She tried.
She tried to make her marriage to a violent new husband work, and when that failed, she did what she was supposed to do; she summoned the courage to leave. She got not one, but two restraining orders. She switched coasts, to take shelter with the only relatives she had in this vast country, and put 3,ooo miles between herself and her abuser. He drove across that vastness, with a single purpose: to take back what was “his”.
She did everything right, and he still hunted her down, and killed her, in front of the Holy of Holies, in God’s own house, while a hapless congregation was on their knees, reciting prayers for the dead.
A 24-year old Indian immigrant from Kerala trying to escape an abusive marriage, was killed by her husband, who also shot two other persons injuring them critically at a church in New Jersey. [express]
The shootings happened at 11:44 a.m., a witness said.
The gunman ran from the church and drove away in a green convertible Jeep Wrangler with a black soft top and the California license 5JHD200, said the police, who identified him as Joseph Pallipurath, 27, of Sacramento. He remained at large Sunday night as the New Jersey State Police and law enforcement authorities in northern New Jersey widened a manhunt on highways and at transportation terminals. [nyt]
Police kept the parishioners inside the defiled sanctuary for two hours, to gather statements. Then,
Stunned, teary-eyed congregants emerged from their Clifton church this afternoon after a gunman shot three people in the head, killing his estranged wife from an arranged marriage, and leaving the other two victims clinging to life.
Reshma James, 24, died about 4 p.m., police said. The other two victims, identified by fellow parishioners as Dennis John Malloosseril, 23, and Silvy Perincheril, 47, were in what police termed “very critical condition.â€
Friends of Malloosseril said he was near death and family members were making arrangements to donate his organs late tonight. [NJ.com]
Malloosseril did die tonight. Besides being on the church’s Board of Directors, he was a computer analyst who took responsibility for the parish website. Had Malloosseril survived, this heroic man would have celebrated his birthday on Tuesday. Instead, he is a victim of what the New York Times called “the climax of a violent domestic quarrel that had reached from California to India to New Jersey over the past year”. Gruesome details regarding the “violent climax”, from a congregant left numb from the horror:
“I didn’t see anything — I just heard the shots,†said 15-year-old Keziah Alummoottio. “Then everyone was screaming, we got down on the floor. I was so scared, just wishing it was a dream. People started calling everyone on their cellphone, but I couldn’t. I just lay there.â€
Alummoottio, who stood barefoot on the street after leaving the church, was oblivious to the bitterly cold pavement. She said she took her shoes off in the church’s vestibule before the service as tradition allows, but they “had too much blood on them and the police said I had to leave them there.â€[NJ.com]
The church shootout sent shockwaves across the country. [rediff]
Indeed, a commenter abroad emailed our tip line, saying the tragedy was in the “news, even in faraway Australia.”
The Clifton police described Mr. Pallipurath as armed and dangerous, 5 feet 8 inches tall and 160 pounds. They said active restraining orders had been issued in California and New Jersey against him after domestic violence complaints by his wife, who had moved recently to New Jersey. Detective Capt. Robert Rowan said it appeared the gunman had driven from California to try to force her to return with him.
Members of the church gave a more elaborate account of the woman’s hardships, citing an arranged and abusive marriage that had left her terrified. A family friend, Aniyan Panavelil, said Ms. James, a registered nurse who grew up in India, had wed Mr. Pallipurath, an American, in India a year ago in an arrangement made by their families.
It was unclear if they had met before their wedding.[nyt]
Is this really relevant? You can meet someone before your marriage, hell, you can meet someone and know them for years, and only find out later that they are capable of nightmarish abuse.
James had moved from India…to California in January with her husband. But church members said the relationship soon turned violent.
“He was beating her,” Record quoted Rev Thomas Abraham Lahayil, the church’s vicar, as saying…
She fled Sacramento in California where the couple had their home and moved in with her cousin Perincheril, who is the church’s Sunday school teacher.
James has no immediate family in the US and her parents are en route from India, Church members were quoted as saying.[express]
I’m not sure what else paavam Reshma could have done to escape her tormentor. She left him and moved in with her family– family which, thank GOD, didn’t tell her to “make it work” or “think of the shame you’ll cause us”. And yet, that wasn’t enough, fleeing 3,ooo miles was not enough, none of it was enough to save her or prevent two other innocent people from being harmed.
