“Golly jeepers, where’d you get those peepers…

ash

peepshow, creepshow…where did you get those eyes?”

:+:

Earlier today, I was at the most forlorn CVS in downtown DC, stalking my unbelievably elusive prey (one, just one OTC elixir without Pseudoephedrine, i.e. that which I have a horrific reaction to) when I saw this…eye-catching display.

I love makeup and while my proclivity to purchase two lip glosses a week would lead you to believe that my all-consuming obsession involves THAT, it doesn’t.

Mascara.

I am as fanatically devoted to mascara as Abhi is to that evolution stuff. ;) Eyelashes are so important, that’s why the right curler is key; it’s also why every model, actress, pageant winner, celebutante and drag queen wears fakes…in Jennifer Lopez’s case, MINK fakes.

I like my eyelashes. I wasn’t born with eyebrows, but I lucked out on the lash tip and girlfriend, you best believe I work it. All I wear is L’oreal mascara. Because it is the best. So, like some unstoppable force pulling me towards the mothership, I was brought to this display.

I noticed two things: a brand-spanking-new type of mascara in a curiously-fat container and one flawlessly beautiful woman channeling Maria Callas, in that exact order. She looked slightly familiar but I couldn’t place her immediately. A second later, I remembered seeing Aish’s face by L’oreal’s lipsticks and that’s when it hit me– she IS one of the faces for the brand. Yes, it was TMBWITW. I’ve never seen her in a movie, which is probably why I had to arrive at my conclusion in such a strange, round-about way. One look at the fine-print, which always tell you who’s in the ad confirmed it.My cameraphone was summoned for duty and a few minutes later, my Flickr photostream suddenly had more than Mathangi on it. There are several people who read this website, trolls, lurkers and earnest, sincere commenters alike, who hate on Aishwarya’s looks. I’ve always stood up for TMBWITW, because I don’t think she deserves their ire…at least not for THAT. Today, my visceral reaction to this portrait of her confirms my crusade to deflect the hate. Baby, they’re all photoshopped and airbrushed, but this one, she’s exquisite.

I almost bought this “Volume Shocking” mascara, which has been in development for four years with no less than 12 patents attached, because indeed, I dare to “go there”, but in the end I didn’t take it home with me. It wasn’t the outrageous price which stopped me– I’ve never seen a drugstore mascara that cost $12 before–it was the almirah at home which is stocked with so much product, it should belong to a beauty editor.

I cast a final look back at the erstwhile Miss World. I was so sweating her lashes. Maybe- ? No. That lush, luxurious fringe was created with computer-aided manipulation and retouching, Anna. Your mileage may vary. But damn, Aishwarya…you almost shocked me in to buying your magic, volumizing wand.

55 thoughts on ““Golly jeepers, where’d you get those peepers…

  1. not to jack this thread into a girlie kitty party, but if you like the Volume Shocking stuff let me know… I’ve been a loyal user of Loreal’s Voluminous, but I don’t think it has 12 patents ;)

  2. DesiDiva,

    not to jack this thread into a girlie kitty party

    Hmm….I don’t think many of the guys are going to participate on this particular topic. Well, apart from Bong Breaker due to his extracurricular weekend hobbies (but that goes without saying).

  3. How did you know I’d come here Jai? I’m so predictable! Anna said she was born with no eyebrows, I was given enough eyebrow for several people. But here’s my eye. Rather girlie.

    If there’s one thing I’ve learnt in my life, it’s that girls love making up boys. I’ve been accosted on no less than 3 occasions, thankfully all before I started going out with my girlfriend. She just likes to paint my nails. Now, I’ve assisted in surgery, I’ve seen people get stabbed and treated gunshot wounds, I’ve delivered babies, watched people bleed to death and have heart attacks but NOTHING is as surgically-scary as a pack of girls coming at you with eyelash curlers. They are terrifying pieces of apparatus.

  4. … NOTHING is as surgically-scary as a pack of girls coming at you with eyelash curlers. They are terrifying pieces of apparatus.

    Shudder They remind me of the back-alley eye transplant in Minority Report.

