On Unhardening the Heart

A guy wrote the following letter to the “Dear Prudence” column at Slate.com:

I am a 25-year-old Indian-American who has been in this country since I was 5. I started dating a Caucasian classmate four and a half years ago in college. The romance bloomed, and we are still together. She is kind, loving, beautiful, and a great inspiration. I see us together for the rest of our lives. There is only one problem: My parents are very traditional Indians and have told me since I was a young boy that they wanted me to have an arranged marriage, and if I did “bring home an American girl” that they would disown me. After two years, I told them about the relationship, and they were rightfully hurt and upset I’d kept it a secret. They say now that they were “joking” about disowning me and that I should have come to them. But it is close to three years later, and my girlfriend has still never met my parents. I greet holidays with a sense of dread because I feel pulled in two different directions. Even when I bring her up in conversation, they quickly change the subject or just walk away. They say that my relationship is just “a phase” and that I will “come to my senses.” I also feel a sense of embitterment from my girlfriend for being completely shunned by her potential in-laws. My parents have told me that they will accept my girlfriend when we become engaged, but by then I fear that their attempt to build bridges will be too little, too late. I know that my parents love me and want the best for me, but is there anything I can do to unharden their hearts? (link)

Prudie’s advice in response to this was pretty good, I thought (read the column to see). But I was wondering — what would you tell this person? Would it be better for him to push his parents, and demand they accept his girlfriend, or is it better to kind of wait and see (until, say, getting engaged)? Do parents really mean it when they say “we’ll disown you,” or is it just something they say?

Finally, do people have experiences of their own along these lines they want to share?

356 thoughts on “On Unhardening the Heart

  1. Hitler and Sex.

    A few quick points:

    a) All women that were linked with Hitler committed suicide, Eva Brown being the last one.

    b) It is widely believed that Hitler had some strange sexual behaviors, and practices, ………… read, Rise and Fall of Third Reich, and Last Days of Hitler. They are books written by world class historians.

    c) A lot of SS men (especially Brown shirts led by Ernst Rohm) were homosexuals. Gestapo used to keep files on them, and blackmail them for undivided loyalty. Ernst Rohm was a homosexual, and lot of his confidants (whom Hitler did not trust) were killed the “Night of Long Knives”, one of the early purges engineered by Hitler to flush out any dissent.

    d) The final solution had two pillars: a) purity of race (no mixing of gentiles with jews), and b) jews as morally debauched, and stealing german women.

    e) This is in addition to Russian autopsy of “one testicle”.

  2. So if we gather the facts properly. Hitler used the Jews as scapegoats because

    (1) He couldn’t get ass.

    (2) He didn’t appreciate his wife.

    (3) He was a homoerrotic vagitarian ..( I mean vegetarian).

    (4) Who else would he blame the German depression on.

  3. Do you think when two guys go out together they fight over the bill?

    Of course guys do – all the time. Its one thing to generalize, its another altogether to be wrong when you do.

  4. Also, I think the code word for the World Trade Center towers in Tora Bora translates to “The Great Satanic Phalli.” And the cheers that resonated were translated by the Pentagon’s (then gay) Arabic translators as “He is castrated.”

  5. Ok, folks — things have veered pretty far off topic at this point. It’s probably time to shut this thread down, and move on to other things.