I’ve read various articles which state that the murderer is American, which has me wondering if he was a 2nd gen ABD, like most of us. If he is, then shame on us as a community, for being surrounded by PSAs, movies of the week, posters on the walls of our high schools, dedicated non-profits…and still not getting it. Shame on us for sweeping violence under the rug. Shame on us for guilting victims in to staying in nightmarish relationships, out of some misplaced sense of duty to what? Family? Tradition? Our oft-vaunted culture? The same culture which, while extraordinary in many ways, also places a premium on honor, and teaches little ones that it’s okay to rain your wrath and pain on those whom you love most, because that’s what many of us saw our parents do, and no one ever tells?
The cycle never stops.
Something needs to change. No, not something. Someone. SomeoneS. We need to change. We need to treat domestic violence as more than an afterthought or a distasteful, unfortunate situation which happens to other people, people whom we then whisper about, but don’t help. I saw it, over and over again while growing up. Everybody knew who was hurting, nobody did a damned thing.
We need to switch the burden of shame from the victim to the abuser, to call out such behavior collectively and condemn it, thoroughly, until it stops.
I’m not alone in feeling this anguish. Approximately a dozen of you emailed me about this senseless tragedy, while expressing your own grief; almost all of you used the word “community“.
shows that domestic violence occurs in the desi community and for the perpertrators nothing including life, liberty, and choice is inviolable
Something to inform the Indian community about. There are so many domestic violence stories which occur in our community that go unreported and unheard.
And most heartbreaking of all, from another Malayalee woman:
This story reminds me so much of myself. When my daughter was three, I tried to leave my then-husband, who abused me. I was afraid he would kill me. I told someone, and they offered to help me. I almost left, but then I realized he would just come after me and kill me and the person who tried to help. I didn’t care about my life, but I couldn’t let someone innocent die. That’s why I stayed…
There has to be another way. There has to be. My prayers are with Reshma, Dennis, Silvy, their families, that parish, and all of us.
::
The National Domestic Violence Hotline is 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or TTY 1-800-787-3224 (help available in 170 languages).
An important note I hadn’t even thought of:
Computer use can be monitored and is impossible to completely clear. If you are afraid your internet and/or computer usage might be monitored, please use a safer computer, call your local hotline, and/or call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or TTY 1-800-787-3224[NDVH]
SAWNET has a list of resources (for the U.S., U.K., Canada, India), here. SAKHI has a list of American organiztions, here.
::
UPDATE #1- We’ve received new information, in the last hour. Georgia-area mutineers, keep your eyes peeled for evil:
Police are searching for the suspect, 27-year-old Joseph M. Pallipurath of Sacramento, Calif., in Georgia, where he has relatives. [AP]
::
UPDATE #2- Some of you have asked for statistics or more information. We’ve written about domestic violence before. The following posts may be of interest to you: Wifebeating in India (updated w/ child abuse figures), Wifebeating worldwide, National Sexual Assault Awareness Month.
::
UPDATE #3- a reader lets us know that the murderer’s Father wants him to turn himself in (thanks, “more info”):
Mathai Pallipurath, the suspect’s father, told The Associated Press Monday he doesn’t know his son’s whereabouts and hasn’t had any contact with him. But he urged his son to surrender, and asked his son’s friends to do the same if they hear from him.
Mathai Pallipurath said he had not seen his daughter-in-law since the family made a trip to India in September. She stayed behind in the southern state of Kerala when he and his son returned to the United States. They had sent her a plane ticket to return in early October, but she didn’t come back and they had not heard from her.
Pallipurath said he did not know his daughter-in-law had returned to the U.S. and didn’t know his son, who lives in an apartment in Sacramento, had tracked her down in New Jersey until he learned about Sunday’s church shooting. [newsday]
Mathai Pallipurath went on to say that he thought the couple was happy and that his son was a handsome, nice guy. No. The man whom he murdered deserves those accolades. To those of you who are grieving for your friend (I’ve seen your status updates on FB), my sincerest condolences. He sounds like he was an amazing human being.
::
UPDATE #4- This is Dennis John’s picture, from the Facebook group created in his memory:
May his (and Reshma’s) memory be eternal.
::
UPDATE #5- Joseph Pallipurath, the killer, is neither 1st nor 2nd gen; he’s 1.5. Born in Kerala, he came here for high school. I add this update because I think it underscores how pointless it is to cast aspersions on ABDs or DBDs as if one group is more prone to misogyny.
