Rinse and spin

          

This little chestnut has been on CNN’s front page since Friday, in the bottom left corner (thanks, chick pea). It’s also on the current Time home page.

The Time magazine story is not only part of MTV Desi’s PR launch (sow widely, eat phat), it’s part of the South Asian brand launch in the U.S. It’s the usual hype and Mercedes-driving uncles, but hey, we’re narcissists:

… during the 1990s the number of Indians in the U.S. more than doubled–making them the fastest-growing Asian minority. There are some 2.5 million desis in the U.S., and the vast majority are Indian…. consider how premium a customer a South Asian is: Indians alone commanded $76 billion worth of disposable personal income last year… median household income is nearly $64,000–50% higher than the national average. The U.S. has always welcomed the world’s poor and working classes. India has sent its professionals… 64% of Indians in the U.S. hold a bachelor’s degree, vs. 24% of the overall population… “We make up one-fifth of the population of the world. Imagine that.”

Jay Sean explains why he picked Bipasha Basu for his video. What the other reason could possibly be escapes my mind.

Sean is miked and seated in front of an MTV logo reminiscent of the Taj Mahal… “This is your boy Jay Sean,” he says, “and you’re watching MTV Desi…” Sean, in typical eyebrow-raising rock-star fashion, picked actress Bipasha Basu for his music video in part because she was racy enough to have had an onscreen kiss…

Ah yes, now I remember. It’s because she looks like this:

Previous posts: 1, 2, 3, 4

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Sanjay finds a loophole

The talented artist behind Ghee Happy just published a short graphic story in a new comic anthology with fellow Pixar employees (via Boing Boing). Sanjay Patel’s story, ‘Loopholes,’ is in an anthology called Afterworks. The coworkers call their venture E-Ville Press, named after Pixar’s Emeryville location. Patel is selling the anthology and a new T-shirt at Comic Con in San Diego, July 13-17:

 

In case you’re confused, the artwork suitable for toddlers is the one on the left. I figured that out all by myself despite, I swear, never having been to a comic book convention in my life.

Previous post here.

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Arrested development

The BBC is running a pictorial on members of the pheasant family in South Asia which are being hunted to extinction. This spectacular-looking family includes the Indian, green and white peafowl, the satyr tragopan, the Himalayan monal, the Western tragopan and the Koklass pheasant, among others.

    

Last October, the Acorn covered the hunting of another South Asian bird. Arab sheikhs fly into Pakistan every year to hunt the endangered houbara bustard, carving the deserts into exclusive playgrounds. Believing the bustard to be an aphrodisiac, the sheikhs use the C-130 Hercules, one of the biggest airplanes in the world, to airlift deli trucks into the desert to store their meat.

Some have built personal airfields… Some have constructed large desert palaces… Some live in elaborate tent cities, guarded by legions of Bedouin troops… Totally closed off to outsiders, these hunting fiefdoms are, in effect, Arab principalities. They sprinkle the vast deserts of Balochistan, Punjab, and Sind… the late King Khalid of Saudi Arabia transported dancing camels in a C-130 to join him on his hunt… The sheikhs normally spent between ten and twenty million dollars for a typical royal hunt…

“… while Pakistanis are being arrested and prosecuted if they’re found to be hunting the bird, Arab dignitaries are given diplomatic immunity… It’s slaughter, mass slaughter. They kill everything in sight.” When I asked him why the government of Pakistan had done so little… he replied, “Because we lack the moral fibre…”… The Pakistanis see the Arabs breaking Pakistan’s own laws, yet there are huge sums of money involved… [Link – PDF]

In the bustard hunt, some see an allegory for Pakistan itself:

Like the houbara bustard, Pakistan too has been the prize in many people’s elaborate games. It has been used by the Gulf States to house and train their Islamists, the fodder for the war in Afghanistan, and by the United States as a conduit for arms and money for anti-Soviet forces. It was given the cold shoulder by both once the last Russian tank departed. Like the devastated desert after a houbara hunt, Pakistan was left a wasteland of heavily armed and angry militants and a socio-economic situation that threatens to turn the country completely towards militant Islam. [Link]

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Mexican standoff

Abhi posted earlier about the India-Pakistan fight over the high-altitude Siachen glacier. Let’s take a closer look at the economic aspect: the 23-year-old Siachen conflict is the epitome of inefficient war engineering, even worse than the kill ratio of musket warfare in the 18th century. The enemy here isn’t the other nation, it’s the territory you’re purportedly saving. It’s like fighting on Mars or the ice planet Hoth (photos):

Ninety-seven per cent of casualties here are due to the extreme weather and altitude, rather than fighting. “On the glacier you have to first survive the elements and then you fight the enemy,” says a senior officer…. [Link]

