Ladies and Gentlemen. I give you Kong.

As stated previously, there isn’t much that I like about the Holiday season. The one thing I do appreciate however, are the movies. Hollywood studios, greedy for Oscar gold, always release their best movies in December. I still haven’t found a date to go see Syriana with despite the fact that it has been out for two weeks already in L.A. This weekend marks the opening of The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. I can hardly wait. Next weekend however is when the biggest film of the year will open up. Peter Jackson’s re-make of the 1933 classic King Kong. But…did you all know that Bollywood re-made King Kong in 1962? Would I lie to you? I give you Kong:

Unfortunately this one blurry picture is the only visual evidence I could find that the movie really exists (Update: Manish who unlike me can read Hindi, points out that this poster may be of a film called Shikari which also seems to have a giant ape??). It was a cached copy on a defunct webpage. I do know a bit more about the ’62 version however (even if the above picture is not the King Kong movie poster). It was directed by Babubhai Mistri and starred Dara Singh:
Prolific Indian director Babubhai Mistri filmed a Hindi version of the simian classic that starred world-wrestling force Dara Singh. We were unable to ascertain, however, whether Mr. Singh played a human or Kong himself — this movie never made it to the United States because of the copyright infringement lawsuits that would have resulted. [Link]
Other websites I came across were also speculating whether Singh played the part of the hero or that of Kong (Update: A reader provides the answer). Is there anyone reading this that has actually been lucky enough to see this film? Ask your parents. I am simply dying to know whether the Bollywood version has the “Fay Wray” character and King Kong dancing and singing around the trees in the forest of that primordial island where they find Kong.

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Boulevard of broken dreams

CityWalk, an outdoor mall in Hollywood, figures prominently in two terrible date flicks I saw this weekend, Shopgirl and Deewane Huye Paagal. Perhaps I can spare you the pain.

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In the Anand Tucker-directed Shopgirl, the extremely funny Jason Schwartzman takes Claire Danes out on a date to CityWalk just to sit and watch its theater marquee from the outside because he doesn’t have the cheddar to take them both. ‘Well, we could split it,’ she says cautiously. To repeat an old joke, she offers her honor, he honors her offer, and all night long it’s ‘honor’ and ‘offer.’ Tucker, whose father is desi, serves up this mini-haha:

‘Lisa?’
‘Ray.’
Lisa Ray, it’s nice to meet you.’

I’m not sure whether Tucker’s Bolly-aware enough to sneak in a desi shout-out, but producer Ashok Amritraj certainly is. Sadly, the rest of this bildungsroman about a lonely salesgirl is so slow-moving and trite that the little double entendre was my highlight. Steve Martin sleepwalks through the movie. The Martin I loved from Roxanne in junior high still makes movies for 12-year-olds — saccharine, kiddie and devoid of edge. His novella-based voiceovers are from the Bulwer-Lytton school of writing. Danes’ character spends much of the movie next to glove mannequins, disembodied hands pointing at the sky. Hands beseeching heaven are exactly what came to mind when I realized how long this movie ran.

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The Rise of Taj

A franchise is born. The circle is now complete. And he who was once the pupil has now become the master –

Yes, it’s actually happening: the sequel to Van Wilder: Party Liaison is coming together.

The focus of Van Wilder II: The Rise Of Taj is (unsuprisingly) Kal Penn’s character from the first movie. He’ll head to Oxford University to continue his studies and end up showing us stuffy Brits how to party.

Ryan Reynolds is not expected to appear in this follow-up, to be directed by Boat Trip’s Mort Nathan.

The Hollywood Reporter answers the question so many of us are no doubt asking – why?

Bauer Martinez Distribution has acquired North American distribution rights to “Van Wilder II: The Rise of Taj.” The film, being produced by Tapestry Films, is shooting in Romania. “Wilder II” is the sequel to 2002’s “National Lampoon’s Van Wilder,” which made $21 million at the boxoffice but went on to become a cult hit on DVD.

Where once the box office determined our hero’s fate, ’tis now Blockbuster, Netflix, and direct DVD sales.

Keep an eye on IMDB for details as they emerge. Kal Penn will also have a prominent role in next year’s Superman Returns.

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There’s no monopoly on cliched orientalism

The previously blogged Desi-opoly is finally available in the UK, just in time for the holidays. With this board game, the desi diaspora has just joined the ranks of Nascar, Garfield, the Powerpuff Girls, Star Wars (both old and new), as well as towns like Swansea and Wigan as official monopoly themes.

The Desi Monopoly website toots its own horn louder than the Bollywood Brass Band:

It is very exciting news that the South Asian community is Passing GO. It is widely acknowledged that the South Asian community have played a significant role in contributing to the recent success and culture of the UK and the new Monopoly UK Desi Edition celebrates this. [Link]

But the game hardly celebrates the contributions of BritAsians to the UK. It’s basically the same game with a bit of mirch-masala mixed in:

the properties are a mix of Indian icons (famous train stations, the Taj) and Asian neigbourhoods in Britain. [Link]

… along with a ton of hackneyed desi cliches for good measure. The images in the strip on the right are just some of the pictures used on the box. They include a brocaded sari, a woman meditating, a woman doing classical dance, a tiger, a rickshaw wallah and yes … the Taj Mahal. This from the same country that brought us “Goodness Gracious Me“, “The Kumars At No 42” and the “Funjabis?”