::
UPDATE #6- One of the victim’s family members speaks:
I remember discussions last summer when I was in Kerala about this marriage. Reshma’s mother lives 2 houses down from my paternal grandparents. Reshma comes from a broken home – her mother left her father (who shares the same family name as I) and settled where she lives now (across the road from her sister). What I heard last summer was that many of the relatives advised her not to go through w/ the marriage. I’m not sure exactly how they met but I will tell you it wasn’t a straight out arranged marriage from what I know. They met somehow and I think despite what she had heard about him from others, she thought he was a changed man. I’m sure she also thought that this was a way for her family life to get better since she would be going to America after a short while as he was a US citizen. Once she got a job, she’d be able to send money back to her mom like my parents do even now. [sm]
::
UPDATE #7- 1:15am. Breaking news. THEY FOUND HIM! (Thanks, rani):
A California man accused of driving to New Jersey and fatally shooting his estranged wife and another man inside a church on Sunday has been captured in Georgia.
New Jersey district U.S. Marshal James Plousis said 27-year-old Joseph M. Pallipurath was captured around midnight Monday in Monroe, east of Atlanta. [msnbc]
May justice be served.
6 · Shawn said
Of course it can happen outside an arranged marriage, but this is what scares ME about arranged marriages.
Psychopathy has no ethnicity or abddbdcity. The ability to for a psychopath to act is controlled by geography . America is the worst – cars and guns.
It’s funny how I see these American news reports (in the last 2 days) criticize “these immigrants” for crime and our backward values that we bring from “the wacky country”.
Then, I look at Kerala/Indian news reports (in the last 2 days) that criticize “American Indians” for being corrupted with these American values they’ve inherited over the years.
Domestic Violence is everywhere..even if the murderer was American (DBD or ABD or CBD) or not. We need to look at the issue at stake..not divulge into a whole other (much ignorant) set of arguments.
37 · niraj said
I agree that it’s so difficult to protect yourself from domestic violence on your own, it’s one of the worst situations you can find yourself in having seen it myself with others. What was that poor girl meant to do? Even if she had a gun, she would still be in risk.
I’ve learned that both of the murder victims friends and family are reading this post, and possibly this thread. Thank you for keeping it respectful.
wtf?!
http://www.telegraphindia.com/1081125/jsp/nation/story_10160109.jsp
i’ve been reading all of this as I haven’t been able to concentrate on anything else since I found out what happened yesterday. Reshma is 3rd cousins to my mom, but I also knew Sanish since he mostly grew up in the Bay Area and has been living in Sacramento for a while now. I grew up in Roseville, not too far from there. Also Sanish’s mom’s brother is married to my 1st cousin. that’s the lovely world of the knanaya family circle.
I remember discussions last summer when I was in Kerala about this marriage. Reshma’s mother lives 2 houses down from my paternal grandparents. Reshma comes from a broken home – her mother left her father (who shares the same family name as I) and settled where she lives now (across the road from her sister). What I heard last summer was that many of the relatives advised her not to go through w/ the marriage. I’m not sure exactly how they met but I will tell you it wasn’t a straight out arranged marriage from what I know. They met somehow and I think despite what she had heard about him from others, she thought he was a changed man. I’m sure she also thought that this was a way for her family life to get better since she would be going to America after a short while as he was a US citizen. Once she got a job, she’d be able to send money back to her mom like my parents do even now.
I met Reshma back in June in Sacramento at my cousin’s graduation party. I didn’t realize it was the same girl everyone talked about back in India last summer until now as I don’t live up there and didn’t see her after that. For some reason I didn’t put 2 and 2 together. Even when another uncle called me yesterday after seeing the story on Asianet, and asked me who Reshma Kunnassery was, I didn’t know. I called my aunt in NJ afterwards, and that’s how I found out the info to put it all together. I really hope Sanish turns himself in. He’s gotta know he can’t run forever.
Whether this had happened in India or here, he’s gonna get caught sooner or later. I’ve seen comments on the news websites that say that had this happened in India he would have been free and clear. I don’t believe that’s true, considering that most people found out about this across the world via Asianet. I think the same would have happened in India. The news would have spread faster there and I’m sure he wouldn’t be on the loose for long. I hope we can see justice happen soon enough.
Did HE have a history of violence/bad behavior? How did they meet? Why didn’t he want a girl from America? Why a Kerala girl? Did it have to with his upbringing?
