When I posted about the new book “Marrying Anita†(Bloomsbury, July 2008) a few weeks ago, I was cynical about the arrival of yet another published work exploring the institution of arranged marriage. (So were many of you. Questions rolled in about author Anita Jain’s desire to find a “broadminded†husband in India and her impetus for writing the book. These were coupled with a heated conversation about dating in the desi community. You can see her answers to your questions and mine below the fold.)
Despite my pessimism at the time, I promised to give the book a 
chance. And, I’m glad I did. I expected “Marrying Anita: A Quest for Love in the New India†to be a straightforward chick lit read about a 33 year old woman who moves to India from the US in order to find a husband. “Oh great, she wrote a well-received New York magazine article and then decided to conduct one of those how-I-did-xyz-in-a-year experiments.†What I found instead was a candid, straightforward, and intelligent memoir that combines the author’s search for a kindred spirit with her experiences adjusting to life in contemporary (and middle class) India.
Jain’s move occurs during the summer of 2005, coincidentally perhaps, at the same point in her life when her father had moved to the US – at age 33. “I moved to India, reversing the migration pattern of my father,†she writes …
Historians will tell you Delhi has been home to nine distinct cities through the ages, the remnants of which are scattered everywhere, like seeds from a flower; a poet’s tom fifty paces from my front door, an old fort not far past the Sundar Nagar market. But I will tell you that there are ten cities of Delhi and I live in the last, one with restaurants where one can order mushroom-and-goat-cheese farfalle, use wireless broadband, and go to nightclubs where girls in spaghetti-strap tank tops gyrate to the latest hip-hop influenced Bollwood hit.
Comparing Anita Jain to Jane Austen might be too much of a stretch, but there is something of Austen’s spirit in Jain’s work which paints a vivid portrait of a particular generation of Indian middle class society. Her narrative is full of acute observations about economic and social changes, class relations, and the dating scene in India’s capital.
Jain does not “consider [herself] some kind of arbiter of dating.†In our email interview, she said, “I was simply one person who took a journey and wanted to write about it.†Indeed, while she is trying to figure out how to go about meeting the right person, she is also engaged in an equally (if not more fascinating) struggle to find an apartment (it’s tough to rent an apartment as a single woman in Delhi; not Mumbai or Bangalore, we learn) and to make new friends (one of her good friends ends up being the sister of a guy she met through shaadi.com back here in the US). We don’t hear much about her work life as a financial journalist, but maybe that’s fodder for another book.
From the first page where she affectionately pokes fun at her larger-than-life father and his childhood stories of growing up in a household of several siblings and one comb, Jain is a likeable narrator. Unafraid to wear her heart on her sleeve or to mock herself and her situation, she quickly shows you that she has more on her mind than simply a desire to tie the knot. I found myself smiling often as I flipped the pages of this book, sometimes feeling myself wanting to race forward because I really wanted to know: Will she or won’t she find her soulmate in India?
I won’t give away the answer to that question, but I will say that as more and more of us wonder about and seek to explore the opportunities that could exist for us in India—professionally and personally—we can’t help but also wonder how different India is from the country that our parents told us about, or the one that we discovered as children and teens. For me, this book was an enjoyable read in that respect. It opened an interesting window into the rapidly changing world of my peers in India; a world that I don’t have much access to otherwise.
Whether the reverse migration ends up being a long term or permanent one (like the generation of Anita’s parents) or not, remains to be seen, I suppose.
In the meantime, here’s our Q&A for those of you interested in Anita Jain’s responses to the comments generated last month.
Q.What was the impetus for this book? Anita Jain: Getting married or finding a husband was certainly one imperative of the book; it was by no means the only one or even the most important one to my mind. My two other imperatives were to write about what I saw unfolding before me in urban India, which has changed more in the last five to ten years than it had in the preceding decades, and as well, to write an engaging, thought-provoking, and entertaining memoir.
