Meet the asio

A ToI editorial today bemoans the instability of the U.S. dollar and suggests creating a unified Asian currency as an alternative to the euro. Several years ago, Asiaweek suggested the same:

… it took Europe 10 years to produce the euro, building on three decades of efforts at economic integration. An Asian currency would probably have to be grounded in the yen, while China, because of the socialist foundations of its economy, might need to stay on the sidelines for some time. And the political, economic and cultural differences among Asian nations are greater than those within Western Europe. [Link]

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p>I think the asio is a wonderful idea. Here’s how we’ll get there:

  • India and Pakistan agree to merge economies
  • Japan decides it’s willing to merge the yen with the rupee
  • China and India drop all vestiges of socialist economic intervention
  • Japan, China, India, the Philippines, Malaysia, Indonesia and so on get their economies into the same narrow band of inflation, debt and other key economic indicators
  • China, Korea and Japan allow an Asian Economic Zone common passport and migration without work permits
  • The asio countries choose a bland, centrally-located capital and characterless symbols for the currency which evoke no sense of history or nationalism
  • A new pan-Asian parliament and central bank are created
  • The parliament is held hostage to petty provincial issues by a nation deeply convinced of its innate cultural superiority

  • After an exhausting, ten-year march to referendums in each member country, one of the anchor states derails the process due to a split between economic progressives and fearful nativists
  • There’s a run on the bank to convert old rupees stashed in bedspreads and mattresses into asios before they become worthless
  • Australia lobbies hard to be included but is met with suspicion for being insufficiently Asian
  • At last, in 2016, people walking up to ATMs in Manila, Jakarta, Tokyo, Shanghai, Bombay, Lahore and Dhaka all withdraw the same asios
  • In the first week, bank tellers unfamiliar with the new bills are easily duped by gangs passing counterfeit bills
  • Consumers in India scratch their heads trying to figure out the buying power of the deflationary new currency (a thousand rupees becomes just a few asio)
  • Uzbekistan asks to join, but nativists complain it doesn’t really share Asian values, they dislike Uzbek immigrants, and the country’s human rights laws aren’t up to par
  • Japan, an anchor state, suffers a recession which drags down all other asio economies

If you read past the third bullet point, you either knew this was a satire or are far more hopeful than am I. So let’s start with baby steps and at least standardize the rupee symbol — several different versions exist in various regional languages.

Personally, I’m partial to . Maybe I’ll get one iced out and hang it off my man-cleavage. As Jammaster A says, billz, yo.

Related post: Aiyo’ money, aiyo’ problems

46 thoughts on “Meet the asio

  1. Dude, you never know. We Asians might just turn out to be smarter than those Europeans and actually pull this thing off 🙂

  2. Not to nitpick, but you got the Hindi a bit messed-up. I definitely like the flag, tho. And where’s the Chinese characters? Oh wait, that’s the entire other side of the bill…

    Ok, I’m hypercommenting…

  3. Manish,

    As of now this idea is more or less non starter.

    Even in europe a common currency could be bought only after centuries of rivalaries between various powers.

    But it may be possible in next two to three decades Regards

  4. If you read past the third bullet point, you either knew this was a parody or are far more hopeful than am I.

    The moment I read the first bullet point…

    M. Nam

  5. Yeah Manish, don’t be so pessimistic. Maybe take a couple decades, but I think it’s possible, and more of a good thing than not. I think a deciding factor, especially for Indian and China, would be how the oil countries will react to asios.

  6. Pipe Dream to say the least.

    But a good idea to tickle yourself.

    “Hum hoange kamiyaab “EK” din”

  7. The Euro struggled a lot and many countries (incl the UK) are outside Euro-land. The Asio is a bad idea as it is and I bet India, China, Japan and Korea would lie outsdide the Asio.

    It would probably work ‘better’ if at all among the ASEAN countries but I can’t see the Malays and Indonasians merging anything and why would Singapore merge with Burma.

    Where there is a will, they, say, there is a way.

  8. It is possible, nothing can be ruled out with desis. May be in 10 to 20 years

    Right now India should start being a little selfish and just grow as much as it can by itself.