  5. When I saw “Hum Dil De Chuka Sanam” (released 1999) I agreed Ash was TMBWITW. But a few recent making-of photos from “Mistress of Spices” made me go “yipes!”. I fear Ash is not aging, shall we say, naturally. I don’t want to be catty, I get no pleasure from seeing her face start to look scary, but I think she is using artificial means to fend off the natural ageing process, and the resulting face (when not carefully lit) freaks me out.

  6. IÂ’ve never seen a drugstore mascara that cost $12 before

    Lancome owns Loreal, so save the big bucks and head straight for the cheaper priced line, Loreal. $12 bucks isn’t bad compared to EXACTLY THE SAME FORMULA at the Lancome counter for about $30. Save your money for that Stella McCartney dress…which isn’t exactly saving at all, but you get my drift!

  7. Nina, you simply must post a link to those photos.. there must be some people (not me, of course ;) ) who’d be interested in seeing them.

  8. Bong Breaker,

    How did you know I’d come here Jai?

    grinning I wasn’t sure, but I was wondering if you were going to “take the bait” ;)

    Not sure if you have bushy Dennis Healey eyebrows or the Sesame Street Bert monobrow (not uncommon amongst South Asians, as we all know).

    You’re right, though, some girls do like to practice makeup on guys for some reason (SM ladies: any explanations ?). I know that trying it out on their brothers isn’t unusual, before attempting the same manouvre on other guys. I’ve had it offered to me too, although my response has usually been a quick “Hell, no !”

    Anyway, I’m a Maybelline man myself.

  9. some girls do like to practice makeup on guys for some reason (SM ladies: any explanations ?)

    I don’t pretend to be an expert on this make-up stuff, nor am I an SM lady, but I have a theory on why this practice exists:

    It grants women an opportunity to re-impose the hegemonic tools of patriarchy thrust upon women to flip the power structure and make men experience what women go through on a daily basis. (Here Mr. Man, use these expensive products to make yourself more attractive for men’s pleasure, or to make you feel better about yourself. No you know what it feels like to be a woman, you damn male. Now after we’re done with your nails and eyebrows, go make a sandwich.)

    or

    It’s just damn funny to see a dude with pink nails, plucked eyebrows, and lipstick.

    Not that I know anything about any of this. :-)

  10. Ok, my 2 bits on eye makeup: as a lifelong connoisseur of eyemakeup and having tried every brand under the sun — I always go back to L’Oreal for their eyeliner (try their eyebrow pencil as a liner…you will be very pleasantly surprised — a little harder to apply but never gets smudgy) but I have to say, Mac Zoom is the superior mascara (and only $10!! Very reasonable). Max Factor and L’oreal have more expensive types that both claim all kinds of magical thickening powers but those tend to get clumpy. (Plus I like to support Mac because it’s so minority-friendly and has that huge AIDS Fund.)

  11. good point, Rupa! MAC is great for all shades of brown girls, as is Real. Though they only have face & lips right now…

  12. Thanks for the link DD! I’m a total make-up junkie…I just entered their contest to have a lipstick named after me.

  13. MAC is great…the eye kohl is just like the real stuff, only better since you don’t end upwith it smeared all over your hands.. (just me?)..

    As for the male/female questions regarding makeup use – baby dragqueens taught me how to use makeup so I dunno. The first time I used liquid liner, I borrowed a boy’s.

    I also learned from Tyra Banks that darker skin means you should pile on more and more makeup. (Learned from ANTM, I mean. Not personally) It’s true, really..it takes a lot to get to that ‘clownish’ stage…albeit it’s one that Ms.Banks herself teeters upon sometimes.

    Do eyelash curlers really work? They scare me too. And I’m afraid i’ll just pull my eyelashes out or burn myself or something.

  14. Instead of eyelash curlers, I use the back of a spoon. Pull very gently as if curling a ribbon. Then apply mascara. (All my makeup is MAC or Lancome.) I think they highlighted a spoon tip on this week’s ANTM.

  15. really?! a spoon?! I’ve got to try that. Eyelash curlers look like something out of Clockwork Orange in the scene where the evil government scientists prop Alex’s eyelids open. blech. A friend got me a heated eyelash curler one year for a holiday… the notion of a hot wand near my eyes completely put me off.

