It used to be that Indian men working in America, whether 
citizens, permanent residents or H-1B holders, could go to India and have their pick of a bride. They were considered good catches, the type of fish you don’t throw back in the lake. Not anymore, apparently, according to Shefali Anand of the Wall Street Journal.
Concerned about the flagging U.S. economy, parents of brides are reluctant to betroth their daughters to someone whose job may evaporate. Rahul Tamraker, 32, a consultant in Chicago, learned this firsthand during his fruitless bride search in India. Potential in-laws were worried that “consultant” was another way of saying “unemployed.” One parent wanted to see Tamraker’s income tax return, paying heed to the age-old matchmaking principle: “Good income, good outcome.” Tamraker declined and the marriage talks fizzled.
Poor guy. He’s got a hefty salary, but no bride. Which may be better, of course, than having a hefty bride, but no salary.
Then there’s Vikas Marwaha, a software enginer who’s only 27 and earning more than 80 grand a year.
During a two-week wife-hunting trip to India in December, Mr. Marwaha interviewed 20 potential brides in 10 days. He says several parents asked him, “How has the recession impacted your job?” Mr. Marwaha says he assured them he hadn’t been affected at all, but still he returned to the U.S. brideless. [Link]
Indian engineer: “I went to India for some wife-hunting last month. What did you do?”
American engineer: “I went to Indiana for some deer-hunting.”
Indian: “Really? Did you get one?”
American: “Yes, I got one and mounted it. What about you?”
Indian: “No, I didn’t come close to doing any mounting whatsoever.”
Anisha Seth, 26, has been looking for a groom for two years now. But she feels “jittery” about considering nonresident Indians as possible options. …
Ms. Seth says that if she were to move to the U.S. or to another developed country, she might not get a job quickly and would have to be dependent on her husband for a while. While she’s open to the idea of giving up her independence, she worries that given the state of the U.S. economy, a groom based in America might not be earning enough to support her. For instance, Ms. Seth says she likes nice clothes and would like to have a flat-screen TV. [Link]
American Engineer: “I heard you went to India on another wife-hunting trip. Did you get one?”
Indian Engineer: “Yes, I finally got one.”
American (smiles and winks): “So there’s been some mounting?”
Indian: “Yes, there’s been some mounting. I just mounted a flat-screen TV on the wall.”
Kalyan,
If you are aware of current development or the economic situation, you’d know why it’s difficult to transfer to H1B Visa these days. Pursuing a course would cost you money and take another 2-3 years before you get to start working. And also, if you are on F1, you’d be paying non-resident tuition fee which is an amount we ‘formerly F1 holders’ know very well. It’s not necessary that the NRI grroms are not going to be supportive, but you are basically allowing the other person to make all the decisions for you while you put your life on hold. An educated and/or working girl from India would take into account such opportunity cost and the uncertainty involved throughout the process, then make a decision.
Volunteering (or just being a homemaker) doesn’t cost you any money; but, you must have one income covering the overall expenses of the family throughout the H4 Visa duration, and everyone is aware today how hard it has gotten to run a family on one income. Most NRI grooms hardly make such amount of money (please don’t start converting your $$ to rupees now!).
So, yes, given similar choices aside from locations, there’s hardly any valid reason to choose an NRI groom over a local one.
Well Another Bong,Some good points, some not so good
“you’d be paying non-resident tuition fee ” Not true, I am in virginia and i am paid Resident Fee for myselves as well as for my wife(If you pay state taxes for 2 years you will become an In-state student) Many other US states offer similar options.
“If you are aware of current development or the economic situation, you’d know why it’s difficult to transfer to H1B Visa” This can be a good argument, but if you have a valid job(not through a desi consultant) most times you will get a H1-B visa.
“An educated and/or working girl from India would take into account such opportunity cost and the uncertainty involved throughout the process, then make a decision”
agree no problem with this.
“given similar choices aside from locations, there’s hardly any valid reason to choose an NRI groom over a local one.” I agree fully(i do not have any problems with this)
“Most NRI grooms hardly make such amount of money (please don’t start converting your $$ to rupees now!).” Now come on, We do make good money(I mean desi H1-B’s).It is not so bad(even though the economy is) that NRIs can’t feed their wives for 2/3 years. Most desi H1-B’s are in the tech sector(programmers,DBAs,SAP consultants,etc,Others engineers/doctors).So most of these can afford to feed their better half.Again personal experience desi’s generally tend to live within their means.They rarely over spend(generalization but works for desis i guess). According to you majority people on H1-B are making less than 30K ?
Kalyan,
For status F1, you would pay non-resident fee. You and/or your wife can pay resident fee provided you are on H1B and have a job on the side. Once again, this is one uncertain situation in current job market where Visa status for both depends solely on your H1B continuation till the coursework is done. A significant number of H4 wife changes her status to F1 instead to make sure both people do not struggle with status related issues if the husband is laid off. Your personal case is the best case scenario, but most try to be on the safer side.
