A Trick Question: That’s KAH-ree-yah-wah-sum

A quick break here from my Groundviews posts. First, as I said in that last comment thread, the kind people in the bunker said I could stay for awhile longer! I’m excited.

Second, my friend alerted me to a reference to Sri Lanka in a recent SNL skit:

Run the player until about 1:30 before the end, and listen to the foreign policy segment. Yup, that’s a reference to Sri Lanka’s Ambassador Prasad Kariyawasam. He’s Sri Lanka’s permanent rep to the U.N. At least, I think he still is. 🙂 Continue reading

Twenty-two more hours until the L.A. Meetup! There’s still time to flee!

L A meetup.jpg Ennis wanted me to remind you that tomorrow night is the L.A. meetup.

I briefly toyed with the idea of not posting this, just because I like intercoastal chicken* and I’m hyper-competitive about everything. Then I realized that even if the L.A. meetup was dazzling, glorious and fornication-laden…it would still occur in Los Angeles 😉

Please take lots of pictures, the SM Flickr group has been woefully neglected, as has our Facebook album for the SM “group”. Really, you have no excuse, since you’re all going to have your cell phones with you and even the lamest o’ phones now takes pictures, hokay?

So.

Twenty-two hours from now.

Redwood Bar and Grill.

316 W. 2nd Street, Los Anjalis, 90012.

Got that?

.

*Why chicken? Well, it can’t be beef, because lots of desis don’t eat red meat. Can’t be pork, because lots of desis think it’s

gross

…you thought I was going to say “haram”, didn’t you? HA. Suckers.

Continue reading

Timberlake in a banana hammock? I’m there!

Behold, the trailer for “The Love Guru” (tagline: His karma is huge). I have mixed feelings, because I really lurve Mike Myers; I quote something from Goldmember almost daily. But, as familiar and fun as the shrimp/gnome scene in this trailer is (“Moleee Moleee Moooole”, anyone?) seeing Myers travel around on a pillow, flying carpet-ishtyle made me want to smack someone.

Plot nugget below:

Pitka (Mike Myers) is an American raised by gurus who returns to the USA in order to break into the self-help business. His first challenge: To settle the romantic troubles and subsequent professional skid of star Toronto Maple Leafs hockey player Darren Roanoke (Romany Malco) whose wife Prudence (Meagan Good) left him for rival skater Jacques Grande (Justin Timberlake). [wiki]

We should totally do a meetup on June 20th, so we can shriek about what offended us, afterwards. 😉

p.s. Thank you to lion and astrosmurf, for the tip! Continue reading

55Friday: The “Luchini AKA This Is It” Edition

No, it's not in Newpark Mall but whatevs, yo Facebook status messages are amusing, but when they borrow from long-forgotten Camp Lo lyrics, they are empyreal for their ability to summon Mnemosyne, who then sets up her projector for an impromptu mental picture show entitled “nostalgia”.

Seeing SM commenter Yeti’s “Yeti thinks this is it, what” took me back to 1997 at Formula One speeds, when “Luchini” lived in my car stereo (and my driving of a non-McLaren Mercedes was about as sloppy as Schumacher’s at Jerez). Luchini was a prominent part of my soundtrack in the late 90s; the tape it was on (ha!) flipped constantly via auto-reverse as I roamed from the legendary-but-now-defunct Green Planet in Davis to Newpark Mall’s then-revolutionary Forever 21, for hoochie ‘fits to wear to San Francisco’s Sol y Luna (and inevitably and regrettably, Steps of Rome* immediately after that) in North Beach. 1997. Sunroof always open, speeding down 880, being 22…that was it, what.

Obviously, since this song has been on auto-reverse in my head for the last 24 hours, you know what’s coming next: it’s our Flash Fiction 55Friday theme! This week, as you ponder participation pensively, get inspired by Sonny Cheeba’s** Dadaist lyrics and blaxploitation fetish. Alternately, you could choose your own “damn, it’s been years since I heard that”-joint for a starting point or write about something unrelated to excellent hip-hop entirely.

If you’re newer to the Mutiny or you have already forgotten what we did with Radiohead two weeks ago, allow me to refresh your drink.

Flash fiction, also called sudden fiction, micro fiction, postcard fiction or short-short fiction, is a class of short story of limited word length. Definitions differ but is generally accepted that flash fiction stories are at most 200 to 1000 words in length. Ernest Hemingway wrote a six-word flash: “For sale. Baby shoes. Never worn.” Traditional short stories are 2,000 to 10,000 words in length.[wiki]
One type of flash fiction is the short story with an exact word count. An example is 55 Fiction or Nanofiction. These are complete stories, with at least one character and a discernible plot, exactly 55 words long.[wiki]

So, craft a story with exactly 55-words (no more, no less) about anything even remotely related to our theme and leave it in the comments below. If you’re still not convinced that this is a worthwhile timesuck OR you can’t wrap your head around how a story so tiny would even work, peep this, my favorite 55 from our previous, election-themed edition:

I crawled from the wreckage of the cab, dazed. I couldn’t feel my left side.
“You okay?” a man asked.
I lurched toward the crowd of onlookers, my leg dragging.
“I… vote…Obama!” I gasped.
His face registered alarm. “Buddy, you gotta get to a hospital!” he said.
I shoved him aside.
“Fuck… you… Clintonite!” [srsly]

Excellent 55, Saurabh. Your submission made me laugh out loud. 🙂 Continue reading

NBC gets real with Desis, for Valentine’s Week

Sugi’s post on how to make babies who will possess certain characteristics via Sarkai lo khatiya jaada lage on prescribed days of the month (with both of you keeping your eyes open, got that? no eyelash fluttering out of unbearable ecstasy) is so much more mutinous than what I’m going to post, but I believe in diversity, so while she brought the funny, I’m bringin’ the schmaltz. No, not schmaltz as in rendered goose fat which can be spread on bread as is done in German and Jewish cuisine, schmaltz as in the unbelievably literal “Every Kiss begins with K”-schmaltz.

Still with me? No? Perk up. It’s tea time, lovers.

Last night, I watched “Deal or No Deal, for the first time, ever. That show is mesmerizing with its repetition and stupidity. I wanted to tell the firefighter whom they were featuring that his response of

$100,000…wow…that could do a lot…it’s like, two years salary

in response to Howie’s ridiculously leading question

How would that change absolutely everything for you and your pregnant wife, who has to put up with you working two jobs?

was actually incorrect, since taxes would eat nearly half that amount and so it was really more like ONE year of his salary, but whatevs.

Though I had an hour to waste, I still couldn’t understand why I was watching such garbage while waiting for my dirty-little-secret-TV-cocktail of “Super Nanny” and “Cashmere Mafia”– which is on an entirely different network. But you know what mutineers? It turns out that everything happens for a reason.

During one of the commercial breaks on NBC, my browndar went off like police sirens in Adams Morgan on a Saturday night. Through my keen peripheral vision, I saw a brown face sinking and then looking up. I whipped my head around (oww) and realized that some random Desi had just proposed to their future Karva-Chauth-hostage (KIDDING).

What the-?

Visit NBC.com/Love for more about this couple…sponsored by Kay Jewelers…every Gambia-Senegal session after Applebee’s begins with Kay…

Continue reading

Evidence of Voter Intimidation

In case you needed to have it pointed out, today was the so-called “Potomac Primary,” where the voters of Maryland, Virginia, and D.C. weighed in on their favorite candidate. My dad was one of the voters who showed up bright and early to get his vote in. I know that one’s ballot should be secret and that this is one of the fundamentals of our Democracy. However, I am a blogger, and our kind is not known for always playing fair. Thus, I will share with you all the first email in my inbox this morning:

from: Dad
to: Abhi
date: Feb 12, 2008 7:27 AM
subject: Hold on to your Dreams * Love ……..Dad

2-12-2008 [0829]

Abhi: I voted for Hillary – an hour ago. I urge you to think positive and hang on to your dreams.
Also please try and select life partner before next January !! Good luck !! Love…. Dad

My primary in Texas isn’t until March 4th. I am still one of those undecided voters that I usually deride during other elections. All my recent energy has been focused on choosing the best candidate to elect to office next January. Now I have another choice to make on my plate apparently. A friend who I forwarded the above email to replied with an insightful remark:

Well, if you think about it, it makes sense. What else happens next Jan? Obama becomes president. So it’s perfect — Abhi will find a life partner when a black man becomes president. See, our dads really do know everything.

Continue reading

Facebook loves us a little too much.

Flying all over the intarwebs is an NYT article about Facebook— and how it is apparently the equivalent of a social networking roach motel; once you check in you can’t check out.

Are you a member of Facebook.com? You may have a lifetime contract. Some users have discovered that it is nearly impossible to remove themselves entirely from Facebook, setting off a fresh round of concern over the popular social network’s use of personal data. While the Web site offers users the option to deactivate their accounts, Facebook servers keep copies of the information in those accounts indefinitely.

The first flummoxed Facebooker quoted by la grey lady is brown!

“It’s like the Hotel California,” said Nipon Das, 34, a director at a biotechnology consulting firm in Manhattan, who tried unsuccessfully to delete his account this fall. “You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave.”
It took Mr. Das about two months and several e-mail exchanges with Facebook’s customer service representatives to erase most of his information from the site, which finally occurred after he sent an e-mail threatening legal action. But even after that, a reporter was able to find Mr. Das’s empty profile on Facebook and successfully sent him an e-mail message through the network.

I understand that Facebook is ostensibly attempting to keep the reactivation process zimble, should one change one’s mind about one’s participation in this timesuck, but one might still find this policy douchey. (Now who has U2 stuck in their head? Just me? Meh. You kids and your tatti taste in music.)

Facebook’s Web site does not inform departing users that they must delete information from their account in order to close it fully — meaning that they may unwittingly leave anything from e-mail addresses to credit card numbers sitting on Facebook servers. Only people who contact Facebook’s customer service department are informed that they must painstakingly delete, line by line, all of the profile information, “wall” messages and group memberships they may have created within Facebook.