Memoir, in particular, is an impoverished genre in India, unlike in the West, where there has been a recent profusion of memoirs to the point where every other book published these days seems to be one. It’s a glaring void compared with the explosion of literary fiction in the subcontinent in the last thirty years. Another popular form of writing for which India provides the backdrop is the travel narrative, in which a usually Western male comes to the subcontinent and narrates the tales of his interactions with interesting subjects.
I have always been fascinated by memoirs and often opt for reading one over a novel, as I think we humans are deeply interested in the lived human experience, something that is ostensibly the ‘truth’. Because of the dearth of memoir from Indians, I decided that this approach would be the most innovative and effective for what I wanted to say. In my book, I attempt to marry (forgive the pun) the memoir with the travel narrative, using my search for a husband as the best way to tell the story of the ‘New India.’ So for example, instead of sipping chai with the Afghan warlord as a Western male writer might do in his travel narrative, I sip Indian wine with a gay male playwright from India’s northeast or I befriend a young man who represents the quintessential New Indian man by playing in a rock band and editing a laddie magazine.
Q. Why not try another American city instead of India? AJ: My book is in large part about the New India and that is why I went to India to write about my search for love and marriage. I was fascinated by what I would find in a landscape vastly different from the one our parents left and was eager to see what I would uncover and discover through writing about it.
Q. Why not non-Indians? AJ: I have dated non-Indians and will likely do so in the future. Because I went to India, the vast majority of the people I encountered were Indian and so I dated them.
Q. One commentor at sepia says:
“I spent almost 4 years there working and longed to have a serious relationship leading to marriage and could only get a few month’s short term relationship from each guy I met at best.Even the 2 who expressed interest in marrying me backed down under family pressure.It’s tough for a girl who does not fit into caste, class, cultural and ethnic expectations.”
Did you experience this?
AJ: Certainly what the woman describes is true. Much of the country is still concerned with caste and class and women are supposed to adhere to certain cultural expectations, but many of the men I met in this liberal and urban setting were not like this and this is one of the things I wanted to write about.
Q. The use of the word “broadminded” came up a great deal. Readers wondered whether you were being unrealistic to go to India to find a husband who fits your cultural expectations of someone who grew up here. For example:
My problem is with the way she, and many women here, states things when looking for a partner in India. First and foremost, she uses the “modern enough” in a condescending way. Yes, it is condescending, because what she implies is that for a man in India to be “modern” and broadminded he has to be down with his wife’s past promiscuities and social excesses. And by default, even without saying it, she implies that if he is not accepting of the woman making all household decisions, drinking, smoking, and having an extensive past sexual database, he is narrow-minded. Do you get that? …
Or:
Ms. Jain’s whole attitude of “well, I’ll just go to India and find a broadminded, modern guy who’ll just have to accept my strong, independent womanly ways” reeks of shadiness.
Can you speak to these comments?
AJ: I can sympathize with how using a term like “broad-minded†might set off some alarms. I was simply trying to write my story and used the word as shorthand for what I might be looking for, which is a man that is comfortable with many of the things I do or have done, which includes drinking alcohol, social smoking or having had sexual experiences. I’m sure there are “broad-minded†men, that is to say liberal and forward-thinking, who wouldn’t be comfortable with their wives smoking or drinking for health or other reasons, and I can understand that.
Q. Would you say that one of your conclusions was that the major cities in India are not all that different than the major cities in the US in terms of dating? AJ: Young people in Indian cities are currently in the throes of a sexual revolution very similar to the one the U.S. experienced in the sixties. I certainly try to portray that in my book.
Q. One of the distinctive qualities of your writing was your extreme candor about everything from your family dynamics to your sexual history. How did you navigate your worries about privacy and confidentiality to your concerns about what your parents, aunties, and uncles would think?
AJ: This was and remains the hardest part of writing such a book but it is important to realize that honesty is the raison d’etre of the memoir or it might as well not exist. As I mentioned above, Indians aren’t at all used to memoir the way they might be here, and disclosing things about myself and others might disturb loved ones but I have also received such supportive feedback from friends and strangers alike saying how courageous I am to be one of the first to do this. I have exposed myself and there’s no going back from that. Indeed, it’s a terrifying experience.
