Diary of Barack Obama’s desi roommate

The ongoing search for all photos and documents from President diary.jpg Obama’s past has turned up a diary that his desi roommate kept in the early 1980s. Some of the entries are quite revealing:

Aug. 28, 1981: Barack and I went searching for furniture today. We found a couch that someone had dumped on the street. It doesn’t look too bad, once we turned the cushions over. It doesn’t smell bad either, once Barack sprayed it with his Brut.

Sept. 14, 1981: Barack and I have been eating pizza, macaroni and cheese, and Ramen noodles for dinner. But today, I decided to make chicken karahi for a change. Barack tasted it and said, “Mmmm … This is a good change. Did I tell you how much I believe in change?”

Oct. 2, 1981: I tried to get Barack to give up cigarettes today. I said to him, “Why smoke cigarettes when you can smoke pot?” But it didn’t work. Poor guy. He really needs some help.

Nov. 13, 1981: Barack is a little too square. I’m trying to get him to be more stylish, more cool. Yesterday, I took him to see Sholay at a friend’s house, hoping that Amitabh Bachchan’s style would rub off on him. And today, Barack is walking around wearing a wide-collared shirt and saying, “Tera naam kya hai, Basanti?”

Nov. 20, 1981: Barack is such a dreamer. He talks about being leader of America one day. I told him that he needs to shoot for something more realistic, such as leader of the church choir. I mean, the day a black man becomes leader of America is the day I need to give up weed.Dec. 11, 1981: I spent the entire morning teaching Barack how to pronounce Pakistan. He kept saying “Pack-he-stan.” He finally got it right though. In a few days, we’ll try it again and this time without the rubber band on his tongue.

Jan. 14, 1981: I wish I was as smart as Barack. His brain is like a sponge. Mine is like a stone. When we go to nightclubs, he doesn’t have to write any phone numbers down. Neither do I, but that’s another story.

March 3, 1982: Barack is concerned about all the homeless people in the city. He says he wants to show them how they can help themselves. “It’s a good idea,” I told him. “Just do it on the street, not in our apartment. I don’t want them helping themselves here.”

April 22, 1982: Barack and I are really into the party scene. I’m always ready to go to a party and he’s always recruiting for one.

May 8, 1982: Barack dragged me along to the basketball court this evening. Some other guys were there too. Barack and another guy picked teams. I was the worst player there, but Barack picked me first. On the way home, he said, “Winning isn’t everything. Besides, none of those other guys knows how to make chicken karahi.”

42 thoughts on “Diary of Barack Obama’s desi roommate

  1. Melvin! If it guaranteed that you made this up, we can totally make this the most viral post ever (at least among dezzis). Very fun man, “Tera naam kya hai, Basanti.” lol lolol

  2. 6 · PleaseStop said

    This one is cornier than the first.

    Some people like corny, cheesy humor. Some others don’t. That does not make it ‘not funny’. Alternatively you can go watch Agantuk.

  3. Jan. 14, 1981 is the best. heh… Nov. 20, 1981 was good too, and too true. just 1 year ago that was the conventional wisdom.

  4. June 1, 1982: It’s really annoying the way Barack constantly makes his friends repeat inspiring slogans. But now I’m afraid he’s become an egomaniac. Last night he bought a girl home and all night he just kept making her repeat: “Yes, Barack! Yes Barack…”

  5. July 2, 1982: Baracks acting weird. He was watching the news and I asked; “What did the weatherman say?” he turned and screamed back; “dude, i’ve told you a million times, he just a guy in my neighborhood!!”

  6. August 1 1982: its really frustrating how all the women throw themselves at Barack but no one looks at me. Barack suggested: “you can put some lipstick on a pig…”

  7. August 2 1982: today barack and i bought some fake american birth certificates. they look sooooooo real.

  8. april 9 1983: so i’m really into this new talk show, but Barack was like: “dude, turn that crap off and grab a book. listening to that donahue ripoff isn’t going to do you any good in life.”

  9. 6 · PleaseStop said

    I hope i don’t get banned for this, but come on, how is this is funny?

    Disliking a post never gets you banned. Is there a secret, inaccurate FAQ somewhere that spreads these crazy ideas?

    We ban those who are disruptive, rude or disrespectful. You are none of those.

  10. 4/20: barack asks me for pot and coke. i am stunned that he’s decided to take up drugs again, but turns out he only wants my karahi to make some chicken, and wash it down with soda.

  11. Disliking a post never gets you banned. Is there a secret, inaccurate FAQ somewhere that spreads these crazy ideas?

    But it does get your stupid comment deleted by the evil split personality of the intern. If the only comment you can come up with is a rude one then don’t bother because I will delete it.

  12. Melvin, I luuuuuv you! You have new light to the dark, doldrums at SM…genuius, sexy, and witty. Will you marry me?

  13. Feb 9 1981: So Barack was dating this older married woman. He decided to move on but she just won’t leave. “Its not over till I say its over,” she keeps repeating. Man, once you go Barack…

  14. I’m going to have to read this later, because I’m in a conference room and can’t laugh out loud in front of my colleagues. But in my skimming, I found the mention of Brut, “Tera naam kya hai, Basanti?”, and “Did I tell you how much I believe in change?” So, obviously, this is a must-read for the train ride home. excellent addition to SM…

    stand up @ 17 – loved that post :)

  15. May 1, 1982

    I was out of work cause the economy sucked… Barack gave me 850Billon USD, and coupon book for 5 free abortions.. he said that should fix everything..

  16. Thanks Melvin… I got all excited about this and read it to my sisters thinking it was real… and I got shot up with ridicule… bah I got blinded with my own foolish excitement… lol good one!

  17. Thanks for some great laughs. Fun post…I thought it was real too, until it became clear it was just too much to be true :)

  18. This diary entries may be imaginary not real so we should not tally rely on it

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  19. This is so funny! between your posts and regular commentors like Manju and Lupus, I know I can always get a good laugh and sometimes actually learn something too. Welcome!

  20. I tried to get Barack to give up cigarettes today. I said to him, “Why smoke cigarettes when you can smoke pot?” But it didn’t work. Poor guy. He really needs some help.

    You know he did coke, right?

    Anyway, amusing…

  21. OMG.

    I. Am. Stupid.

    I read that whole post and thought “WOW!”, and then I got to the bottom and saw Melvin’s name, and I was like,”…this is all made up, isn’t it?”

    You have no idea how excited I got when I read all that and thought it was real. I was about to forward the blog post to my friends and family with the message “Read this!” I was also admiring the Pakistani boy’s sense of humor. Damn you. I completely and totally thought it was real until I saw your name.

  22. This Is So Cheesy…My 7 Year Old Neighbor Could Have Written This…This Is A Lie…Some No Life Probably Took An Hour To Make It Up,Unless He’s Psych,This Definetly Is Fake =[