Dear ING Direct,
I blog this with a heavy heart.
Earlier today, mastervk submitted a link to a news story which caught my attention; it dealt with gender inequality and speaking out against a regressive advertising campaign in India. Duly noted, I thought, rather sure I was going to blog about it later. I saw the excerpt for this story a few more times throughout the day, but apparently I was not really understanding it, for if I had, the disappointment I suddenly feel would have flattened me earlier.
I didn’t realize they were talking about you.
You, ING, you are the one behind this?
In the commercial, the birth of a girl is followed by what the Delhi government considers as a derogatory statement: Hai To Pyaari Lekin Bojh Hai Bhari (Though loveable, she’s still a burden). “It sends out wrong message,” said education secretary Rina Ray. She has written to National Commission for Protection of Child Rights and Delhi Commission for Women(DCW) asking them to ensure the advertisement is withdrawn and also a public apology is issued by the insurance firm on all channels.
Ray is unhappy with the overall gender bias in the ad, particularly the scene which depicts fathers being weighed down by the financial costs involved in bringing up their daughters and funding their studies so much so that the ground beneath their feet caves in. Ray quotes a hospital scene from the commercial in her letter which depicts girls as a burden.
Ray said: “This is unfair. Parents spend money for a boy’s education too. Then why single out girls, especially when the country is positively debating women empowerment.”
The DCW has written to the insurance company asking them to stop airing the advertisement. “Promoting such biased views on the girl child may have a demoralising impact on women,” said Barkha Singh, DCW chairperson.
The TOIlet paper concludes with this paragraph:
However, the company said they have not received any letter. “The ad was not meant to be derogatory to anybody and hurt others’ sentiments. Its aimed at rekindling emotions and sentiments of a father’s duty (‘mera farz’). We will look into the objection and take recourse if the ad has hurt anybody,” said Geeta Sarin, regional general manager, ING Vysya Life Insurance Co ltd.
Haven’t received a letter? Yet. You haven’t received a letter, yet. You know what else you haven’t received yet? My notice to cancel all my accounts with you. Because as much as I love you (and oh, how I do), I love little girls, equality and not perpetuating bullshit, more.
Do you know how difficult this is for me? Kindly allow me to explain why I feel a sense of loss about something as plain as a bank account.
Like almost every American, I was an AmeriCAN’T when it came to saving money. My “regular” savings account did not excite me, the interest it paid was insulting and often, it was pressed in to duty as a shallow well for emergency transfers to my checking account, to make sure that my health insurance premium was paid instead of bounced. I did not save. My anemic Roth IRA doesn’t count.
Then, I met someone a few years ago. He was many things, but most relevant for this story, he was a very, very wealthy C-level exec. I didn’t know any of that when I started dating him (like a movie, na?), but that’s another story, one which will later go in to a work of “fiction”. Actually, that’s relevant, too, because if that dream ever did come true and someone paid me to type a few hundred pages of something, that money was heading straight for you.
Anyway, I still remember the exact conversation which brought ING in to my life. I was teasing him for spending on his very gorgeous German car what most people spent on houses when he grew serious and told me that it was paid off. That he wasn’t shady or irresponsible and despite his infamously turning down an Ivy League med school, he was not stupid. “Believe it or not, I’m a saver,” he said. And he mentioned you. Orange, wonderful ING Direct-you. “I love my ING account,” he said, “more than all my others.”
That captured my attention. I worked for Bank of America while I was at UC Davis and then for Citibank just after graduating, when I was still procrastinating mightily about law school.
[Aside: I loved being a teller at BofA in the bay area. It was one of my favorite jobs, ever. It was so fun, I used to joke that if I won the lottery and could afford to do anything, I’d be a teller again, because I liked writing people’s balance information on Hello Kitty mini-memo paper and helping the Spanish-speaking customers, who were so old skool, they still came in with tiny, ecru-colored savings booklets for me to write in…my Punjabi customers…well, that could be a post itself. I loved BofA so much, that I have never left them, even though I could not bank with them in DC when I commenced grad school in 1999. I’m loyal, to a fault, and with that I can get back to my post, because if I’m devoted enough to stay with a bank that used to hold my financial aid checks arbitrarily, prevent me from using the ATM and otherwise cause me unbelievable amounts of inconvenience without my leaving, then I’m the kind of customer any company would want. I’ve been with Sprint for ten years; I’ve brought them my entire family and two ex-boyfriends. I’m one of those customers. I deliver.]