Q. Readers might be wondering: Did the move to India come before the book, or the book before the move? How much of an influence was the idea of writing the book upon your decision to move to India? AJ: Three years ago, I wrote a wildly popular article for New York magazine about my attempts to strike a balance between the New York dating scene and arranged-marriage set-ups. I was approached to write a book, and I proposed doing a book that would take me to India, where I thought the real story was unfolding.
Q. Are there any alternative dating methods besides shaadi.com and newspaper ads that you’ve seen emerging in India? Speed dating? AJ: Drunken hook-ups and friends-with-benefits are two rampant trends I see among young people in India. Young urbanites under 30 aren’t really doing shaadi.com. They’re meeting in clubs or online on sites like Orkut or Facebook.
Q. What next, Ms. Jain? AJ: Right now I’m in NY doing promotion for my book. Next month, I head to India to launch my book and do readings in various cities and after that, I travel to London and South Africa. I’m currently looking into opportunities that would allow me to live between India and the U.S.
Does she also write at http://asuitablesuitor.blogspot.com? I heard on her NPR the other morning. Will post link.
I’m currently looking into opportunities that would allow me to live between India and the U.S.
Why don’t you look for something with literary publishing companies, newspapers, or technical writer for high-tech companies?
I assume that answers the soulmate question?
i don’t understand why she didn’t just try and meet indian guys (or any other guys) who live abroad. there are simply millions of them.
i think this book is for the caucasian knee jerk patronising artsy public. they just love to hear about our quaint little customs. here in england it’s such a thrill for them to come across books and movies about arranged marriages, wife beating, etc. kavita daswani wrote a brilliant book called ‘for matrimonial purposes’ which was really hilarious, realistic and not condescending at all. i think it was based on her real life experiences. i think this anita jain is trying to catch a ride on her coat tails.
by the way, i dated a guy in delhi when i spent 6 months there in 2002. it didn’t work out but i had a fabulous time going to farmhouse parties and hanging out at his lovely flat and there are no hard feelings.
wow, a book on arranged marriage, and cross-cultural dating! how novel! i am glad somebody thought of that idea!
and, really? a memoir at 33? was she inspired to share her unique story of overcoming the odds of an upper middle class childhood to somehow manage an ivy league education, and have the freedom to escape the stifling confines of manhattan party/society life, and move countries on a dime? sounds fascinating!
at least it’s not one of those ‘i’m sooooo confused’ books like namesake and born confused. i’m bored of that genre
“I have dated non-Indians and will likely do so in the futureâ€
Does that mean she did not get married there after all, or has she suckered someone into a truly ‘broadminded’ relationship! 🙂
Drunken hook-ups and friends-with-benefits are two rampant trends I see among young people in India. Young urbanites under 30 aren’t really doing shaadi.com. They’re meeting in clubs or online on sites like Orkut or Facebook.
This is a side of India I really have never heard of or seen among my family members. I know it exists but it still surprises me. I have a friend who grew up in Calcutta and Delhi and she tells me about her college days in India, the parties she’d go to and hooking up; I was so intrigued by her stories b/c it’s so different from what I’ve experienced in my Kerala visits (but then again maybe some of my cousins aren’t telling me things).
I think this book is for the caucasian knee jerk patronising artsy public. they just love to hear about our quaint little customs. here in england it’s such a thrill for them to come across books and movies about arranged marriages, wife beating,
Yes, I worry about that, but i won’t judge the book until I read the reviews and I’ll probably read it myself. I’m always vascillating between being thrilled to read a desi experience and having others (nonIndians and Indians) share that experience, and I admire certain orgs that I volunteer for – such as a domestic violence asian american organization – for conducting outreach on the issue of dv in asian american communities And
cringing about a nonIndian or even an Indian essentializing India, with the usual elements – caste, arranged marriage, oppressed women, etc.
5 · Henna? Check! Orange? Check! But does the book smell of curry? said
and familiar.
