Proposed agreement between Aishwarya and Freida

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WHEREAS, Aishwarya Bachchan (née Rai) won the AshFreida.jpg Miss World contest in 1994, bringing glory to India and paving the way for three lesser beauties to win the same title.

WHEREAS, Freida Pinto was a model who appeared in ads for Hutch, Airtel and Wrigley’s Chewing Gum, but was not selected by L’Oréal, the world’s largest cosmetics and beauty company, to grace billboards in New York, Toronto and other major cities around the world, causing innumerable men to drive their cars into telephone poles.

WHEREAS, Aishwarya Bachchan has long been known as “The Most Beautiful Woman in the World,” a title bestowed on her by none other than Julia Roberts, which, along with the acronym TMBWIIW, is widely recognized as her trademark, in much the same way as Angelina Jolie is widely considered to possess the trademark of TMBWITWOTA, or “The Most Beautiful Woman in the World Other Than Aishwarya.”

WHEREAS, Aishwarya Bachchan has appeared in 40 movies, has been crowned the “Queen of Bollywood,” and is a favorite of Mani Ratnam, Ashutosh Gowariker and other top directors who have created blockbusters featuring such acclaimed stars as Amitabh Bachchan, Abhishek Bachchan and Aishwarya Bachchan.

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p>WHEREAS, Freida Pinto has appeared in just one English movie, a role that required her mainly to smile and look pretty, while Aishwarya Bachchan has starred in several English movies such as Bride and Prejudice, Mistress of Spices and The Pink Panther 2, roles that required her to not just smile and look pretty, but also flutter her eyelashes.

WHEREAS, Aishwarya Bachchan is a member of the First Family of Bollywood, having married Abhishek Bachchan, the son of the legendary Amitabh Bachchan, aka Big B, the former “King of Bollywood,” who graciously abdicated his throne to allow younger actors to enjoy the limelight and to assume a new throne: “King of the Blogosphere.”

WHEREAS, Aishwarya Bachchan has longer hair and greener eyes than Freida Pinto.

NOW, THEREFORE, The parties reach the following agreement:

1. Freida Pinto shall not make any acceptance speeches at award shows or elsewhere without adding the words “I thank Ash for paving the way.”

2. Freida Pinto shall not appear in any movie in which another character refers to her character as “the most beautiful woman in the world,” without a disclaimer appearing in the ending credits that states: “All characters and compliments in this film are entirely fictitious.”

3. Freida Pinto shall not accept any compliment that includes the words “most beautiful” without saying, “Thank you, but you obviously have not seen Ash.”

4. Freida Pinto shall try her best not to monopolize movie roles intended for “exotic beauties.”

5. Freida Pinto shall make every effort, at any function attended by both parties, to direct members of the paparazzi toward Aishwarya Bachchan.

6. In return for the aforementioned consideration, Aishwarya Bachchan agrees to bestow the title of “The Most Beautiful Woman in the World,” along with the acronym TMBWITW, on Freida Pinto no later than 30 days after her 80th birthday.

167 thoughts on “Proposed agreement between Aishwarya and Freida”

  1. For those of you who are interested, also look up this other Supreme Court ruling: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Takao_Ozawa_v._United_States This case happened one year before Thind in 1922 (Thind case was in 1923). From “Whiteness of a Different Color” by Matthew Jacobson referring to the impact of Ozawa v United States: “You may be “white,” in other words, but not “Caucasian.”

    So Ozawa (1922) was deemed White but not Caucasian, therefore not “White” and Caucasian like Europeans eligible for American citizenship, and Thind (1923) was deemed Caucasian but not White, therefore not “White” and Caucasian like Europeans eligible for American citizenship.

  2. I think Freida looks more natural looking. Aishwarya looks weird like she already has had plastic surgery. Freida is young and I feel if she plays her cards right she can become a mainstream Hollywood superstar.

  3. I don’t think Freida is trying to distance herself from being Indian at all. I think Freida is a young woman that sees a major opporutnity here she can become a mainstream Hollywood star. I hope Freida gets a lot of endorsements in the USA and make money! Aishwarya is very overrated Parminder Nagra is better looking and a better actress as well. I also feel that Nandita Das really was a trailblazer for Indian women in terms of getting work in western films. Das is a very talented actress much better then Aishwarya.