I had never, ever heard anyone declare that they “loved” any silly bank account. I thought that perhaps this had to do with the sort of kundi-kissing, kid-gloved treatment that uber-rich people get from their consumer bank-appointed handlers.
Wrong.
“No, I got my Orange account when they came out…and I was making less money than you do, now.” I was perplexed. What was in this Orange kool-aid? Knowing what you now know about my deeply-ingrained loyalties and preferences, you will not be surprised to learn that I was impressed with such a testimonial. I joined. Modest automatic transfers went from BofA to ING and when I got my really ridiculous consulting job, those transfers grew fatter. Now I was drunk off the kool-aid, too, since the drink was not some sweet orange punch but my beloved Peet’s Coffee.
Though ING is a branch-less, direct bank, they do have, of all things, a Cafe in a cute part of Philly. The interior has the familiar Orange ball, free internet access and exquisite coffee. It’s all so random, I know. But I dug it. What does Berkeley coffee (which I never get to drink on this coast) and an airy space to serve it in have to do with the business of banking? Not much, unless you were picking up some material about their products.
At the cafe, you couldn’t do anything with your accounts while sipping Peet’s. But that didn’t matter to me, because it was all so brilliant and subtle. I love checking my email. I love good coffee (which was CHEAP, btw). My virtual bank was giving me both, in one appealing bundle. I loved it. I loved it so much, I have a photo album of my first visit to ING illadelphia, and that’s where the picture for this post comes from. Whenever I visit Philly, the first place I go is ING cafe, for my coffee and bonding session with orange stuff.
But wait, there’s more to my love affair with ING. That savings account grew substantially and 18 months ago, when I had to make one of the most adult choices of my life and move out, to my first grown-up, big-girl apartment, my orange account facilitated that. Me, who had lived with parents until age 23, who had roommates every year after that (it’s $$$ to live in the city, y’all) who had never lived alone…I was going to move. And moving is expensive. And for once, I didn’t have to do the sheepish Indian-perpetual-child thing and call my Mom for scrill.
I had enough of it in my beloved ING Orange account to cover first, last, and deposit for an apartment in a very beautiful, affluent neighborhood. I had enough to pay for moving. I also had something I had never really experienced in my young, free-spirited, under-paid life: independence. And for that, ING grew priceless. I even opened another account with them just last week (what timing). I am loyal and after the thrill of all that apartment-related agency, I assumed I’d be with ING for years.
And then I saw this.
And now, I don’t think of Peet’s, or orange balls, or financial goodness. I think of an advertising campaign which perpetuates a mentality I find reprehensible. I think of how I am confused, because it is ING insurance in India which screwed up, and perhaps that is very different from ING Direct in Amreeka (hey, I’m not the Wharton grad in the bunker, I don’t know these things!), but when I was researching this post and I saw the site for ING Vysya, I immediately recognized an orange lion and very familiar fonts. My stomach knotted and I knew. I just knew I would no longer look at my own accounts quite the same way. And the cynical among you can say that I am one person and insignificant and you would be right. You could point out that ING doesn’t need me and my cute little accounts and you’d be correct.
But.
That guy I dated? He’s still with ING. And he loves little girls and hates the antiquated, ignorant, “daughters-as-burdens”-bullshit as much as I do, even though he’s Punjabi and they’re supposed to be the most son-loving brownies of them all, right? Ha. No. I don’t think he could love a nephew the way he adores that baby girl; if anyone even hinted that she was “loveable, but a burden” I think that person would soon have a few bruises to show for such stupidity.
He’s not married, he has no children, in fact all he has is his little niece. Whom he adores. Who, if something were to happen to her doting Uncle, would inherit all that money in those various ING accounts. So while my paltry interest in ING is of no concern, maybe his will be. You never know who might have one of these accounts, who might be disgusted enough to vote with their feet and move their assets elsewhere. If ING is sincere about looking in to the “objection” and addressing it, I hope they do so, soon. My inner cynic thinks they won’t give a shit about any of this and that is why I’m already looking for a less colorful, but more sensitive place to take my business. I loved you ING, but not enough to look the other way.
