between Raj Kapoor’s “Around the World in 8 dollars” or Jackie Chan’s “Around the World in 80 days”. You decide.
Sounds like a cheap ass plan.
brown_fob:
Don’t laugh at me, yaar. I’m a Guju born and raised in Amreeka, you can’t expect me to know perfect Hindi!! I can read it, but the beauty of it is that I don’t understand all the time exactly what I’m reading.
I know, I know, us 2-gers, confused and lost, not knowing anything about our homeland…..
Around the world in eight dollars? Sheesh, you’re such a Desi.
But wait— I’m the one who’s a Cheap Ass Desi, not you. And if I’m not mistaken, you have money– you’re a software engineer. So–
I want to go around the world in 300 days. You pay.
Also, buy me a beach house both on the Mediterrean Sea and Arabian Sea.
I can understand that…but still, I had a good laugh. “me raja ko rani”..ha ha. Sorry 😉
You are indeed mistaken. Looks like you just eye-balled my resume. I’m a 27 yr old graduate student(cheap ass)…trying to wrap up my phd.
And what are your plans for the remaining 65 days (or god forbid..66 days) ? Your “You pay” ..mentioned in the same breath as your last sentence is a bit annoying. I’ve already agreed..no point in repeating it…oh I forgot, you’re a cheap ass gujju. sorry again 😉
what! I did not see this coming. I thought that some khaman dhoklas, khakras, Khandvi and shrikhand would suffice.
Damn..how can I forget “Chakli” and “undhiya” ??
No, no. On the “Raja” soundtrack (remember that filum? So long ago!), she croons, “kisi din banoongi, mein raja KO rani”.
Such joot, yaar, I swear. Don’t mess with me. In one of your other posts, you stated that you came to the States 5 years ago to do some engineering job. I’m the one who’s 27. Don’t try to turn the table around on me.
How do I know that you are not lying?! I have to constantly reaffirm this, because who knows, maybe you’re marrying me for my money!!
Now, if you can make any of the above, you’re good to go. Excellent ratings in my book. Also, if you can make any dishes with baigan in it, that would be great. In contrast to everyone else here on SM, I love baigan.
Chal, have. Avje.
Oh..puhleez. raja KO rani! http://www.hindilyrix.com/songs/get_song_Kisi%20Din%20Banoongi%20Main.html
“Raja ko Rani se pyaar ho gaya” – yeh sun lo
jHoot ..not joot 😉
Yes..I came 5 yrs ago..to pursue my Masters..and then Phd. And I’m 27 too.
I remember telling you before…I once “burnt” water. Don’t expect me to prepare khaman dhokla.
On a “more” serious note – I can make ‘baigan ka bharta’. shaadi pakki ?
My Gujarati isn’t that great.
CAD:
chitthi na koi sandesh..jaane woh kaun sa desh ..jahan tum chale gaye!
brown_fob:
Can’t jack the thread anymore and turn SM into a chatroom! There is a Gatekeeper now, and so have to be extra careful.
Closing Remarks: Greetings and Salutations once again, Neeraja! Keep up the good work– your posts have elicited endless comments!
There may be a Gatekeeper and a Keymaker now keeping the illusion of the Sepia Matrix running smoothly, but one vital arbiter is needed in order to keep the bunker’s simians under control: I move to nominate CAD as SM’s Sati.
“Sati is a program, not a human. Wide-eyed and clear-speaking, she represents the future of humanity after Armageddon.”
The parallels are downright uncanny. @=)