“Unlike in Bollywood movies,†Mr. Siddharth said, “we fight. We are totally opposite, but she is mine.â€
“New York can be a very cruel city,†he said. “There are days when it can eat you up and spit you out. Sapna is my private escape. I always love to come home to her knowing that she brings peace to my chaos.†(link)
(Unless I am mistaken, this is where some readers might swoon a little. Others may find it all too cheesy. To each, her own.)
The part I personally liked the best had to do with the way they met, twice, online:
Dr. Chaudhary, a specialist in family medicine in New York, had posted her profile online at an Indian introductions site. She first heard from Mr. Siddharth, an advertising executive and stand-up comedian, in June 2005, in a response that was impressively lively. But after she replied, he seemed to vanish. That is, until September, when Mr. Siddharth’s second e-mail message, nearly identical to the first, landed.
To that one, she replied: “Maybe you should try and keep better track — or maybe you were just so overwhelmed by my beauty that you had some short term memory loss.†(link)
Let’s get this straight. Guy sees picture of a lady on Shaadi.com and thinks, “Me likee.” He shoots off his generic self-introduction, which in this case is pretty good, because homeboy has, as we’ve already established, the gift of gab. She replies encouragingly, but now (presumably) he’s already preoccupied emailing someone else, and as a result he blows her off. The other thing doesn’t pan out, and three months later he sees the first profile again without realizing it (her new pictures are “sexier”), and shoots off the same generic self-introduction, albeit a little puzzled that Gmail already seemed to know her email address.
And three years later, they’re getting married in style (seriously, check out those pictures), and bragging about it in the Times.
One quick side note — I like that the Times reporter describes the site through which they met as an “Introductions” website, not a “Matrimonials” site. It seems to me that “Introductions” is a better fit than “Matrimonials,” a descriptor that would require an obligatory reference to the “exotic” Indian practice known as “Arranged Marriage” ™.)
Anyone else have interesting Matrimonials/Introductions website correspondence snafus?
the guys on these sites say they want to get married but really they are only after one thing. can’t they just go to a bar or a club and get that in a straightforward manner instead of dating girls on shaadi.com and falsely telling them they want to have a proper relationship and then never calling back after they’ve got what they wanted. it’s ridiculous. punjabi guys are the worst regarding this and they also lie about their height.
Everyone lies about their height, and everyone knows that, so it’s irrelevant at this point.
I love love love the Vows section of the Times. I always look for desis, or other weddings that might have an “ethnic” (I know, kill me for using that word) component. Also, is he actually STANDING on that elephant? Scary.
i was horrified when i saw that this piece was at the center of the nyt homepage this morning? really?
and sarah palin’s troopergate report concluding that she engaged in an unlawful abuse of power has now been buried so deep you can’t even find it? this is news?
(also am i lying about my, er, handle? only one way to find out!)
“Me,” I’m sorry you had some bad experiences with these sites.
There are indeed all manner of people of both genders who say and do seriously misleading things through the mask of internet anonymity. I have had friends who have been hurt too, though in ways other than the one you describe. For instance, the sister of a close friend, who is in India, got engaged to a guy in Michigan. Just a few weeks before the scheduled wedding, he started acting kind of squirrely, and not returning phone calls. Finally, the family learned that he had, after getting engaged, gone ahead and gotten engaged to another woman at the same time!
Some people can handle the surreal nature of meeting potential life partners through these websites. Other people are better off meeting people through more old-fashioned methods…
4 · Amardeep said
I don’t know why it is any more surreal than meeting somebody at a bar. One hopes that you make a commitment only after you build trust with the other person, but devious people can always take advantage of trust.
Their cake looks awesome.
1 · me said
shaadi.com has started going the craigslist way too?
What an ostentatious wedding!
Once a chick contacted me on the shaadi.com messager to hook up. Little did she realize that she was chatting with my dad. got an interesting call from my dad later that day…
I met a surgeon in 2001 for coffee, and it didn’t work out as yes, he was 3 inches shorter and 30 lbs over.
