Category Archives: Arts and Entertainment

A knight’s tale

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There comes a time in every knighted actor’s career when he descends from Oscar material to B-level creature feature. Ben Kingsley is the vampire king in Bloodrayne, yet another awful flick derived from a video game. After playing Fagin, he’s well into his monster oeuvre:

I vant to suck

German director Uwe Boll (“House of the Dead,” “Alone in the Dark”) is fast becoming known as one of the worst directors on the planet. Indeed, Boll’s films are archetypes of bad filmmaking… Yet he continues to license big-name videogame titles and turn them into movies with ever more impressive casts… Boll somehow lures an Oscar-nominated Knight of the British Order to play a character as ridiculous as the King of the Vampires. [Link]

If I wanted to watch a desi actor draining the life out of his victims, I’d go down to the local Bollyplex.

The video game: sex, death and subtlety

Related post: Monster’s ball

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Unhappily ever after

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I’m astonished by the depth of the desi book market in the UK. I was at a store of Britbooks last week. It wasn’t even a real bookstore, it was an airport bookstore, and it was still amazingly well-stocked. If you’ve ever wondered why people call Brits polite, it’s all the time they spend buried in books (while their chavs and yobs whoop it up in da pub).

On the popular fiction shelves I saw a Granta book on India, an odd little compilation of highfalutin’ essays like a Bollysampler CD; several Hanif Kureishi titles; Shalimar the Clown; both of Meera Syal’s novels; Hari Kunzru; William Dalrymple’s White Mughals; Amitav Ghosh’s The Hungry Tide; and so on. (In Sevilla, I also saw a tiny book of Ghosh’s tsunami essays.) The chick lit section was chockablock with titles like Bindis and Brides by Nisha Minhas, in which an abusive desi guy tries to rape his estranged wife, and a white guy rescues her. Minhas previously wrote Passion and Poppadoms, Saris and Sins and Chapattis or Chips?, so she’s going for some kind of Nancy Drew mystery effect with alliteration in the titles.

I picked up a copy of Hanif Kureishi’s Intimacy, a 1998 novella about marital egress and male sexual restlessness, and devoured it on the plane. The book supposedly caused an uproar when it was published; it reminds me of Rushdie’s Fury, a thinly-fictionalized account of leaving your wife and kids by a desi author who had just, well, left his wife and kids. But liberated of the need to be a full-blown novel, it’s a startlingly direct confession of a loveless, sexless marriage told like Portnoy’s Complaint, hands a-wringing and in the same plain yellow cover. It begins the day he decides to leave his wife. Kureishi’s stark emotional intensity comes off better than Fury, which IMO was Rushdie’s weakest after Grimus.

(Side note: According to the NYT, Shalimar the Clown had sold only 26,000 copies in the stores BookScan tracks as of December. Edward Champion points an accusing finger at the less-than-sonorous title: ‘If I were Rushdie’s publisher, I would have urged Rushdie to come up with a title that didn’t involve clowns at all… Shalimar the Clown? Not really a lot of enigma there. You may as well call the book Joe the Barber.’)

NSFW quotes from Intimacy after the jump.

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Badmash, Drew Carey, Sheetal Sheth, and Karma

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Last night I went to the sold out Badmash Comedy Night in West Hollywood. The Badmash guys (Sanjay Shah, Sandeep Sood, Nimesh Patel, and Aron Bothman) are going to be putting on a recurring comedy night in LA (next one is on February 9th), which brings together both South Asian and non-South Asian comics. This is a smart mix. Audiences get tired of a whole night full of desi comedy, with only desi “insider” jokes. The comics end up competing with each other over who will use the same hackneyed “aunty joke” first. Some of the best new South Asian comics that perform here in LA are already moving away from such played-out routines. Their jokes are well balanced and appeal to a general audience, which is key for long term success. Badmash is trying to foster this new talent.

Continue reading this post to learn the sad real life story behind this picture

Sanjay was recently quoted in a Newsweek article about young comics using the internet to launch their careers:

[The internet] has also allowed Sanjay Shah, 28, and his friends to find an audience unserved by traditional TV. For the last few years, their weekly South Asian-themed animations–like an Indian spoof of “The Simpsons” ‘s opening theme–have drawn millions of visitors to his site, Badmash.org. “I look at the Internet right now as the incubator, the RD department for traditional channels,” Shah says.

I actually attended the comedy night as “Press.” One problem. The batteries in my camera died just as the show began. THIS folks is why I am a mere blogger and not a journalist. I’d make a sorry excuse of a journalist. It was quite unfortunate, because none other than Sheetal Sheth was in the audience. The night was co-sponsored by Looking for Comedy in the Muslim World, which was plugged throughout the night. Also performing was a surprise guest. Mr. Cleveland himself, Drew Carey, was in the house. His jokes are a lot dirtier in person than you would think from watching him on television. Comedian Jo Koy was on fire. Good stuff.

