Desi pak

Found inside a medicine bottle:

DESI PAK

The technique used to cram entire extended families into a single Ambassador or Bajaj. Related expression in Hindi: ‘ghusna,’ to squeeze in quickly, quietly and off the books before the train leaves, your shady money-making scheme is shut down or the government babu cuts off the subsidies. Not to be confused with ‘Pak Desi.’

PERFORMANCE PACKAGING

I don’t suppose they’re referring to latex. No s-hecks please, we’re desi.

HARMLESS

Harmless, fatalist and philosophical. A non-conquering, non-converting subcontinent with a Hindu rate of growth and long, whinging, political addas. Then everyone goes home and returns the current party to power.

ADSORBENT

Attracts liquids — either Old Monk or Señor Walker.

DO NOT EAT

Please do not eat the desis.

(UNLESS WE BEG FOR IT)

It’s all good then.

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Another election, another loss

Another racist election, another heartbreakingly close loss: Jay Aiyer lost to Sue Lovell for Houston city council by the whopping margin of… 1.6%.

Lesson? Allegedly calling your desi opponent a terrorist probably works. With these kinds of margins (18 votes against Tom Abraham, 1.6% here), it can’t hurt.

In the closest and most heavily voted contest, Sue Lovell beat opponent Jay Aiyer by one percentSue Lovell beat opponent Jay Aiyer by one percent…

Calling your desi opponent a terrorist works
for the At-Large Position 2 on City Council. [Link]

In the race for Houston City Council at-large Position 2, Jay Aiyer has raised more money than Sue Lovell. Since the Nov. 8 general election, when the two emerged from a field of five to make the runoff, Aiyer has raised $89,000 and Lovell $56,000…

But Lovell has had outside help. The Service Employees International Union contributed $10,000 to Lovell’s campaign and sent three mailings on her behalf during the campaign leading to the Nov. 8 election. It sent two more during the runoff campaign. Aiyer said the mailings by SEIU violate a city ordinance prohibiting “coordinated campaign expenditures” — direct work on behalf of a candidate by an organization whose expenditures aren’t listed on the candidate’s campaign finance reports. [Link]

One long-time Aiyer supporter wrote:

It is difficult for me to believe that a Council seat can be bought by one of the largest labor unions in the country. Shame on you voters of Houston. Shame on you Democratic Party of Houston. I expected more of you. It is so transparent that Sue did not spend any money on direct mail and she herself admitted that SEIU was going to do an Independent Expenditure. [Link]

Related posts: Teach racists a lesson for five bucks (updated), Today is Jay Day, It’s over

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Hench-desis

Hench-desi #1

Kiran Shah, who’s 4’1″ tall, plays Ginarrbrik the White Witch’s dwarf henchman in The Chronicles of Narnia: the Lion, the Witch and the Wardobe. And it’s a pretty big role. He gets to gasp theatrically when he’s eventually nailed with an arrow. The moment drew big laughs.

It’s interesting seeing a henchman with an obviously desi accent, though not new. Shah also played scale double for all four hobbits in Lord of the Rings.

[Born] 28 September 1956 [in] Nairobi, Kenya… Because of his size, versatility, and willingness, Shah is much in high demand as a perspective stunt-double for long-shots in action scenes. Auditioned for the part of R2-D2 in Star Wars (1977), narrowly losing out to Kenny Baker. Worked as a tailor’s apprentice for six months before seriously starting his acting/stunt career. [Link]

You know how you can tell in the first 10 minutes that a movie is going to deeply suck, and all you can do is sigh and settle in? That’s Narnia, and its 76% favorable rating on Rotten Tomatoes is a joke. I can only assume reviewers are paying deference to the excellent novels and don’t want to get caught on the wrong side of another mega-franchise. The script has all the anachronistic smarminess of 1939’s The Wizard of Oz. Its fundamental problem is you’re stuck watching bad child actors for nearly three hours. The movie is slow, the editing slack, the lines cheesy.

And it’s fundamentally The Passion of the Simba. The movie, paid for in part by a wealthy Christian religious activist, is awash in Biblical allegory. Its climax is a lame, in-your-face re-enactment of Jesus’ resurrection that had my Jewish theater mates groaning. The New York audience laughed openly at all the unintentional camp. There’s also some jarringly bad CGI (mismatched lighting against a green screen, an obvious transition from glowing graphical fur to fakey, inert stuffed animal). After the movie, I overheard much griping outside the theater, in the bathroom line and on the subway.