58 . rhe said
This may not be the ideal time to interrogate a victim’s family. Let’s remain respectful, please.
Ooppss..Sorry didn’t mean too
http://www.indianexpress.com/news/keralaorigin-man-shoots-wife-injures-2-in-us-church-shootout/390052/2
Joseph and wife Reshma got married just a year back. Many Christian families from Kottayam are settled in the US, and often come to the state looking for brides. In particular demand are nurses, as they get jobs easily in the US. This was how Joseph came knocking on the doors of Kunnassery Kumbanakunnel James and Mary, who live in Kaduthuruthy in Kottayam. Their daughter Reshma had graduated from a nursing college in Chennai.
The match was promptly fixed and soon after the wedding, Reshma left for California with Joseph. According to her brother, Jude James, there were problems from the beginning. “On reaching California, Joseph began to torture Reshma. Last month, the couple came to Kerala along with Joseph’s father to amicably settle the differences between them. But that mission did not help,†he says. Soon after returning to Sacramento, Joseph and Reshma separated. He went to California and she moved to New Jersey to stay with the cousin who was also injured in Sunday’s shootout.
Jude says Joseph was hot-tempered, egoistic, and would drink and beat up Reshma. He would reportedly also lock her up inside their apartment.
60 · rhe said
I know you didn’t. Thank you for your understanding; I appreciate it, I’m sure the victims’ loved ones do, too.
This is a “nut job”. Dont know how much of socializing / community values / re-education would have helped. As Neale put it, cars and guns brind down the psychos barriers. If it had not been Reshma it would have been someone else. From what I have read, this guy was an accident waiting to happen. The question is why a madman was left loose rather than being locked up in a mental asylum. Please dont put this under Domestic Violence in the desi community as it will get swept under the carpet. I know it is not politically correct but mad people do exist and many are not fit enough to function in modern day society. Mental illness is serious and lack of treatment can kill.
Prejudice against inter-caste marriages can add to the problem too.. in India or not.
There are just so many possible factors.. it’s impossible to know exactly why this horrible thing happened. My heart goes out to the victims.
I see everyone has pretty much agreed that DV is not exclusively a desi issue, but that some aspects of desi culture might contribute to it and that we need to open up more, talk about it and take action, which is precisely what these village women in India have done, in a very desi way I might add, lathis and all!
http://www.disinfo.com/content/story.php?title=Pink-Sari-Gang-Indias-Vigilante-Women-1
A video here;
http://www.bittenandbound.com/2008/11/24/pink-sari-gang-gulabi-gang-photos-and-video/
sigh If only our Indo-American cultural organizations could mobilize campaigns or clinics dealing with issues ranging from immigration to accessing health care to domestic violence. Specifically, I’ve asked the chair people of Malayalee cultural associations (and Churches) in my area to start up some initiatives that could address these problems. Unfortunately, these ideas get rebuffed in exchange for the usual and sometimes excessive investment in social and cultural programs/ganamelas/etc. Imagine the kind of awareness (and reduction of stigma) that could be raised if our communities channelled all that energy into helping potential victims.
On a side note, I don’t believe in the death penalty, but I hope God has mercy on Pallipurath’s soul. And that he be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.
For readers and bloggers: Dennis John, one of the victims was a die-hard giants fan and while I was covering the story today for my paper, some of his cousins and family members requested that I reach out to the Giants and see if they’d get them a jersey signed by Antonio Pierce for his burial. I am trying to do that on my end, but perhaps you guys can individually or collectively reach out to the Giants PR and a get a petition together or something. Just wanted to get it out there and see what can be done.
63 · melbourne desi said
It IS domestic violence and he IS a “nutcase.” But that doesn’t mean it’s not domestic violence. While I want to get justfiably riled up at your attitude towards DV, it’s more heart-breaking because it shows how society regards DV as something that should/will be swept under the carpet. And if you really don’t think it should be swept under the carpet, well then, changing that attitude begins with yourself.
Mental illness is serious but so are degrading attitudes towards women. If more people had respect for both issues (mental illness and DV), then maybe this wouldn’t have happened. But you cannot deny this was a case of DV, pure and simple.