Drunken hook-ups and friends-with-benefits are two rampant trends I see among young people in India.
Thats akin to saying that everybody walks a lot in the US if the only place you hang out at is NYC.
Drunken hook-ups and friends-with-benefits are two rampant trends I see among young people in India. Thats akin to saying that everybody walks a lot in the US if the only place you hang out at is NYC.
As a teenager, I used to listen carefully to stories from domestic helps, and we even played gulli-danda with kids from shanty towns**, made group holi bonfires (since they had the axes, permissions, and agility to climb trees), and if you pay attention to their happenings…………………you will be surprised about the incidence of hookups (formal, informal, inter-caste, inter-religious).
** Remember, I am a dehati from village, sakutitanda, near Meerut
Just two weeks ago, I was in India…………….one of my parent’s domestic help is a young lady.
Her mobile phone rings non-stop while she works…………..all the guys calling her. More power to her.
This is not Delhi, it is village sakutitanda
9 · Manju said
hey, rick davis! welcome to sepia.
9 · Manju: and familiar.
Pardon my internet lingo but…LMFAO
Her mobile phone rings non-stop while she works…………..all the guys calling her. More power to her.
How do you know it’s guys calling her? Did she tell you or some member of your family?
Your story about the domestic help reminds me of the love story in Monsoon Wedding among the maid and wedding planner – Mira Nair just didn’t include the hooking up part and just went straight to their dignified wedding.
15 · PS said
kush eavesdrops.
7 · Kev said
You have to buy the book, Ms Jain has learnt the art of selling and promoting the book well, makes this bania proud.
maybe ms. jain should exploit her revolutionary discovery that wealthy young indians are having (shudder!) premarital sex by starting a franchise of craigslist casual encounters/adultfriendfinder in india under the brandname barbaadi.com.
On a side note, I don’t see what the hullabaloo over the club scene in India is about. I’ve been to several in Bombay that were supposed to be “happening, yaar”, and was disappointed. The ratio on a good night is 4 guys to every girl, and my uncle’s kaamwaali was better looking than most of the girls there. The only thing that was the same as NYC clubs was the price.
How do you know it’s guys calling her? Did she tell you or some member of your family?
She cooks in my house, everyone walks in and out of the kitchen while she (and others work)……there is no purposeful eavesdroping or any inquiring. Things like your friends coming inquiring about you (those sort of innocent droping by, like, if you worked in a professor’s lab here 20 hr/ week, and all suitors came inquiring about you now and then, asking the Professor – those sorts of things). Do obvious things need to be inquired?
In India, everybody knows everybody’s business, maybe, not the details, but the general idea, if you live in an extremely crowded, and older culture, it is a side-product.
When I lived there, we knew everything everyone did in 500 square meters, irrespective of class, wagehera, wagehera.
19 · Johnny Valker said
You must have skipped Enigma.
21 · DesiInNJ said
Indeed I did. I heard a lot of good things about that place, especially that it’s the watering hole for Bollywood, but I didn’t get a chance to check it out. Have you been there? If so, does it live up to the hype?
22 · Johnny Valker said
Did not get past the fine restaurants in Mumbai, and I could care less about Bollywood. A lot of buddies have been there and are impressed.
Okay, if smoking and sex are signs of broadmindedness, is the US more progressive now or has it regressed into some sort of a pre-revolutionary state of backwardness since the sixties? And where does that place India? Let me guess. They’re more backward than the US because they smoke more now, and they were backward back in the sixties too of course because they smoked less then. Also, I’m willing to bet that Anita Jain has not done one iota of research on the sexual practices of young indians 40 years ago. She has simply made a whole bunch of assumptions and is dishing it out as the gospel truth. In any case, one possible alternate perspective to consider is that the India of her own parents was backward (to use her nuance) but at the time there existed an India as she is experiencing it now?
Plus, it boggles my mind that no-one stops to consider the happiness quotient. Is the India of today happier than it was back then? If yes, let’s call it progress. Are Indians from Anita Jain’s social milieu more happy in the US or in India? If in India, they why this terminally condescending tone?
