“Unlike in Bollywood movies,†Mr. Siddharth said, “we fight. We are totally opposite, but she is mine.â€
“New York can be a very cruel city,†he said. “There are days when it can eat you up and spit you out. Sapna is my private escape. I always love to come home to her knowing that she brings peace to my chaos.†(link)
(Unless I am mistaken, this is where some readers might swoon a little. Others may find it all too cheesy. To each, her own.)
The part I personally liked the best had to do with the way they met, twice, online:
Dr. Chaudhary, a specialist in family medicine in New York, had posted her profile online at an Indian introductions site. She first heard from Mr. Siddharth, an advertising executive and stand-up comedian, in June 2005, in a response that was impressively lively. But after she replied, he seemed to vanish. That is, until September, when Mr. Siddharth’s second e-mail message, nearly identical to the first, landed.
To that one, she replied: “Maybe you should try and keep better track — or maybe you were just so overwhelmed by my beauty that you had some short term memory loss.†(link)
Let’s get this straight. Guy sees picture of a lady on Shaadi.com and thinks, “Me likee.” He shoots off his generic self-introduction, which in this case is pretty good, because homeboy has, as we’ve already established, the gift of gab. She replies encouragingly, but now (presumably) he’s already preoccupied emailing someone else, and as a result he blows her off. The other thing doesn’t pan out, and three months later he sees the first profile again without realizing it (her new pictures are “sexier”), and shoots off the same generic self-introduction, albeit a little puzzled that Gmail already seemed to know her email address.
And three years later, they’re getting married in style (seriously, check out those pictures), and bragging about it in the Times.
One quick side note — I like that the Times reporter describes the site through which they met as an “Introductions” website, not a “Matrimonials” site. It seems to me that “Introductions” is a better fit than “Matrimonials,” a descriptor that would require an obligatory reference to the “exotic” Indian practice known as “Arranged Marriage” ™.)
Anyone else have interesting Matrimonials/Introductions website correspondence snafus?
49 · Manju said
I am sorry they call it that.
51 · 8.5 inches said
it was a cold day in hell
@ 29. my_dog_jagat,
hang in there, don’t pay any attention to what people are writing about you. i know what you mean. you’ve gone out with the wrong guys and thought they were better than what they turned out to be. i’ve done it myself. sometimes it’s good to stop looking and someone will strike your fancy when you least expect it.
calling someone rustic is nicer than referring to them as an FOB or freshie.
We have a contender! Manju: am warmly wheatish, homely, humble (many women have told me the key to my greatness is my amazing modesty), exceptional, family-oriented; hobbies include: patting rock hard abs, combing perfect hair, sipping Knob Creek whilst espousing Libertarian views on defenseless blogs and am exceptional (some have asked me if I’m for real). Looking for Same.
54 · ananya said
i prefer lug myself. where in the hierarchy does that stand? while we’re at it, could you please also order these in terms of niceness: mouth-breather, troglodyte, declasse, gauche (for le frogs)? and for bonus points, how about “incapable of reflection”? or in “rustic” terms, say it ain’t so , jagat. there ya go again, pointin’ backward…
plus “pretty face” isn’t too over the top. ints understated. in fact, that’s how a modest bombshell would describe herself.
More charming would have been “Rustique” a la francaise. Mais non?
wow, a mere “pretty” and “above average” got the peanut gallery clucking with such vigor. if i were any more narcissistic I’d get run out of town. lucky for me, if i were to identify with a Greek god it wouldn’t be Narcissus…it would be Zeus.*
*stolen from woody allen
59 · Manju said
the peanut gallery doesn’t cluck. it shucks.
I totally second JOAT on this. I have had enough weird experiences to turn them into a comedy show 🙂 Here is something I’d like to share with those who might be starters: online matri sites are more like candy-stores. I have known of people going through engagement and then calling it off before the wedding. So, if you have thought to yourself ‘this is it for me. he is the one’, maybe you want to rather keep your options open and keep communicating with others till you finally sign the dotted line. I hate to say such a thing but it’s just the reality of the scene where you probably want to protect yourself.
