Please, Shekhar, Make It Stop

Shekhar Kapur has made the worst advertisement ever, for Schweppes. It stars Nicole Kidman, Arjun Rampal, Rubina Ali (the little girl from Slumdog Millionaire), the Lake Palace at Udaipur, and a thick, dripping heap of tacky, pseudo-sensual, Orientalist ambience. I think it’s sort of meant to be ironic, but the irony doesn’t really work:

What is the thing you hate most about it? I’d like to compile a complete list and send it to the man.

I used to really admire Shekhar Kapur, for Masoom, The Bandit Queen and for the first Elizabeth. More recently, I started to think something something had gone wrong when my wife and I wasted one of our rare babysitter nights to go see the half-baked Elizabeth: The Golden Age. Now, after watching this ad, I think I’ll abstain from Shekhar Kapur (and probably also Schweppes) entirely.

71 thoughts on “Please, Shekhar, Make It Stop

  1. Amardeep, you are completely right. This ad is so orientalist… beautiful palace, white woman, desi man, little native servant girl(?). It reminded me of a scene out of “Heat and Dust”.

  2. wha..? huh? I don’t get the ad at all, WTF is going on? I watched it on mute I admit, but could not follow the rationale of the ad or the alleged irony..

  3. I saw this commercial/ad previously to this post. Waaaay too dramatic for something like Schweps… why is the girl in the ad? Arjun Rampal looks like he is about to hurl as Kidman approaches!!!! AND why is she wearing a white wedding dress???? The whole thing makes no sense…

  4. It’s deeply self-referential yaar. The message is “if your ad is a lemon, drink lemonade.”

  5. AND why is she wearing a white wedding dress

    Arey yaar! Don’t you get the implied storyline? She was recently widowed (hence the white), but defied tradition by not shaving her head. She pursued a forbidden relationship with Arjun (one of the Pancha Pandavas – Ksyatriyas. Ksyatriyas code of ethics is that they cannot deny any woman who supplicates them, even widows). Through that forbidden rishta her soul would find redemption and she would attain moksha.

    This whole commercial sums up itihasyas, puranas and upanishads; history, culture and philosphy – all in one go. Brilliant!

  6. Sumi, the audio will not help you make much sense of this bizarre mishmash of an ad. There is one half-hearted cue for irony at the end, when the pseudo-classical music cuts out after Nicole Kidman shuts the door & goes to the Schweppes. Kidman sips Schweppes, and says, in over-enunciated English, “What did you expect?” But even the attempt at humor there is a bit confused, since viewers probably didn’t “expect” much of anything from the confusing first part of the ad.

  7. I thought there was something romantic going on between Nicole and Arjun. And then the “irony” is that there really isn’t and she’s interested in the drink rather than in him? But I agree with Amardeep that the ad doesn’t really make sense.

  8. If he had incorporated and elephant and a spice market we could have had a home run!

    Is it just me or does that girl look a lot like ‘Latika’ from slumdog. Latikaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

  9. Is it just me or does that girl look a lot like ‘Latika’ from slumdog.

    It is little Latika.

  10. ……..and appearantly she earned more from this commerical than she did from SDM!

    Good on her!

  11. ……..and appearantly she earned more from this commerical than she did from SDM! Good on her!

    I hope she actually gets to see some of that cash; her parents are pretty shady…

  12. Shekhar Kapur is in serious condition after being bitten by a tame shark today. Zookeepers have stated that he provoked the shark by taunting it and jumping over it several times, until it leapt up, and bit him in the fracas.

    What did you expect?

  13. Out of all the white women in the world…Nicole Kidman? I mean REALLY?

  14. What is that Latika doing during her purportedly seduction scene with Kapur ?

  15. comment #18 should read as….

    What is the kid doing during Kidman’s purportedly seduction scene with Rampal ?

  16. Wait, so is she implying that it was silly of us to think that she’d kiss a brown dude?

  17. it was silly of us to think that she’d kiss a brown dude?

    undressing just to kiss..thats a real bonus 😉 Btw if she undresses and doesn’t kiss then she prob think very high of brown dudes.:)

  18. What did you expect?

    From Nicole–nothing. The ad appears to have been made for a French audience (I’ll look for it on TV). Now in France, anything that is not European is exotique, oriental etc… This is colonial era thinking. On my first extended visit to France, to Nice, I remember thinking that I had gone back to the 1920s.

