It used to be that Indian men working in America, whether 
citizens, permanent residents or H-1B holders, could go to India and have their pick of a bride. They were considered good catches, the type of fish you don’t throw back in the lake. Not anymore, apparently, according to Shefali Anand of the Wall Street Journal.
Concerned about the flagging U.S. economy, parents of brides are reluctant to betroth their daughters to someone whose job may evaporate. Rahul Tamraker, 32, a consultant in Chicago, learned this firsthand during his fruitless bride search in India. Potential in-laws were worried that “consultant” was another way of saying “unemployed.” One parent wanted to see Tamraker’s income tax return, paying heed to the age-old matchmaking principle: “Good income, good outcome.” Tamraker declined and the marriage talks fizzled.
Poor guy. He’s got a hefty salary, but no bride. Which may be better, of course, than having a hefty bride, but no salary.
Then there’s Vikas Marwaha, a software enginer who’s only 27 and earning more than 80 grand a year.
During a two-week wife-hunting trip to India in December, Mr. Marwaha interviewed 20 potential brides in 10 days. He says several parents asked him, “How has the recession impacted your job?” Mr. Marwaha says he assured them he hadn’t been affected at all, but still he returned to the U.S. brideless. [Link]
Indian engineer: “I went to India for some wife-hunting last month. What did you do?”
American engineer: “I went to Indiana for some deer-hunting.”
Indian: “Really? Did you get one?”
American: “Yes, I got one and mounted it. What about you?”
Indian: “No, I didn’t come close to doing any mounting whatsoever.”
Anisha Seth, 26, has been looking for a groom for two years now. But she feels “jittery” about considering nonresident Indians as possible options. …
Ms. Seth says that if she were to move to the U.S. or to another developed country, she might not get a job quickly and would have to be dependent on her husband for a while. While she’s open to the idea of giving up her independence, she worries that given the state of the U.S. economy, a groom based in America might not be earning enough to support her. For instance, Ms. Seth says she likes nice clothes and would like to have a flat-screen TV. [Link]
American Engineer: “I heard you went to India on another wife-hunting trip. Did you get one?”
Indian Engineer: “Yes, I finally got one.”
American (smiles and winks): “So there’s been some mounting?”
Indian: “Yes, there’s been some mounting. I just mounted a flat-screen TV on the wall.”
At the risk of being ridiculously classist, would she even know what “nice clothes” are unless she lives in South Mumbai? (N.B. my family is not from Mumbai, but that’s where the fashion is.) And, again, at the same risk, what desi in the US can’t afford a flat-screen TV–aren’t they ridiculously cheap now? I was staying in some sort of flop-house “hotel” in what they call a “one-horse town” recently, and they had a flat-screen in my room. . . . ?? Crazy-talk, I say!
😉
Oh shit I’m dooomed. I’m no more a GCGC – Good Catch of Gujju Community
Mummy hoon pacho avu chu.
@1 — she said “nice clothes”, not high fashion. This has nothing to do with America or India. I like wearing nice clothes too, and I’ve never been to South Mumbai or a New York high-end store. I’ll bet she was expressing the fear that she would have to cringe and shop at markdowns and heavy sales (which is not an unimaginable situation for a single-income young couple trying to settle down during a recession), rather than a desire to flaunt designer wear. Agree about the flat-screen TV, but I think that’s the culture gap… they’re not as cheaply and freely available in India as here.
Yes she would. She watches shows on that TV of hers – it may not have a flat screen yet but it can still show moving pictures and sound.
It is not just the recession. In general the inflated marriage market value of the green card is vanishing – atleast among the middle class.
I recently heard someone (in India) request their parents to exclude candidate grooms settled abroad from the search – she felt life was much more comfortable in India because of the availability of servants etc. This is someone who is mostly looking at being a housewife for the rest of her life and has a sister settled in the US – from where her notion of life here comes.
…”and young women with jobs have money of their own. In contrast, in the U.S., ‘people have to even clean their own toilets,’ says Hasit Dave”…
Yes, they want all of the independence with none of the responsibility. I think “spoiled” might be a better term for some of these types. An American friend, after living in Bombay for 18mos and having a servant, came back and said that she’d completely forgotten how to cook because she hadn’t had to for so long. The stench of burnt spices in our kitchen revealed it wasn’t a joke…
The bottom line is that the USA is not very welcoming to legal immigrants at this moment in history
My ‘friends’ in big cities in India complains that they can’t get reliable servants anymore. Their opinion is that thanks to TV etc and its mass availability, no one wants to be a ‘servant’ anymore (can’t blame having dreams). The affordable ones tend to be migrants from Bihar or bangladesh, and they have to be taught everything, are unreliable and they steal and vanish. The middle class servant life seems to be vanishing in desh too….However, I still noticed during a visit that there was a woman who came and cleaned the toilets and swept the floor…but that is not considererd a servant as she was not full time.