  9. There’s more chance of Indians dropping the entire caste system in the next 10 years than this happening.

  10. unified Asian currency as an alternative to the euro

    Rs. alone is a better alternative than creating a totalitarian Asio. Indian is almost as big, diverse, unified as europe. No need for for bigger alliance… (if Indian politics takes a back seat)

  11. Sunny (11#),

    You forgot the sacred cow, poverty & filth references.

    Regards

  12. The Euro struggled to launch in the beginning, since many people weren’t very accepting of it – they felt they were losing a part of their cultural identity. Of course retailers throughout the country(I don’t know how it is in the rest of Europe) used it as an excuse to jack up the prices. Of course we are 4 years further now and everyone’s used to it. The euro is really quite convenient for holidays and such, there is no need to convert the currency.

    As for a common Asian currency, I think that will be a bit more difficult. For one there is still too much animosity between the different countries. Plus also the Asian economies haven’t reached a point of stability I think, when such decisions can be made.

  13. P.S. Brussels is not bland.;) (it’s not the ‘capital’ of Europe either.)

  14. hehe…loved the analysis Manish!! lol…

    Yeah…one currency…that’s gonna happen…ha! Forgive my skepticism

  15. Meena,

    What is a ‘capital’ ? A city where the offices of a governing body are physically located. Yes, no one in Europe calls Brussels a capital city…. because they aren’t too comfortable with that notion. It’s just a matter of nomenclature. True, most governing today is done within the member states. But look what the future holds for Europe… greater and greater integration.

  16. This is hilarious:

    An Asian currency would probably have to be grounded in the yen, while China, because of the socialist foundations of its economy, might need to stay on the sidelines for some time.

    Like you’re going to get anything done in Asia without China’s at least tacit approval 🙂

  17. Funny post.

    I actually like that countries have their own monetary units. I may be wrong, but doesn’t diversity in currency on the open markets give people/nations more flexibility, especially when it comes to their economies? It probably creates more instablility and fluctuations in the markets, but I don’t see that as a bad thing.

    I can only see a handful of Asian nations being on the same playing field where they could actually combine their currency without having major impact on how they deal with their domestic economies. Japan, South Korea, Singapore, and Hong Kong are the few that come to mind.

    The name “Asio” sounds lame, too. I don’t like the name “Euro”. It’s not like us Americans call our currency “Americo”, or India its currency “Indio”, etc. If you want a currency, atleast find a cool name that gives the paper bill an idenity of its own. May as well call it “Turd”, “Dingleberry”, “Poo”, etc.

  18. my favorites:

    • India and Pakistan agree to merge economies
    • Australia lobbies hard to be included but is met with suspicion for being insufficiently Asian

    oh! and:

    • Uzbekistan asks to join, but nativists complain it doesnÂ’t really share Asian values, they dislike Uzbek immigrants, and the countryÂ’s human rights laws arenÂ’t up to par
  19. I have not seen the “Euro” notes. Does it carry all the languages of the EU?.

    Indian Rupee has (I believe) 15 languages..

  20. The front of the Euro coins are all the same, the back– which has symbols unique to the country of where it has been minted– differ. Actually, it’s kind of fun buying cigarettes in Italy, and the flipping a coin over to see where it has come from– Germany, France, Spain, etc.

    Re: Euro notes, if I remember correctly, don’t carry all the EU languages. I could be wrong, I never looked carefully.

    Re: Pakistan and India economically merging… yeah right! They should try getting along which each other better first. This post does make me start to imagine, though…what if India, Pakistan, and Bangladesh re-unified?

    A “pipe dream”……

  21. Sorry for the triple post– didn’t mean to. Probably because I’m overly excited about the Asio

  22. with all of the problems these three countries have had working through forming some sort of cohesive national identity, I think it really is a toss-up as to whether a goodwilled re-unification would help or hinder that process.

    I was talking to a South Indian recently who was telling me about their experience meeting a Pakistani for the first time. “Oh,” they thought in surprise, “just another Punjabi.”

    but of course, just a pipe dream.