… with winter temperatures of 70 degrees below zero, the inhospitable climate in Siachen has claimed more lives than gunfire. [Link]

India has lost more than 2,500 men in Siachen, most of them to the hostile weather. [Link]

Every ounce of supply is hauled on specialized high-altitude helicopters and snowmobiles. The cost has been $10B (extrapolated), or $30B adjusted for purchasing power. The cost of supplies is a hundred times more expensive than on a normal battlefield, and India’s paying platinum rates to airlift human feces. Instead it could have bought fourteen Russian aircraft carriers:

… a chapatti delivered to a soldier there cost Rs 500. Even the excreta of soldiers manning these posts has to be lifted by helicopters and brought to base for disposal… [Link]

Islamabad political analyst Hussain calculates that it costs the Indians $438 million a year to fight for Siachen (Indian officials claim it is less than $300 million), while Pakistan’s bill is estimated at $182 million… [Link]

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WikipedIA

This one’s for all the Wikipedia fans in the house (here’s lookin’ at you, Anna): they have a seven-month-old topic on Indian-Americans and a two-month-old one on Pakistani-Americans.

The topics aren’t all that fleshed out yet, and some of the sections have glaring misspellings and errors. You can click the edit link to correct anything, so head on over and edit away. I love that I can immediately fix whatever’s broken in a wiki. That instant gratification is bloggity goodness.

Strangely enough, they also have a topic on this blog. Be gentle — it’s our first time 😉

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Terrorism’s #1 target

Harper’s magazine, July 2005, reports a horrific statistic: 44% of fatal or wounding terrorist attacks last year took place in India, only 32% in Iraq. Israel isn’t even close, nor Sri Lanka. But with the prevalence of large car bombs in Iraq, that country may have a higher body count. Macabre, I know, but sometime it’s to our benefit that India’s still a handicraft country.

Keeping that in mind, six terrorists were killed in Ayodhya today after storming the infamous temple complex with assault rifles and grenades:

A shootout between police and unidentified gunmen at a Hindu temple at a disputed religious site in the northern Indian town of Ayodhya ended with six attackers dead and one in custody, a source said. Machine guns and grenades were found with the bodies of the gunmen, said district magistrate Markhande Singh. Yashpal Singh, director general of police, described the incident as a suicide attack. [Link]

Today, the temple’s attackers apparently hired a car in Ayodhya, less than 400 miles southeast of Delhi, and drove it around the fence surrounding the temple compound. In defiance of rigid security protocols that prevent people from approaching the temple compound, the attackers used a second vehicle, a white Jeep packed with explosives, to tear open a hole through the yellow metal perimeter fence…

The driver of the hired Ambassador car, who had been held for questioning, said in a nationally televised police interrogation that his passengers had requested to see the holy sites of Ayodhya. The driver said the men had offered a prayer at another local temple before attacking the temple. [Link]

The gunmen were surrounded by armed police as they tried to enter the inner area of the complex, and a gun battle lasting nearly two hours followed. [Link]

… the security personnel surrounded the terrorists near a room of the Sita Rasoi area of the disputed site. The terrorists reportedly entered the Ayodhya complex from the Ved temple area. [Link]

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A more perfect union (updated)

America the Beautiful

… Thine alabaster cities gleam
undimmed by human tears…

America! America!
God shed his grace on thee
Till selfish gain no longer stain

The banner of the free! … (Did Ayn Rand know about this?)

Till nobler men keep once again
Thy whiter jubilee!

Happy birthday, sweet land of liberty. I love my country tremendously, but the intertwined backstories of the good ol’ U.S. of A. and desi Americans are replete with historical irony. The übermutinous Declaration of Independence was signed 229 years ago on this day:

Prudence… will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes… But when a long train of abuses… reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government… The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries… the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States…

Asian Indian students who were supporters of independence from the British Empire were expelled from the country by order of President Theodore Roosevelt… [Link]

When [Gen. Dyer, who executed the Jallianwalla Bagh massacre] was felicitated — not censured — in the British House of Lords, even Mahatma Gandhi, that apostle of tolerance, was moved to suggest that “co-operation in any shape or form with this satanic government is sinful”. [Link]

He has endeavoured to prevent the population of these States; for that purpose obstructing the Laws for Naturalization of Foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their migrations hither…

 A geographical criterion was used to exclude Asian Indians, because their racial or ethnic status was unclear… The 1917 immigration act denied entry to people from a ‘barred zone’ that included South Asia… [Link]

… sustained political attacks against Asian Indians… culminated in the imposition of the 1917 Barred Zone Act. Asian Indians joined other Asian country nationals… who were excluded from immigrating to the United States… [Link]

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Little Nicky

In 2001, a 15-year-old named Nicholas Minucci allegedly beat an elderly Sikh gentleman with a baseball bat while spitting racial epithets against ‘Arabs’ (via Turbanhead). He allegedly lay in wait outside the main gurudwara in Queens and shot several people with a paintball gun.

