You Will Go To “Nether Region” For Watching “The Love Guru”

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These people are actually quite serious, when they inform us of the punishments we are likely to receive for making, viewing, or thinking about the upcoming Mike Myers’ comedy, The Love Guru. One of the groups leading the protests is the Hindu Janjagruti Samiti, which has, based on the trailer, judged the film as offensive to Hindus because it mocks the sanctity of the Guru-Shishya relationship. They have drawn up an open letter of protest to the MPAA, and sent out press releases, generating straight-faced coverage like this (thanks, PremiumSchlock).

Unfortunately, while many news organizations have been attending to the budding protests against The Love Guru, few news stories have been paying attention to other creative documents by the Hindu Janjagruti Samiti relating to the film, such as the following table:

            Act

Demerit

   Means

Making the movie, ‘The Love Guru’

30 units

2nd region of Hell for 1000 years

Watching it for entertainment without knowing the spiritual science/significance

2 units

Nether region (Bhuvaloka) for 100 yrs

Watching it for entertainment even after knowing the spiritual science/ significance

5 units

1st region of Hell for 100 yrs

Being a seeker of God/on the spiritual path, knowing about the Movie, but doing nothing to stop it

5 units

1st region of Hell for 100 yrs

(Source for the above table.) And how many demerits do I get for finding this table hilarious? (I must admit, I am rather curious about this “nether region” idea.)

Their open letter to the MPAA is also unintentionally comic:

The trailer released by Paramount pictures shows utter disrespect for the deep spiritual significance of the Guru. It shows the Guru in a very poor light and encourages the audience to laugh at the Guru. I could not believe my eyes when the trailer revealed Mike Myers playing a Guru through a whole range of denigrating scenes, some of which are quite lurid, such as the Guru wearing a chastity belt, having an erection, involved in bar brawls, accepting money to playing cupid, etc. In the trailer the character Pitka is proclaimed as the second best Guru in India. Was this a calculated statement or was this pulled out of some juvenile script writer’s repertoire? For a country that has produced revered Gurus and Saints such as Swami Vivekanand, Ramkrushna Paramhansa and Yogi Arvind, does Paramount Pictures actually believe that Mike Meyer’s portrayal of a Guru will join the ranks of the most illustrious Saints/Guru’s of India? Was your research team / script writer not aware of the sanctity of the Guru prior to making the movie? Did they even consult leaders in Spirituality (apart from Mr. Deepak Chopra of course) if the script was potentially hurting? (link)

“The script was potentially hurting” — indeed.

The protests to this film might turn out to be funnier than the film itself.

110 thoughts on “You Will Go To “Nether Region” For Watching “The Love Guru””

  1. Absolutely hilarious; I had to stop myself from laughing long enough to type this…oops here is comes again!

  2. Update: Act: Making fun of the punishment on a blog or its comment section Demerit: 0.5 unit Means: That qrtr of hell, where there’s no icecream

    —

    🙂 Can u believe it that the letter was supposedly written by a “Sean Clarke” a possible MBA graduate from Australia?

  3. You wanna bet such jokers may be able to get this movie banned in India? Or for that matter, cheerleading at IPL games.

  5. I must admit, I am rather curious about this “nether region” idea.

    Do I have to be a cunning linguist to understand what going to the nether region means?

  7. Do I have to be a cunning linguist to understand what going to the nether region means?

    Demerits: 69 units

  11. Someone needs to let others in on the joke that is “The Love Guru”. It makes fun of westerners who go to India, get “enlightened”, pick-up a phenomenal accent and a measured speech pattern, some chants, clothes and yoga moves and then return *to make loads of money off of gullible westerners and bed the ladies who dig the accent and the whole enlightened disguise.

    it’s all in the marketing, stoopid

    Yeah, it’s too bad that elephants are involved. Now that is an outrage! Demerit: a million Means: 1000 years in the 3rd region (swimming in animal feces).