  16. DesiDancer, a round spoon, such as a soup spoon, works best. Use a nice, clean one; nothing plastic. That will damage your lashes. (Mind you, I don’t do this often. I am the most low-maint person you will meet. But on special occasions…)

  17. Rani – good tip! Heated eyelash curler does sound a little scary (I don’t get it! Is it plugged in? Battery-operated?) but warm your spoon/curler under a hair dryer for a couple seconds (not too hot!) and those lashes’ll stay extra curly all night.

  18. Oops sorry that last comment was from me, Rupa, not Rani. (Sorry Rani! Not trying to perpetrate identity theft here on purpose.)

  19. Rupa, I think heated eyelash curlers are battery-operated. I do like your heated-spoon trick, too, though I am with DesiDancer on this one: the idea of a hot piece of metal near my eyes freaks me out. (I am generally bad with heated beauty tools. I can’t use a straightening iron on myself at all :) ).

  20. I always thought brown girls didn’t really need alot of mascara, much less eyelash curlers. But, I do agree that MAC is the way to go, and they don’t test on animals.

  21. Just a note that MAC is owned by Estee Lauder, and I’m not sure if they have the same no animal-testing policy.

  22. I hate eyelash curlers. But they are necessities of life for those dressing up times.

    And can anyone explain why GUYS are always the ones to have perfectly curled eyelashes?? I had a horrible crush on this guy in college, partly because his eyelashes had the perfect curve to them. We girls have to go at it with implements of torture to even get HALF the glam that boy had.

  23. Andrea,

    And can anyone explain why GUYS are always the ones to have perfectly curled eyelashes??

    It could be due to the fact that we don’t fiddle with them for many years with eyelash curlers, mascara etc. Maybe all those practices damage eyelashes in women if conducted regularly and too frequently over a long period of time. shrug I don’t know.

    Eyelash extensions are the hot new product these days, apparently. They’re supposed to last about 6 weeks and then fall out naturally with the woman’s “real” eyelashes.

    DizzyDancer,

    It’s their hoochie-ghetto brand ;)

    Well, what does that say about me then, eh ? nudge nudge

  24. Bong Breaker, I’m jealous as hell! I don’t have any lower lashes. I have a weakness for big dk brown shiny eyes =D.

    2cents: They know me at the MAC counter. I use Lancome Hypnose, ladies (bong breaker too)is there anything more powerful?

  25. Dishy Dancer,

    that would make you a bhoochie?

    Only if you taught me a few of your nakhras and jhatkas. Is there such a thing as an Item Number Boy ?

  26. if there isn’t, there should be! :)

    laughing “Something for the ladies”, huh ?

    Is that an offer to do an ‘Extreme Makeover’ on me ? (Not that I need one, hopefully….)

    lol

  27. And can anyone explain why GUYS are always the ones to have perfectly curled eyelashes?? I had a horrible crush on this guy in college, partly because his eyelashes had the perfect curve to them.

    Seriously!!

    I like MAC too, very brown-friendly, though I actually like this random Revlon eyeliner. My favorite eyeliner–and I’d appreciate any help finding a cheap Stateside supplier–is the Sha -eyes kajol stuff from Shanaz Hussein.

    Jai Singh, that’s exactly why I hate using the curler and the mascara, but sometimes it is necessary, especially when you’re going on stage and the floodlights make eyelashes disappear. Even boys need mascara then.

  28. Brown women have beautiful eyes (thanks to our.. um.. hairy genes), what’s the need to coat gook on the lashes. I’m not a fan of mascara and scary metal devices, a little eyeliner will do fine.

  29. Saheli- I think IndiaPlaza.com used to sell all the Shehnaz Hussein product line. And there are a few places in Jackson Heights, if you’re in NYC

  30. I am, apparently, the only person who doesn’t like MAC. The store ladies scare me. And it’s too confusing, with all that… stuff. But I’m a simple girl, with simple tastes. I’ll stick with my mineral makeup.

    But I’m disappointed to hear that Aish isn’t ageing well. Perhaps if she toned down the makeup, she’d last longer.

  31. ladies (bong breaker too)is there anything more powerful?

    Personally I find Sellotape works like a charm. Tape your lashes up to your brow overnight and apply white spirit liberally around the eye region come sun-up. Once you have passed the searing pain and flashing lights, you’ll be left with some peachy, curly and highly flammable lashes to bat any young gent. The boys can’t resist me, I’ll tell you that.