  23. MV: No, you’re absolutely right. Realistically and logistically speaking, it’ll probably never happen. But you never know, though. Maybe in 3000 all three will be re-united. Anyway, it doesn’t hurt to fantasize though 🙂 One thing: we all have more similarities than we do differences. If they come up with a common currency, I agree, “Asio” sounds lame. How about:

    *”PAS” for “Pan Asian States”?
    *”PAC” for “Pan Asian Collectivity”? *”TES” for “The East Side”?

  24. Things common to Asia:

    Rice and tea Veneration of rats Communist tendencies (either the denizens or governments) Importance of Horoscopes Coconuts Jungles Nuclear bombs the so-called “Asian values” Victims and/or practioners of oriental- ism/ization Buddhism,Hinduism,Islam, Confuscism (sp?) Martial arts Humid summers (particularly South and Southeast Asia, also South China, don’t know about Korea and Japan) Insistence on using hard soap (as opposed to soft soap)

    Re: my above post, so my own suggestions for future currency names are lame as well… anyway, was just trying.

  25. a bland, centrally-located capital

    Hellooo, Singapore!

    Humid summers (particularly South and Southeast Asia, also South China, don’t know about Korea and Japan)

    Japan, most definitely.

  26. I think the asio is a wonderful idea. HereÂ’s how weÂ’ll get there: India and Pakistan agree to merge economies

    I also feel that the other nations will have to start accepting torn notes held together by invisible tape. or more often than not, the ‘in your face’ kinda torn notes..’coz this happens only in India..

  27. Merging with Pakistan even though a fanciful dream would be a bad idea. Its not like we don’t have problems of our own adding on a failed state such as Pakistan would only increase them 10 fold.

  28. Rice and tea Veneration of rats Communist tendencies (either the denizens or governments) Importance of Horoscopes Coconuts Jungles Nuclear bombs the so-called “Asian values” Victims and/or practioners of oriental- ism/ization Buddhism,Hinduism,Islam, Confuscism (sp?) Martial arts Humid summers (particularly South and Southeast Asia, also South China, don’t know about Korea and Japan) Insistence on using hard soap (as opposed to soft soap)

    what the?? 🙂

  29. The name “Asio” sounds lame, too. I don’t like the name “Euro”. It’s not like us Americans call our currency “Americo”, or India its currency “Indio”, etc. If you want a currency, atleast find a cool name that gives the paper bill an idenity of its own. May as well call it “Turd”, “Dingleberry”, “Poo”, etc.

    GujuDude is right. The “Asio” is lame. I had brainstormed a few ideas about what Asian states share in common(see #28). What name could “give the paper bill an identity of its own?”

    How about “Nukes”?. Small, mini, bombs could be the bill’s sign. Just like how the dollar sign (and now euro) symbolizes all sorts of socio-economic dynamics and power politics, the Nukes sign can too.

    Within the Asian Union, countries that have more Nukes can feel smug about it, countries who have a little amount of Nukes can try to catch up. Nuke transactions will dominate, in lieu of the pathetic and wimpy rupees. Countries can try to pull one over the other by swindling a poorer country of its Nukes. Nukes might be distributed disproportionately amongst countries, but there are various ways to overcome this– if anything, having a common currency like the Nukes will make things much easier, like how it’s easier in the EU. Asian citizens can will be able to go to any bank and withdraw Nukes– watch out, an armed citizenry! Once the Nukes gathers value and accrues power, countries like the US will find it hard to meddle in Asia’ affairs. But non Asian Union countries are more than welcome to have Nuke bonds,and of course, participate in the Asian Union economy, so long as the transactions are in Nukes.

  30. i think the paper money should be called math and the coins can be science

  31. highly unlikely India has a pegged system officialy w/ nepal, bhutan and unofficaly w/ bangladesh, and now even afghanistan. I see other countries going for the peg wrt INR, japanese yen and chinese yuan , and please dont forget korean won. (and ofcourse the USd)

  32. The parliament is held hostage to petty provincial issues by a nation deeply convinced of its innate cultural superiority

    Well, at least this part won’t be too hard to do. I’m sure that any one of the three largest economies will sign up for it in a hurry.