Who needs white people when we exoticize ourselves so thoroughly, for so little. At least the monopoly guy wasn’t morphed into the Air India man …

Related posts: I want to be the three-wheeled scooter, M-m-me so hungry, Buzzword bingo

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I like my curry naughty

I failed to realize until only a couple of weeks ago that there exists an entire underground sub-culture of curry lovers. These people often hold normal 9 to 5 jobs only to come home to start a nightly party in their mouths. Many of them aren’t even [gasp] desi. Take for example the girls of Naughty Curry:

We at the Naughty Curry Kitchen do three (3) main things:
  • We apply Indian spices and spicing techniques to ‘ordinary’ (for us) food, with an emphasis on being (mostly) simple, fast, and healthy or all of the above.
  • We simplify or adapt traditional Indian recipes to fit our very special needs and our busy lifestyles.
  • We experiment, ask lots of ‘what if’ questions, and tend to have lots of fun. And when something doesn’t quite turn out, we laugh.

Be bold. Come play with us.

Hell, they had me at “be bold.” Cooking of this nature is usually not talked about in mixed company. Old temple walls in India show people doing these kinds of things, but it is now taboo. The dishes they reveal are often downright subversive. Where else are you going to go to be taught how to prepare “G-spot mushrooms,” or “Dirty Masala Rice?” But…what makes someone turn to this type of lifestyle? It’s not natural. You don’t just fall into it. There is usually a moment of truth that leads someone down this path of liberation:

As for me [Courtney Knettel], I grew up in the Midwest U.S. of A. with a standard Oscar Meyer-Hamburger Helper childhood. Want to step up the flavor of those green beans? We’ve got three primary options: butter, salt, and cheese (and for those folks with a dash of flair: garlic salt and Lawry’s). Fortunately, my own imagination was expanded in my formative years under the influence of my Indian babysitter, who introduced me to what I called ‘magic sprinkles.’ Once I was ‘spiced’, I became isolated in my tastes. My family thought I was weird. (Actually, they still do.)…

By the time I finished my five-year college stint, I found most ‘ordinary American’ food to be, um, hard to swallow. Yet because I knew how to manifest my own spice-magic, I could quickly, easily and cheaply whip up my own sensational Indian-esque spin to my food. What’s more, I was increasingly attuned to a healthy way of eating, and spices, I quickly discovered, could transform vegetables into memorable experiences. At some point, I evolved into partaking of junk food, cheese and even meat only on occasion, and I don’t even miss it. Ergo, the spicing fixation that had once branded me a weirdo now infuses my life in ways that even I hadn’t imagined. [Link]

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Journie hall of shame

In a NYT review of a new Mughal art exhibit at the Met in Manhattan, Holland Cotter pens these lines:

Musharraf as Cupid?

India is the real subject here; you can hear it and taste it in this painting, as spicy as a vindaloo…

That’s what confident cooks and ambitious artists do to the recipes they inherit… A vegetable curry or a peach cobbler can take many inventive forms and still be intensely curryish or delectably peachy…

… there is a picture… of an episode from the fifth and last section of “Khamsa.” And it is pure, melting-on-the-tongue confection. [Link]

I dunno, does a vindaloo make you gag? What clichéd hell is this? Cotter writes with all the insight of Apache Indian. This reads like a kindergarten newsletter hot off the dot matrix printer, clip art carelessly pasted into a Print Shop template. Using a spice metaphor for Indian culture is like complimenting Rosario Dawson on her breasts. Y’know, work a little harder.

As for the art, Mughal miniatures are absolutely gorgeous, but the exhibit in Connecticut sounds far more innovative, an art version of the game of telephone:

One artist would create an image on a sheet of paper, then mail the sheet to someone else, who would add to it before sending it on to the next artist. Part improvisation, part calculation, each finished painting both is and is not the sum of its parts…

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Liveblogging ER’s “I Do”

wed.jpg Yes, yes I am aware that a good portion of our readers aren’t lucky enough to live on the right coast but I can’t resist liveblogging this huuuuugely important event— my girl crush is goin’ to the chapel and she’s, gonnnnnna get marrrrrried. Besides, the original post on Neela’s nuptials has triggered a fascinating discussion about regional bridal traditions in South Asia; that’s a lovely development, and this way we can feel free to focus on the actual ER ep, here.

So this is what I’m going to do for everyone in a different time zone who isn’t watching with me right now: blogging starts after the jump. You don’t want to know what happens during tonight’s ER? Don’t click that handy-dandy “Continued” box OR the comments OR the permalink for this entry. Everyone wins.

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Play that stupid accent, brown boy

A second genner does that fake, bad Indian accent which gets ad directors all hot and bothered. Watch clip one, two. Here are two more without the desi guy: three, four.

This T-Mobile campaign aimed at Boost is called ‘Poser Mobile.’ Hyphen has the scoop:

The three caricatures of a smoked-out Latino, slit-eyed, grinning Asian, and fat, pimped-out white guy are a new, interesting spin on using racial stereotypes to sell product. Instead of selling mainstream whiteness a la Aryancrombie and Fitch, T-Mobile is itself clearly trying to sell black hip hop cred. The implication of the ads is that whites, Latinos and Asians are not really hip hop, not really street, not really trustworthy. [Link]

I actually think the campaign is pretty funny (fake Ali G = parody of a parody), but the desi accent is incredibly bad, and the Asian caricature treads close to racism. Fer chrissake, get yer ethnic mockery right.

Related post: Ga-ching-a-ching-a-ching

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