  12. A friend of mine in college had a huge black Lucite bong that he called “The Obsidian Lord of the Nether Regions”… and that pretty much exhausts my knowledge on this topic…

  13. Hasn’t Rajan “saffron balls” Zed been feeling guru-envy of Mike Myers, and didn’t he originally stoke the flames on this?

    Yes, and I have to say I’m not impressed. Zed emerged quickly last year after the incident where he was to do a prayer in the Senate, only to be stifled by right-wing loonies. I do respect his accomplishment and his bravery there, though I don’t know much about him — where he stands on other issues. Still, I think this film is just going to be one to skip, not protest.

    Here, I think Deepak Chopra has actually got the situation exactly right:

    But Dr Chopra, who is making waves with two bestsellers, The Buddha (a novel) and The Third Jesus in which he argues that Jesus Christ is not the monopoly of Christian churches, would not have wanted Paramount to show the film to Zed and like-minded protesters.

    “Mike was being conciliatory,” says Dr Chopra, speaking in his austere office at the Chopra Spa in New York. “He said he will meet them, show them the movie, etc. I called Mike and said to him ‘If you think you are going to placate them, you are going to anger them even more.’ I would not placate them.”

    Dr Chopra, who is being called the anti-Christ and a devil by fundamentalist Christians for claiming that Christ never intended to start a religion, adds: “I would make fun of them (the Hindu groups). I would say your faith is so weak that a comedy can offend you. I would then tell them, Your faith is not faith; it’s a cover up for insecurity. Just because you are vegetarian and you dress like Hindus it doesn’t mean you have strong faith.”

  14. “The Obsidian Lord of the Nether Regions”..

    Really? So what’s that Dravidian Branch doin’ in yo pants?

    (Forgive me, if you’re of the fairer sex.)

  15. Here, I think Deepak Chopra has actually got the situation exactly right:

    Yep, Oprah Chopra has been quite sane on this. Of course, he’s nothing if not a good businessman who knows his market. The fact that he has a cameo in the movie and is also planning to release a book related to the movie (“Why is God laughing?) has nothing to do with his support, I’m sure.

  16. (Forgive me, if you’re of the fairer sex.)

    Not to worry, Dravidians are not fair, not even veatish.

  17. Is this an America based organization or India based? As in India we don’t write letters we burn effigies 🙂

  18. <

    blockquote>Yep, Oprah Chopra has been quite sane on this. Of course, he’s nothing if not a good businessman who knows his market. blockquote> I’m starting to respect him now.

    Not to worry, Dravidians are not fair, not even veatish.

    Ask me how I know ; )

  19. (Forgive me, if you’re of the fairer sex.)

    Not to worry, Dravidians are not fair, not even veatish.

    99 demerits!!!

  20. @%#$$& argh! what’s with that?!

    Take Two: bess punstar to Rahuligan

    Yep, Oprah Chopra has been quite sane on this. Of course, he’s nothing if not a good businessman who knows his market.

    I’m starting to respect him now.

    Not to worry, Dravidians are not fair, not even veatish.

    Ask me how I know ; )

    I’ve lost my motivation. And now Dravidian won’t speak to me…

  21. Most branches of Hinduism actually acknowledge that the sheer complexity/tangled mass of causes and effects make it too difficult to determine specific outcomes based on single actions, especially those that involve being reborn in different places/states. This chart, besides violating that belief with its ridiculous simplicity, is also extremely hilarious!

    I think the way in which I watch this film will be decided once I find out in whose nether regions I may have to spend time.

  22. Ah, someone finally linked to the Official Website of the Troll Sena. I’ve avoided doing so myself – even though they are the source of numerous death/rape threats towards yours truly – because they thrive on attention.

    I also have newfound respect for Chopra, after reading reading Amardeep’s comment #13.