  33. Bahahaha…ASIO is the name of the Australia’s Spy “Intelligence gathering” organisation. Definitely need to think of something better…

  34. Sahej– The first post was an attempt to come up with things common to Asia that could potentially spark new ideas for another name besides “Asio”. As I was taking a shower, two other things came up that I forgot to add to that list: ancient sex manuals, and two, Asians are cheap as hell– as my name testifies!!

    “veneration of rats”: in Chinese astrology, the rat is not deemed a nasty creature at all, but something positive. Hindu Desis take it further. The rat is used as a vehicle for Ganesh. The rat functions as a tiny scooter of sorts for Ganesh. This cutesy little image is ladden with symbolism (I can’t remember exactly what anymore, but it has to do with Ganesh being obese and the rat being so teeny and something about cosmos, underestimating potentional, etc). As such, the rat is held to be divine. Ever seen that mandir in India that has rats running all over the place (no, this isn’t a piece of orientalist propaganda– I’ve been there and it exists!!)? Based on my readings, the rat is viewed as something revolting and disease ridden in the West due to, some hypothesize, the Bubonic plague. On the contrary, countries like China, India, and I am sure in other places nearby, venerate the rat.

    Did you like my idea of “nukes”?

  35. re: the Nuke idea; you presented it well but we’re talking mutually assurred destruction, and in the end, i have to look back at the gravity of the situation and say i think the Nuke idea will not be the best approach for a common Asian currency. there’s just too many variables

    on the other hand…i love the list!

    another one to add to the list; Asians are rude. Especially the elderly

  36. Sahej–

    (Psst… my post was satirical; I was talking about paper bill “Nukies” but, under the guise of “currency”, I was making a point about nuclear bombs.I myself am down for disarmament, including our vunderpool Amreeka).

    Another one to add to the list: Asians venerate their elders. Like we Desis when we have to bow down and touch the feet (pa-ge laag) of our elders. Oh, and Asian elders expect the younger Asians to be a noker and do seva; serve them tea and –in the Indian case specifically- make parothas while they sit Indian style and talk smack on everyone else who is not present at the gathering.

  37. chaep ass desi :- Maybe in 3000 all three will be re-united.

    Dont think so. Dont think by then there will be anything TO reunite. The way both india and pakistan go at each other… one day some rogue dictator will use the first nuke on india and then india will carpet bomb pakistan with nukes in its righteous indignation. poof! Pakistan disappears off the earth, the rest of the pakistani nukes fall in terrorist hands… god help India, Afghanistan and Amreeica then!!! cheers to the world coming to an end!!!

  38. Lets just have a global currency we will call it the Ecos. The production of Ecos will be governed by Global Reserve, which will be headed by Allen Greenspan’s head preserved in some type of a futuristic primordial goo. Most soverign nations will in time secede the right to print currency to the all powerful World Reserve. Those rogue nations, such as Finland, East-Switzerland and the Andaman Republic, that don’t secede this right will be subject to severe trade sanctions… well atleat it’s more realistic than Asios

  39. Meena, What is a ‘capital’ ? A city where the offices of a governing body are physically located. Yes, no one in Europe calls Brussels a capital city…. because they aren’t too comfortable with that notion. It’s just a matter of nomenclature. True, most governing today is done within the member states. But look what the future holds for Europe… greater and greater integration.

    I live in Europe.;) Brussels isn’t the ‘capital’ city of Europe by any stretch of imaginationI believe those who think that member countries don’t make individual decisions anymore…are merely deluding themselves. In fact almost ALL of the governing is done within a country itself. You’d be suprised how little influence the European parliament exerts. Yes, everyone threw a hissy fit about the so-called European consitition, when in fact there were barely any clauses that do not apply today. For some reason those outside Europe are fearing the creation of some sort of European ‘superstate’. Not going to happen.

  40. The name “Asio” sounds lame, too. I don’t like the name “Euro”. It’s not like us Americans call our currency “Americo”, or India its currency “Indio”, etc. If you want a currency, atleast find a cool name that gives the paper bill an idenity of its own. May as well call it “Turd”, “Dingleberry”, “Poo”, etc.

    ‘Euro’ actually makes sense…since the continent’s name is Europa.