And, to the first post (by ‘me’): you don’t have to do ‘things’ just because someone says that he wants to have a proper relationship. If you are looking for a marriage and not a hook-up, you can clarify your stance right away. I have had some guys asking me if my parents are the ones eager to marry me off although mine is a self-posted profile. I didn’t feel offended when they asked such a question because I have a couple of friends who had steady boyfriends all along and they actually went ahead to meet the guys only to reject them later – all of it to please the family. So, here you go!
c’mon Zeus, here boy. (kissy sounds)
60 · 8.5 inches said
thanks 8.5, you’re a little smarter than the averge person.
63 · Manju said
oh, and more handsome. obama wants to be me, palin wants to be with me, and the craigs’… well, i wont reveal their stance. although i must say it gets tiring being adored as a mensa-adonis-peter north.
I am soon taking my homely self to the locus of Rustic-Babe unions. I will see what wattalappam can be made while the servant is away.
HMF/HeroManyFaces/etc: that wasn’t cool. We are all aware of your feelings on such matters. No need. Seriously.
68 · herofownresources said
the dudes a comedian. it never seizes to amaze me how far up humor appears on every cosmo list of what a woman wants. an evo psy dude explained to me that humor, wit in particular, is a sign of intelligence, and thus a sign of high status or leadership ability…which is what female attraction to males boils down to, if you want to be essentialist about it.
so $$$ comes into play the same way but its not the bottom line. after all, i’m sure che and fidel were fighting off the ladies like madmen during the revolution.
“Could you describe a virtual encounter you had along these lines? How did you realize the person was a non-desi, etc.?”
Amardeep, I get many requests from non-desis. You can tell by their pic, as non-pic profiles only show religion, and you can bet on Christians writing to you, but you may not realize they are desi or not. Thus far, I’ve had Italian, South American, Caucasian, and Af Americans express interests. And, I haven’t quite figured out how to phrase “desi-only” without offending anyone.
68 · herofownresources said
finally, my_dog_jagat meets the man of her dreams…
69 · Bobby said
how about “how now brown cow”? or “clown” depending on how much you’re angling for manju…
Did anyone also think that it was an apatosaurus (brontosaurus) in the main picture of this post? Took me a second to realize it was an elephant…
I just read it for the pictures.
Well, do like i do…keep your enimies close. Read the male equivelent ot cosmo.
Speaking of matrimonials, what I seem to be observing is that in the Bay Area, single again (the new euphemism for divorced) guys are re-marrying in greater numbers than the gals despite the odds (or rather gender demographics) in favor of that latter..
Maybe they all require re-wording of their wish list rather the shaadi profile?
@ 61. bongo,
yeah, i’ve realised i shouldn’t let things get very far. i did that when i was younger. i haven’t been on any of these sites for years now. they’re too much hassle.
More helpful nowadays to say “Arab” no doubt. Crimson, who will ride the brontosaurus to your wedding?
Same here. Say Reader, I married him.
Meeting people online is no more weird or dangerous than meeting them via any other route like the bar scene or introductions. Still, most of us are ashamed to admit we do it or have done it.
I met my first wife online and was very happy.
For the menfolk: “A second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience”. ~Samuel Johnson For the ladies: “If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married.” ~ Katherine Hepburn
Once I met a chick off S.com who asked for my tax stubs upfront!!!!
I am actually at the point where I would love to meet a non-desi on one of these sites, and then maybe I will meet a normal guy. Desi guys on these sites are after one of two things-either a girl to get it on with that night or a girl that will marry them, live at home with their parents and help them support their entire extended family while they work at some random low paying job with their community college education. I actually had a guy say to me once “I am not only looking for a girl that would be a personal asset but also a financial asset to me?!” WHAT? There are some strange people out there…..too bad most of us don’t have the time or energy to search for the good ones in the mix.
Crest how would you define a normal guy? Seems to me any desi guy or girl unmarried above the age of 30 is abnormal. Abnormal in a good way perhaps but still.
85 · Crest said
enough with the asinine generalizations, you female hmfs! it offends desi guys, but more importantly, it insults your own intelligence if you believe these silly sweeping negative stereotypes.