Regretfully,
your quondam fan-girl
🙁
Maybe they can go with a better ad agency.
re: girls-r-a-burden, i predict this will change, at least for the wealthy.* it changed for japan about 20 years ago, and now it is changing in korea. for the biologically inclined something like the tivers-willard hypothesis might be work, but i think sociological dynamics are more complicated and “chaotic,” so to speak.
Girl, you need to get out of that ING account. It sure was good “back in the day”. Those cute letters they’d send about “woo! your saving rate went up 0.0005%” were nice. humorous even. I switched to WaMu (I know! the horror!) because their online savings account rates were better. I’ve heard HSBC is even better, so you may want to invest some research time there. Anyways, good to keep your eggs in many baskets and move them around.
btw, you’re prolly the first person I know who actually visited an ING cafe thingy. (oh, and I hate BofA. $3 for every ATM transaction? wtf? mera baap doesn’t own a bank!)
holy shit, anna, you are my hero. I wish I banked at ING so I could cancel.
if you have over 10k in savings, countrywide savingslink is at 4.75 % APY right now.
i had ing but moved to countrywide. purely because they gave a better percentage. 1.35% difference today.
You look so pritty vitty in the photo
That ING is near Rittenhouse Square! Cool part of town…I knew it looked familiar.
Naked Chocolate shot next! 🙂
Not just in India. I remember some of those Met Life ads on the Indian TV programs/channels in the US. There was the obedient little wife watching indulgently as her son, her pride and her support scarfed hot hot pooris. She was investing in her future and girls were definitely not part of this. In trying to reach out to the Indian community, Met Life had, in my case at least, lost one customer.
Growing up in India, I often wondered where I fit into the whole drink-up-your-Bournvita-so-you-can-play-better-cricket-and-support-your-parents-in-their-old-age paragidgm. It wasn’t just TV. It was real life too. As a girl, you were told there wasn’t much you could do or were expected to do. As a counterpoint to these Bournvita ads, there were the Fail and Lovely ads with Karwa chauth or varahalakshmi pooja in the backdrop. Yeah, as a girl, you could look forward to drinking the water after you had washed you husband’s feet.
Thanks for writing about this Anna. ING is losing a few more customers today for sure. Is there a way to formally register protest as well?
I can sooooo feel what you write because that is the way I love ING and that is exactly how I feel about this ad too. Saw your post first thing in the morning and had a big discussion with my spouse on where to move our savings.
In the commercial, the birth of a girl is followed by what the Delhi government considers as a derogatory statement: Hai To Pyaari Lekin Bojh Hai Bhari (Though loveable, she’s still a burden).
Isnt the statement mostly true for small town India? Women dont really work after they get married and are completely dependent on their husband for financial support. So they cant really financially help their parents. Plus the parents have to give an exorbitant amount of dowry plus spend a lot of money on the wedding celebration.
Razib to be honest the son preference is alive and well among the NRI community, at least in my andecdotal experience, and from what I’ve heard its still alive even in Japan, just better masked (in Japan, the falling brthrate probably took the edge off. beggars cant be choosers). There might be a societal pushback against it in Korea but I dunno if I believe its a trend yet.
For those interested, the commercial is at http://youtube.com/watch?v=z7TKz5bIUsg
Aziz, Pagal aadmi: It may be true that the bias is alive and kicking. But what is sad is the perpetuation of it by institutions like ING. Isn’t this what Corporate Social Responsibility is all about? To ensure the image the project and the visibility of the firm advocates positive social stereotypes.
Just because we know female infanticide still happens in the villages would it be OK for TV or Media to make commercials about it? Bringing awareness is one thing, perpetuating it is another.
Great post, but I wonder how many more people are going to check out ING right now to see just why you loved it so much.
WAMU for life (Elephant throws up a “W” sign).
thans for the link. for those not familiar with hindi/urdu – the bias is pretty stark.
thing is… it points to a couple of things. the ad company doing this is a well-known award winning company. the process to pulling this together pro’ly involved focus groups around people’s needs and concerns.
for savings minded people, wanting to be able to take care of the daughter likely is top of mind.. and ING is tapping into that concern. could there have been a way to spin that concern in a positive way? i htink so… “help your daughter soar”, “give her the wings she needs to kick butt”. This version just makes me queasy because it assumes a lifelong ‘dependency’, which is just wrong.
the second point, if ing vysysa are a separately traded company in india, then ing group has some equity stake in this, but is likely to be hands-off on administration. the ing you interact with in the US, has little to no stake in the indian arm. doesnt hurt to express your concern but i think the indian ngo’s are doing a fine job raising a stink about this.
