Greeting cards attack when you least expect it

Not too long ago, a friend and I made our way to a nice movie theater in Los Angeles, Calif. And by nice, I mean the kind of theater that brutally charges more for tickets on weekends, and has an overpriced boutique shop in the lobby. Other than that, it was the same as any other not-quite-as-nice theater.

The boutique shop had a section with South Asian-inspired products. This was especially interesting to me because of the noticeable rise in the commercial utilization of the culture. Besides the standard new age fare — incense, books, teas — there were a couple of products that caught my eye. A candle bust of Siddhartha (struck me as a tad sadistic), and a pair of greeting cards from J&M Martinez, which are pictured to the right.

It looks like they’re trying to depict Hindu Gods, but I don’t have a clue about which ones they’re supposed to be. The blue-skinned male on the left could be Krishna, Ram or Shiva, but none of them were that fat. The female on the right could be Lakshmi, but doesn’t she have another pair of arms? Am I completely leaving someone out? And what are the inscriptions all about?

In the end, and especially after noticing the exorbitant price tag, all I could remark to my friend was, “what the f–k?!” They rolled their eyes, as if to suggest that they didn’t care. I would be forced to allow the confusion to consume me as we walked away, enrage me during a trip to the cash-draining snack counter, and finally choke me with a sanity-busting froth during an endless stream of mind-numbing trailers. Thankfully, the two-hour borefest that followed put me to sleep and out of my misery. Still, please help me make sense of my cardstock nemeses. Or at least help me make sense of this senseless post.

6 thoughts on “Greeting cards attack when you least expect it

  1. On the way to a movie theater, no less- that means you also had to sit through the Fandango bad Indian accents-as-comedy as well.

  2. My reaction to the cards is pretty much the same as it is to the stuff on They clearly were trying to GO somewhere with the cards, but WHERE???


  3. What movie did you see?

    I honestly can’t recall which movie put me in such an agreeable slumber. It was over the holidays, and I was spending a lot of time at the theater, trying to watch all of the good films that tend to come out near the end of the year. One thing’s for sure, there’s a good chance that it had Ben Stiller in it, since he’s in just about every movie these days.

    and who is this friend? anyone else notice how ambiguous he is about ‘the friend’

    The truth is that there was no “friend.” I just didn’t want to share the fact that I went to see a movie alone in a crowded theater on a Friday night. Thanks for dragging out the truth, detective jerk.

    Now I will go cry…and probably drink…a lot.