The Shinnecock Indian tribe said on Wednesday it was seeking billions of dollars for 150 years of back rent on land it inhabited for 12,000 years in New York state… The Shinnecock tribe… said they have inhabited the shores of Long Island for 500 generations and were swindled in an 1859 deal they say was forged with a group of unnamed private investors, wherein members of the tribe signed over their claim to the disputed land. [CNN]

[Scene: Big desi guy with a Brooklyn accent walks in. He approaches a flat and starts pounding on the door.] ‘Queenie! Hey, Queenie! You owe me back rent! Yeah, for India, Pakistan, Sri Lanka and Bangladesh. You’re 58 years overdue. What, eviction didn’t teach you anything? Fuggedaboutit. I know you’re in there. I’m slidin’ a bill under the door. It’s for damage to the place. You gotta pay me back for the gems you stole from the Taj Mahal. That’s right, tack that onto the back rent. Yeah, I know you added permanent fixtures. But that was with my money, labor and materials. So don’t go gettin’ all holy on me. I’m taking my chicken tikka masala back. And my Farokh Bulsara records. What? You actin’ like you nevah heard of an Indian giver before. My lawyah will be comin’ by in the morning.

‘Lemme let you in on a little secret. Yeah, you stole a lot of stuff from the place before leavin’. It’s a pretty long list. Truth is, I only want one thing, and it ain’t even on the list. So listen up before the lawyahs get involved. It’ll save you a lotta grief. Here it is:

‘All I really want is… an apology.’

Sadly for the Shinnecock, the account books of history are kept in a palimpsest, not a journaling file system.

Continue reading →

An interesting little surprise comes to light after an Indophile President has a meal at the magnificent Bukhara, Maurya Sheraton’s much-lauded restaurant in Delhi:

“Clinton was very careful while ordering from the menu. Post-surgery, he has become very conscious of what he eats and is trying to become vegetarian. However, he still prefers chicken,” says US-based hotelier Sant Chatwal, who hosted dinner for Clinton. Clinton’s signing-off line to the chef: “It was a great meal. I simply love Indian food. It’s the best thing about coming back to India.”

I know Bengalis who insist that they’re good wegetarians despite their fetish for fish. 😉 If they get special dispensation, perhaps we can let ol’ Bill have his chicken? While y’all think on that, I’ll tell you that erstwhile-“First Daughter” Chelsea Clinton is already an herbivore; I’m almost sure that she had a birthday party or two at D.C.’s exclusive, mirch-free, pretty-but-not-pleasing Bombay Club, which is conveniently located near a certain large white edifice.

Salon’s War Room take on Bubba’s new diet choices made me snort with glee:

Oh my God. What?

Bill Clinton not eating meat? A man whose very name brings to mind the word “pork”? Who has never met a nitrate he didn’t like? Whose all-night bull-and-barbeque sessions were sent up hilariously in “Primary Colors”? The man who once, after having consumed a 3,300-calorie lunch with German Chancellor Helmut Kohl in 1994 that included meats, cheeses, seafood and veal-stuffed ravioli, ordered a piece of chocolate cake to go?

…The thought of Bill Clinton spurning meat is like the thought of him spurning blow jobs. Simply not possible.

I mean, doesn’t that just make you GUFFAW? He orders the chocolate cake…to go! That Bill. 😀

I think I can also speak for mutineer Manish when I say that we gladly welcome the big dog/Slick Willy* to our exclusive club of people who smell better and otherwise rule the world. 😉

:+:

*I use nicknames that are pro- AND anti- the Bill because we at SM are TOTALLY non-partisan when it comes to snarfing down the world’s best Dal Makhani. Mmm, daaaaal. Continue reading →

Mutineers across the pond appear to be far more successful at embracing and extending the Queen’s English than their US-based brothren –

Badmash, changa, chuddie and desi are the latest Indian-origin words to enter the English language, courtesy the Collins English Dictionary. …the latest edition of Collins, to be published Thursday, goes a step further by officially acknowledging the role of Hinglish in the evolution of English. The edition is full of unusual and unexpected Indian words – this time thanks to popular Asian culture rather than colonial collision. Many words have a distinct Punjabi flavour. Hinglish words figuring in the dictionary this year include aunti-ji and uncle-ji, freshie (a new immigrant), gora (White), kutta (dog) and kutti (bitch), haramzada and haramzadi (described as bastards or obnoxious/despicable) and yaar (friend).

Personally, I prefer the terseness of “FOB” over “freshie” and, at least us poor Mallus (and possibly Tamilians too?) reserve “kutta” and “kutti” as terms of endearment for baby boys & girls. Remind me to be careful with that word next time I’m at a Bhangra blow out whoopin’ it up with 8′ tall Sikh dudes.

Previous SM coverage of Hinglish – here.

[a big SM hat tip to Francis Assisi!] Continue reading →

It’s no secret that I adore Wikipedia, after all, I inflict my preference for it on you whenever I can. 😉 SM tipster bl00t sends me somewhere that looks and feels familiar, but only in structure. Confused? Let me quote from the “wiki” on India:

Under Culture:

India has a rich cultural Heritage, but it doesn’t really matter because it is quickly being displaced by the more evolutionarily fit American Culture. The Taj Mahal, a burial plot for some woman who died a long time ago, is important because it is featured in many American Saturday morning cartoons.

Under Origin of Name:

Christopher Columbus named India after the Native Americans who first colonised the region. Some people claim that the Vikings discovered India first, but they aren’t really an oppressed minority so we can ignore them.

Because India’s name had to rhyme with Pakistan, it was given the name Hakistan in the finest tradition of Hackensack, NJ. (It is also called Hindustan by some ignorant fools).

Under Trivia:

Indian food is known internationally for its spiciness and funny names such as sari, salwar kameez, Buddha, and condoleeza rice.

Under Economy:

India is currently involved in a takeover bid for the region of Kashmir, a key garment district which is home of the famous sweater.

Right.

Now after reading all that, I can’t decide if it was funny, slightly amusing or almost insulting. If only it had some Asian-looking Orcs in it to make it obvious for me. Alas, it lacks such glaring evidence of prejudice. What say you, dear readers? Did it tickle your phunny bone? Do any of you feel like editing it? Continue reading →

CNN reports that:

Two giant toads were married in a traditional Hindu ceremony in eastern India … Some 400 people cheered and blew conches as women put streaks of vermilion on the female toad’s head while a band played music and priests solemnized the marriage to the chanting of Hindu hymns.

This was an arranged marriage for the bufonidae, they were “picked up from separate ponds” and had never met each other before being “dressed in bright red clothes and brought to the marriage venue in a decorated palanquin.”

According to our top secret source (call him Deep Croak) the groom spent the whole time surreptitiously checking out the bride’s legs and wondering if she could cook as well as his mom. The bride, on the other hand, complained that she had no interest in brown toads since they were all chauvinists who cared about nothing other than amplexus and food cooked the way their mother used to. The mothers of the bride and groom spent the entire time coming up with names for all their future tadpoles, and planning their weddings out too.

SepiaMutiny sends the newlyweds a copy of the uncut Harold and Kumar DVD and a year’s membership in the South Asian Sisters. We wish them our mutinous best. Continue reading →