The TOIlet paper concludes with this paragraph
Indeed
I was an AmeriCAN’T your quondam fan-girl
Anna I thought you were orthodox Mallu 🙂
12 · Laksh said
fyi – the ad was created by rediffusion| dy&r .. that’s the indian collaboration of dentsu young and rubicam. i’d put the blame on them more than the bank. for a desi parent, taking care of the kids is top of mind, and is liely the sweet spot for ing’s trget demographic. to create an ad that emphasizes ‘beti ka bojh’ [the daughter’s burden] is not just repugnant, it is a dumb creative move. they could have easily done a ‘beti ki udan’ and created a lifetime model from birth to education to marriage [yes – paying for the wedding still falls within he parents’ ‘farz’ in the indian context. no getting around it. dont tase me bro.]
Eddi,
Before you go cancelling, at least send them an email so they have a chance to correct their mistakes. I pity the fool who said the ad was good to go. I wonder if there will be enough of a response here in the US so that ING will have to respond.
I have ING and BofA and I love their transfer structure but their rates keep going down :(. I even referred people and got $10 for each. Now I am thinking about movin to WaMu or HSBC.
so self-indulgent a post, that i had to abandon it 3/4 of the way through… and your ultimately humorous explanation for attaching the photo to post is????
I believe foreign companies can only invest up to 26% in Indian insurance joint ventures which may increase to 49% in the future but it is at 26% as of now. As khoofia mentioned I believe the Indian counterparts i.e. Vysya bank may have been more responsible for giving the final approval to the campaign.
That being said, I will revisit putting money in ING direct as from what I recall their deposist are not insured by FDIC. I use HSBC direct and it has been great and they have FDIC insurance for their online accounts.
Women and girls are valued less than their male counterparts in traditional societies, and India is no exception. That said this ad made me cringe. Traditions like Karva Chauth (discussion from the other thread) are not harmless because they perpetuate these stereotypes (i.e. male child is more desirable).
However, the company said they have not received any letter. “The ad was not meant to be derogatory to anybody and hurt others’ sentiments. Its aimed at rekindling emotions and sentiments of a father’s duty (‘mera farz’). We will look into the objection and take recourse if the ad has hurt anybody,†said Geeta Sarin, regional general manager, ING Vysya Life Insurance Co ltd.
Is she serious? She should’ve nixed the ad as soon as it landed on her desk. If educated women don’t stand up to this nonsense what hope there is for any change in attitude in Desh?
Disgusting!
I agree with my_dog-Jagat about the general sexism of Indian ads I grew up with that, yes, did reflect popular biases but also reinforced them quite forcefully. Ads for food and oil and even Vicks Vaporub or anything that was targeted at “nurturing children” generally had little boys in it. The only little girls in ads were for cutesy purposes (like Vicks ki goli lo). And occasionally there would be the fond parents saving up for their daughter’s wedding and sighing about how she’s grown, or the brother working overseas sending jewellry for his newly-engaged sister. I haven’t watched enough Indian TV in the last couple of years to know if it’s changed much. However I remember one ad that really shocked me (not for gender reasons) that was all over the TV about four years ago and won awards etc, that suggest ad people in India are really not terribly sensitive – it was a Fevicol ad that shows a young rural/small town fellow trying to commit suicide, and trying because the beam fell, and people laughing at him, and then when he used Fevicol he succeeded. I thought it was in such awful taste that I wrote to the company and they just wrote back defensively saying it was a wonderful ad and they had won awards for it, and so there.
Even these attitudes have been changing for the last 20 years. In Punjab, laws were passed against the requirement for dowry and limiting the amount of money that families of the bride would be forced to spend on celebration. In that context, it just makes the ING ad all the more disturbing where certain traditions are being phased out and the ad seems to only reinforce them.
ANNA,
Check bankrate.com as its a nice little site to compare banks on everything from their CD rates to savings and investment rates as well as offering info on mortgage rates. It should help you to find another institution.
it was a Fevicol ad that shows a young rural/small town fellow trying to commit suicide, and trying because the beam fell, and people laughing at him, and then when he used Fevicol he succeeded. I thought it was in such awful taste that I wrote to the company and they just wrote back defensively saying it was a wonderful ad and they had won awards for it, and so there.
