Inter-racial couples face some very real obstacles but does anybody think that this guy’s conservative parents are going to be fooled at all by this “desi makeover”?
If turnabout is fair play, should she ask him to go blond when he meets her parents?
I hope y’all have some funnier, far less lame “Meet the Parents” stories. I know that most of what we see on reality TV is super-lame and hyper-toolish behavior (a combination of the people who are selected and the type of actions encouraged and edited for), but this clip gives me the serious heebie-jeebies. HT to Chick Pea for almost making me lose my lunch.
ennis:
i almost vomited as well when i saw this last night on hulu looking for indian movies on the site… i mean seriously? is this sanjay guy for real? and i’m sure someone out there knows him in LA…if so, is this guy for REAL?
I think this guy watches to much “Seinfeld”
Kramer gets a really dark tan, when he goes to meet the parents of his black girlfriend.
I once got circumcision in order to please my then Jewish girlfriend’s parents and then had it reversed when we broke up and then when I had a Muslim girlfriend I got another circumcision, but when I met my Hindu girlfriend and I had it reversed.
And yes I did show it to the parents.
Highly cringe worthy, almost unwatchable…..
Why the focus on inter-racial relationships recently? Are you running out of ideas or is it a case of obsession?
I don’t think this guy was real. It seemed to me like he was just messing around with the salon people the whole time. I have a non-desi “white” bf, but luckily my parents aren’t that traditional so it wasn’t a big deal. He’s actually 1/8 Indian, so my dad always tells all his Indian friends, “This is XXXX, he is part Indian, you know that?!” It was a bit awkward (funny to me though) when I let it out of the bag that he is half Jamaican (about 1/4 black). To this day I remind my mother that when we get married there will be black people there and I hope she’s ready. Oh, you ol’ racist Indians!!
I do have a SUPER kutchi cousin who got married to a really light skinned gujarati girl and her skin color was a non-ending “joke.” Who cares, she’s light, get over it. His mom didn’t initially approve of her “whiteness” and lack of “kutchiness.”
wow.
absolutely ridiculous. sanjay seems like a total douche.
This guy can’t really be like that; at least I hope not! Who in their right might would think that a white girl with a fake tan would be more acceptable than just looking normal! I doubt that the girl actually thought it looked good. She seemed to have a forced smile going on there when she came out. She was faking that enthusiasm…
this guy is a douche. more like a super-douche. i can’t believe he’s making her do this…you would think the girl would tell him to f*ck-off. he’s either rich or he has a big….oh wait, he’s indian, scratch that. she seems likes a total ditz that simply wants to play “exotic princess.”
Dude Sanjaya, I would be more concerned about you meeting HER parents, after the damage Malakar did to your first name.
LOL @ ShallowThinker
This clip was utterly inane, what was the point? Does anyone have the back story?
masalawala… what’s “kutchness”?
This video was too boring to watch…
And sadly, I don’t see Indian parents saying someone is “too fair”. I think lots of Indian Auntys and Uncles think fair always equals good.. now having a problem with non-Indians could be a problem… but I don’t think it has anything to do with skin tone.
And that girl looked like crap with light hair and fake skin tan… when will the blondies learn how comical they look with fake tan?
That can’t possibly be serious. The video has to be some kind of joke or punk’d kind of thing!
I’m white and my husband is Indian, and trying to make me darker never crossed either of our minds…and it obviously wasn’t an issue for his family either! I was warmly welcomed, pasty whiteness and all.
desiderius, I think it’s nice to see interracial relationship posts. Those of us in interracial marriages are interested in reading stories about that topic, and since the target audience of the blog includes people of South Asian descent raised in America, the issue is bound to come up.
Do you guys take Jerry Springer and his guest’s antics seriously too? This guy looks like he is having fun and his 15mins of fame on E!, just like Springer’s guest! He probably got paid a little too. Very lame!!