Fast forward to 2008, when my inbox shows he’s contacting me again. I didn’t know if I should be offended since I didn’t make such an impression the first time around, or be jaded, as I didn’t think reruns were possible on Shaadi.
“Cringe”? “Pretty normal”?
Please explain to this perplexed DBD uncle who lacks an ABD codebook.
Thankyouthankyou!
Online matrimony sounds like a funny proposition. It beats the six degrees of separation game but most often with mixed results. Faking your height and other particulars is a fairly common occurrence from what I’ve heard. The ads for these organizations are oddly disconcerting as well. They constantly try to make hooking up on the basis of an online ad seem legit and acceptable. Worse still are the pictures of supposedly happily married couples proclaiming that this is the only way to go. The do covered in NYT seems fixated with some kind of elephant fetish. Did they run out of snake charmers and quaint looking fakirs? Plus, I don’t know who’d fondly remember the fact that their wedding is a result of spam, no matter how refreshing the writing style.
the couple look cute together. i don’t get their elephant fetish. it’s a bit ‘orientalist’.
there were two other weddings involving brownz on that page. but i guess since both were involved in mixed marriages it wouldn’t been as colorful copy….
Thanks for asking, cookiebrown–I’m an ABD, and hell if I know!! 😉
Zing!! You’re on fire, Razib!
there were two other weddings involving brownz on that page. but i guess since both were involved in mixed marriages it wouldn’t been as colorful copy….
Now, now. I got the link from a Facebook posting, not from actually perusing the Vows section on a regular basis.
“Cringe”? “Pretty normal”? Please explain to this perplexed DBD uncle who lacks an ABD codebook.
As in, they don’t seem like people who are unnaturally exuberant, or faking it for the cameras. In this case, the complaint about this story I’ve heard from some Facebook friends is, these people just seem to be very wealthy & flaunting it. My response is, that’s pretty much what the NYT Vows section seems to like.
9 · Puligogre in da USA said
papa was a rolling stone?
Now, now. I got the link from a Facebook posting, not from actually perusing the Vows section on a regular basis.
i wasn’t point fingers at you dude ;=) unless SM has a print edition i don’t know about….
Fair enough, although a more positive spin would be that the NYT is doing their (small) part to prod the creation of a more inclusive (than has been historically the case) upper-middle class.
these people just seem to be very wealthy & flaunting it. My response is, that’s pretty much what the NYT Vows section seems to like.
just cuz if you have caste does not mean you have class 🙂 runs away….
That’s some smart and minimalist decoration on that elephant. The cake and flower elephant etc. look original and opulent too. Obviously, it’s all about marketing and promo– the guy’s a genius and an artiste, esp. to have gotten away with his second “introduction.” They are pretty cute, actually, as in good looking and funny. We must all start planning weddings at Oheka Castle in Huntington, N.Y.
@ 9. puligogre in the usa,
did you actually end up meeting this girl?
Here’s what happened between the phone calls
i hate being contacted by people’s parents on shaadi.com. also, there are lots of non desis on shaadi.com looking to get themselves some brown sugar.
also, there are lots of non desis on shaadi.com looking to get themselves some brown sugar.
Could you describe a virtual encounter you had along these lines? How did you realize the person was a non-desi, etc.?
it is very obvious if someone is non desi such as caucasian or african american as they have their picture on their profile and they tell you all about themselves as well. i haven’t myself gone ahead and met any of them as i had an english boyfriend once and we were in a serious relationship and it became obvious that he was in it for the whole exotic forbidden fruit thing and to annoy his parents. for example, i came back from the south of france where i had gone on holiday with my friends and he was soooo happy and excited to see that i had become really dark. i do understand that this doesn’t happen to everybody as some of my good friends have nice relationships with non desi guys but at the moment i have decided to meet desi guys because i am tired of non desi guys using me as some exotic fantasy. anyway, to get the point, one italian guy who was living in london contacted me. he said he was fascinated by indian culture, bollywood etc. i didn’t meet him for the above reasons and because he wasn’t attractive. i live in london, england by the way but i did live in boston for 2 years hence my interest in this site.
damn, that is some wedding. i didnt realize that doc’s and comedians could afford that kind of wedding?
lbw @27:
That has more or less been my experience– the exotic bit at least. Some of these guys confessed to actually having a Japanese fetish or Asian fetish. Another variant is some guy looking for another desi to replace the one who broke his heart. Of course most guys (desis too) lose interest when they realize that I’m a little smarter and a lot more educated than your average Japanese or Chinese girl.