I have a couple of issues with what has been written about the suspect in this crime by some of the commenters in this thread. What he did was unforgivable and it will be up to the criminal justice system and his God (if he believes in one) to judge him appropriately. But why do people insist on labels such as “evil” and “nutcase.” In order to commit this atrocious act he neither had to be “evil” (whatever the hell that really means since I didn’t understand it when Bush used it either) nor mentally impaired. Whether discussing Hitler, Stalin, the Genocide in Darfur or oppression in North Korea, why must we always use such over-the-top labels to dehumanize criminals and crimes? By doing so we make them into “other” and thereby are less willing to accept that humans are capable of much that is hurtful without being mentally impaired or controlled by a “satan.” It is easier to ignore things like domestic violence if you just label it “evil” and move on. What happened in this church wasn’t evil and Pallipurath may have been perfectly sane and it all happened anyway. Its harder to deal with the sadness without having such labels but it is more honest I think. My two cents.
It makes it easier for people to condemn them to death or otherwise ruin their lives through harsh punishments.
Those harsh punishments are necessary both as deterrents and to remove these dangers from civilized society. But it’s not an easy thing to do.
Some people may deserve the word “evil” but I’m reluctant to use it for this type of killer, who is not that uncommon unfortunately.
Evil- 1 a: morally reprehensible . b: arising from actual or imputed bad character or conduct.
That would fit what this guy did.
“Whether discussing Hitler, Stalin, the Genocide in Darfur or oppression in North Korea, why must we always use such over-the-top labels to dehumanize criminals and crimes? By doing so we make them into “other” and thereby are less willing to accept that humans are capable of much that is hurtful without being mentally impaired or controlled by a “satan.”
I don’t understand what you are saying here. Nobody makes anybody into “otherâ€. Hitler, Stalin, the Genocide in Darfur or oppression in North Korea are all acts of evil…. Just like there are acts of good. Humans are capable of being or acting evil. And when they are, sometimes, they act on it and harm others. Hence, a situation such as this. By labeling someone as evil does not excuse them from justice. It just acknowledges their act as deviant from the norm.
Not everyone runs into a church, mosque, temple, synagogue and shoots their wife and 2 others after a quarrel. He had a 3000 mile drive to think about the consequence of what he is going to do. And even after all that time and distance, he could still justify the killing. To me that warrants a psych evaluation at the least!!!
“What happened in this church wasn’t evil and Pallipurath may have been perfectly sane and it all happened anyway.â€
It was an act of evil by a very demented person.
excellent question. meanwhile, the NRA enthusiasts on this board want us all to be armed at church, (‘people without arms are slaves’ wtf??) without considering that the easy availability of arms curtails freedom for all of us in the long run. guns at schools to protect yourself from the bullies? guns at the bar to protect yourself from brawlers? guns at camp? guns at hospitals?
so many crimes are committed by unreasonable people and power-intoxicated governments with ever more destructive weapons, that we all should be looking at disarmament across the board, rather than proliferation. it’s okay if people use their rifles during hunting season, but conceal and carry is not something i could ever endorse in good conscience. i’m hoping that one day we’ll vote in a government that creates an amnesty program for returning illegal weapons.
this woman wouldn’t have been killed if crazies were allowed to have guns. it was so admirable for her to have made the effort to obtain relief from the courts. she seems to have been a pro-active woman who was unfortunately wronged by our irrational gun laws.
The suspect has been captured — I just checked on Yahoo portal. Hope it’s really him.
Here’s the link to the suspect captured article.
Getting into this discussion very late.
Treating this purely as a case of domestic violence (DBD/ABD or whatever category) may not be the right way to look at it.IMO, this is a case of pure psychopathic crime and the harshest punishment possible should be given.
Pravin @45 is asking an important question. This killer had 2 restraining orders against him, from his wife and father.The CA police would have him in their database.And yet, he manages to obtain a gun, travel across the country and shoot people in a Church.
The killer knew where to go, when to go, and timed his ghastly deed when the prayers are being completed.How?
I am sure the investigators will unearth more details, to answer the above question.It is a shame that an insecure and violet man who habitually abused his father and wife was not sent for medical examination and a bit of judicial custody. Its too late now.
Last week, another Indian woman died in California and Police are not yet sure whether its a suicide or murder.
http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/Indians_Abroad/Andhra_woman_found_dead_in_California/articleshow/3743420.cms
Sushma’s was an arranged marriage.There were some dowry related issues, but no compliants of domestic violence, till the sudden death.The husband is not available for comment.