Yeah right, a california blonde with a golden tan looks more desi eh? This is obviously an attempt an humor.
yeah, its not skin color that makes one look indian. i mean, sonia gandhi fools me every time and she’s as white as casper weinbeger. there’s some x-factor
He could date an African American, and that way still keep the “exotic” (non-desi girl)factor for himself, and it would be easier to fool his parents that she were “desi”. There, killing 2 birds with one stone. Or should I say, reviving two birds with one mouth-to-mouth recusitation technique.
What is this interracial, inter-cultural fetish trip everyone is on? There is a reason for arranged marriages and there is also a reason why they are so successful.
Go on, have your fun… but if you want to avoid divorce, better to marry someone who’s parents are not divorced.
Shaadi.com …. “What is this interracial, inter-cultural fetish trip everyone is on? There is a reason for arranged marriages and there is also a reason why they are so successful.
Go on, have your fun… but if you want to avoid divorce, better to marry someone who’s parents are not divorced.”
Sorry. But what is the assumption? Us whities all come from families with divorced parents, hence you better stay away from us? And you are also assuming that any child who has divorced parents can’t possibly manage to remain committed?
Typical stereotypes I have to face in India all the time. But guess what? My parents have been happily married for over 30 years. And they are white, and American, and they didn’t get an arranged marriage! And they are not the same religion, nor are they from the same ‘background’. Actually, now that I think of it, I don’t think any of my friends have divorced parents… hmm… how odd, must be a statistical anomaly, right?
According to recent statistics – right.
Your parents are in their 50s or 60s, right? That generation has less divorce. And your grand-parents’ generation has even less. This current generation (people in their 40s down to 20s), well, divorce rates are very high, if they are even bothering to get married at all.
Which woman hasn’t? I do it all the time.
Yeah… this was a pretty silly video.
Shaddi.com – I’m white AND my parents are divorced. Luckily, like most intelligent people, my husband’s family realized that I am not my parents, nor is it reasonable to apply simply apply statistics willy-nilly to individuals.
the reason arranged marriages work so well is that the women are scared that their husband’s family will burn them if they leave 🙂 how’s that for stereotypes?
yes, there are statistical differences in divorce rates (though to be fair actually it turns out that a small number of multiple marriage people increase the divorce rate as a fraction of marriages, so the 1 out ) between societies. but both “western” and “traditional” people need to get off their high horses. from my limited experiences most couples go through very similar ups & downs.
though the generalization does seem to be true that interracial marriages end in divorce more often than intraracial marriages from the US census. but you need to look at a specific cases. as an atheist from a muslim background raised mostly among american whites who doesn’t know hindi and has learned a lot about “desi” culture through this weblog, i think i might not necessarily have as many tensions with my white atheist future in-laws than i would if i married into a brown family with religious values and stuff.
be a bayesian and take into account priors.
p.s. the video seems a joke to me.
though the generalization does seem to be true that interracial marriages end in divorce more often than intraracial marriages from the US census.
more specifically, the 2000 Census did show a higher divorce rate for mixed-racial marriages than non-mixed-racial marriages.
The video is funny. But I don’t think Sanjay deserves the harsh comments. He is just trying to get his girl friend impress the parents. If you observe the video he claims he’ll have his turn in the future (of meeting her parents).
How is this different from people converting to a different religion (or acting as if they convert to another religion) to get married?. My friend got married thrice, in a mosque, temple and the town hall.
Do you have a link to the video that can be watched outside the U.S.? I can’t access this link. Thanks.
be a bayesian and take into account priors.
razib for the win!
I’m a US-born, US-raised daughter of Indian-born, Indian-raised Indian parents. My husband is white and my parents didn’t like that I was dating at all, much less dating a white guy. But after I stuck with him for several years (and they got to know him a little), my mom realized it wasn’t just a phase, and helped convince my dad that it was okay. I enjoy the interracial musings on Sepia Mutiny, whether they’re about dating, the arts, fusion cuisine, or other ways that desi and other cultures connect. And if you run the stats, it’s not like SM is suddenly 40% Brown Sugar/Splenda chatter.
“According to recent statistics – right.
Your parents are in their 50s or 60s, right? That generation has less divorce. And your grand-parents’ generation has even less. This current generation (people in their 40s down to 20s), well, divorce rates are very high, if they are even bothering to get married at all.”