As for income, welcome to NoCal (or any of the coastal states, for that matter!), and you’d see how hard it is to run a family with one income. Now you may suggest everyone to move to midwest, south or some other location where cost of living is still low – for the sake of argument, but statistically speaking most desis choose coastal areas to live and work.
Another Bong,
“For status F1, you would pay non-resident fee” No you are wrong, check your state’s in-state fee policy(As long as you pay your spouse’s fee(who is on F1) provided you meet the criteria for in-state fee.
Husband is laid off (no criteria here(beyond the grace period, i think 2 months)he isillegal(unless you change to some other legal status), so we can’t argue on those matters, because none of them will be on legal status.
Coastal states(ahem) I am located in the worlds largest naval base(yes coastal area,not inland,not california,unknown place yeah) and there are say close to 50 H1-b’s i know here(most of them followed my policy of changing visa status or have a house wife).
For your info:check this site out to see how much people make on H1-B on an average(http://visatousofa.com/Interesting.aspx).It is not that bad though.
NoCal:If i understand it right its “excluding California” Again, people living on the coast and other info, the same link as above(http://visatousofa.com/Interesting.aspx) shows you the Desi population density is in california and other states in USA.
“you’d see how hard it is to run a family with one income” You have been reiterating this several times: What do you mean by this? How much do you think a desi husband and wife need to survive in US(I don’t want to hear, Husband lost job,Then H-4 visa will become invalid and your argument will become invalid) (:) don’t say they need a limo to work, have a washerman, cook and an aaya to take care of kids, need 500$ per day to gamble in Las vegas)
So our argument should be based on (1)Husband has a valid job on a valid H1-B visa.(Valid meaning he is paid the salary mentioned in his H1-B petition, which generally is industry accepted standard, if you say otherwise, that is illegal on H1-B , contact USCIS to let them know what is happening). (2)Wife is on a valid H-4 visa(don’t say husband lost job then she is no longer on H-4 excepting for the grace period)I don’t want to divert the topic of argument.
Kalyan,
For status F1, you would pay non-resident fee. You and/or your wife can pay resident fee provided you are on H1B and have a job on the side. Once again, this is one uncertain situation in current job market where Visa status for both depends solely on your H1B continuation till the coursework is done. A significant number of H4 wife changes her status to F1 instead to make sure both people do not struggle with status related issues if the husband is laid off. Your personal case is the best case scenario, but most try to be on the safer side.
As for income, welcome to NoCal (or any of the coastal states, for that matter!), and you’d see how hard it is to run a family with one income. Now you may suggest everyone to move to midwest, south or some other location where cost of living is still low – for the sake of argument, but statistically speaking most desis choose coastal areas to live and work.
Kalyan,
Our whole argument is based on why it is no longer feasible for an eligible Indian woman to rather choose someone from the USA than someone locally. There are ways to marry an NRI, but the question is why anyone would do that when you have comparable options available in ‘desh’ these days– unless you are dying to be in the USA for some reason, or had your own plans to pursue studies/jobs here prior to your marriage.
The question is not ‘can you feed your wife and get by?’; a qualified, pretty woman (the usual pick an NRI would expect) would look for a ‘good life’, not ‘a way to get by somehow’. Isn’t this the reality?
You have provided a link showing a comprehensive study on what the major sponsors pay for an H1B holders. It’s an ideal situation. The reality is, however, most H1Bs in their late 20s (typical age for marriage among most) are not employed by these brand names- aside from the ‘desi’ consulting firms on that link (who don’t pay well, again). They are employed by smaller outfits.
Sorry Ladies (Ghar Jamai, Anamika) these ABCD Women drove me out of town. So much so that i have now gone Dostana, to the other side joining, Karan Johar. Sorry they ruined it for the rest of you desi women.
If you look anything like John Abraham in that movie, count me in as your roommate!
………………..
For the only reason left now why a DBD girl would want to marry an NRI: to get away from her family. That is the only valid reason left now.
So sick of women my age depending on a husband to gain material wealth. I understand there are unfortunate cases where some of these poor women really do not have a choice. Everyone else– get a frickin’ job and get those things for yourself– that way you won’t have to marry some cash-laden, uggo, pig for a flat screen TV– and I will not have to see, hear, read another clicheed piece of crap about poor, forlorn you and your marriage to a jerk.
Don’t know where you’re from, but some parents in India do not allow their daughters to work.
They are raised to be housewives and mothers and in those cases, they should definetly be compensated with a good lifestlye. Mind you, most of them do not live according to western standards of living, so their expectations are not as high as your’s may be in the material goods department.
Also, in India, women pay to get married. It’s the womans side that offers dowry to the groom and his family – so damn straight they should be paid back in kind!