As much as I complain about life in LA, THIS is why I do like living here. Everyone desi you meet in LA has a thing that they do on the side. They have their main job, career, or way to pay the bills, and then they have their “side thing.” The truly brave ones make their “side thing” their main thing. I’ve always felt that life would suck unless you have “a side thing,” going at all times. You should, at all moments of your life, be pursuing something that you will probably fail at. Speaking of which…

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Looking for Comedy? Look Elsewhere

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I’ve been spending all day trying to figure out the Albert Brooks/Sheetal Sheth movie Looking for Comedy in the Muslim World. After sitting through the movie, I had no idea what Brooks was trying to do or what he was trying to portray to the audience. A day later, it’s no better. I still have no clue. The movie was boring and confusing. Brooks’ whiny self deprecation got old quick, and I am not sure how much humor really can be found in a movie that attempts to get all its laughs through constant cultural miscommunication. The East-meets West and terrorist jokes get old really quick, and I am actually a little puzzled that a studio executive thought it would be enough to make a commercially successful film. Maybe I missed the point. Actually, I am sure I did but I was too bored during the film to search for its meaning.

From Seattle Weekly’s review:

He’s lost in India. That’s where his character, named Albert Brooks, goes on an improbable U.S. government mission to find out what makes Muslims laugh, so that we might better understand them. His ventriloquist act bombs in New Delhi; Al-Jazeera tries to recruit him for a sitcom called That Darn Jew; nobody gets him, and he doesn’t get them.

That Al-Jazeera scene, that is one of the two funny scenes in the film and it features singer Shaheen Sheik.

From Salon’s review:

When he [Brooks] asks the audience, during his stand-up performance, why there’s no Halloween in India (“Because they took away the Gandhi” is the punch line), the joke is supposed to be kindergarten-caliber, and, of course, the audience isn’t supposed to laugh. Brooks sets himself up as the butt of the movie’s big joke — a well-intentioned Western comic attempts cross-cultural outreach and just look what happens — but his bombing is simply painful to watch. It’s not entertaining, not even in a twisted, sadistic way, and Brooks’ obsessive attempts to engage his audience only coat the movie with an egotistical veneer. “Looking for Comedy” pretends to be a plea for understanding, but it isn’t about what Muslims do or don’t find funny; it’s only about Brooks’ failure to make them laugh.
And his failure isn’t fun to watch, its painful. The saving grace for me in the film was of course Sheetal Sheth. Yeah I am biased, but despite sticking her with an Indian accent, Sheth’s performance was good, and believable. Her timing was right on, and in spite of being in this film, I think she could be the next desi to break through, breasts or no breasts.

I also must admit I did enjoy Brooks’ embracing of desi menswear, the kurtas, the sherwanis, the mojdis, (thankfully no lungis or dhotis) however inappropriate his clothing selections might have been for the occaision. Anyway, check out the film if you are feeling lucky, want to support Sheetal, or are a glutton for punishment. But if you are looking for comedy, I suggest looking elsewhere.

Click here to read more reviews of the film, and click here to read more from the mutiny on the movie.

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‘If I spoke Punjabi’

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Almost fifty people are running to become Canada’s latest South Asian MPs:

Who wants to be a Canadian millionaire (USD $14.92)?

For Jaipal Massey-Singh, Bal Gosal and Jagtar Shergil however, Saturdays for the past month and a half means knocking on doors, listening to complaints and plaudits and eating take-away food… All three men are running in the Canada’s 23 January general elections… [Link]

Fluency in Punjabi or Hindi is virtually a prerequisite for the ethnic vote. In the Punjabi area of Vancouver, the streetsigns are in Gurmukhi:

Nearby, a volunteer makes comforting noises into a phone receiver, before hanging up and saying wistfully, “If I spoke Punjabi, I would know whether or not I was promised that vote.” Mr Gosal says he campaigns in three languages, Punjabi for his largely Sikh constituents, Hindi for other South Asians and English for the rest. [Link]

‘If I spoke Punjabi, I would know whether or not I was promised that vote’If s/he spoke Punjabi, s/he’d also endure a cross-examination about his/her marital situation, village ancestry and parents’ health before being force-fed chai and laddoos. Michael Bloomberg also attempted speaking in Urdu in his re-election campaign for NYC mayor:

During his re-election campaign, Mr. Bloomberg soaked up the city’s diverse communities by hopscotching across its ethnic neighborhoods, and he even studied Spanish. He recorded campaign commercials in two Chinese dialects, Russian, Urdu and Korean, among other languages. [Link]

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The Magnificent Seven

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Two of Time Magazine’s Persons of the 20th Century were the duo of Sir Edmund P. Hillary, and Tenzing Norgay. Their accomplishment was simply mindboggling. In an era in which there existed the most rudimentary of climbing gear, the two men became the first to summit Everest on nothing but heart.