    I don’t get the ad at all. This is obviously a take-off on Bolly style romance. Now those who don’t know about Bolly won’t know what the hell the ad is about. Those who do know Bolly will be utterly disappointed. At least in Bolly the scene cuts–the hero runs off in one direction looking for a tree, the heroine in another. Because of the great music all is forgiven. Here there is no music, no chemistry, no Rajesh Khanna, no Sharmila. … Objectiion # 17: What the hell is little Latika doing there? She and Nicole together–just cognitive dissonance. Objection # 18: Arjun is like Fabio. Arjun should have been cast as the wastrel Prince, Rubina his spunky illegitimate daughter. Nicole as a spoiled, clueless foreigner. I don’t know. If I was paid as much money as Shekar Kapur was, I’d think of something good.

  19. I’ve got it all figured out.

    There was a previous ad shot by Shekhar Kapur for something where exotifying is not completely inappropriate, like some Indian tourism package tour company. However that ad shoot ran out of funding because the clients pulled out or folded. But the ad agency still had that unused footage lying around, so they asked some low-level employee of theirs to just shoot Nicole Kidman swigging a Schweppes and asking “What did you expect?”, and they tacked it on. That explains all the lack of continuity between the little girl and the guy. Credit to Shekhar Kapur, not to the flunky.

    This method of film-making was pioneered by the great American director Bill Rebane, whose 1965 film Monster A Go-Go remains one of the most incomprehensible ones to have ever graced Mystery Science Theater 3000.

  20. ewww.

    the white/blonde savior thing is too intense. little brown girl looking at the white angelic woman with so much admiration. wow.

  21. Sorry I meant to say “The sound of Kidman drinking the Schweppes is disconcerting”.

  22. “Hey, what did you expect?”….. Well, I expected some soft porn, dammit !! Next time, skip Shekhar Kapur and let Jag Mundhra direct your ads.

  23. I think I’ll abstain from Shekhar Kapur (and probably also Schweppes) entirely.

    I’m with you, Amardeep. Abstinence only!

  24. Nicole Kidman. Seriously? The loud gulp you hear is from an esophagus trying to move despite the botoxed muscles surrounding it. Gross. Looks like she’s trying to relive the post Moulin Rouge glory days…only “downgrading” from the French Chanel ad to Bollywood and Schweppes. Same level of breathy “the most beautiful woman in the world” adoration though.

    I wonder what Tarsem would have done with this. I’m imagining Nicole…rigid on her back as a princess turned to wax, floating on raft down a river of bright orange carbonated fruit beverage.

  25. Amardeep,

    It is an OK ad or even above averge, seldom ads are masterpieces. They are not made on same budget and effort as a movie.

    You should not expect a Shekar Kapur’s ad (or every effort) to be Masoom or the first Elizabeth movie. Everyone needs to pay bills too. Picasso painted in hundreds of thousands, and not all are master pieces. To put in context, Kapur is no Picasso.

    The key thing about brilliance is that they do not happen every day, otherwise the world and life would be Lake Woebegone.

    I would not write off Shekar Kapur.

  26. Amardeep, let’s do this exercise.

    In 10 minutes, please name 10 ads which are better than this Kapur’s ad on your current TV world/ viewing (Note: You cannot use your entire TV viewing experience). Sure, in your cable offerings, you must be watching hundreds of ads every day when you watch TV for an hour or two.

    Hope you get my point.

  27. Out of all the white women in the world…Nicole Kidman?

    Why not? Indian obsession with fair skin, so rare in India, is well known around the world; and Nicole is as fair as one can get without being an albino.

    Shekhar deserves credit for hiring the little girl from Slumdog Millionaire, she has such a joyous look and smile. Why is Bollywood ignoring the precious little actors from that film?

  28. Considering the amount of discussion, the ad served its purpose. I don’t know when I thought “Schweppes” last. Now I can’t get the word out of my head.