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Midnight’s oil

Could India become a petro-rupee state? The Indian oil minister said last week that the country has almost as much oil as Saudi Arabia, just when conventional wisdom says it’s running out. Energy independence would be excellent; relying on oil without building a real economy, disastrous.

Petrominister

[Mani] Shankar Aiyar, minister of petroleum for India… believes that India could become a petrodollar state in the 21st century… The optimism is grounded in massive oil deposits, close to 30 billion tons, in Central India. That’s twice the size of the deposits in Iraq (13 billion tons, according to the Institute of Petroleum) and just shy of Saudi deposits. With this, India, which imports 70 percent of its oil, could become an exporter… [Link]

India may exhaust its existing oil fields soon, and as its economy grows, so does its thirst:

India has oil reserves to last only till 2016, if no new discovery is made, the Petroleum Minister, Mr Mani Shankar Aiyar, said today. [Link]

ONGC’s oil output has stalled at about 520,000 barrels a day in the past couple of years and is expected to decline as older fields near the end of their productive lifespan. Mr Aiyar voiced concerns about a fall in domestic output at a time when India’s rapidly expanding economy is fuelling huge demand for energy. [Link]

Central India has oil deposits twice the size of those in Iraq and just shy of Saudi deposits. But they’re not easy to extract

India ranks sixth in the world in terms of energy demand… While India has significant reserves of coal, it is relatively poor in oil and gas resources… The majority of India’s oil reserves are located in fields offshore Bombay and onshore in Assam. Due to stagnating domestic crude production, India imports approximately 70% of its oil, much of it from the Middle East… The World Energy Outlook… projects that India’s dependence on oil imports will grow to 91.6% by the year 2020. [Link]

Nearly half [India’s] electricity, according to various estimates, gets stolen by individuals placing illegal feed wires onto power lines… [Link]

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The Deepak Sutra

Deepak Chopra is coming out with his own interpretation of the Kama Sutra (thanks, Cicatrix). What a coincidence! I was just telling myself, ‘You know what I need for the holidays? I need to read a sex book by a guy who could be my father.’

Since you never read the paperback Kama Sutra that you got as a gag gift for your 21st birthday, I’ll break it down for you: some parts of Vatsyayana’s sex manual for virgins have all the charm of a Sears catalog.

When the skin is pressed down on both sides, it is called the `swollen bite’. When a small portion of the skin is bitten with two teeth only, it is called the `point’. When such small portions of the skin are bitten with all the teeth, it is called the `line of points’. The biting, which is done by bringing together the teeth and the lips, is called the `coral and the jewel’. The lip is the coral, and the teeth the jewel. When biting is done with all the teeth, it is called the `line of jewels’. [Link]

And when you smack her on the ass, it is called the ‘last time you get play.’ But some parts are good advice:

… the signs of her want of enjoyment and of failing to be satisfied are as follows: … she does not let the man get up, feels dejected, bites the man, kicks him… [Link]

If your partner kicks you while you’re in bed, it’s a safe bet that you’re doing something wrong. So I look forward to hearing Chopra’s hypnotic voice on the audiobook:

Listen to my voice —
you are getting very horny

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The best defense is a good offense

The WaPo reports that software and services are great bootstrap industries because, unlike heavy manufacturing and chip fabs, they don’t have a lot of dependencies on infrastructure (via Globalisation Institute):

Chennai also shows why India succeeds in software and services. To do software, you only need one functional buildingTo do software, you don’t need a broad infrastructure base; you need one functional building. I visited Tidel Park, a gleaming office block here that houses 31 software firms, two-thirds of which are foreign. There aren’t any power cuts here because the building has its own backup generators. There are no connectivity worries because it is served by six competing broadband providers. And it certainly is safe. Tidel Park boasts 150 guards and a security control room that would not look out of place on Darth Vader’s Death Star. [Link]

However, eventually you need a manufacturing base and the ability to generate economies of scale. The khadi cloth era of protecting domestic industries only made them sluggish and unresponsive and postponed global competitiveness. Relative to centralized planning, few of India’s early leaders understood adaptive systems or emergent effects:

… the opening of India’s economy has forced its manufacturers to reinvent themselves. Chennai’s auto-components firms have done this almost manically. Ten years ago, their brakes and valves were crummy enough to scare away the international car majors that considered manufacturing in India. Today, you can’t spend an hour with any of the components Actually, getting rid of the tariff barriers is where you startfirms without hearing about the international quality certifications they’ve amassed; the Deming Prize, awarded for manufacturing excellence by a Japanese committee, has acquired talismanic status… the city’s business leaders pepper their conversation with Japanese management lingo.