On May 29, 1953, Edmund Hillary of New Zealand and Tenzing Norgay of Nepal became the first human beings to conquer Mount Everest–Chomolungma, to its people — at 29,028 ft. the highest place on earth. By any rational standards, this was no big deal. Aircraft had long before flown over the summit, and within a few decades literally hundreds of other people from many nations would climb Everest too. And what is particularly remarkable, anyway, about getting to the top of a mountain?

Geography was not furthered by the achievement, scientific progress was scarcely hastened, and nothing new was discovered. Yet the names of Hillary and Tenzing went instantly into all languages as the names of heroes, partly because they really were men of heroic mold but chiefly because they represented so compellingly the spirit of their time. [Link]

Tenzing was born in Tibet and grew up in Nepal. He was one of “Chomolunga’s people,” and so it was fitting that he was part of the first summit. Almost every great prize in moutaineering to be won, has now been won. Still, every mountaineer worth a dime aspires to one goal, however impossible it may seem. The Seven Summits. These are the tallest peaks on each of the seven continents: Kilimanjaro, Denali, Elbrus, Aconcagua, Carstensz Pyramid, Vinson, & Everest. To date, less than 130 climbers have bagged all seven peaks and not a single one has been Indian, which is especially surprising given that India lies in the shadow of Everest. Well Gautam Patil is out to change that.

As an avid mountaineer, Gautam has been invited to present motivational talks at various venues including Sierra Club, REI Company Stores, and Any Mountain Company. He has shown bravery in dealing with people and situations in extreme conditions including those involving death and dramatic rescue operations. Gautam’s professional background is in Technology Product Management in Enterprise Software Products. He is a founding director of the Silicon Valley Product Management Association Inc.

He has already completed Kilimanjaro, Denali, Elbrus, Aconcagua and is currently mounting an expedition up the Vinson Massif.

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I hope the Uzbeks love their samsas too

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Bukhara is a tandoori place in New York popular with many, including Bill Clinton. I’ve had one amazing meal there and one passable.

Samsas stuck to the sides of a tandoor

A NYT story on Central Asian restaurants in Queens decodes the origin of the name, the city of Bukhara in Uzbekistan. As a border culture, its food is an interesting mix of Indian, Persian and Chinese. Its samosa equivalent is stuck to the side of a tandoori oven like how roadside dhabas make chapatis.

Reflecting the influence of silk and spice trades, there are tastes of China and India everywhere. Every Bukharian menu offers a garlicky, chili-spiked Korean carrot salad, morkovcha koreyska, that is a legacy of Stalin’s mass deportations of ethnic Koreans from the far eastern Soviet Union to its western frontiers. At Tandoori Bukharian Bakery in Rego Park, a samsa – one of Asia’s many cousins of the Indian samosa – is deliciously spiked with cumin and baked against the walls of a clay-lined oven that Bukharians, like Indians, call a tandoor. [Link]

It probably got the samosa directly from Iran when the Persian empire absorbed the city. The restaurants sound a whole lot like hill stations in India:

A traditional Central Asian restaurant is little more than a stop for merchants and shepherds traveling the difficult road over the Pamir peaks; the ancient Persians called the region the roof of the world. These restaurants, called chai khanas, or tea houses, provided travelers in the most remote settlements with a place to warm themselves with pots of green tea… [Link]

There are Chinese influences on Bukharian food as well:

Farther north, bread and flour take over – especially lagman, hand-pulled noodles whose name evolved from the Chinese lo mein. Very popular among the Bukharians, lagman have been mastered by another Central Asian group, the Uighurs, who have a small community in New York… Uighurs are Muslim, and speak a language derived from Turkish… [Link]
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NYCB’s Amar Ramasar: I Saw Him First

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ramasarx.jpg A fabulously helpful anonymous tipster sent me my newest and sweetest crush: a boy who can DANCE! Said my anon-penned GMail:

Hey gang, I was reading a NY times article about ballet and it mentioned an Amar Ramasar, an Indian-American male ballet dancer with the NYC Ballet. How cool is that?!

…I hope you write about him! Bonus points if you include lots of Billy Eliot/Center Stage references. 😛

More about this gorgeous man, whom the Voice deems “extremely promising, both forceful and softly muscular” (hell yes!)

