Three stories caught my eye in the New York Times this weekend, but I found reading all three in a row a little dizzying. All three relate to love, dating, and marriage, and say something about life in the Indian diaspora. But the pictures painted by the respective stories seem to have little to do with one another. What happens if we line them up together?
The first, from our news tab, is the story of a marriage between a Sikh, Parminder Suchdev, and an African-American woman, Danielle Jackson. Both have advanced degrees in public health and medicine, with resumes a mile long. Because the Times Weddings/Celebrations section is also kind of a “society” page, they also mention how successful and accomplished their parents are (especially Danielle’s parents, in this case; wow). I walked away thinking, what a wonderful, accomplished couple… and, man, am I a slacker.
Next, a second-gen named Ranu Sinha, in a first-person account of being introduced to a guy who at first seemed to be interesting because of the commonality of “Brownness and Bhangra.” But later she gets mad at him, and it leads her to a blanket condemnation of modern Indian culture:
When I took too long on a buffet line, he was furious for having been left to eat alone. I couldn’t understand at first, but then it hit me: In India, solitude is feared more than anything else. Another time, when I surprised him with a homemade picnic, he agreed reluctantly and then left early. His parents needed him at home. For him, family obligations came first. The ladder of his priorities was long and I, the newcomer, found myself on the bottom rung. But it was from that vantage point that I grew up.
Underneath his modern American clothes, his American degree and his American accent, I discovered the beauty of an ancient Indian hierarchy that could not be taken off — of kinship, of family, of honor among men, of the traditions. In his world, the needs of the dozen always override the needs of two.
And with that, I uncovered, what I had never really understood. India is a place where love of tribe trumps romance-novel love.
Where heritage is still sacred and change skin deep. Where the sights, sounds, smells of Western modernity are mimicked, perfectly, as if Indians were characters on a Hollywood movie set. But when the lights go down and the costumes come off, India is exactly the same — just as she always was. A place, held together, by the kind of human bonds that last. (link)
Do you agree with her main point? I don’t; while it is true that there you will find a fair number of people out there for whom tribe and family work like this, it’s dangerous to extrapolate on the basis of one experience. Another thought: it’s sentiments like these that give second-gens (ABDs) a bad reputation with other Indians (“first know something about Indian culture before you turn up your nose, yaar”).
Still, at least some of what she’s saying rings a bell: “India is a place where love of tribe trumps romance-novel love.” Maybe, though that doesn’t mean the trump card always wins the hand.
Finally, Harsimarbir Singh, with a column in the Times describing coming to the U.S. to get a Master’s in Engineering at Duke. Most of it made me roll my eyes, though I did chuckle at the following paragraph:
Though it’s been a short time for me at a top-tier American university, I have had the opportunity to see the party culture that the American student craves. The American passion is extended here as well, with young guys and girls passing out and losing control after consuming alcohol. Being a teetotaler, I have stayed away from drinks, but not from the joys, of the American celebration. (link)
That last sentence, somehow, made me laugh.
ok im a first gen Indian who goes to Duke undergrad too and I certainly did not have Mr.singh’s experience- I found Duke pretty much an extension of Dilli life- albeit more boring since its in a comparatively smaller city and more conservative (in certain areas)
perhaps Mr. Singh’a experiences are more in tune with coming to terms with cosmopolitan collegiate culture and independent living from the family??
I found Duke pretty much an extension of Dilli life- albeit more boring since its in a comparatively smaller city and more conservative (in certain areas)
Yes, the culture clash for him might be greater because he probably hasn’t come from a big metro, but rather a smaller town. (Though I don’t know for sure where in India he is from. He sounds like some cousins of mine from small towns in Punjab and Haryana, who have similar issues with things like hugging girls.)
Still, he also seems to have made a choice to go out and experience aspects of campus life beyond the Indian community, which is why he is talking about the basketball tickets campouts, and students passing out from drinking too much and so on. (The community of Indian grad students I knew at Duke did not do stuff like that.) If you go to a couple of games at Cameron stadium in the undergraduate cheering section, you might find that life at Duke is actually pretty different from Delhi 😉
Anyway, enjoy Duke! I did my Ph.D. there, and I have fond memories of the five years I spent in North Carolina.
I enjoyed Harsimbar Singh’s piece. I read it yesterday in NYT.
He is quite earnest.
Most importantly, he is stepping out of his comfort zone, which most people don’t.
