Category Archives: Humor

Russell Peters strikes again

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Set aside an hour for this one. Funnyman Russell Peters strikes again in this stand-up clip, and once he lets rip, you’re not gonna want to stop (thanks, Aizaz). Politically incorrect, but he’s just sayin’ in public what y’all say in private.

Update: At 21 minutes, he goes self-referential with his old punchline, ‘Somebuddy gonna get hurt real bad.’ Half the audience gets it and laughs. ‘Downloading m*f*s… that’s 45 minutes of material you won’t be hearing today.’

Update 2: Dwarf and deaf person jokes? The old show was better.

Related posts: Veezher, Russell Peters show online, Paul Varghese delivers on ‘Last Comic Standing’: God’s own comedy, God’s own comedy

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Home rule

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The Great Bongmeister chronicles the sexual revolution on Indian cable TV with the fondness of a grandfather sharing his stash of classic Playboys:

Sushma Swaraj, Minister of Virtue

The cable revolution of the early 90s came as a blessing from heaven (or hell) for the raging hormones of my generation who were henceforth liberated from the oppressive censorship of state-owned television… ladies with Sachin Tendulkar shoulders and Ramesh Krishnan waistlines heaved and thrusted away. As a result, Silk Smitha, Nylon Nalini and the other goddesses of the wet sari pantheon became part of our nightly vocabulary… [Link]

Alas, the uprising was choked nightly by a minister inappositely named Swaraj:

In the north rose a fell presence, an evil Eye that never slept… minister Sushma Swaraj.. launched a war against flesh tones on the airwaves! Soon she was passing one dictat after another–Star Movies censored all their sugar and spice, Sun TV followed suit… [Link]

One frustrated victim of fowlstrangulum interruptus commented:

Uff, Sushma Swaraj… how we cursed her… [Link]

But the sexing up of daily media soon made blue channels and pr0n sites irrelevant:

People stopped going to websites for their porn–instead they started making them themselves armed with… camera phones and webcams. School kids in respectable institutions were shooting their own sex videos and marketing them through auction sites… Who would go to Desibaba [a porn site] to watch digitally morphed pictures when people like Tanushree Dutta were going topless in songs in reality…

Indians were being sexed up too fast and Desibaba was now a relic of a more innocent bygone era… I would like to believe that Desibaba is still alive–spread out over thousands of hard drives where pictures and stories from it have been downloaded over the years… there is a little bit of Desibaba in each of us–in the memories we carry. [Link]

Related posts: Delhi sex clip portends sexual revolution?, Baazee.com CEO arrested over sex clip

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No Bollywood for You!

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HemaMalini3.jpg

I have watched phil-ums that made me want to gouge out my eyes with hot forks of displeasure, but I’ve never felt homicidal because of celluloid. According to my beloved Beeb, I OBVIOUSLY have nothing in common with Somali militia men:

Calm has returned to the Somali capital Mogadishu after 11 people were killed and 20 wounded in weekend fighting.
The clashes pitted militia belonging to the Islamic courts against owners of cinemas showing dubbed Bollywood films.

Obviously this horrible violence has nothing to do with the quality of a flick, but an extreme culture war over the qualities of the films and the activities related to them:

The Islamic courts have been attempting to control the activities of the cinemas – accusing them of fuelling crime, drug abuse and immorality.

Somalia has essentially been lawless for 14 years. What’s a little more immorality on top of THAT?

Last month, the court’s militia stormed a studio where Bollywood films were being translated and destroyed equipment.

I’m not quite sure what the honorable chairman from the state of fundamentalism means by the following quote:

Sheikh Sharif Ahmed, the chairman of the Islamic courts, says they open from early in the morning showing “scandalous movies to children even not allowed by producers in their home country”.

First and last of all, what scandal? The flouncing around gardens, peeking out from trees, getting close enough to sniff your dance partner but not kissing them even though the cut to a flower blooming might suggest exactly such fornication? Sheikh, please. Continue reading →

M-m-me so hungry

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Legions of gastrophilic blurb writers drown South Asian lit in a very nice béarnaise sauce with a hint of tarragon:

Choli ke peechhe kya hai?

(What’s behind the choli?)