  23. Nina — I did link to them earlier (they were also “offended” by the Clinton-Obama/Radha-Krishna image I blogged about a few weeks ago), but I didn’t name them then. There’s always a question in my mind with groups like this of whether it’s better to just ignore them…

    I’m sorry to hear about the threats, and even more disgusted by them now than I already was.

    In happier news, good luck with SStB at Tribeca Film Festival this week and next!

  24. But Dr Chopra, who is making waves with two bestsellers, The Buddha (a novel) and The Third Jesus in which he argues that Jesus Christ is not the monopoly of Christian churches…”
    I would say your faith is so weak that a comedy can offend you. I would then tell them, Your faith is not faith; it’s a cover up for insecurity.

    I’m starting to think that Chopra has been reading Joseph Fletcher. These two quotes recall to my mind arguments I picked up in the book Situation Ethics published first in the Harvard Divinity Bulletin; in 1963. (I was not alive in ’63, just so ya’ know.)

  25. What’s the penalty for seeing it just to witness the degree/nature of the inevitable peaceful, amicable, conciliatory resolution toward Hinduism/”Eastern” spirituality?

    Does that count as special investigation, or is no degree of conciliatory resolution possible to make up for the egregiousness of the trailer, thus negating any virtuous curiosity about the last 5-10 minutes of the film?

  26. Actually saw the new trailer for it last night before Ironman. It looked funnier than I thought it would be and probably had any right to be, however the comedy and structure of the movie is the same as Austin Powers.

    Mike Myers is definitely no Peter Sellers.

    What’s more interesting to discuss is how if this had been another religion or culture being ‘mocked’, the film might not have even gotten made.

    While I like the smorgasbord style of Hinduism and easy going style of our culture, would like it to have more political power like other minorities in the US.

  27. Oh Amardeep, Rahul…this must have reaallly made your day. You must be sooo happy. Elated, even. I mean, how often does this happen?

    Happy Friday…

    M. Nam

  30. 27 · MoorNam said

    Oh Amardeep, Rahul…this must have reaallly made your day. You must be sooo happy. Elated, even. I mean, how often does this happen?

    I wasn’t because the Shiv Seniacs and their ilk protesting Indian culture by banning cheerleaders had me bouncing already (yes, I have a delicate temperament), but I am indeed touched to hear that you are always thinking about my happiness.

    You love me, you really love me!

    Happy Friday to you too, Moornam!

  31. Indeed, how do you know, Bess?

    There you are Lady Porto. I knew I wasn’t alone in the Nether Regions. Indeed Happy Friday to us all!

  32. 22 · Nina P said

    I also have newfound respect for Chopra, after reading reading Amardeep’s comment #13.

    he’s certainly capable of a lucid thought or two (given he runs a lucrative culture-pimping business)but I have nothing but contempt for someone who took knowledge that should be open-source and tried to front like it could be proprietary. It’s odd that Mike Meyers is buddy-buddy with Chopra and doesn’t see how you could easily make a ‘Guru’ movie that mocked Chopra mercilessly for being the soulless charlatan that he really is.

  33. I was not alive in ’63, just so ya’ know.

    How do you know? You were probably the tree that went into the making of the 1963 edition of Situation Ethics that you later picked up, etc.

    Or maybe, you were an elephant.

    Why is a Hindu group threatening with regions of hell, anyway? I thought Hindus just get reinvented, I mean, reincarnated. Am I giving my 5-year old wrong information? She is obsessed with the concept of death and I quickly realized a very ‘vet’ted atheist’s understanding of death is not an appropriate answer for a starry-eyed 5-year old. So I told her that her Hindu great grandmother believes she will be born again, perhaps, as her favorite breed of dog or her favorite Disney princess, while her very Christian grandmother on the other side believes we will all have a happy family reunion in heaven (glossing over the fact that mommy will probably not be invited to that family reunion). For now, these answers seem to have helped–she has made her own version of afterlife that involves both reincarnation and an ever-ever happy land called heaven. (Now I know eactly why religions were invented).