  4. Ash is not overrated. What is overrated is the overseas desis obsession with her, and the obsession is very much the product of western media’s eroticization of Asian women. For a while it was East Asian women like Zhang Ziyi, Michelle Yeoh (of course East Asian men cannot be sexy or in romantic leads) and now it is Ash or Frieda (again, of course the South Asian MEN are chopped liver and you don’t see them in romantic leads). What is interesting about Ash, as opposed to Ziyi or Michelle Yeoh or Frieda, is how staunchly committed Ash remained to India and the Indian entertainment industry. Ash in many ways did not cross over (or make atrocities like Memoirs of Geisha like Ziyi).

    People who actually watch Asian movies know that the looks are wide and varied: The stars of today like Preity Zinta, Rani Mukherjee, Kajol, etc, are brilliant actresses first. Ash has never been considered an actress in India–she is more a model and a very good spokesperson for the region.

    And to those saying that Ash doesn’t look Indian: She looks Afghani/Kashmiri/Central Asian-Azerbaijani to me (with her green eyes), but that doesn’t mean that she is any less South Asian. This kind of talk about authenticity is shocking and scary. Just because the Brits and the mimic-men Anglophiles managed to carve up and divide the Indian subcontinent doesn’t mean those divisions need to persist. Historically, this kind of talk precedes ethnic warfare.

    To Rob and others who talk about those light skinned foreigners from the 11th century: saying that ARABS came as colonizers in 1200s is just plain ignorant. Arabs traded in the area (mostly coastal cities) but never settled here. CENTRAL ASIAN MUSLIMS came to India (the Mughals were of central Asian descent) as Sufis, traders, etc. There is Persian presence in South Asia as well (hence the ghazals, prem kahanis, and the abundance of Persian words in Urdu/Hindi/Bangla), but Arab influence is negligible. Get your history right–especially if you are going to rail against those light skinned (Muslim) outsiders.

    To Orville: Your blog is…very…interesting.

  5. I don’t think Indian men are chop liver at all but that’s just my personal opinion! Kal Penn is an Indian male and he’s a male lead. Kal Penn here is a young Indian American man and he is a rising Hollywood star. What about Dev Patel? Dev Patel he’s a young British man and he has the potential to become a huge star. And the guy from Heroes he’s a lead on that show and he’s Indian American. I actually think there is progress in Hollywood right now for South Asian actors. Of course the progress could be moving more quickly but the success of Slumdog Millionaire may open Hollywood’s eyes. Slumdog Millionaire has grossed over $100 in North America alone with an all Indian cast isn’t this wonderful? I think this is amazing! I also believe the success of Slumdog will help South Asian actors in Hollywood get better roles and work.

  6. To Rob and others who talk about those light skinned foreigners from the 11th century: saying that ARABS came as colonizers in 1200s is just plain ignorant.

    Nilufar–could you kindly indicate where I made that claim? That doesn’t strike me as something I’ve said (or, thought, for that matter).

  7. Ash in many ways did not cross over (or make atrocities like Memoirs of Geisha like Ziyi).

    Oh if only this were true. But no. I had to get roped by my ex into sitting through this godawful piece of crap. Somehow they must have though putting Colin Firth in an “action movie” would either get girlfriends to rope their boyfriends in or vice-versa. Instead it just left everyone bitter, angry, and questioning the validity of cinema as an art form.