    Whilst I have quite curly lashes, my brother has straight ones – and incredibly long. He is, LITERALLY, Snuffleupagus.

  32. My two cents on make-up (my most favorite topic EVER): 1. Clinique’s naturally glossy mascara is fantastic for those seeking to avoid the clockwork orange effect and is almost always included with their free goodie bag 2. Chanel has this relatively new line of lip pencils that goes on like a gel almost…I cant recommend their pink (Rose Honey) enough! It’s the only pink that works on brown skin.

  33. OMGLOL!! This is like the best sleepover party evar! I can’t wait until we paint each other’s toenails and call Brett Anderson and then hangup! Shut up! You know all b*&^%#s have a crush on him!

  34. when i whacked you with my pillow, i wasn’t trying to be cute, turbanhead. simmer down now!

    :+:

    girlies, pay him no mind. what would a slumber party be without an annoying (and annoyed) older brother?

  35. now what about waterproof vs not? I’ve heard non-waterproof clumps less… true?

    ps. I use Loreal Voluminous Waterproof faithfully

  36. Instead of eyelash curlers, I use the back of a spoon. Pull very gently as if curling a ribbon. Then apply mascara. (All my makeup is MAC or Lancome.) I think they highlighted a spoon tip on this week’s ANTM.

    Never heard of that one before.

  37. what an awesome thread! i love talking about makeup. my cousin is a makeup supplier for tarte, mac and bare escentuals, among other companies, so i always get to try his new colors before they hit the market.

    with regards to the heated eyelash curler. it IS battery operated and it does not work AT ALL. or maybe it’s the just sephora kind that i tried — it was basically a mascara wand that heated just a bit.

    i rarely curl my lashes b/c my eyes are so big that i look kinda insane. however, i was not blessed with the thick lashes most desi people have. in fact my eyelids look naked so most people think i was in an unfortunate smelting accident or i suffer from trichotillomania. anyway, so when i am especially self conscious, i will aim my blow dryer at my eyelish curler for about 10 seconds, allow it to warm up and then curl the few lashes i have. add some loreal mascara and i’m good to go.

  38. I fear Ash is not aging, shall we say, naturally. I don’t want to be catty, I get no pleasure from seeing her face start to look scary, but I think she is using artificial means to fend off the natural ageing process, and the resulting face (when not carefully lit) freaks me out.

    She plays a woman who is supposed to be the opposite of glamorous or gorgeous in this movie so that’s probably why they tried to downplay her looks however they could.

  39. THANK YOU, sonia.

    I’ve been meaning to comment about this, but I keep forgetting…I didn’t read MoS, but I thought Ash was playing someone older than she actually is…from Amazon:

    Only stubborn, passionate Tilo, disguised as an old woman merchant in present-day Oakland, California, fails to heed the vengeful spices’ warnings…Tilo, proprietress of the Spice Bazaar in Oakland, California, is not the elderly Indian woman she appears to be…Though trapped in an old woman’s body and forbidden to leave the store, Tilo is unable to keep the required distance from her patrons’ lives.
  40. how about just not wearing mascara? i’m not putting anything that looks like a Medieval torture device near my eyes [that goes for eyelash curlers, mascara, and kajal]!!!

  41. Hi,

    I am not sure if this is the right place to post this. But this is the only place I saw a text box so here goes.

    I looked all over the net for desi blogs – blogs with voice, personality and positioning absolutely desi. Sadly, this is just another NRI blog – Not Really Indian. Most of these posts have a firang voice and definitely firang positioning.

    Firang positioning? The things you find funny – your sense of humor – is deeply rooted in your culture. Most of the posts here appeal to a largely American sense of humor. I may be wrong. But so I think.

    So what would be real NRI sense of humor? One that is about the struggles and travails of desis as they try to make it on their own terms in a very crazy world.

    I am sure there could be a better way to articulate this. But then I am not a writer, I am just a poster. But not an imposter.

  42. I am not sure if this is the right place to post this. But this is the only place I saw a text box so here goes. I looked all over the net for desi blogs – blogs with voice, personality and positioning absolutely desi. Sadly, this is just another NRI blog – Not Really Indian. Most of these posts have a firang voice and definitely firang positioning.

    you, sir, are an idiot. now quit interrupting our crucial discussion of eye makeup. sheesh.