Because statistics are much more important than to examine the individual people involved…
well… if we are going to base all our views of everything on statistics… let’s look at these:
now let’s look at these for americans:
Now, let me think… 11% of Americans are currently divorced…doesn’t sound like EVERYBODY to me…. but 69% of indian kids being abused…. (and 89% of those by family members!!) My goodness… where have the family values of Indians gone? Maybe ladies are staying married to their abusive/child molesting husbands so as not to ruin their status in society!?! Maybe a little divorce would be good for them.
(To those of you who are not shaadi.com.. please excuse my extensive sarcastic remarks)
Wife reminds me that most American men are circumcised as well. She should get him to bleach his hair AND get a circumcision as well, when they go to meet her parents.
Do you think when he pulled out the bindi, that she had this expression on her face like – “Ohmygosh, is he going to propose???” Then she realized it was just fake jewels on glue for forehead.
Lighter women of all races have been preferred over their darker counter parts of the same race. “Gentlemen Prefer Blondes” lighter white women are seen more desirable than the darker haired whiter women. Nordic versus Mediterranean. There is similar tension among african americans and africans. And East Asians also have same issues.
Not saying it is right, but that it is not unique to Indians.
Race relations in the US. Years ago, a group of us were having discussion on race in the US, and the topic came about to Black and White couples. One person whose father was black and mother white said something that I did not think about before, in terms of why you would see white men getting together with black women (like in Lousianna Quadroon Balls), and though not accepted as legitimate, was less inflammatory than a black man with a white woman. You would expect the usual power difference between the races, but in terms of the biracial child that could come out of black white biracial relationship, it was not seen the same.
The women of either race were seen as carrying the race of the child. A white man who had a child with a black women was seen as Whitening a potentially black child (and in racially tense America, whitening a minority child was a good thing). While a black man who had a child with a white woman was seen as Blackening a potentially white child.
Anne Rice wrote an non-Vampire book called “The Feast of All Saints,” which takes place in Lousianna among the free biracial community, where black mothers would try to set their daughters up with white me (Quadroon Balls) so that each successive generation would be whiter and whiter until one generation could completely pass for white. They would discourage their black daughters from marrying other black men especially the very dark ones.
Taz, that’s exactly what I thought she was thinking…poor girl.. what a disappointment…and with that horrendous looking bindi too…couldn’t he get something less gaudy ?
Interesting this notion of the mother carrying the ethnicity/race of the child, Orthodox Jews consider a child to be Jewish if the mother is Jewish. http://www.thedailybeast.com/blogs-and-stories/2009-06-16/the-hidden-jews/full
Interesting this notion of the mother carrying the ethnicity/race of the child, Orthodox Jews consider a child to be Jewish if the mother is Jewish. http://www.thedailybeast.com/blogs-and-stories/2009-06-16/the-hidden-jews/full
That alone is not enough, even though he is quite light-skinned by indian standards he is still way too dark by european standards, so he should also paint his skin white/pink before meeting her parents. Racism/colorism works both ways after all.
You should provide a link when you bring up statistics. However your general point is valid. Indians have no business criticizing other cultures seeing how much worse in so many respects desi culture really is.
Are you sure this guy is for real? This has a candid camera feel. BTW, were the contact lenses left in the car? I guess Henry Higgins comes in all shapes and sizes. This is so eeuuuww. And think about it- what would all that stuff eventually do to her skin? What bozo in his right mind would sacrifice his gf’s health (potential cancer- among others) for this? And another thought- if the parents eventually do take to her- is she going gradually go natural as they warm up? Just imagine the pictures! Here’s Debbie when we net her (and hated her) and here’s Debbie now (we’ve made our peace with the idea) – look at the difference! It’s like those whitening toothpaste ads! Double eeeuw.
Only 11% of the United States’ adult population is divorced? Are you kidding me?
I don’t know anyone under the age of 65 (who has been married) who has not been divorced, and I know several over the age of 65 who have been as well.
The United states with an 11% divorce rate?
And, how can only 11% of the adult population be divorced when 25% of adult have had at least one divorce?