Because the attack happened the day of 9/11, Attar Singh chose not to press charges, saying it was a time for healing. Another Sikh did press charges, but the conviction was overturned on appeal.

Singh’s 62-year-old grandfather, Attar Singh, who wore a turban, was walking to a Richmond Hill temple when Minucci and two other teens assaulted him as the twin towers burned… Mistaking Singh for an Arab, they screamed: “Go back to your own country!” the sources said. Two of the teens shot paint balls at Singh, and when he turned to run, one of three beat him with a bat… “F- Arab, why don’t you blow this up,” Minucci allegedly screamed, the sources said…

“It was Sept. 11,” the grandson said. “The country was in mourning. He didn’t want to make it a big deal…” [Link]

Mistake. Attar Singh’s magnanimity, when he was just five months from death by cancer, turned into his own version of Spiderman’s origin myth. Minucci was encouraged by the slap on the wrist. A year later, he allegedly stabbed another teen in the stomach. Before the victim could testify, he ‘accidentally’ stepped in front of a subway train. Nobody saw nothin’. In that case, the unusually lucky Minucci skated by with probation.

He then made a guest appearance on (surprise, surprise) Growing Up Gotti, the show about Mafia kids. The unemployed teen managed to get ahold of a $60K Cadillac Escalade through his family. For the coup de grace, Minucci, now 19, is accused of beating and critically injuring another man with a baseball bat a couple of days ago.

Minucci’s got a long criminal history, so why is his face all over the papers now? Because he was too dumb to realize that beating a black man in a neighborhood notorious for race riots would land him in the NYT and guarantee the mayor’s attention.

 A group of white men set upon three black men on the streets of Howard Beach, Queens, early yesterday, beating one with a baseball bat and fracturing his skull… One of the black men, Glenn Moore… tripped over a lawn. There, his assailants beat him with a metal bat, stole the sneakers off his feet and ripped an earring from one ear, the police said. [Link]

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Queuing

If there’s one thing desis learn to do early, it’s to wait in line. Years of living in crowded countries make sure of that. You’d think Russians under communism would be the world champions of waiting. But Hindu mythology mentions sanyasis who went so deep into meditative penance, they were slowly covered by creepers and anthills.

Sanjai L. Shah knows the meaning of waiting. As Ennis posted earlier, he’s spent the last year camping out at the Nairobi airport waiting for British citizenship:

In 2004, Mr. Shah received a British passport and headed off to London. But he made a critical error. He bought a one-way ticket, raising the suspicions of immigration authorities at Heathrow Airport… Before he was put on a plane back to Nairobi, the ominous words “PROHIBITED IMMIGRANT” were stamped into his British passport. His Kenyan passport had already been cut by British consular officials in Nairobi… [NYT]

He feared if he tried to leave the airport he would be arrested by Kenyan police and imprisoned… His wife, Rashmita, and son, Veer, who have Kenyan passports, have visited him every few days, bringing food and clean clothes. [BBC]

But what’s in a year? To a religion which measures times in yugas, a year is less than the time it takes for Brahma to reach for His electric toothbrush in the morning. Now the Brits have poured a spot of tea, taken a puff from a pipe and said, ‘Really, old chap, is all this quite necessary?’ They just granted Shah full citizenship:

… now Mr Shah has been told by officials from the British High Commission in Nairobi that his application for a full British passport has been approved… A spokesperson at the High Commission said the decision had nothing to do with what he described as the pointless protest that Mr Shah has conducted for the past year. [BBC]

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Why Johnny can’t multiply

(But Suresh Venkatasubramanian can): Sunil Laxman says there are advantages to the desi approach of by-hearting your maths. Namely that you don’t look like an idiot when asked to multiply two small numbers.

My wife went to the bank yesterday to make a simple cash deposit… in two $100 bills, and nine $20 bills…

“Hey John, what’s 9*20? There’s some problem with my computer.” My wife’s standing there, and her jaw drops… Meanwhile, John’s breaking into a sweat.

“Uh….I’m not sure….9 times 20 is….”

My wife’s getting impatient… “One hundred and eighty,” she says.

John looks at her in awe, and says, “I think you’re right! You must be really good with numbers…”

I’m in awe of the cashiers in little, obscure banks in India (State Bank of Mysore, anyone?) who count faster than you can key in the numbers into a calculator.

This kind of innumeracy is my father’s favorite story about the American education system, right after ‘we were multiplying six-digit numbers in first grade’ (which he inflicted on me) and a Ramanujan-like story where he nearly solves an unsolvable problem, awing the textbook author over parcel post.

Of course, the genius of America is that its systems are so good, you can run a bank with tellers who can’t do math 😉

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