I was born here but my parents are from India.
I strongly feel anyone who is denied the ability to learn how to stand on their own two feet is being severely cheated. I think being a stay-at-home wife/mother should be a choice, not something that is forced on someone. I am referring to the woman in the article who wanted “nice clothes” and a “flat screen” TV. I find it sad that her first inclination is to find a husband to get her to her desired end state and that the guy’s wallet is a prominent factor. Growing up, I always envisioned the things I would be able to buy for myself– so much more satisfying…I think.
India is supposedly (moreso in some places)becoming more modern.Modernity entails more than wireless technology, tall buildings, and cute little cars. Why send your women to college to become doctors, lawyers, ahem programmers etc. if at the end of the day they are just waiting for Prince Charming to come marry them and buy them crap. I think dowry is stupid and I do not think someone should have to rely on marriage and their home economics prowess to earn wealth. Why should anyone think this approach is acceptable or encourage it?
Indian Women– do everything in your power to be independent– husbands should be enhancements to life– not life period!!
Indian Parents of Girls– Do not train your daughter to be a helpless housewife– you are NOT doing her any favors!!!
Dowry is prevelent in India. As long as grooms and their families expect to get material goods and wealth from brides and their families, then you best believe brides are going to expect the same thing.
Dowry was outlawed in what – the 1940s? Or earlier?
Yet it is an inextricably woven thread throughout the blanket of Desi society, with some exceptions of course.
There are even ex-pat Desis living all over the world who expect dowries.
Read the marital ads in any Desi newspaper. People specify – “No dowry”,or “dowry not neccessary” or “Dowry not expected but appreciated” and even brazen ones like “we are a family proud of our Indian traditions and dowry is a part of that!”
Yeah, for real. I read that.
When grooms and their mamas stop being so greedy, maybe brides will stop as well.
Folks, I have read all the above comments with a delight mixed with an occasional finger wagging at some of the posts. Now being an Indian-origin young male who has lived in Canada for quite long now, I have come to experience and appreciate both the institutions of Arranged-marriage and so called Love marriage. While some may put-down arranged marriage to NRIs as a dying trend, owing to a ‘booming’ Indian economy, they are not able to appreciate the ground reality of the situation. Living and working in NA means a much better quality of life, no question about it. Secondly, if the NRI is actually earning decent money, let’s say upwards of $75000, he will have no problem in maintaining a house, a decent car and letting his wife take courses in university, even while paying non-resident fees, if that is the case. Thirdly, due to a more efficient and respectful workplace in NA, the wife will be able to spend quality time with her husband. In other words, the husband will not be stuck working till 10 at night and often sacrificing weekends on the altar of the demanding boss in India, to whom paid-overtime and work-life balance are alien concepts. I am sure NRI people here will be able to appreciate this less-discussed fact. Moroeover, the NRI bride-groom bashing in media stems more from an inferiority complex/ grapes are sour sort of reaction. I do not deny that NRI brides/grooms looking for mates in India are under more scrutiny but to propogate the idea that they are less preferable than an equally qualified mate from India, solely due to their NRI status is totally preposterous. As outlined above, a suitably qualified NRI groom will be able to provide a vastly better life than the ‘deshi’ counterpart, among all other things being equal.
On the flip side, I am happy that people have learned to perform their due-diligence on potential NRI mates, as it is one of the most critical decisions they will make in their life. There are crooks everywhere, in ‘desh’, NRIs, africans, americans, you name it. One must keep their eyes open and ascertain the validity of supposed facts before proceeding with something as important as marriage.
All I have to say is this… I have 3 bhabhis from India, and one is an American bhabhi. Of all my bhabhis the American is the best and here is why – while she may not speak the language, she is more than willing to clean the toilets, iron, vacuum, cook, bake, help take care of my Mum, can read a map, can dress appropriately, can climb a Mountain literally, keeps in shape by walking 6 miles a day, and swimming everyday, and hold down a full-time job without whining and complaining or gossiping needlessly. All my Indian born and raised bhabhis (which my parents believed would be God-fearing respectful of in-laws and look after their needs not necessarily caregiving) are gold-diggers who sit around and do nothing all day, not even hold a paying job, but have no problems demanding that my brothers send money to THEIR parents to support them, and whine and complain about how hard life is without servants. All they do is watch those Indian soaps all day, barely able to cook, their houses are a mess, with dishes piled up as high as they will go.
This past weekend my oldest brother finally said enough is enough and told his wife to go back to India or get a job, and that he is no longer going to send any money to India to support her family, they can support themselves. Well, what a show she put up, crying and being all melodramatic, about how she was being abused by my brother and called her parents immediately; because before we heard from my brother, my parents heard from her parents about the “abuse” their daughter is being subjected to!!
I say get rid of these Indian born and raised Princesses, stick with women from this country.