SO irritating to be arguing this yet again. This is probably is not “a case of a pure psychopathic crime.” Although he did have a restraining order filed against him by his father, no less, for a prior domestic disturbance, this must also be seen against the broader attitudes in India regarding women, and wives, and the expectation that they can be treated badly without fear of prosecution. Sadly, it is still the case that wives are viewed as a kind of property, a situation exploited by domineering types such as this man. While yes, he might bully his father and even some his friends or peers, that extra step of gunning someone down for failing to behave as he wished is probably reserved for the women in his life.
To label it as “solely psychopathic” is, once again, to ignore the social/cultural component, and to medicalize the problem, giving him reduced culpability for his actions.
IMHO the guy may have anger management issues (if you insist on using some clinical/legal framework), but mostly he had little regard for the life of the woman he married, and was outraged when she stepped away from his abusive, bullying tactics–and out from under his control.
I agree with her. I shall not be excused from justice.
Surya,
I am laying the blame on the cops.They knew there was a restraining order from the dad.
And then the wife gives a complaint, separates from him, and gets a restraining order.
Why did the cops not beat some sense into this guy?And then send him to a shrink?
You make the problem of DV sound very simplistic.A man could turn abusive towards his siblings, parents, spouse or children due to many reasons.No society, except for some very repressed communities in the World (I have to be secular on this forum so don’t want to get into that area), condones violence- domestic or public.A psychopathic criminal is a deviant and needs to be treated that way – severest possible punishment.
Even if you look at it from a socio-cultural perspective, the Kerala christians are much more uniformly educated compared to the average in India.This particular denomination has its own church in the US, and they consider themselves ‘close knit’.And yet, this incident has happened from within.Goes to show that criminals can come from any where. Eternal vigilance..thats the only thing we could all do.And expect the cops to do a decent job.
@ Kumar N : You really think cops are going to take the time and effort to put stipulations on this guy, for 2-3 restraining orders? Don’t forget he is a brown guy and on top of that…you can’t have faith in the justice system.
Kerala has the highest literacy rate in India and has the highest suicide rate. There is definitely a socio-economic pressure on the folks from Kerala like poor Reshma who had to come here all the way for a better life and unfortunately get trapped in an unhappy marriage. Though from the point of perpetrator,this may be a random case of DV crime I wonder what was his family, his upbringing and soci-economic conditions like here for him. Understanding the socio-economics helps prevent future occurence of such events.
Isn’t this guy born and brought up in California ?.
Thanks for this post. Here is a list of resources that can help south asian people who are trying to deal with domestic violence.
Because domestic violence never happens among Caucasians? This isn’t solely a Desi issue, it’s universal across cultures and societies.
It is also important to keep in mind that men are sometimes abused in relationships as well. Even among Desi couples. It may not always be physical, but then again most cases of men abusing women aren’t either.
It won’t bring back the precious lives that he took away, but I hope that this animal gets everything that’s coming to him!
Some of you apparently don’t read the updates, the last of which was posted at 1:15 am, right after he was caught, with a link to the MSNBC breaking news story. We tweeted it as soon as we knew, too.
No. He was NOT born in Calfornia. He was not an ABD. He was a “1.5” gen; born in Kerala, came here in his mid-late teens for high school.
And no, desis do NOT have a monopoly on DV, most of us have gone out of our way to say it cuts across ethnic, socio-economic, gender and other lines. Having said that, so what if caucasians do it, too? Please don’t give people an excuse to look away and not delve in to the cultural components of this issue which are somewhat specific to our community. Whether or not some of you care to admit it, many of our less than stellar cultural attitudes contribute to and exacerbate this problem.
And to continue debating whether he was a psychopath or not is in poor taste, not to mention misguided. It smacks of what Wild Elephant was referring to, several comments ago; a way to rationalize away shittiness so we don’t have to face reality.
We can all feel better and think, “well, this is the cops’ fault for not doing their job…he was insane. We couldn’t have done anything more”. Bullshit. Please stop making excuses for this jerk. Then it’s easy for us to write it off and say, “only crazy people do this stuff”, when THAT IS NOT TRUE.
That has other repercussions, i.e. when a woman or man’s life is threatened and they seek help, someone will tell them, “I don’t believe you…your spouse isn’t crazy like that guy from Sacramento or anything…” Almost ANYONE is capable of partner violence.
Finally, I beg you. The victims families ARE reading this. Please keep that in mind, as you have your debate.
83 · Dr Amonymous said
You are welcome. And I’m sincere when I thank you for posting your comment.