College sports, and frat-like (or Animal House) party atmosphere is very unique to Amreeka, and that is not one would find in Dilli or else. They may have a different version.
India is exactly the same � just as she always was. A place, held together, by the kind of human bonds that last
I just want to throw up- this Indian women is better at essentializing India and Indians or South Asians than Prema essentializing Korean men. I just don’t get how she can write something two-dimensional about her own people and on an area of the world, like most developing nations, that has been ravaged by this two-dimensional analysis.
Hafta agree with DesiDukie – where you’re from in India (and what your background is) greatly influences your American experience. Generally, the metro kids are more jaded, and in fact are unpleasantly surprised by the real American experience (yes, this is PURELY anecdotal, I am not an anthropologist).
It is in the little things that this really becomes apparent – like some of my colleagues who I’m working with here (in USA) – some of them get amazed by the fact that toll is deducted wirelessly by the ‘EZPass’ here and cite that as an innovation unseen in India – and yet for somebody like me who does a Delhi-Gurgaon commute daily, that is no great shakes…
Another example is of kids who used to ride motorbikes back in India, and now are driving cars, and find things like automatic transmission amazing, and yet don’t realize that these things are offered back home (but are out of thei rreach due to the difference in income – and other auto market factors of course).
Anyway, my point being what I said in my first para – your American experience as a 1st-gen really differs based on where you’re from India….actually I’m not sure what my point is anymore, but I’ll post anyway.
Sinha is born in India, and yet she’s termed a “second generation” American? LOL–we belong in America–no need to torture the English language to try to run up the “n” in “nth generation.”
Sinha is born in India, and yet she’s termed a “second generation” American? LOL–we belong in America–no need to torture the English language to try to run up the “n” in “nth generation.”
Oops, missed that. Since she says she was raised here, as far back as the 1980s, it’s probably most accurate to call her “1.5 generation,” as we have done sometimes in the past.
without essentialization or stereotyping would cultural anthropology or sociology even be possible? both sinha an singh, with their observations of desi tribalism and american hook-up party culture respectively, are certainly making generalizations but they both ring true…at least as significant cultural signifiers if not dominant ones. do we need to put a disclaimer on every observation, that theses traits don’t engulf everyone, that there are indian individualists and american teetotaler virgins?
perhaps so. but sometimes that remains unsaid because nuance gets unwieldy and its pretty obvious and generally understood anyway. (i mean, not eveyone understands it, but one can assume this assumption is shared by the nytimes target audience of liberals).
Don’t care for the general form letter-ness of Sinha’s writing and that solitude comment was weird. But her main point is not exactly a revelation. You don’t mess with the family.
Leave the gun. Take the Jalebis.
I really agree with Pheonix. It really depends on the individual experience – where they come from, what they’re exposed, their background, their views, their family, their religion perhaps (and how religious they are)…it just goes to show the diversity and complexity that make up Indian society. And how different the Indian experience in the U.S. can be…whether you’re first gen/second gen/third gen or 1.5 gen. I sometimes think I’m grateful to be a 1.5 gen..I see things differently…sometimes my emotions rage with my inner angst to find meaning to my identity..but spending half my life outside North america and the other half elsewhere has made me see things from different perspectives, different angles..but i’m not sure if every 1.5 gen gets to view things that way…it all depends..and not one particular viewpoint can justify/validate us brown ppl experience here..cause it all depends.
Another example is of kids who used to ride motorbikes back in India, and now are driving cars, and find things like automatic transmission amazing, and yet don’t realize that these things are offered back home.
1940 – Automatic transmission was being offered in cars; That is almost 70 years ago!
But, any red-white&blue motorhead knows that to be one you need to master the manual. Not trying to be a retro-supremacist but, no automatic can give you the shift response of a manual. You are just steering a car if it has an automatic transmission.
if i took ranu sinha’s piece and did a “search & replace” to make it a characterization of american born browns by brownland born browns i would be irritated. so i was irritated. but, of course there are general statistical truths. the problem with sinha’s piece seems to be that the truths she’s pointing to are so banal and unsurprising that the rumination is more about her own psychology than it is a cross-cultural observation. what did you expect?
some of ranu sinha’s experience i can relate to, i came to the USA when i was 4 in the early 1980s. but some of it i can not really. for example: When the only guy who asked me to the homecoming dance was a shy and pimply Indian kid from biology class, I stayed home.