The trouble with the whole arranged marriage thing is it values conformity and stability. The idea is risk mitigation, and the ability to predict your life time earning potential forms the basis. However, life is unpredictable, if it were otherwise it would be boring, and there are many factors that could derail your plans and dreams. What happens to Anisha Seth, if her husband loses his job after their marriage or is a victim of misfortune that renders him paraplegic or quadriplegic and thus unable to achieve his earning potential as had been calculated at the time of marriage?
im a software engineer and i make 100k.. i’m 5’10 and 110lbs.. and i have the personality of a rock..and i couldn’t find a bride in india
This is awesome.
Now the dowry system can be reversed and the dude can start paying up to his bride and in-laws and order can finally be restored in the Universe.
I think this is a wonderful shift and a million steps forward for women in India that they will finally be valued as much as a man and be able to negogiate for dowry in a wedding.
The US economy is yet another lame excuse from the parents of the bride — it’s not like the Indian economy is particularly good right now either. The real reason would be more like “Oh my Bunty will be soooo far away how will I see her and feed her laddoo?”. Typical helicopter parenting.
The demand for Indian brides for green card holders has always been grossly over-rated In 1987, I got rejected by 20 Indian girls, who did not like my photo Some even spelled it out as ‘Physical incompatibility’
I am not surprised.
These wives won’t have it easy. Life is tough as an H4 dependent as it is, now with the added insecurity of impending layoffs, it probably makes sense for Indian women to be super careful while making the decision to move to the US.
Here’s a little story about the travails of the H4 wives
Never thought i would say this but luckily i am an accountant
There is always work for us!
Paging President Obama….. forget bailouts of autos and banks. Please allocate some TARP money to spruce up the bank accounts of NRI bachelors !!! You cannot let this tradition die under your watch. Question to desi parents: would a Treasury backed NRI groom be a safe enough asset?
This is why I date white women.
What’s wrong marrying a US based Indian origin girl?
Fromm the article bride who is smart, fluent in English, and “simultaneously, docile in the house.”. Docile can be construed as inexperienced ie Virgin. The blokes are not sure if a 25+ year old US based girl of Indian origin is one.
So all this means is they are just as experienced as their husbands at the time of marriage?
It’s always better to marry your equal anyway. What’s the complaint?
Yeah, those are my thoughts exactly. This is an area that I’m not really familiar with, but are all the guys who insist on getting an Indian bride… umm… social misfits? ie. have they just ‘struck out’ completely in the states and are getting wives from India because they don’t have any other option?
And what exactly constitutes a “good” wife any way? Or is it simply a case of chastity like someone posted above?
I think some stories have gotten back as well. I’ve seen one guy not disclose that he had out of wedlock kid with an American, another guy said he owns a business but really drives a taxi. Both went to india and got married, maybe it was easier because the girls weren’t college educated or were from vilages.
For all those guys who dream of getting “chaste” wives from India, it should be noted that urban society there has changed as well. There is a reason why abortion rates in gujarat skyrocket right after navratri…
Good point. I guess it’s easier to fool an overseas girl than it is to fool someone living in your own state with the resources available to find out what you’re really like (people hire spies these days).
Plus, I wouldn’t doubt it if Ameridesi women want to take the guy for a test drive first.
Can’t blame ’em.
I guess these guys are looking to tie the knot really quickly?
If so, you have to ask yourself “why”?
Most of Desi guys n gals who opted for arrange marriage are losers as they can’t score a girl or boy on their own. But if it’s not for arrange marriage most remain single just like their US counterparts. I’m totally against arrange marriage if one couldn’t able to find suitable spouse then it just means they aren’t maariage type.
What are these controlling parents (and brides) planning to do if the next fifty years don’t go exactly according to plan after the knot is tied, be it to a consultant, or to an accountant?
On a related note, I was recently told by a Bengali woman (off craigslist) that she no longer dated Indian men. No, -I- don’t date Indian women! You can’t not date me … I’ve already rejected you!
Most of Desi guys n gals who opted for arrange marriage are losers as they can’t score a girl or boy on their own.
Ah yes, there’s that ever-present, patronizing, condescending attitude among Vesterners (and many desis) that other desis (especially desi guys) are somehow inadequate when it comes to mating, and can’t find their errogenous regions without outside help.
I wonder how best to respond to these comments. Should I explain to them that our entire social life isn’t centered around the process of reproduction?? Should I try telling them that Vesterners also arranged their marriages in the past, and that this is mostly about preserving long-held traditions?? Or should I just ignore the troll??
I support the arranged marriage system and think it’s a good concept, in theory.
I don’t think people who take advantage of it are losers anymore than people who cycle in and out, in and out, of the dating chakra are losers.
When it comes to finding one’s jeevan sathi, there is some element of destiny involved.