83 · bess said
Did she say anything about sacrificing the admiration of many for the criticism of one spineless man whose Catholicism permitted infidelity but not divorce? Or about living with a lifelong female “friend”? 🙂
You are right-I am almost 30 and not married or even close so yes I am not normal, or at least not to some people. But I am quite happy in my life and my sucess and I live very far away from my parents so I don’t get a whole lot of pressure on a daily basis which I think makes me one of the lucky ones. And to Chub-I agree, if you read the end of my comment you will see that I do believe there are good people out there but I have been on SOO many bad dates with guys that I have met online, and so many people will lie to you on their profile that it makes one very hesistant to have faith in the process.
the only s.com marriage i knew of ended in divorce. turned out he was after a greencard and the minute he got one, everyone found out about the affair he was having with a white chick at work (not sure for how long). sad thing is they have a child, that he says he never wanted, yet is trying to get custody of it anyway (?)… creepy!
90 · maya said
was the 2+ year wait period for the green card also conducted over s.com, or was there any real-life aspect to this marriage? if so, how is the fact that he married under false pretences anything to do with the fact that they met online?
i am constantly puzzled by people who claim that all they can find on the internet are wierdos… and all that you can find in bars are guidos… and all from the desh are uncouth… and…
Ever wondered how enterprising and smart your potential suitor is? And whether he really cares all that much about applying the finishing touches that would really wow you? Forget about the added inches, if he hasn’t moved himself in “face space”, how much could he really have cared?
The best thing I ever did was get married a second time. My first wife was from one of those sites but our divorce was truly “no fault”, or if anyone’s fault it was the fault of our (especially my) parents.
Met my current wife through a desi uncle and so far so good!
chub a dub dub, you’re my new favorite for knowing Katherine Hepburn trivia ; ) But trivia not so trivial. And there’s truth in her quote. A cynic in my life told me there are only two times when a woman has a man’s attention: before he gets you into the sack and when you say you’re leaving him. (Thanks, dad, for the advice.)
Congratulations, Mr. Write, triumph of hope indeed!
94 · bess said
What can I say, bessie mae? Old Saybrook was my favorite station on the Amtrak Nor’easter…
“before he gets you into the sack and when you say you’re leaving him”
That’s absurd! The women in my life have my full attention 24/7 for the duration of our relationship. The minute we don’t want to fuck each others brains out call in the coroner.
@ 80. crest, non desi guys aren’t any less commitment phobic. haven’t you seen sex in the city?
Yes mirage I am a loyal fan of sex in the city-but most of those men don’t live at home past the age of 27! Not that there is anything wrong with that for some people, but what I do have a problem with are the men (desi or non desi) that judge others who have chosen the not so “typical” (whatever that might be) path of moving out of their parents house and becoming independent and living their lives in a way that our “traditional culture” might not agree with.
at the end of sex in the city all of those women found the right guy though-did you see the movie??
Crest do you know lots of Indian guys living at home past 27!! That’s nuts. Run, don’t walk away from these dudes. But apart from this the vast majority of desis are pretty much married by 25. The ones who don’t who are not NUTS, are usually career oriented or EXTREMELY picky. This goes for men and women. I see this with my sisters. Both do extremely well career wise but have insanely high standards in the looks department. I don’t think they can ever be happy. Maybe they don’t want to be.
I lived at home even after getting married to my first wife at the insistance of my parents. That’s one of the reasons we got divorced. After that I moved out. It’s common in India but unacceptable here.
Did you read Bobos in Paradise? I don’t agree with David Brooks that often, but I think he is dead on in the first couple of pages of the book’s first chapter when he examines, at length, the “mergers and acquisitions” described in the Vows section each week, and how the notion of “pedigree” in American culture (at least this particular subset) has evolved.
Really, for anyone who rushes to read that part of the paper every Sunday morning (or Saturday night online), give it a dekko and see if you agree.
Here’s a bit of it:
8.5 inches, I’m the girl who IMed Puli’s dad on shaadi.com the other day. Wanna chat? Amazing modesty is over-rated.
What does “pretty much married” mean? Engaged? I think theres a strong class bias here–I don’t think that the “vast majority” of Wharton or Harvard Med School desis are married at 25 . . . .
Embarrassed to admit, I have no idea what this means. Also, that the actress’ name is spelled Katharine. doh!
It all breaks down to hunters and gatherers. We have not evolved further than that.
here is something that’s pertinent to this discussion
http://women.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/women/relationships/article4950340.ece