    Question: do I need to go back to Hinduism 101? I hate to mislead my child on the specifics of the big, fat lie I tell to reassure her every night.

  34. Rahul,

    I wasn’t because the Shiv Seniacs and their ilk protesting

    It’s not only what people say that matters – it’s what they leave out. And what did his Royal Highness Rahul leave out?

    1. The Bengal leftists are also protesting against the cheerleaders. Now, are they Shiv Sainik’s “ilk”?

    2. Rahul Dravid and other cricketters are against the cheerleaders.

    3. Maharashtra government, which started the ban, is a Congress Government and ShivSena/BJP is in the opposition there.

    Anyone want to bet how soon DMK will get on the bandwagon?

    M. Nam

  35. Or maybe, you were an elephant.

    I do have an excellent memory.

    Question: do I need to go back to Hinduism 101? I hate to mislead my child on the specifics of the big, fat lie I tell to reassure her every night.

    Ask her what she thinks – little ones have their own ideas.

  36. It’s not only what people say that matters – it’s what they leave out. And what did his Royal Highness Rahul leave out?

    What’s your point? That they are not the only crazies and cultural nazis in town? Well, at least I hope you won’t beat me up or burn up my comments.

    Thanks for crowning me, though.

  37. Anyways, I don’t want to hog the attention from the Sex Swami Yoni Yogi Love Guru, so if you feel strongly about my happiness, Moornam, I fervently urge you to write a letter to the authorities.

  38. 36 · Rahul said

    It’s not only what people say that matters – it’s what they leave out. And what did his Royal Highness Rahul leave out?
    What’s your point? That they are not the only crazies and cultural nazis in town? Well, at least I hope you won’t beat me up or burn up my comments. Thanks for crowning me, though.

    I just don’t understand why MFH keeps doing these scandalous hindu painting(s) when there are so many other religions(or his own) where his artistic freedom is greatly appreciated 🙂

  39. As a kid in India, we Catlicks were always going to Catechism classes . The rest of class attending something mysterious called “Moral Science”. We were taught that once could go to heaven, or hell , or limbo. Now I know where the rest are headed 🙂

  40. We were taught that once could go to heaven, or hell , or limbo. Now I know where the rest are headed 🙂

    Every leetle boy and girl dance around the limbo world!

    I hate to mislead my child on the specifics of the big, fat lie I tell to reassure her every night.

    Malathi, why can’t you tell your little girl what you believe? She’s heard everyone else’s take on the matter why not yours.

  42. (Forgive me, if you’re of the fairer sex.)

    Male… and very wheatish, actually. Having a white mother will do that for you. 🙂

  43. Mike was being conciliatory,” says Dr Chopra, speaking in his austere office at the Chopra Spa in New York. I would not placate them.

    Translation: To feed white expectations is to F with your cash cow, never do anything to compromise that.

    I would say your faith is so weak that a comedy can offend you

    This of course is the ultimate in stupidity and misses the entire point. It’s not that a comedy would offend you, it’s the fact that mainstream white america has NOTHING ELSE to provide a counterbalance to illustrate it AS a comedy. Now of course, michael myers screams comedy, but remember, you and I and most people reading this KNOW it’s a caricature! mainstream white america doesn’t (necessarily, they’d be hard pressed to pick out what elements are caricature and what aren’t) but compare Austin Powers, an obvious caricature, I’d say most of mainstream america knows that the average brit doesn’t act that way (plus there’s time travel and other crazy things going on in that movie) What’s offensive is not the movie itself, but the fact that people don’t have anything else to tell them explicitly… it’s a complete, and utter satire.

    As for Deepak Chopra not placating them, he doesn’t need to, he’s too busy placating his white masses and concentrating on the only color that really matters to him: green.

  44. Malathi, why can’t you tell your little girl what you believe? She’s heard everyone else’s take on the matter why not yours.