Bottom line, whether you opt for arranged or love marriage, honesty and transperancy are of utmost importance. If you lie, it will come back to bite you in the a** one day.
“The blokes are not sure if a 25+ year old US based girl of Indian origin is one.”
Ain’t it cuz DBD gals who went to good schools in India are much smarter and exposed to the world and it’s current affairs than the average ABD gals?
Im a punjabi american male and i have had alot of success dating american desi women and other american women. My parents were the products of an arranged marriage, and there was no love, just alot of bickering. Women in general just want a true honest man that treats them with upmost respect and equality. Considering her needs is not a sin. Men this day and age need to step out of traditional gender roles in society every now and then (especially indian gender norms) e.g. learn to cook, clean, and keeping ur self clean. I found that having these qualities gives me a successful dating life and the perks.
Hung_Punjabi, don’t you mean to say a “chinese-punjabi-american male”???
Cooking, cleaning, catering to her needs…. I know SEVERAL women just on my block who want your number, a.s.a.p., like now, yaar.
Do you clean toilets too?
{American desi girls are whores}
I’ve always found this statement _____ are whores (fill in blank ) quite interesting. Since it takes two- assuming she’s not bi- what about the guy? What does that make him? Besides a hypocrite, I mean.
There could be men who are very considerate and do all the stuff you mention, yet be “losers” (as referred to by an earlier poster) when it comes to dating and attracting women. On the flip side, there could be a lot of men with great dating skills, yet be complete jerks in all other respects. I see no correlation between the two sets of qualities.
Agreed, Rama. So many of these guys who are stellar at dating are unable to maintain longterm relationships because they have so many issues.
Still though, there are plenty of desi guys who really milk the arranged marriage system and its concomitant dowry for all its worth, and that ain’t right.
Maybe a new system needs to be set in place where, although arranged, the dude still has to “proove” himself to the bride-to-be for a period of 6 months to a year, and if he screws up, she can dump him.
Already in place, Ghar Jamai: Arranged dating
So which country is the go-to country for brides?
On a related note, I was recently told by a Bengali woman (off craigslist) that she no longer dated Indian men.
Did you ask her why not?
After the Phillipines and Russian mail-order-bride era, things have come full circle and men are again appreciating honest, down-to-earth American feminists.
For everything there is a season.
Definitely Russia. Their libido’s been socially constructed by Bollywood cultural hegemony. Their economy was built on an oil bubble and now there are a lot of distressed assets ripe for the plucking.
Can your average Munnabhai compete?
In addition, you have to factor in the skewed male/female ratio in many parts of India. All of that selective abortion and infanticide means that in some parts of the country, there are almost twice as many boys as there are girls. The women are in short supply. India has become a total sausage-fest.
And still Indian women are not asking for dowry? What saints these women are!
Can someone please explain how even though they are in high demand in the marriage meat market, these valuable commodities have not raised their price?
Are they that well trained?
I wonder if this will help decrease the negative stereotype that American Born Independent successful women get about not being a good catch because we are way to americanized and thus way too independent and will not make a good wife? We may be able to stand on our own two feet-but maybe now Indian parents won’t see that as such a bad thing with your poor little son looses his job and the “wife” can support him???
Ghar Jamai is Pardesi Gori.
God forbid he just gets married to someone in America.
I think the concern that a lot of these men (who choose the arranged route) have is not so much that they can’t handle independent, successful women–to the contrary many ostensibly prefer them. Rather, it’s the sense of unbridled individualism without responsibility or thought for others that many in our generation, desi and non, often show. Individualism must also be balanced with a sense of responsibility and duty– something to which those of us who are a part of Generation Me aren’t always accustomed. And this narcissism is obviously applicable to men too, but just playing devil’s advocate here since the indian male is often our fave punching bag with respect to the topic.
Sorry, Newsweek got funky on me. Here’s the article: Generation Me I meant to post
S.Wry, I think twitter is the best example of the narccissitic Generation Me generation.
Tweet: Just ate toast with peanut butter.
Who the hell cares?
S.Wry, I think twitter is the best example of the narccissitic Generation Me generation.
Tweet: Just ate toast with peanut butter.
Who the hell cares?
GJ, I am so with you on that one…
I think a major reason why permamnent resident/H1B grooms have become less attractive is that its finally occuring to Indian brides that its not much fun living in the US if you are on a visa that doesn’t even allow you to possess an SSN (the H-4). The thought of waiting 5+ years before being allowed to work is, daunting, to say the least. This is especially so for urban Indian women who have finished post-graduate degrees and have a few years work experience at the time of marriage. H4 spouses are treated with barely concealed contemtpt by both immigration laws and by other Indians who happen to be on other, work-based visas. It makes no sense to put your life on hold indefinitely just to get the chance to live in Amrika.