ALSO BY ROHINTON MISTRY: … Mistry charts the intersecting lives of Firozsha Baag, yielding a delightful portrait of a middle-class Indian community poised between the old ways and the new. Swimming Lessons is an intoxicating literary experience, as elegantly composed as a classic raga and as intensely flavored as a lamb korma.

Yes, and it’s as exciting as baseball and as delicious as a BLT. Pardon me while I light a few sticks of air freshener, put on some Christian rock and bask in exawtique, mystical Occidentalism.

Guess what borders the Vintage Books softcover edition of Mistry’s Family Matters:

Photograph… from Traditional Indian Textiles…

A Rajasthani choli. Sit down, the shock could kill you.

Related post: Buzzword bingo

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55Friday: The “War” edition

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We all know what today is and rather than prattle on about how I’m flummoxed that yet another week has raced past me and here we are, ready to write nanofiction, I’d rather focus on the significance of this day. In addition to 55Friday, today is Veterans day.

I learn something new every day. Here’s my chewable vitamin for today:

Q. What is the difference between Veterans Day and Memorial Day?
A. Many people confuse Memorial Day and Veterans Day. Memorial Day is a day for remembering and honoring military personnel who died in the service of their country, particularly those who died in battle or as a result of wounds sustained in battle. While those who died are also remembered on Veterans Day, Veterans Day is the day set aside to thank and honor ALL those who served honorably in the military – in wartime or peacetime. In fact, Veterans Day is largely intended to thank LIVING veterans for their service, to acknowledge that their contributions to our national security are appreciated, and to underscore the fact that all those who served – not only those who died – have sacrificed and done their duty. A complete history of Veterans Day, and why it is observed on November 11, can be found on our Veterans Day History Web page.

Though I tend to cringe whenever I’m exposed to the oeuvre of this holiday’s pneumatic spokesperson (who decides such things?) I am loyal to our military for a million reasons, most of which are inspired by my sole sibling who has spent almost a decade in active duty in the Air Force. Thank you, Veena, for all of your leadership and sacrifice. Thank you for giving yourself to a country that has given us so much. Most of all, thank you for putting a face on an organization which our family never really understood, appreciated or paid attention to until your courageous decision to serve. P.S. Please tell all of your friends, especially those who have been or are in Iraq and Afghanistan that I sweat them, too. Continue reading →

Stigmata

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Singled Out [by New Light Productions] will be an hour-long documentary exploring… [the lives of] single South Asian thirtysomethings in North America… To many elders… that many not-so-young people are remaining unmarried is puzzling, worrisome, and even scandalous… Singled Out will… examine the… anxieties and coping mechanisms of this often stigmatized group.

South Asian Singles Research Survey

We wish to capture the experiences of single, never-married South Asian Americans from 30-49. Jumpin’ jehoshaphat, you’re old. Here, have a Prozac.

1. As a single person, are you looking to meet people for dating or marriage?

Yes
No
What is this ‘dating’ you speak of?

2. Do you feel pressure to get married?

Yes
Yes

3. If yes, where is this pressure coming from?

My S.O.
My psycho ex
Sad fatty aunties
Gay marriages
Circus clowns

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Abraham vs. Sherrill to the Supreme Court???

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Former SM blogger and political pundit Cicatrix, accurately predicted last night that the tight race down in Florida was headed for a contentious recount battle. Don Sherrill, the “off-color” incumbent, beat upstart challenger Tom Abraham by only 19 votes. To quote Cicatrix: “hey Florida! reeeeeeecount!!” The Orlando Sentinel reports:

With a difference of less than two dozen votes, a two-term council member who recently made off-color statements about his Indian-born opponent’s ethnicity was returned to serve on the City Council on Tuesday.

Don Sherrill, who has served on Seat 4 of the council the past four years, is the apparent winner after garnering 51 percent of the vote against his opponent, Tom Abraham.

Election officials said 19 votes cast Tuesday and some provisional ballots, which were not included in Tuesday’s total, separated the two at day’s end.

Sherrill did not return calls Tuesday night. Abraham, who said he was “totally confused with the election process,” asked for a public-records inspection of the votes. Supervisor of Elections Ann McFall said Abraham could have an inspection of the ballots sometime next week with Sherrill present.

Quite frankly, I am not sure how this will go down if it ends up at the Supreme Court. John Roberts and Samuel Alito (who I predict will be confirmed) tend to yield to states rights. At least Katherine Harris is out of the picture…we hope.