  29. Looking at the ad’s style, the product should have been ‘Schleppes’.

    Amardeep, between half-baked E2 & half-naked Maharani Nicole (or at least, bare back) what did you prefer? 🙂 Anyway, at least Shekhar Kapur is consistent – he continues to be partial to Aussie women (Cate Blanchett & Nicole). Is it possible that Nicole & her little slave girl were out on the chhat taking in night air because in the absence of air conditioning the Rajastan heat was killing her? So much so that she was about to take off her dress, when she suddenly spied Rampal also on the ramparts, & in a state of heigtened sexual confusion like Adella Quested in Passage To India decides to run for it. Once back to her room she tries to be all cool shool & pulls out a cold drink. Yes, that must be it. I am off to sleep now.

    Btw, when will the inevitable parody ads with Nicole as Sonia & Arjun as Manmohan come out?

  30. yeah nicole kidman does rock, and the ad is not that bad. don’t knock the hustle.

  31. Ok. Here’s my explanation. The ad is a parody of Eyes Wide Shut. That’s why it doesn’t make complete logical sense, if you’ve seen that movie. She unzips the back of her dress and heads inside for a steamy sex scene. Instead she drinks a soda. Even the look she gives the camera at the end is similar to the dvd cover of eyes wide shut.

  32. So, Schweppes is telling me that their product is terribly carbonated and fattening and I have to unzip dress or loosen belt before imbibing. Got it.

  33. ^^Maitri^^ The bestest best ever explanation for this video ;-). No woman is EVER going to be picking up Schweppes again at the grocery store. heh heh heh

  34. I know Shekhar Kapur directed the ad – but it’s unlikely that he wrote the story of it or the dialogue. More likely it was the art director + copywriters in the advtg agency who’re to blame.

    That doesn’t excuse the abysmal direction, the weird acting & timing and the bad costuming, of course – but the story not making sense isn’t Kapur’s fault.

  35. Eyes Wide Shut is probably the inspiration here. Kidman has an odd look, like she’s got something she must keep secret; an extreme type (if you know what I mean), beautiful in her way but not to everyone’s taste. Her best roles are always those that don’t make sense until some twist at the end, and then only maybe. I used to think she was an extraterrestrial, but I don’t think they would need botox if cicatrix, our catty (hey, I like cats) but astute SMr, has observed the wedding dress wearing actress correctly.

  36. the problem i have with the whole orietalism/exoticism thing is i can’t get any confirmation from the natives. i mean, if i show stuff like this to my mom or grandmother they almost always think its wonderful. in order for somethng to be considered offensive along ethnic lines don’t we need a consensus among the alleged exoticized? if arjun and shekhur are ok with this who am i to argue? i’m just an american neocon obsessed with sushi and 6-packs. i can’t represent. i know there’s always some diversity and renegades in any society and maybe mom & co qualify for that label but do we even have a majority here? i need a poll.

    now, the peeps i hear pushing this orietalism thing are usually western intellectuals of the progressive type, so of course i’m suspicious. there’s a contradiction here: on the one hand the new age anti-racists tell us we must shut up (especially if you’re white) and listen to poc… but the poc talking are usually westernized, so what standing do they really have? this all vaguely reminds me of the dave chapelle skit where a white guy comes up to him and says he should stop telling some of his jokes because…black people don’t like it.

  37. Why not? Indian obsession with fair skin, so rare in India, is well known around the world; and Nicole is as fair as one can get without being an albino.

    Love how the ‘Indian fair skin obsession’ gets shoe-horned into every conversation. Indians are obsessed with being fair in the Indian spectrum – not the pale-white look that Nicole rocks. Think golden/golden brown.

    Just pointing out a fact (as I see it) – not saying anything about this skin-color preference as right or wrong. Please don’t jump down my throat.

  38. Love how the ‘Indian fair skin obsession’ gets shoe-horned into every conversation. Indians are obsessed with being fair in the Indian spectrum – not the pale-white look that Nicole rocks. Think golden/golden brown.

    Thanks! I agree with what you said — Nicole Kidman would get beaten hands down by Salma Hayek.

    There’s fair and there’s fair.