Continue reading

55Friday: The “Hail to the Thief” Edition

Radiohead.hailtothetheif.jpg Once upon a time, every Friday at the Mutiny, we would have quite an orgy of a writing party, as we composed scintillating stories which had a maximum of 55 words.

Flash Fiction Friday (or the Friday55) has been on hiatus for a few months, but it seems like the time is right to commence creating again. 🙂 It’s a new year, it is time to discover new writers.

When we did this in the past, we’d have anywhere from a dozen to almost a hundred story submissions left in our comments section. How is such a thing possible? Well, as I mentioned above, at a wee 55 words, these were rather abridged stories.

I know I’m not the only one who is looking forward to reading the brilliant gems you mutineers tend to come up with. If it’s all still a bit unclear, I’ve got an example of nanoficiton for you to consider; I used to post tiny stories regularly on my personal blog, HERstory. Here is one of those short-short stories, to give you a sense of what they are like, and how zimble they can be, if you are not yet acquainted…

She nervously adjusted her sari, hoping no one noticed. So far, the night had gone flawlessly; she had made a good impression on everyone, she could just tell.

The older woman at the table noted how silk was tugged upwards. Taking a delicate sip of tea, she thought, “She’s not good enough for our family.”

And now, for some background on the genre:

Flash fiction, also called sudden fiction, micro fiction, postcard fiction or short-short fiction, is a class of short story of limited word length. Definitions differ but is generally accepted that flash fiction stories are at most 200 to 1000 words in length. Ernest Hemingway wrote a six-word flash: “For sale. Baby shoes. Never worn.” Traditional short stories are 2,000 to 10,000 words in length.[wiki]
One type of flash fiction is the short story with an exact word count. An example is 55 Fiction or Nanofiction. These are complete stories, with at least one character and a discernible plot, exactly 55 words long.[wiki]

I used to help organize a writing workshop in DC for would-be Lahiris and the one thing which was consistent was an inability to get started. If you looked around at the beginning of any warm-up or writing exercise, you’d observe a morose sort of gaze focused on one’s notebook, writing instruments quivering, and nothing marring those smooth sheets of paper or glare-ridden laptop screens.

To get around this for our Flash Fiction fiestas, I used to choose a song for our “theme”. It was always drawn from my music collection and usually, it was the sort of song one would have seen featured on the now-defunct, but ever-legendary 120 Minutes. This week, I’m going to veer from that formula in two ways. Our theme is the name of an album and a recent one, at that. In light of current events and primary colors, let’s ring around the rosy “Hail to the Thief (The Gloaming)”. More about that, after the jump. Continue reading

True Conversation with my Mom, 30 Minutes Ago

“HELLO.”

“Well, that was a forceful ‘Hello’…”

“Sorry, Ma. You’ve called three times and each time I picked up, I heard nothing.”

“I have a bad connection, sorry…listen, I have a quick thing to ask you.”

“Sure, what’s up?”

“Should I vote?”

“WHAT?!”

“Is the primary important? Isn’t the election what matters?”

“Well…the primary is going to determine who will be in those elections, so yes it’s very important. Why are you even asking? GO VOTE, woman. Cheee!”

“I know…I should…”

“Then?”

“Well, I don’t know…”

“About what?”

“Why can’t I vote for who I want?”

“Ma. Clinton is on the ballot. What are you saying?”

“But I have to vote for a Democrat.”

“Ohhh, that-a-way. Yeah, it’s basically a closed primary.”

“That’s not fair.”

“DUDE. You were the one who was all drunk off HRC kool-aid a week ago.”

“I don’t like people telling me who to vote!” Continue reading

No Exclamation Points Were Harmed in the Blogging of this Post.

Yay commodification.JPG

I yam still convalescing, which means I don’t feel guilty for phoning this one in. 😉 I love the random, and when Nux2 posted a link on our News Tab to a fabulous pillow you can purchase for your home, and he/she described his/her find as “random”, I was on it like Oprah on Obama. It’s mutinous because the pillow has Bollywood on it! And it’s just a mere $19.99? Wheee! Fire up the maroon Camry and let’s go!

Bombay blockbuster. Coming to a sofa or chair near you. Bollywood film clip, remastered in black and white on 100% cotton. Hidden zipper closure; feather-down insert. Machine wash. Imported. [CB2]

If you’re a fraudulent brownie like me who neither speaks Hindi (mein kya karoon?) nor watches Bollyfun, you probably won’t know that the gorgeous woman whose face will soon be under some hipster’s ass* is BhanuRekha Ganesan, the effulgent star of the legendary phillum Umrao Jaan (“the real version”, which came out in 1981 when I was six).

If you click the picture above, you can see a huge version of it, to better appreciate the edginess of it all. Once you do that, you might find yourself considering the severed hand tchotchke I’ve included a screen shot of(“adaa hand sculpture”), which is a steal at just $49.95. Think of all the money you’re saving by not buying the whole body! Continue reading