Dilip Kumar “You should provide a link when you bring up statistics. However your general point is valid. Indians have no business criticizing other cultures seeing how much worse in so many respects desi culture really is.
It wasn’t really my intention to say that desi culture is worse, there are many things about desi culture that are admirable. And if I was seriously trying to use those statistics, I would have provided a link… my point was more about randomly throwing out statistics to validate a sweeping claim (i.e. inter-racial marriages result in divorce, or if you marry an american it will end in divorce)… hence the over exageration… though I have heard many similiar statistics on physical/sexual abuse of children in India (sadly) though I am not sure how many of those studies I would be willing to accept without seeing how they completed their research.
Also, on a more serious note regarding marriage and divorce… if we want to look at marriage as a serious commitment between two people who want to spend their lives together, I would like someone to substantiate these stereotypes I have heard that Americans don’t ‘take marriage seriously’ (as a nice way to summarize the general point I have heard). And I think it is a sad thing if people get married without feeling the deep commitment that should come with it (if you don’t feel that way, don’t bother to get married!).
But I would also like to argue divorce rates in many countries (in my opinion) often seem to have to do with the rights of women. If a woman lives in a culture where she can get an education, get a job, and support herself and/or her children she would be less likely to stay in a bad relationship (such as emotionally or physically abusive, or one where the two people have become so different over time that they fight constantly) because she has the ability to make the decision “I’m not going to put up with this”. Conversely, if a woman is in a culture where women supporting themselves is blocked or not supported, she will have less opportunity to make decisions about her future with or without her husband.
I think divorce is more than just “people not taking marriage seriously”. It is more complex than that. We can’t deny that in this world, relationships can become abusive (towards the wife, husband, or children), or that sometimes people just become angry and make each other miserable. If I was constantly being screamed at and put down by my partner, and had tried many different ways to reconcile the issues with my partner but the partner was unwilling to change or compromise, I would not want my child raised in such a negative and violent environment. Can we really see divorce as so bad in this light?
How much of the divorce rate in the US is really to be blamed on marriage as an institution being taken serious, versus real honest problems between the partners? If one person is not willing to make a change/compromise/stop abusing, is it really the burden of their partner to shoulder the pain and agony of living with person their whole life? And if they do, what kind of example will they be setting for their own children about relationships?
shaadi.com “I don’t know anyone under the age of 65 (who has been married) who has not been divorced, and I know several over the age of 65 who have been as well.”
Where did you meet all these people? A club for divorcees?
Some real statistics found here: http://www.divorcemag.com/statistics/statsUS.shtml
(Sources: U.S. Census Bureau, National Center for Health Statistics)
How sad.
So if 11% of the adult population is currently divorced and 25% of adults have had at least one divorce during their lifetime, how do these figures add up?
63% of children grow up with both parents, yet only 11% are divorced… so the rest would be (unmarried) baby’s mamas and baby’s daddies and some parents who died?
I’m still not getting how 11% of the adult population is currently divorced yet 25% of adults have had at least one divorce during their lifetime. Help?
11% of adults are CURRENTLY divorced. (I am not saying these statistics are correct, since I used them in jest, but let’s pretend they are for the moment)
so if you are CURRENTLY divorced, then it doesn’t not include people who are remarried. It does not include unmarried adults.
Like I said, I can’t say those statistics are correct, since I used them in jest (I grabbed them off a random internet site to fulfill my point about statistics).
but if you look at the ones I take from a legitimate source, you can see that per 1,000 people, 3.6 are divorced. (This is of the entire population, not just married people)
So if you changed that to a percentage, 0.36% of Americans (of the ENTIRE population) are divorced.
How sad, indeed.
Is Dilip Kumar prema??
LinZi,
You are trying to obfuscate the real numbers, which shows a defensiveness that is telling. We are not talking about the entire population unless now kids are getting married and divorced. Also, please don’t pull that line that women who are empowered get divorced. That is just another way of saying that White women are enlightened so they get out of marriages while brown girls are enslaved. I see that attitude of superiority among white women often: if a white man marries an Asian, it must be because they like submissive women who are essentially servants. Don’t insult us.