Amar Ramasar was born in the Bronx, New York. He began his studies at the School of American Ballet (SAB), the official school of New York City Ballet, in 1992. In addition, he studied at the American Ballet Theatre Summer Program and The Rock School of Pennsylvania Ballet. In July 2000, Mr. Ramasar was invited to become an apprentice with New York City Ballet, and in July 2001 he joined the Company as a member of the corps de ballet.[nycb]

I think I’m feeling faint. A brown face in the New York City Ballet? You can’t hear my eeeevil cackle, but I’m gloating over the fact that our DesiDancer is married, else I’d have to whip off my bamboo earrings (at least two pair), smear vaseline on my face and get DIRTY. I keed, I keed…I’m all about the “sistas before mistas” principle (ahem. until someone else comes up with a feminized “bros before hos”, we’re stuck with that).

Amar said the following about his unique situation:

I actually looked at my race as an advantage because there was no one who looked like me. In New York City Ballet especially, I felt my casting has always been great. The biggest one for me was Fancy Free because, if you think of the history of that ballet, it’s not necessarily the case that in the 1940s an Indian guy was one of the sailors fighting for America. But they let me do that here, and I thought, “I’m breaking boundaries that people automatically put up for a stereotypical white ballet.” [link]

So hot. Continue reading →

Bulls don’t need breasts to get work in Hollywood

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Two Hollywood related items arrived on the tipline today and may be of interest to readers. The first comes from former SM centerfold Cicatrix. She points us to a one paragraph blurb in the New York Times which mentions that Nickelodian Films has just inked a deal for a new CGI movie slated for next year:

A young bull from Montana named Bamboo befriends a caterpillar that tells him of a place called India, where cows are sacred, free and holy. The two embark on a journey, and find the country while outwitting a group of pesky chickens.

Now that seems pretty cool. A bull in search of the promised land, looking for a place where his people can be free. The name of the movie? According to the website where the info originated, it will be titled Holy Cow. But why chickens? I would have chosen monkeys, or tigers, or elephants.

If you are listening girl…don’t ever change. Don’t ever change.

The second bit of gossip comes from former SM hit-man Amardeep. He points us to a Rediff article about actress Sheetal Sheth’s misadventures in tinsel town:

You can’t blame Sheetal Sheth for praying that Hollywood would take note of her performance in her first major film Looking For Comedy In The Muslim World and not worry about her bosom.

For, she recently told Contactmusic.com that many Hollywood agents thought she should have a breast implant.

…”About five different times they have suggested I get breast implants.”

But Sheth, who was a founder of the Hindu Students Association in her high school and later a mentor to many younger Indian students at NYU, knew her talent would suffice.

First I’d like to point out that if Sheetal had a breast implant then she’d look like a freak. I think I hope that the author of the article meant breast implants. I would write more about Sheetal’s breasts and the fact that I think she is fine the way she is, but my dad reads this blog daily and then tells my mom everything. Thus it’s best that I avoid adding detail to such racy topics.

Update: “Flygirl” informs us that a movie about a freedom seeking cow has already been made (hilarious!)

Related posts: Looking for Comedy in the Muslim World, ‘Looking for Comedy’ trailer, Looking for permission to film in the Muslim world

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Born as I Finished College, Yet He Already Directs

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The front/main page of Wikipedia imparts something new and interesting, yet again.

Did you know…that Kishan Shrikanth, age ten, is in the process of directing a Kannada-language feature film, C/o Footpath, which will almost certainly make him the youngest director ever to release a commercial feature film? [wiki]

I’ll save you the trouble of getting all wiki’d out; Kishan’s entire entry (save one redundant sentence) is below:

Kishan Shrikanth (born 6 January 1996), professionally known as Kishan or Master Kishan, is a Kannada-language actor from India. As of January 2006, having acted in some twenty films, he is in the process of directing a feature film, C/o Footpath (Care of Footpath), about an orphaned boy who wants to go to school. The cast includes prominent Indian actors Jackie Shroff, Saurabh Shukla, and Thaara.[1] Kishan will, himself, play the lead. [wiki]
The Guinness Book of Records currently lists Sydney Ling as the youngest person to direct a professional feature film. Ling was thirteen in 1973 when he directed the Dutch film Lex the Wonderdog.[wiki]

Upon reading that bit of information, I pondered how desis LOVE them some record-breaking and I wondered why no one brown had attempted this feat before.

So why did little Kishan choose this goal?

“I prefer directing to acting because of the creativity it affords me. From the beginning, I used to ask my directors about the technical aspects of the film, and hound the cameramen to show me their art. I want to continue directing and have already finalised the script for my next film, which will be a Hindi film,” he says.[rediff]

This diminutive auteur is the real deal:

“He is such a genius that I had to work in his film,” Jackie says. “He is constantly thinking about his next shot, constantly innovating to make it better. He is only nine years old, but he is sure about what he wants from his actors.”[rediff]

Now THAT’S impressive. Continue reading →