Many people didn’t read the entire post and stupid me, I put SAWNET and the other resources towards the end, meaning a lot of people might not have seen what is arguably the most important information I tried to present.
::
The National Domestic Violence Hotline is 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or TTY 1-800-787-3224 (help available in 170 languages).
An important note I hadn’t even thought of:
SAWNET has a list of resources (for the U.S., U.K., Canada, India), here. SAKHI has a list of American organiztions, here.
Thanks for the info. I think that could partially explain the mental problems. Teen years are the most confusing ones. And to migrate and cope at that age is tough. Ofcourse, not everyone who migrate at that age turns out to be a psychopath. It is one of those twilight zones where you feel like you belong neither there nor here.
Teen years are hard for most kids, migrants or not. I’m sure there were a lot of stresses on this guy that made him behave one way or another but that’s only of concern to his family and his psychologist. The rest of us need only be concerned with what to do about him now that he did it and how to equip people to make sure people like him can’t do it in the future.
This is a heartbreaking story, imagine the pain her parents must be going through being away from their daughter and finding out about this horrible tragedy. I can’t even begin to imagine the pain of those close to her, this is tragic.
90 · umber desi said
My family is close to Reshma’s family in California and my friends on this coast grew up with Dennis. We are all reeling from this senseless act. Today would have been Dennis’ birthday.
My prayers are with your friends and family.
It’s easy to paint him with the broad stroke of “crazy,” but I think the alarming issue is that in many households, regardless of right or wrong, it is viewed as “okay” to physically, verbally, or psychologically attack a spouse. It might not be viewed as the first step in problem solving, but it is tolerated. “How dare you raise your voice to me? Or question me?” The attacks are viewed as a means to hold steady to the equilibrium in the relationship. And kids see this– not all agree, but for some, this is all they know. And why would the children question the adults? What do they know? So it repeats and the cycle continues.
The same actions perpetrated by the white, black, or Latino community would make the same Indians say it’s an American problem, that it has to deal with how people are brought up in America. But it’s not viewed as a social problem by many in the Indian community– it’s just the way things have been for X years, and if it was good enough then, it’s good enough now.
Change has to come from within. People need to step up and say just because it’s been that way for centuries, it doesn’t have to be that way with me. Use social pressure to bring about internal change. And most importantly, children have to be raised in an environment that encourages love.
I would really be interested to see if this current generation of children born in the US to Indian immigrants continues the cycle of physical, verbal, or psychological violence or ends it. My hunch is the violence begins to end.
i know someone already mentioned this in the comments above but
1)his father took out a restraining order against him
but then he also says
2) that his son was a nice & handsome guy and didn’t know about any trouble in the marriage
this is the fundamental problem here -> what’s really going on vs. the pretty picture we like to paint for the outside world
Just received an unconfirmed report that Silvy Perincheril passed away today.
I’ll update the post soon.
May all three of them rest in peace.
This is the new picture of him. He looks sort of different.
http://www.myfoxchattanooga.com/myfox/pages/News/Detail?contentId=7942719&version=1&locale=EN-US&layoutCode=TSTY&pageId=3.1.1
93 · Sebs said
Balance is the key. Spouses fight/argue and debate (there is nothing wrong abt it) but it is the way they do it which is important. Now kids learn all about this from parents and their surroundings. People can be short-tempered but the important thing is to learn to draw the line and keep things under control. Personalities differ and parents are also not sometimes perfect. But not everyone gets messed up. I think sometimes it is justa matter of fate how your personality shapes up as you grow.
My thoughts and prayers are with the victims, their families and St. Thomas Church. As advocates, how can we spearhead prevention education and interventions in our communities. How can we get the silent victims to speak up? How can we educate our key stakeholders: clergy, South Asian leaders, men, women and children to break the cycle of violence? How can we facilitate, openly, these discussions?
Did this idiot actually think he could ever get away with this? The first thing I thought (after the the sadness for the victims and their families) was that within 1-2 days this guy would be caught. His mental state had to be deranged to do this crime…there is no way a sane person would condemn himself to a lifetime in prison over rage toward his wife. Well, in any case I hope he gets the maximal punishment.
It takes a long time to cover a distance of 3,000 miles. He had plenty of time to stop and think about what he was doing. It is laughable to say that this wasn’t premeditated or that he did not know the meaning of what he had set out to do. I think most of the “he must have been crazy” remarks vastly underestimate how much cruelty we are all capable of.