First, that fevicol ad is a spoof on the legendary movie, Sholay, and Dharmendra’s “Moosi, suicide………” sequence. They have lot of ads here, and in India that are spoofs on well known movie sequences.
I agree with my_dog-Jagat about the general sexism of Indian ads I grew up
Even ads here in US of A to this day enforce a traditional family structure, with a loving wife, white picket fences, and the flag. Check most of the ads on your TV right from SUVs to detergents, unless you are talking about beer ads (where there are bikini clad women) or viagara ads.
No long true. And most of the old folks I know at home are taken care of in physical, everyday terms by their daughters, which in labour and effort adds up to a hell of a lot more than the checks their sons occasionally send (which, btw, is usually a tiny amount compared with the inheritance sons received). And I don’t know of a single family where the bride and groom have not split expenses (ironically, it’s been more common for the woman’s family to pay among my American friends). Yet even among elite, well-educated women I know, who earn a fair bit and contribute to the family as much as any man, the assumption persists that they are less “deserving” of their parents’ investment than their brothers.
Funnily, this post turned out to be more of an advertisement for ING than a rant against them.. I am on my way to check out what kind of accts they offer… And, no… this is not because I am a misogynist punk.. just because all that glorification of ING seems to have had a subliminal effect on me…
khoofia, good thought, but can’t blame the ad agency much. Typically the brand/marketing people in ING would’ve generated the insight (e.g.’Daughters are considered a burden by most Indian fathers. ING offers an insurance/banking solution to help relieve that burden slightly’)and also made the final decision to run the ad…
So earlier misogynist advertising of Fair & Lovely was made by Balki (Lowe); but HLL was (rightly) blamed for airing it.
And you know what – just to play the devil’s advocate here – companies are NOT in the business of social change. They exist to make money. So if they see a strong insight to ‘connect’ their product with consumers, they’re free to use that insight. As politically incorrect though it may be. We can’t blame them for perpetrating inequality – they’re just using existing social beliefs to sell product. If more people (like most mutineers) disagreed with their premises that ‘daughters are a burden’ or ‘light skin = beauty’, they’d change their premises to more accurately reflect reality. Advertising is most effective when it is an accurate mirror of its consumers brains & hearts.
So yes, it’s a good idea to try generate a public outcry against something insensitive, but sorry, it’s only ever a stop-gap solution.
I normally have a high tolerance for un-PC ads. But this one is ridiculous. And for the company not to even realize how dumb the ad is after it was pointed is makes me angry. And the spokesperson was a woman too.
It is amazing no one has started whining about how the evil ABD Anna is out to tarnish India again. Please prove me wrong and don’t do an impersonation of a rediff reader.
Kush, I grew up on Sholay. I can recite every line to you, and know every scene. That ad was NOT a spoof on Sholay. It showed a dead person at the end of it. You find that funny?
You find that funny?
I did not funny or anything. I was just where they got inspired from.
To this day, Sholay inspires hazaaar ads, right now, on India TV, they have Bharati AirTel ad, that spoofs one of the Sholay sequence.
And we as consumers are free to reject their product if we find their advertising offensive.
>>“It sends out wrong message,†said education secretary Rina Ray. She has written to National Commission for Protection of Child Rights and Delhi Commission for Women(DCW) asking them to ensure the advertisement is withdrawn and also a public apology is issued by the insurance firm on all channels.
She should stick to her core competency and responsibility: running schools properly. Leave social change to society.
Good move.
M. Nam
hey guys i just saw the ad, and i couldnt find them saying anywhere that its a girl am i missing something?? cause according to me they just referring to kids as burdens, which is way better
That’s a luxury only women in well to-do families have had. Most poor women in India work, on the farms, on construction sites, as vendors selling fruits and vegetables, they are everywhere, contributing to their families financially.
Another point, stay-at-home moms work too, or are you saying that no work goes into running a house and taking care of the children? Or since their work doesn’t generate an income it is worthless? Also, I have seen as many women as men take care of their older parents even in very traditional families.
Sexism exists in the US too, however the sexism in India is much more blatant and far worse than anything here. Women are not considered a burden to be taken care of by a male relative (father, husband, son) from cradle to death and they have more choices in who they date, get married to etc.etc. and more choices in general.