24 · Divya said
Well, I guess it boils down to this: do you prefer the condescension of Ms. Jain, or the condescension of Vinod who imagines India as some kind of tranquil idyll where Indians loll about in gay abandon untroubled by the vagaries of the modern world?
Continuing the side note,even though I am getting old(surprise surprise)and should probably keep away,I thought the club scene in Delhi/Gurgaon was much better than in Houston,
1.The girls were not shabby-looking at all 2.The music was better(but then,I have never been a big fan of hip-hop) 3.We close at 2am in Houston….Freakin’ 2 am….!!In Delhi,I could have partied till like 7 in the morning…
Yeah the dirty dancing hasnt caught-up to the same extent but its still a pretty good trade-off…..
I am crap at writing so I say this as a consumer: The bar for Indian-Americans getting published is very, very low.
Don’t encourage her people. This was all about her getting some interesting cocktail convo material for the Goldman Xmas party. Dudes of India, you dodged one.
I think ,given the historical context,a society’s acceptance of pre-marital sex is a pretty good indicator of gender equality and as a corollary,broad-mindedness.
Who knows?No-one knows…Anita Jain for sure doesnt claim to know THAT.Thats what ancient Hindu sages(and my dad after a few drinks) call ‘maayajaal’.You ‘think’ this or that will make you happy….till you actually get it.
I just listened to the interview and it’s interesting to hear the indians both acknowledge that interracial marriages are fine as long as the spouse is white. If the spouse is black, it’s a big NO! even if that person maybe rich or famous. In India, white is right. I find that very odd because most of the indians I’ve seen are much darker than the africans-americans i’ve seen.
I guess 400 years of british colonization has had an impact on your color consciousness.
Although there was a white woman who called in and said she was married to an Indian and had come to understand that she would never really be accepted by his family.
Why are Indians such insular, closed people?
hul-low PG! I was wondering how long you’d take to get here.
Beats being overly familiar and inviting yourself into other countries and not leaving for several hundred years.
29 · juhu said
hilarious.
i’m waiting for a 30-something desi writer to come out and write about something, oh, non-desi perhaps? these predictable eastern sagas that feed into western minds are just getting too old and tiring. write for the art of writing and the development of a story about the human condition, for pete’s sake.
mock turtle, stick to one handle per thread only. Its part of the comment policy.
I find that very odd because most of the indians I’ve seen are much darker than the africans-americans i’ve seen.
I smell Prema.
Kush, Johnny, I sincerely hope you two have not been taking advantage of these innocent young maids, as is so common in India.
33 and not married? No wonder she couldn’t find a husband in India, even if it is the “New India”. In the New India, looks (of which a large component is youth) matter even MORE for women, because now it is just the men choosing, not the men and their families… their families would care about things like education/occupation, domestic abilities, sweet personality, etc. But now it’s just the men choosing, and we all know men think with a certain one of their appendages.
It’s gonna be hard for her even in the hardest of American cities, New York. Also, “Marrying Anita”? Could a more egotistical title have been thought of?
I quite like her “cities of Delhi” quote. Life in India varies so much according to where you live and who you are. It’s hard to capture the broad spectrum of it, but at least she emphasises that this is one of the many worlds there.
Some observations from an ABD who also lived in Delhi for a little while, with the caveat that I haven’t read the book:
1) “Education” in the United States teaches self-marketing and identity politics at an absurd level. Here we find the fruits. But people should jump on that…and use the fruits for something better. 2) Yes, the Jhumpa Lahiri generation’s writing is getting dated, despite being a good starting point and though the observations are still itneresting (to me, anyway…I have older siblings and parents). Welcome to the next iteration (back to India…there are apparently two ABD women on fulbrights in Bombay who are writing novels).