Desi guys are exotic too–in Europe at least. Just today at the prefecture, I saw some creepy rustic with a French hottie. In case any of you are thinking of moving here(France), the prefecture is the police station. As a foreigner, I have to report there periodically and so will you.
Anyway I don’t date any more and part of that decision was because desi guys didn’t measure up and non-desis were experimenting. All guys, desis and others couldn’t look beyond the pretty face. Some of my boyfriends only discovered who I really was years after we’d been going out.
” I’m a little smarter and a lot more educated than your average Japanese or Chinese girl.”
Interesting assertion. Do you have some data to back it up or is this just anecdotal?
“Anyway I don’t date any more and part of that decision was because desi guys didn’t measure up and non-desis were experimenting. All guys, desis and others couldn’t look beyond the pretty face. Some of my boyfriends only discovered who I really was years after we’d been going out.”
it’s all their fault. always.
OMG! like yeah, I like always have that problem too!
nah…im way too boring for that.
All I can say is gooddamn I’m happy I found my man finally and not thru any of those sites because trying to meet someone thru those “matrimonial” websites was one of the most painful experiences of my life. I rather have all my teeth pulled out all at once. In fact my heart goes out to anyone that is subject to some of the nonsense one has to put up with via that method!
31 · bess said
bess, as a feminist…i’ll definitely be able to look beyond your pretty face and notice your fine ass too.
30 · Nayagan said
C’mon Nayagan, the vast majority of women out there are better than average.
feminist or equal opportunist?
And spanking of opportunist, aren’t you ready to break that 17 year fast?
35 · Manju said
this could be true depending on how you weight them.
36 · bess said
Bess, you appear to be calling me a biseexual bdsm virgin. but i’m a decent family man, a citizen who you just happen to have serious differences with on fundamental questions.
I know several people who met via the websites and have happy marriages. That being said, it isn’t for everyone and you have to find the needle in the haystack! (I know as I went through the websites but ultimately met my true love through a friend.) I agree with some of the commenters that some guys (and gals) don’t take it seriously…why put yourself up on shaadi.com if you don’t want to get married?? Have had several cousins and friends get the run around from guys…people, if you’re not interested in the person after meeting them, just say so! Good lord, why drag it on?? 😛
Larry Craig was “a decent family man” too, oh and Bill Clinton.
40 · bess said
obama too
so….you’re an exceptional family man. Is that what you put on your shaadi profile?
With all the inanity after my_dog_jagat’s post, I yearn for HMF.
42 · bess said
Nah, I just put up a pic of barack obama. Scarlett Johansson shot me an e-mail. but she said caste no bar and i really need to be with a fellow bourbon connoisseur. plus, she’s too wheatish.
Post my_dog_jagat’s post, curly and JOAT have made some fine points on the topic. As for HMF, he’s been told to wait in the car.
Have you tried France? I hear the women are hot for Desi guys.
my dog jagat, it must be tough being so much more brilliant and prettier than average, especially for one so evidently non-narcissistic and self-effacing.
Hey don’t get on my_dog_jagat’s case. Her SAT scores were above average. Nayagan, there’s your evidence. France is for the surrender monkeys, I hear in India the women are hot for desi guys.
47 · amaun said
they just call them… guys.
re my dog jagat: doesn’t diversity extend out to the pretty and smart too? don’t we need to hear their perspective as well? now, i agree, modesty is a good thing. in fact, many women have told me the key to my greatness is my amazing modesty.
my_dog_jagat calls them “creepy rustics” (to be said with a fake British accent).