Sherrill’s comments, which ranged from being unable to understand Abraham to comparing him with a Sept. 11 terrorist, drew out some, including neighbors from his Country Village retirement community who voted against him and others who credited him for speaking out.

I’m gonna offer to drive the truck.

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Watch Out Now, Hrithik

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We go from the strangely disturbing to the just plain strange today on the Mutiny. Right on time for dinner!

An Indian boy considers his rare birth defect to be an advantage. Devender Harne, 10, was born with 25 fingers and toes — six fingers on each hand, six toes on one foot and seven on the other.

Video of the child here. Of course he’s going to take the brown view of things: at school.jpg

Though it would be considered an abnormality to some, Devender says it allows him to work faster than the average child.

Despite his super powers, Devender is a pretty ordinary kid:

The extra digits on his hands and feet don’t hinder his daily life. Like any normal 10-year-old, he goes to school, plays sports and spends time with his friends.

As tipster BJ said– another one twenty-five for the world of Guiness. Brilliant!

The Guinness Book of World Records has contacted the boy’s family and is investigating whether he has the most useful fingers and toes in the world.

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“Soul Sikher”

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Previously profiled Sikh comic Sody Singh Kahlon is at it again. Kahlon first made waves in the UK with a well received one-man act titled “Sikh in the City” (get it?) and stage/screen performances with his comedy group, the Funjabi’s –

Sody Kahlon first came to prominence as co-founder of The Funjabis, making their name in west London by selling out performances at Watermans theatre.

The group was behind hit comedy plays such as ‘The Funjabi Show’, ‘This Is Your Life, Mr Funjab’ and ‘Don’t Worry Be Funjabi’ at venues around the UK.

…his one-man play ‘Sikhs in the City’ toured internationally to almost 6,000 fans, featured on BBC2, Radio4, BBC World Service and is being released on DVD; he co-wrote the short film ‘We Are One’ with Sarbjit Bakshi, which formed part of a Channel 4 film scheme; and has done various acting stints on BBC and ITV.

Kahlon’s back with a new show titled “Soul Sikher”. Reports from across the pond indicate that Kahlon is using the tried and true country-bumpkin –> big city –> country-bumpkin / clash of cultures plot – Continue reading →

55Friday: A N N A ‘ S “Mind Bomb” edition*

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I was somewhat surprised that more of our amazing brown creative writers weren’t doing NaNoWriMo with me; no worries, I read your comments and I understand. Writing a novel in one month, no matter which month you choose is a heady, harrowing thing– cheers to everyone who decided that in full compliance with IST, next month would be their time to shine and opine. May you all have more luck than I did during (after?) NaNoWriMo 2003, when I reached a devastating, untimely end to my participation during “official” November and immediately, earnestly resolved that I would pick up my mighty pen to write a good fight in December. One tiny problem. December is a wee bit hectic for Christians and Jews-by-association. No matter. I’m sure that our sepia/IST delegation of 2005 won’t have those issues though. 😉

Meanwhile, I imagine a few hundred of you took one look at my NaNoWriMo post and muttered, “Hell, no!”. Pas de probleme, mes petits choux– I welcome you back to our favorite space to write WAY shorter examples of prose on a weekly basis. While I didn’t have to dodge worried cafe-proprietors and police to post THIS week’s installment of 55-Fiction Friday, I did not do as well evading certain effects of one powerfully narcotic dose of Phenergan with Codeine. There. That’s my excuse for posting this almost 10 hours after I usually do. 😉

Perhaps I am overwhelmed with stress from moving out of my childhood home or maybe I’m exhausted from rushing all over Northern California to see some of you…either way, I am in one exceptionally sadistic mood. I can discern no other explanation for what I am about to issue, in way of challenge. As always, you are more than welcome to ignore my insignificant suggestions with regards to theme or content, and post or link to your fabulous 55 in our comments section even if you don’t follow a trend…but for a brave soul who is emboldened by a dare…I’m your huckleberry.

Have you noticed anything about this post? Something is not here, a word is amiss…I won’t have used it until I kill your curiousity by throwing down my writing gauntlet. I wonder…can you write a “55” without using that most ubiquitous of words? Can you, nay, will you be willing to introduce your nouns article-free?

55 words, none of which is “the“?

Blasphemy, they say. I say, go. Continue reading →