some SM contributors who seem totally normal and objectively well-adjusted have told me very similar things. i believe that the former NBA player david robinson also communicated the same experiences when playing “spin the bottle” as a kid. so there’s something there. on the other hand, when i was in elementary school my dad filled in for a sabbatical one year at a small college in pennsylvania. the town was literally 99.9% white (most my parents social circle consisted of arabs from the region, there were very few south asians). nevertheless, it was interesting that the local high school the two most popular girls, and one of the homecoming queens were twins whose father was a sri lankan doctor and mother was a filipino nurse. they were older than me, but i recall that they were stereotypical cheerleaders who dated the football players (i first saw them at a football game, where their dark complexions and asian features were striking on the field). how exactly does this make sense in the same world that ranu sinha describes? at some point in the future it would be an interesting social science experiment to ascertain where these radical variances in experience come from.
the only person who’d kiss him was a shy and pimply Indian kid?
without Synchromesh, amaun. otherwise ur just a poser
she made him a dosa he couldn’t refuse
India and Indians are not unique regarding attachment to the “tribe.” There are plenty of people from all over the world who balance their “tribe” with other people. The most well know group is the Jews. They survived thousands of years outside their original homeland in the Middle East, spread all across the world from Europe to Asia. Within Europe, Europeans have the sense of their own various”tribes.” Each person has to find their own balance between being with people from their own community, and with people outside. Diversity is not about having no ties to community and living life only as a blank slate individual. That to me is people being the same, and does not show respect for diversity. Diversity includes communities, traditions, distinct cultures, languages, customs, histories, religions, along with the individual, and in relationship with other communities and individuals. There are both good and bad things about communities and individuals. A healthy diverse population will have more of the good aspects of both.
Amardeep, Ranu Sinha is way off in my estimation. My male friends from home are far more progressive than most of the men I meet here, except perhaps for the Europeans. Granted, they were like me, well-educated big city kids who grew up watching american television (remember, India’s social fabric changed dramatically after our economy opened up in ’91. We started getting American/Brit TV shows and channels!)
You’re right, it is sentiments like these that give second gens a bad rap with Indians. That, and the fact that they generally try their damnedest to stay away from fobs like me. You’ll have to explain that one to me sometime. Does it have anything to do with deodorant?
That said, I live in a small town here. My mom, if she visited, might be surprised at the lack of behavior she might term ‘shockingly degenerate’. All her fantasies about the social horrors of America will most likely be shattered.
so… boy got laid?
sounds like somebody wrote an article after seeing namastey london.
“students passing out from drinking too much and so on”
what grad schools allow students enough time to drink too much and pass out? Undergad maybe… but my grad experience didn’t really involve those kind of parties!
I feel a bit reluctant to use the “tribe” terminology. I think there is a big difference between a ‘tribal affiliation’ and strong family bonds. (I would think of tribal affiliation more along the lines of religious, class, cultural group, language group etc affiliation, which I don’t think the author was referring to) I think what she was referring to were strong family bonds…. I think it’s interesting though, that she sees them only in a bad light… family is important or doesn’t like being alone… what’s wrong with either of these things in the first place? I guess that is a very typical American individualistic mindset… a 1.5 gen American has already instilled this values into her life… whereas I growing up in that society find it to be rather lonely and depressing… having lived in India, I can see the appeal if close families and a world set up where you don’t have to be alone… who wants to be alone anyways?
The first, from our news tab, is the story of a marriage between a Sikh, Parminder Suchdev, and an African-American woman, Danielle Jackson.
Hopefully Mr.Suchdev did not have face any negative comments from people in his family for he chose to spend the rest of his life with.
The joys of the passed out drunk girls perhapsy haps haps?
I agree with everything here. And this “tribal” affiliation, or rather, “family bonds” that desis got going on is something to be proud of. And it is not limited to desis. I think most people in the world, aside North Americans and Western Europeans, have tight family bonds, though granted, desis do appear the tightest.
When I was in India I often felt defensive about the “insults” I felt were hurled against Americans and their “culture” (or lack thereof) – the divorce, the shacking up, the seemingly no concern for their kids, etc. It was not what I remembered growing up in USA, so I still thought it had not reached all that. But lo and behold, upon my latest return and longest stay, it has indeed come to all that. Even I am shocked.