Saadi.com, the divorce rate for first marriages is about 47%, 67% for second marriages and about 74% for third marriages. Google it, and it is everywhere. The numbers come from the US census report. Divorces among Asian couples is about 3% and it goes up to 20% when it comes to interracial marriages, which is still less than the national average. The national divorce rate would be higher, presumably, if we notice that more and more couples are cohabitating (not getting married at all). There was a study released about a month ago and I don’t remember where I saw it (on Salon.com, I think), but the number of children born to single White mothers (cohabitating partners who split) is over 50%. In the Black community, it is about 75%.
LinZi, what does abused children have to do with this? What number of White kids are sexually or physically molested (by stepfathers or mothers’ boyfriends)? What number of women are raped in America, per minute? What is the domestic violence rate in America?
I work with high school white kids, and a full 70% of them are on Adderol or Ritalin or antidepressants. They eat TV dinners and are obese. Most of them are having unprotected sex as early as 13, and more than half the population under 16 have some kind of STD. HPV is so common, I had a student just brush it off like it was like a way of life. Alcohol and drugs are a major problem among American youth, and education and motivation are a joke. There is no parent at home overseeing these kids in most cases. It is worse in inner cities.
Try teaching in a high school and see how quickly you realize what a mess this upcoming generation is. Don’t be fooled by the veneer of wealth in America–there is something stinking at its core. If the emotional problems I see in these high school kids is any indication, there is much to worry.
I know a teacher who proclaimed that she doesn’t cook. I asked if her husband cooks. No. She talked about how women are not tied to the stove anymore and are liberated She has a 7 year old and a 4 year old. Guess what they are eating? Processed frozen and fast food. I call that abuse by feminist neglect.
I have no problem with interracial relationships. I do have a problem with how White women talk about Asian women as if they are servants.
If there are desis here who encourage marriage within their people for WHATEVER REASON, that is none of your business. Even if we have problems in our culture, that doesn’t mean that marrying outside the culture is bad. Nor does it mean that desis marrying within are ignorant and unintelligent.
Yeah, I agree with comment #12 that it looked like the couple was trying to make some sort of joke (a joke that failed badly). I kept waiting for someone to jump out and say “Gotcha!” to the tanning salon staff. Too weird.
@shaadi.com – please stop already with the generalizations and try to open your mind just a bit! 🙂 Even if there are statistics showing certain trends there are so many exceptions. Marriage is a complex relationship that is different for each couple.
I’m part of a couple under 65 where both parties have never been divorced. I’m 48 and my husband is 57. I’m white, born and raised in the USA. He’s from India and has lived here since graduate school (late 1970s). We’ve been happily married for 24 years.
Shared values and life goals, not shared background, is what makes or breaks a marriage in my opinion. There are plenty of white American males around but most of them would have been a terrible match for me. It doesn’t matter that much what color you are or what country you are from or whether your parents are divorced. What matters is whether two people want different things out of life, or spend money differently, or have vastly conflicting spiritual beliefs, or one wants children and the other does not. The list of irreconcilable differences is endless but color/race/ethnicity was never a deal breaker for either of us.
I would have thought that younger people would be more open to dating or marrying people of different backgrounds than us “old fogies.” I’m quite surprised to see interracial relationships described as a fetish. Maybe people need a little education on the social construct of “race” – see http://www.pbs.org/race/000_About/002_04-background-01-x.htm (“Ten things everyone should know about race”)
Thank goodness that there are people in the world who can meet other people as individuals, and judge them according to their own actions and beliefs, rather than making sweeping generalizations based on race, nationality, or other categories like that.
By the way, I have nothing against arranged marriages for those who want them. There’s more than one way to have a successful marriage.
WTF “Also, please don’t pull that line that women who are empowered get divorced. That is just another way of saying that White women are enlightened so they get out of marriages while brown girls are enslaved. I see that attitude of superiority among white women often: if a white man marries an Asian, it must be because they like submissive women who are essentially servants. Don’t insult us.”