Ok I must have missed something, where did they say in the ad that the newborn was a girl?
Not true really: it depends on the attitude of the parents. I know a lower middle class family from a small town close to my place, who had two daughters and a son. They were smart enough not to discriminate between the kids and worked as hard to get their daughters an education as their son. The son was never v bright, but the girls both work with some Indian software firm now, and have been in the US for the last few years. Both are ardent savers and totally devoted to their parents, and they built their parents a house, bought them a car, and even paid for their own marriages. Meanwhile the son is still drifting. Their example has pretty much changed the attitude of the entire town and community towards girls. Incidentally, there’s been some heartburn: one of the girls fell in love with a guy outside the community, and they had to agree to the marriage.
I just saw the ad, the line from what I can make out sounds like “dikhne mein to pyari hai, yeh khushiyan thodi bhari hain” which I would translate as though the joys seem sweet, they may have a financial burden. Which is why the ad shows a wedding, admission to MBA and birth of a child. I don’t think the ad specifies that the child being shown is a girl. Please tell me if I am missing anything.
they call the child “pyaari” (translation: lovable for a girl, in case you didn’t know)
Yogi,
They don’t call the child pyaari, the ad calls the khushiyan pyaari which has a whole different meaning.
To add to my previous comment, the joys that the add illustrates are graduate education, marriage and child birth all of which are shown to have another side which is monetary.
29 · Brown said
It doesn’t sound like it was subliminal. 😉
This post was not meant to be a rant against them. I did all that “self-indulgent”, earnest meandering in my post to illustrate just how much I loved ING. I don’t think people who choose to join them or stay are misogynists, I just know that my reaction to this news was visceral and I had to take my business (and potentially the business of others I know) elsewhere. I was also interested in the fact that someone “official” was speaking out against the ad and demanding accountability.
I put the picture up because it’s relevant to the post. ING has this strange little outpost in Philly, and there it is, in full color. If you look, you can see the pamphlets on the right and the orange ball on the left. I had never taken a consumer-bank-related picture before (nor since), so the bank was obviously extraordinary if I did. I didn’t have any pictures of “just the cafe”.
I hesitated to put this up and I knew I might be aiming my frustration at the wrong organization, but I also know that you’re all smarter than I am and I’d find out way more about all parties involved via your comments. We all would. Sometimes, I surprise myself with how often I mutter, “let the market decide”, and that’s the other reason I blogged it. ING is free to do whatever they choose, no matter how deplorable their message is…I am also free to not support such an institution, even if my virtual account and occasional coffee have little to nothing to do with ING Vysya.
I’ve enjoyed reading comments like 8, 12 and 24. I didn’t know about the Met Life ads and now I do. I didn’t know where to go post-ING and now I do. There’s a lot which can be discussed constructively, as all of you have already demonstrated. I’m glad mastervk posted the original article on the news tab. Beyond that, I think the discussion of social issues as depicted in advertising in India is relevant and interesting.
That and I thought some of you would want something, anything to replace the dwarf-crotch shot which still would have shown up on your screen all day today when you blew off work or school to mutiny; only a new post could fix that. 🙂
They don’t call the child pyaari, the ad calls the khushiyan pyaari which has a whole different meaning. They actually do: Diknee me to pyaari hai, khusheeyan thodi bhari hai is what the you tube video says
They show a girl getting married, at the beginning of the ad,a girl getting into an MBA program etc, if you want to keep denying the obvious be my guest. I am done with this discussion.
I am not denying anything, I know what you are getting at and I am not justifying the ad, all I am saying is the translation is not entirely accruate. I don’t mean any offence so please don’t drop out of the discussion on my account.
38 · spark said
if you are fluent in hindi/urdu, it’s evident in the gender-specific use of “hai to pyaari”, ie. she is cute but the burden is heavy. plus – the use of the wife, the student-daughter – is the consistent gender-positioning.
thanks spark and umber desi for confirming my doubt
as for yogi the line is poetry so the subject is afterwards as in “it is beautiful to see but happiness is a little happy.” the word girl is not mentioned/ shown in the hospital instance
At the risk of getting away from the topic…you look absolutely lovely in that picture. Your profile pic doesn’t do you justice….
sorry but that should be “it is beautiful to see, but happiness is a little heavy”