The results are dramatic. The TVS Group, the largest of India’s auto-components firms, now exports around a third of its output — proof that it meets international standards. The rival Rane Group reports that it has reduced defects from 10,000 parts per million to 250 and that 28 percent of its engine valves are now exported. One of the TVS companies, Sundram Fasteners, has won a General Motors “Supplier of the Year” award five times, and it supplies 100 percent of GM’s radiator caps.
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Bombs over Bongs

Sixty-four years ago today, Japan kicked off its Pacific Ocean campaign by attacking Pearl Harbor. The Pacific war led to the starvation of three million Bengalis by the British and the bombing of Calcutta. It also paved the way for Indian independence.

The Japanese raided the Howrah Bridge in Calcutta, attacked British ships in the Indian Ocean, and occupied parts of Assam and the Andaman Islands. Indian forces under British command fought back in Burma, and British bombers based in Bengal raided Japan.

Mitsubishi Zero: Suicide bomber

Several areas in India anticipated Japanese bombing:

Their air force bombers had already dropped a few bombs on Calcutta, the biggest city of India at that time, and on the naval station at Vishakapatnam on the east coast. There was a bomb scare in Madras city which was to the south of Vishakapatnam on the east coast. There were blackouts and air raid practices in all the big cities of India, including Bangalore City, where an aircraft factory was being built up with the help of the Americans… [Link]

A survivor recalls the bombing of Calcutta:

I remember the bombing of Calcutta by the Japanese, the target being Howrah Bridge. That morning had been a lovely clear and breezy day and we were flying kites…Our hero was an Indian Air Force Hurricane pilot who, night after night, shot down Zeros

We all had duties to perform when the siren would sound, such as putting a small bag with a piece of black rubber, Vaseline and bandages around our shoulders. We had no fridge in those days and drinking water was stored in earthen jars on the veranda. When the siren sounded that day, my parents brought in the water jars and my sisters and I ran downstairs to the ground floor and hid in the air raid shelter… When the “all clear” siren sounded we would leave the shelters and look at the damage… The bombing of Calcutta led to an exodus of residents – Howrah and Sealdah Stations being packed with people trying to get out. [Link]

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SAIFF film fest begins tonight

This year’s South Asian International Film Festival kicks off tonight in Manhattan with Hari Om featuring Cicatrix’ favorite, Vijay Raaz. Here’s the full program. The festival lasts through Sunday, Dec. 11.

Widely touted as one of the best films to come out of India in the last decade, Hari Om takes us on an unforgettable tour of Rajasthan as an autorickshaw driver and a French tourist set out on a cross-cultural journey through the beautiful region looking for a glimpse of the “real” India…

Selections from the top-shelf roster include: Being Cyrus, a dark comedy about a Parsi family featuring Bollywood megastar Saif Ali Khan in his English-language debut, and The Blue Umbrella, director Vishal Bhardwaj’s hotly anticipated follow-up to his 2003 masterwork, Maqbool. Both Cyrus and Umbrella were the subjects of a New York Times feature piece last week extolling the rise of New Wave Bollywood, which departs from song-and-dance conventions to present a fresh look at Indian society…

Other featured selections include: Kya Kool Hai Hum, the sleeper Bollywood superhit; Sancharram (The Journey), Liga Pullapully’s controversial depiction of lesbian love in an idyllic Kerala village; Bachelor, the hit romantic comedy from Bangladesh; Naked In Ashes, the acclaimed documentary about a young yogi; and Kal, Ruchi Narain’s revelatory look at Indian youth. SAIFF is also proud to present a special program for children on Saturday, December 10th, featuring the family films Duratta from Bangladesh about a runaway tyke, and Hanuman, the animated box-office hit from India. [SAIFF press release]

Being Cyrus on Thursday night looks promising.

Related posts: Indo indie, Dueling film festivals in Manhattan, Film festival hosts 14 South Asian premieres in New York

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