When I was growing up, people divorced for good reasons. Abuse, addiction, etc. Now? They divorce because “I needed to move on”. Move on from what?
Divorced adults DO put their own “love life” ahead of their kids. They don’t think they do, but they do. I mean you’ve got grown adults in their 30s, 40s and even 50s here in the USA online almost as much as their kids, trying to “hook up”. It’s ridiculous.
You’ve got grown adults with children, often from multiple partners, who are STILL trying to find “THE ONE”. Hint: she/he doesn’t exist, now, get over it and put your family first before you daughter/son grows up to become a ho/pimp (just like their mom/dad).
I used to think that Indians were weird and obsessed for being so into their families but now I see that is the what makes them so strong and stable. The tightness of the family and the strictness of the parents is what makes Desi Americans grow up to be so smart and successful. It is well known that when a child’s home life is in disarray, her/his grades suffers. The grades are just a reflection of the inner turmoil the child is suffering due to the immature and lax behaviour of the parents.
I don’t know even ONE single parent right now who is NOT trying to hook up. WTF?
Someone please explain to me what a father of 6 children needs with a girlfriend???
Good lord.
There is no getting around it. Desis (in general) are far better examples of family and parenthood than your average (non-desi)American divorced single parent or shacked-up/multiple-babies-mammas-daddies-couple.
Or perhaps he had a dosa she couldn’t refuse…..;)
I think most people in the world, aside North Americans and Western Europeans, have tight family bonds, though granted, desis do appear the tightest.
I guess this shows that family bonds are overrated.
PG and Suki Dillon are like two sides of the same coin…hilarious.
One of India’s saving graces is that no matter how much of an asshole you are you will always have that one captive audience of cousins and aunts and uncles that still feels obligated to put up with you.
………….and you are guaranteed a wife, to boot!
Such a system also enables assholery to continue. I’ve seen many instances where TOUGH LOVE techniques should have been employed and they weren’t.
Between East and West there seems to be no balance. It’s either all one way or another.
Why can’t we achieve an equilibrium of a vast family network and a meritocracy within that network all in one?
I guess this is why people opt out altogether. There appears to be no realistically achievable balance.
OM
Women can be assholes too. There’s room for everyone in the world. It’s a big tent, and as much as I get frustrated with some of the more annoying members of my family, having to periodically come together to collectively push away the drama llama that they keep bringing inside keeps us close.
“When I was in India I often felt defensive about the “insults” I felt were hurled against Americans and their “culture” (or lack thereof) – the divorce, the shacking up, the seemingly no concern for their kids, etc. It was not what I remembered growing up in USA, so I still thought it had not reached all that. But lo and behold, upon my latest return and longest stay, it has indeed come to all that. Even I am shocked.”
I understand about that… a lot of times in India I feel myself standing up for Americans (one of the most amusing questions I got asked, and don’t ask me where the person got this idea; “Is it true that in America someone can have a heart attack on the street and call for help and everyone will just ignore them?” I would say, umm no, but still it is an interesting simplification of the individualistic type of culture, na?) … whereas while I am in America.. I am more often complaining about the same sort of things….
I think the thing that Indians need to understand most about the stereotypes of divorce, shacking up, lack of concern for their kids, (etc) is that, yes that DOES happen, but plenty of Americans are upset about it too!
In terms of lack of concern for kids though… I think that has a two part answer… anywhere in the world there will be parents who do not give their kids proper care (i.e. neglect or abuse) but other things which seem like “lack of care” to one culture may seem like ‘care’ in another culture… for example… Indians tend to feed their children much longer than Americans.. Indians see feeding children as an act of love and caring (showing love, making sure the children eat enough and get proper nutrition)… Americans see allowing their kids to feed themselves as loving and caring (in terms of independence, motor skill building)… so in that respect I think some of the American norms are misconstrued by Indians, and vice versa…
In terms of those things happening MORE than before, I don’t know… all I know is that I have never felt comfortable around the shacking up kinds of people, and have been able to carve out a niche of like-minded people anywhere I go in the U.S… I don’t know which kind of people are in the majority… but it is hard to gauge.. especially when (crappy) media is inundating us with imagery of shacking up types all over t.v. land.
PG cultural analysis you’re wrong. I’m quite offended that you’re coloring single parents as irresponsible and horny . I come from a single-parent household and am doing quite well academically and socially. And it’s not just me. There’s other single parent homes doing their best with their children. Perhaps you’ve run into a bad lot. The main thing is that you’re looking at White Americans whose culture and lifestyle shouldn’t be generalized as the default American. And many white Americans are dysfunctional like the actions you listed.