I wasn’t talking about India specifically, more about education levels/ability to get a job, etc worldwide… it certainly varies in all places. And I know plenty of Indian women who I would NEVER describe as submissive. I don’t feel superior at all, in fact some of my best friends are Indian women who I admire deeply.
Regarding womens empowerment… try reading some statistics on ‘dowry deaths’ ‘women dying in mysterious kitchen accidents’ and so forth in India. And if you want to talk about more education upper class women with job access– there is still extreme social pressure and threats of being disowned.
It has nothing to do with enlightenment of WOMEN. Most women I know who have struggles can point exactly what is wrong in their lives. It has to do with access to resources, and (like many of the women I met) if you are a poor woman who never got to go to school/get the skills to get a job, etc, you are pretty much stuck with your husband, regardless of if he is nice and treats you well, or rapes you, sets you on fire, or leaves you to starve while he drinks.
I have a story regarding that for you, and of course it is ONE story, but it is a true story that I heard directly from the mouth of the mother while I was living in Bihar, and unfortunately, not the only story of this kind I heard while staying there:
A mother with her younger (almost grown up daughter) came to visit the woman where I was staying. She told her this story:
My older daughter was married and moved in with her husbands family in his village. After marriage she became the victim of abuse. She was physically abused- kicked punched, etc by her husband. After becoming pregnant she ran away, and came home to her family house. (Where her mother saw the visible signs of abuse on the pregnant woman). She stayed there and had the child, a girl. A member of her husband’s family came and begged her to come home. He promised she would not be beat anymore, if she came back to hr husband. She agreed, and (luckily) left her child with her mother. A few weeks later, I tried to contact her and found out that my daughter was dead. I went to the Police station, where her body was kept. The police officers told me that my daughter died of “jaundice”. I demanded to see the body, and could see visible signs of abuse and also bruises around the neck. I asked for an autopsy to be done. The autopsy conclusion was death by strangulation. Shortly after this, the autopsy conclusion was changed from strangulation back to jaundice.
The mother wept as she told us that the husband’s family had bribed the police to change the cause of death. She could not do anything to get justice for the death of her daughter.
Try western women or american women in general not just white women, who being liberated and empowered feel free to divorce their husbands if their marriage is not working. Indian women are not liberated and many of them are trapped in unhappy abusive marriages , so it is wrong to gloat over the lower divorce rates in India. What is the social status of divorcees in India? How are widows treated?
LinZi,
Nobody is denying that women have it bad in India. Women have it bad in Africa, Latin America, East Asia (the sex trade, for example) everywhere. Babies and children are raped routinely in subSaharan Africa b/c virgin blood is seen as curative. Etc. etc.
BUT WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH INTERRACIAL MARRIAGES OR THE ADVICE TO DESIS TO MARRY WITHIN?
Will you marrying an Indian man suddenly take away violence against Indian women?
Will dowry deaths stop if desis start marrying Whites? If you say yes to that, then you have a lot in common with colonialists (let’s save the darkies).
What’s your point about the girl in Bihar? If she had married a White guy she would still be alive?
Saadi-com has every right to encourage marriage within without getting insults thrown at him/her by privileged White women who thinks she knows India because she spent a few months there and has a degree in Asian studies or something.
I don’t know, but I think Shaadi.com is an elder person (maybe, I dont know) and so where do you get off insulting one of our elders? Where do you get off calling our babas and ammus ignorant and narrow minded?
Most interracial couplings — from what I have noticed — in America works if one partner gives up claim on his culture. I use “his” because more SA men marry out than women. Children of interracial couples do not learn the father tongue, and most are pretty much White America. There is nothing wrong with that, but if there are desis who encourage marriage within with hopes of sustaining common culture, that’s none of your business.
And it is not restricted to desi culture. I have a Black female friend who is super educated, fun to be around, etc., but she won’t date White men (there are many who want to be with her) and is hoping to settle with a Black man. Are you telling me that she is narrow minded? No. She is not. She wants to be with a Black man (sadly, no Black man wants her, but that’s a different story).
I cannot believe that most posters are so gullible they do not see that this is obviously staged. Look where the camera is shooting from. These people are acting.