3) Yeah, I’m jealous–please buy my book too when I write it though! 🙂 4) “India” “India” “India” – WHAT India? 80% of India is extremely poor. Another 19% or so is above that. About 8 to 10 million people are in the class above that. India hasn’t become a coherent place yet, and I’m glad (it seems) she focused on a particular place (Delhi) and a particular class. But no offense to Anita, but I wish these publishers would just publish people FROM South Asia. I’d like to hear about Maoist dating habits in Chattisgarh or how the CPN(M) has advanced women’s rights and how that ties into anti-alcohol measures (which prevent DV apparently). And my friends from India were really insightful and good writers – they need help with the marketing and financing more than anything else – which, as noted above, ABDs will naturally excel at. 5) Who’s the audience? Yeah, we’ll buy the book (or at least borrow it from a friend ;), but honestly, who is this being directed to? Sounds like the Thomas Friedman genre to me as well, though better done. And more props to her for that at least. But the nondesi food in Delhi often sucks – rule of thumb – order what you can 6) For those who have read it – does it have the angst of ABDs who don’t quite fit in but are expected to, who are told that Hindi is their mother tongue even when it’s not, who are given all kinds of privilege, but at the end of the day realize that anti-desi racism is alive and well in India’s upper classes as well, the culture of sharing and warmth that exists among young people in India who are making it on their own, the wife-swapping that happens among India’s upper classes (not the uberrich mind you…just the “middle class” which is very rich and quite small), the terrible working conditions, that you might have less assets than your domestic worker because of your debt and her father’s financial savings…in other words, life… 7) Maltreatment of women, financially, legally, economically, physically, violently, is one of THE most unbearable things about being in Delhi at least and probably many other parts of India as well (even if you’re not female and just have to watch it happening, watch your friends going mad). I REALLY hope she managed to convey some of this in the book, rather than simply an interesting but cursory observation of these things in terms of how they relate to dating in the upper classes of Delhi. And you see these things even in that class, so there’s no reason not to. Otherwise, it would be something of a missed opportunity (which is better for me! More props for my work! :P)
Thanks for this post 🙂
What does Prema mean? sorry, I’m not Indian, so a lot of the slang on this board is going over my head. My impressions of Indians come from my observations of them in East Africa. They are very color conscious, insular people and despite being in East Africa for hundreds of years, they do not mix, inter-marry or do anything with non-indians. It’s very strange because although they are of indian descent, they were born in and have lived in Africa their whole lives. Many, have never even been to India. They speak Swahili better than they speak Hindi, but their continued isolation is a strange phenomenon. That was part of the reason Idi Amin kicked them out of Uganda. Had they integrated like the Indians in Trinidad and Tobago, they’d have become part of culture and part of the country. They were never kicked out of Kenya and they never will, but they are widely despised, not because they are “Indian”, but because of their refusal to integrate with other Africans.
Aren’t skin lightening creams the best selling cosmetic in that country? Although I find the people and the country to be fascinating (and I love Indian food)- their focus on skin tone is really a turn off and as a black person, it’s the only thing that would prevent me from even visiting India.
It’s very strange because although they are of indian descent, they were born in and have lived in Africa their whole lives. Many, have never even been to India. They speak Swahili better than they speak Hindi, but their continued isolation is a strange phenomenon. That was part of the reason Idi Amin kicked them out of Uganda.
That was Idi Amin’s protest vote against multiculturalism?
As a black person you might try and familiarize yourself with a similar obession with skin color among American blacks. Your comment seems very insincere. Ditto for your observations with regard to non-integration of Indians. If Indians in Africa exploit ethnic Africans then you have cause for complaint. Otherwise, group cohesiveness is generally a positive thing. You cannot simply wail about Indians sticking to their culture for no other reason than the fact that they stick to their culture. Unless you’re anti-culture or something.
juhu at 39:
juhu at 29:
If you are black, then how come you refer to africans/african-americans in the third person?
Me thinks PG_sniffer is right.
38 · Dr AmNonymous said
I totally agree with you, and it specially increases when going down the social strata. It’s prevalent all over India, and has always pained me to see it whenever I visit there. I have supported and have a lot of respect for anyone who is doing something about it. As for Anita Jain and her ilk, I have zero respect. Self-indulgent parasites like her are adding zero value to India and to society in general.