Marriages aren’t necessarily stable just because two people remain married. There’s a lot of kids out there suffering under dysfunctional families where both parents are in the home. My mom was one. Her parents never divorced, but my mom and her siblings never felt loved. My grandmother favored her sons and made love based on conditions. She and her siblings had food forced on them. My mother’s grades suffered as a result. Then she met my father later in life. He turned out to be rotten and had my mom stayed with him I guarantee you I would not be the confident successful person I am today. My mom has been single, free and fancy for years and loves it. There’s many fathers that are ‘there’ in the home but not ‘there’ emotionally. There’s kids who’s grades do suffer where both parents are present because there’s no love and support. It goes both ways. Many marriages are hell on earth.
If Indian families are so strong and stable then what’s up with the gossiping, the coldness, the teasing of dark-skinned members and making them feel inferior, the obsession with marriage like it’s the end of life itself, the harsh discipline? Expecting one’s kids to excel in life is one thing, but extreme pressure to be perfect and acquire status is another. The closeness that you’re admiring could easily be renamed suffocating.
The impressions that I’ve gotten from learning Indian culture is that Indians appear to be the most divided, self-destructive, hateful, harsh, snooty, prejudiced people on earth. All groups have internal conflict, but Indians seem to take the cake!
I’m sensing a we-are-better-as-Indians sentiment and it’s rubbing me the wrong way.
“And many white Americans are dysfunctional like the actions you listed.” Should read…many white Americans aren’t dysfunctional like the actions you listed.
“There’s kids who’s grades…” Correction: whose grades…
PG, Indian families (in India) are often very close, but can also extremely controlling. My cousins were never allowed to date, stay over at anyone else’s house, eat non-vegetarian food or even dress how they wanted (at age 29). I lived 10 minutes away from my cousins, but my own experience was different because I went to a school where parents were mostly liberal. And I was rebellious enough to stand up for myself at every turn, and my folks were fine with it. Some households don’t know teenage rebellion, because it simply isn’t allowed.
The bonds are very strong, yes, but also very conditional.
People, I know what the bad side of the Bharatiya Parivar as well, because I’ve not only seen it, I’ve lived in the middle of it – for years. In fact, many of my previous comments on SM were about the dysfunctional aspects of Indian culture and Indian families. However, on just this particular thread, I am acknowledging the good stuff. Buy it while it lasts.
Gem, I do not have a “we Indians are superior” attitude because, well, I am not Indian.
As far as single parents, I also know some good ones, in fact I would say ALL single parents I know are good, by our standards here in USA. Even the ones I know who are dating and sleeping around would be considered “good” by most Western standards. Afterall adults dating and having sex is normal and healthy, right? Surely children have to learn that dating and sex are part of normal, healthy, functional adult behaviour, right? And it’s good training for the pubescents to see what the “real world” is like too. Afterall, they get to overhear all of mom’s conversations about her dating samsara and dad’s drama with this and that one. We could even say that if a single parent doesn’t date and expose her children to the realities of the dating world, that he or she is doing a DIS-service to the kids.
You see, I’m not talking about neglect (forgetting to feed, clothe and educate) or abuse (hitting and swearing at). I’m simply talking about parents who expose their kids to the adult dating and mating world. Of course that is not considered neglect and abuse. So what you people here may be envisioning in your mind as neglect and abuse is NOT what I’m talking about. I’m talking about normal, every day behaviour that is considered healthy in Western culture. Why should a single parent put his or her life on hold for their kids? In the 10 or so years that it takes to raise them, well, they could’ve found “the one” in that time, had they been dating, right?
Does one’s libido suddenly disappear when they become a single parent? Of course not! Therefore it is vital to the American system that single parents date and mate and spend $$$ trying to date and mate.
Of course puting your love life ahead of your kids is messed up. That’s how some children are molested by the mom’s perverted boyfriend. PG, did you come from one of those parents who put dating first? I’m noticing your sarcastic tone.
No. I did not come from such a home and that is why I’m shocked to see it. Of course the single parents I know who are dating do not think they are putting their love life ahead of their kids. But again I ask, what need has a father of 6 for a girlfriend?