  8. Rai is South Indian. The Bunts are a South Indian community from Karnataka, and speak a South Indian language Tulu.

  9. And Rai is from a matrilineal community. The Bunts like the Jains in that same region are matrilineal.

  11. Ha! Man people get SERIOUSLY worked up if you say their object of attraction is not what they find attractive. I told my mother I didn;t find Ash as attractive as everyone says and she got super pissed. Who the hell cares? I like women who have a medium brown skin tone and men who have light to medium. I don’t care how good of an actress Freida is or isn’t. I think she’s hotter than Aishywarya Rai any day (as do I think is Malika Sherawat). I prefer slightly angular features on people. I found very round features to be a turn off. As a light-brown skinned, brown eyed person, yes I am jealous of her blue/green/grey whatever eyes. I also get mistaken for Hispanic all the time, and if my name were “Freida” over Seema I don’t think it would help. All of you need to chill the f out. Guess what? I think Sharukh Khan is butt ugly too! OH NOES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  12. @rasmalai…it is not the disagreement over the idea of beauty, but the body of work..It irks me to see Aish and Amitabh drawn into this melee. Slumdog had the Amitabh effect woven throughout the theme. Who can forget the influence this man had during his peak? I remember as a little kid when India prayed for his well-being; united through class, culture, and religion as he lay in the hospital. Even today he has a strong presence. Sometimes even the cinema screen can come up with icons and national treasures. Hema, Rekha, Amitabh, Aishwarya, all belong to that league. They have worked hard to entertain millions of fans worldover. To me the slumdog effect is the reverse of the fantasy effect the Indian movie screen provides. To escape the harsh reality, the poorest of poor seek an escape, a solace in the darkened theaters. For the well-nourished, slumdog is as someone succinctly put it, poverty heaven. It is at the end of the day, one movie, a good one. But after slumdog, there will still be Bollywood. Freida, may she revel in the glory, has truly hit the jackpot. Just don’t compare her with Aishwarya. They are in different leagues. Aishwarya has proved that she can hold on her own several times. Freida is riding the slumdog wave on the shoulders of the kids, mumbai,rahman,and Boyle.

  14. @rahul, that was a funny clip. Seriously though, Oscars need not be the ultimate nod for the stalwarts. Anil Kapoor despite his eager-beaver nature, is a super actor. I guess he could have garnered several Oscars if he were part and parcel of Hollywood. Call it artistic license. We need to ignore powerhouses even if they are attention hogs. I think Anil did convey the obnoxious, egotistic Millionaire host to a hilt. It would not have been the same without him. It is FP’s attention-grabbing that irks me so. Anyone could have played her miniscule part. Her greasy, servile PR toward the hosts and interviewers of the west, the AJ-pastry incident, the Leonardo wonder, are all cringe-worthy. At every possible moment, she takes sly digs toward India.I have not seen the servility nor humility when she interviews in India.And now, with mumbai in the scene, Miss pinto wants to settle in NYC as it reminds her of amchi mumbai. With relief I watched the excitement when the real heroes trooped up the stage to receive the award.

  16. 140 · Yoga Fire said

    I personally think the almost universal desire for a lighter skin tone has something to do with our evolution, b/c it’s a characteristic, that even among people that have no light-skinned people among them, they seem to prefer light skin.
    Or it could be the heritage of colonialism. First it was lighter skinned Arabs in the 1200s and then Europeans who traveled and traded around the world flaunting wealth and power. That’s about 800 years of cultural programming.

    It is actually 4,000 years of cultural programming. Indo-Aryans began the varna classification.

  17. I don’t care that Rai is light skinned with light eyes. It’s just that she’s so freakin ridiculous looking. I mean look at her in the pic. She looks like a poorly dressed cartoon. That eyebrow, that hideous necklace, very funny and old fashioned, and awkward. I think it is shameful how she is celebrated for her skin and her eyes totally disregarding the fact that she isn’t very beautiful, can’t act, or even just simply look good on the red carpet. She didn’t pave the way for anything, except to embarrass intelligent people, Indian and otherwise with her garishness. Freida’s overwhelming success with just one movie feels like redemption after so many years of having to watch Rai look and behave ridiculously and be so inexplicably drooled over.

    Finally we have a beautiful Indian girl who is actually good looking and looks like most of the Indian women in India. She can also act, speak, and has very good style. Pinto has been named the most highly paid Indian actress of all time. Shame it had to happen out of racist India. It’s not about quantity like DesiDame has mentioned it’s about quality. Don’t you find it disgusting that the Hindi actors make their millions off the poor people and yet do nothing to help them? With all their money they could turn it all around, or at least make a dent of sorts. Yeah sure, they throw money at orphanages here and there. What saints. Slum Dog showed the reality of the people that your lousy Bachchan has found his fame and money on. That is why it is mentioned through out the movie, and that is what has irked him. I can’t stand Bollywood for their racism and elitism, oh, and their crappy movies. Freida babe, New York welcomes you with open arms!