“Had they integrated like the Indians in Trinidad and Tobago, they’d have become part of culture and part of the country.”
Actually, in Trinidad race is notoriously politicized. Racism amongst the Indian population there is rampant.. It’s only starting to change now.
If you interpret mother tongue to literally mean your primary or first language, then it’s true that for many people (ABDs) Hindi, Tamil, Gujarati, Punjabi, etc. are no longer truly their mothertongues…but if you interpret it as a marker of heritage, identity, and culture, then I think they are still our mothertongues…even if we don’t know how how to speak them. An ethnic Punjabi’s or ethnic Gujarati’s mothertongue remains Punjabi or Gujarati at least in a cultural sense although admittedly not in a cold, clinical, literal sense. In my view. I guess a better phrase for it by people who can not speak their heritage language would be ‘ancestral mothertongue’.
They just want to sleep with Indians…the fact that it hasn’t been easy (or even possible in many cases) is what frustrates them.
PS,
There are aspects of India that don’t get highlighted in the Western press and are two new for your parents to have memories of. If you ever find yourself in Bombay or Delhi, I or other people on this board will be glad to give you pointers on places to visit and things to do which are different than common perception. Aside, there is a socialite in Bombay, Monica Vazirali who arranges tours of Bombay and also gets takes tourists to page 3 parties.
36 · apth said
Sandhyaji, I haven’t read your post yet. Fully. (I thought I wrote long blogposts :)).
But I was browsing the comments (starting with the most recent) when I saw apth‘s comment. It struck me that the title ‘Marrying Anita’ could have been
based oninspired by the title of the British play ‘Educating Rita‘ from the 1980s.24 · Divya said
I agree with the broad tenor of your comment, but on a slight tangent, I wanted to add that India recently promulgated – at the Federal level and with all-India impact – a non-smoking law in both private and public spaces – that includes restaurants, bars, offices, etc, with effect from Oct 2. Delhi University has banned smoking outdoors too, while on campus.
Link
I’m old enough to remember when, in the US, people, ok, professors, smoked in class, and how big a deal it was that workplaces went non-smoking in the 1990s, and how much resistance there was. And even today, bars get themselves an exemption, and the thing is regulated city-by-city, and the bar-owners just lobby the city council. But here we have India enacting this ban countrywide, and by fiat, and although enforcement will remain an issue, just the fact that they did it is tremendously positive, in my mind.
There are aspects of India that don’t get highlighted in the Western press and are two new for your parents to have memories of. – I know, which is why in my comment, I said “I know it exists”
If I plan a trip to visit the cities of India, I’ll take you up on your offer to give advice on where to go out.
My experience with Bombay, has been minimal. Ever since the Cochin airport takes int’l flights, we never go to Bombay. When I was kid we had to stop there to connect to flights to Kerala…and my only experience as a 10/11 year old, was the extensive slums (which I didn’t experience in Kerala) coming from the airport to the Hotel and being thrilled to shop at the benettton in the hotel, that had the cheapest prices. My family also didn’t like Bombay, not used to the urban poverty, so we just tried to get out as soon as possible. The bombay where young people go out and socialize at apparently hip spots, is just not in my sphere of experience, though I’d love to experience it sometime.
They just want to sleep with Indians…the fact that it hasn’t been easy (or even possible in many cases) is what frustrates them.
lol!
I think its a cultural thing. African Americans (people who were brought here in slavery days) call themselves black, people from Africa call themselves African. It probably has its roots in the defining of an African American identity pre and during the civil rights movement and the evolution of a black culture and identity since. At least thats what my black friend told me and I may be wrong.
And yes, Juhu has some valid points – particularly with respect to the India obsession with skin color. I have heard of plenty of black people having faced discrimination while they are in India (barred entry from clubs, etc; racial insults – did we forget about the black cheerleaders who left from the IPL due to discrimination) while I have not heard of the same from any of my white and asian friends who visited India. I am Punjabi and I know of plenty of obsession with gori-chitti/chitta in my extended family and its true with many Indian families.