I guess I’ve lived a sheltered life. From high school to the ashram to India. With only a half a year of living completely on my own as a young adult in the USA before I went to live in an extremely family oriented and conservative culture/country. Now, upon my return and taking up residence in my birth country, I am shocked to see what it has become, but maybe it was like this all along but I was too young and sheltered to notice?
Or maybe I’m just uptight?
I finally understand why some Indians will say, “Americans don’t love their kids”. Of course they love their kids, but your average Indian would never understand how someone who loves their kids could prefer to spend time dating than at home with them.
On the other hand, from the American single parent’s point of view, he/she needs a break from work and the kids every once in a while in order to keep his/her sanity in tact.
Bottom line: don’t have kids. You know as well as I do that you will end up divorced anyway. That’s not rocket science, people.
Hi this is Harsimarbir Singh, the guy who wrote the New York times Article.
There has been some curiosity and speculation of where i come from. Just to put it across , I come from the industrial city of Ludhiana ( Punjab)And just to put it across , it is the city with most number of “Mercedes’ in India along with highest number of cars per capita.It is voted as one of the fastest growing city in India and can give any metro a run for its money when you want to compete on grounds of modernity , parties, corporate growth , wealth generation and interaction between the opposite sexes per se. I did my engineering from Chandigarh , another modern Indian city with flux of multitude of national and international cultures. I have spent considerable time in Delhi and Mumbai and have been through the party culture there. “Hugging girls ” is something I am certainly not averse to , but my point was that it might be limited to friends and acquaintances and not first time casual meets like in the article. Also , coming out of the comfort zone is something i did in terms of being at the forefront of many activities like event organizing ,public speaking , leadership opportunities and in launching the Consulting Club for my program and being its first President. The idea of writing this comment was not to justify something but just wanted to clear some air regarding some issues Fell free to get in touch with me to know more harsimarbir singh
I always find it fascinating to read pieces like Miss Sinha’s because I was in the same place about 10 years ago. I went thru my own exploration in my own warped way of understanding Indian culture and how it relates to desis here and desis from desh. She’s not off, she’s justified in her own right. It takes time to open your world with experiences and exposure to people.
Having said that she isn’t that offbase on her observations as blanket and banal as they seem. If you peel away the layer of tone that might annoy you she’s makes a lot of valid point.
Desis from here are far more entrenched in so called “culture” while India has moved on and ahead on so many of the issues though not completely. This was glaringingly obvious to me when I got married. Roles, relationships, place in the world/family/society, responsiblities etc a within the context of family are still dictated by a cultural mandate that’s 5000 years old. We haven’t yet managed to undo it.
That 5,000 year old cultural mandate is called “dharma” i.e. duty, and it’s a mandate the West would do well to emulate, minus all the gender biased crap of course.
harsimarbir, point taken. I don’t think anyone’s being judgmental, we’re merely trying to get a feel for who you are by clever deduction. Now that you’re here, such speculation won’t be necessary. Most fob desis (I’m one) I know hang out/socialize/room exclusively with other desis. Nothing wrong with that either, but it’s just the easiest option. It’s great that you’re getting the full cultural experience by stepping out of your zone. 🙂
Welcome here.
The West would do well to imitate “dharma” in my opinion. But it used to have this concept of duty on its own, until the ’60s and moral relativists killed it in their efforts to create a world without consequences.
Well, looks like TV globalization is the new Empire, colonizing minds from North to South, East to West.
Over on the SM newstab we have this headline:
Sex, violence and incest on TV. In India?
Is it about a serious talk show on which real issues like sex trafficking and child abuse is discussed and solutions sought? Of course not! It’s merely about a “reality” show in which Indians will show they can be just as low class and slutty as Americans on Jerry Springer or Maury Povich.
Good lord.
This is all a diversion from the powers that be to keep minds enslaved on a global scale so that we don’t start revolutions.
First the dumbing down of America, now the dumbing down of the entire world.
I wish we could get followup on some of these NY Times weddings. I’d particularly like to know how Rommel Nobay, of “lepers paid for my degree” fame, is doing.
Certain part of my own Central Asian culture are similar to that of desi culture. In my circles there are many Ranu Sinha, who romanticized the old ways, whereas the generation that was born and raised in the old country, is more likely to be less romantic about the old ways. At the end of the day, to each its own. Cultures are like corporate world; some people will thrive in the system, others will absolutely hate it, and other feelings in between.