    Because there is nothing reassuring about my stark, unpadded thoughts on the concept of death. (I agree with Dilip D’Souza: Death ends fun.) I don’t mean to shield her from it forever–it is just that she is not ready to handle it just yet. Like you said in the other comment: she has come up with her own comforting idea of what happens to one after death. And I am fine with that for now.

    As an independent adult, I want to stick as close as possible to what I believe is the reality of the world, but as a mother having to answer difficult questions from a scared child, I am willing to compromise on my principles for some indefinite time. When Jessica next door is happily reassured with a Barbie version of heaven, I don’t want my child’s innocence to end prematuredly.

  45. As a Hindu, this movie is offensive and deeply hurtful. Why is it that when someone punches you in the face, he goes to jail, but when someone hurts you emotionally and spiritually in a way that is more hurtful and lasting, it’s ok and even allowed to be profitable?

  46. Why is a Hindu group threatening with regions of hell, anyway? I thought Hindus just get reinvented, I mean, reincarnated. Am I giving my 5-year old wrong information?

    I’m confused myself. I read the whole thing about going to hell and seriously the concept of Heaven and Hell is fairly newly introducted into Hinduism. I mean isn’t heaven and hell a state of your karmas from the generic brand of Hinduism I was raised on?

    You gained good karma so you come back as a better person and not as a flea or something. So seriously forget your 5 year old this adult is totally confused how these maniacs came up with a very western cursing kind of burning hell. I mean I don’t envision Shiva waiting at the gates with a searing hot Trishul waiting to brand my ass with it.

    I just find the mainstream mention and importance of heaven and hell in this brand of Hinduism plain weird. I mean this is the whole reason why I’m Hindu and not Muslim or Christian. If I fuck up I come back in my own personal hell not someone else’s hell or idea of it. So what’s this all about.

  47. Male… and very wheatish, actually. Having a white mother will do that for you. 🙂

    Yes, it will.

    I don’t mean to shield her from it forever–it is just that she is not ready to handle it just yet. Like you said in the other comment: she has come up with her own comforting idea of what happens to one after death. And I am fine with that for now. As an independent adult, I want to stick as close as possible to what I believe is the reality of the world, but as a mother having to answer difficult questions from a scared child, I am willing to compromise on my principles for some indefinite time.

    Malathi, I hear ya. I’ve never been so intellecutally challenged as I’ve been by my inquisitive 5 yr. old – one recent question was why do we have god? I gave my answer and told my little one that my answer is different from the one she’d get from her grandparents, aunts, uncles and school. Not sure if that killed the innocence.

  48. 46 · Janeofalltrades said

    Why is a Hindu group threatening with regions of hell, anyway? I thought Hindus just get reinvented, I mean, reincarnated. Am I giving my 5-year old wrong information?

    Yeah there are references to hell and different kind of punishments administered by

    Yama

    . Hindu equivalent of hell is Naragam. Except he boils you in a pan of oil etc etc based on your sins and then you get born again as whatever based on your deeds.

  49. Yama is hell. its a NY based restaurant perennially ranked, by the california rollers, among the top sushi bars. they toss 1/2 foot slabs of fish on rice that gives one the feeling of being french kissed by a german shephard. its cultural appropriation at its worst. i don’t care about michael myers or dropping your baby on its head, but this has to stop.

  50. …one recent question was why do we have god? I gave my answer and told my little one that my answer is different from the one she’d get from her grandparents, aunts, uncles and school. Not sure if that killed the innocence.

    I believe it is possible to maintain the (emotional?) innocence while simultaneously feeding the intellectual curiosity. So I am sure you did that.

    By the way, my question to you in comment # 33 was only tongue-in-cheek (stimulated by your funny and priceless comment # 11). I regretted not putting a smiley-face emoticon but by now I figure you took it in the light-hearted manner it was meant to be taken.

    Also, thanks to JOAT for #46.