In case you needed to have it pointed out, today was the so-called “Potomac Primary,” where the voters of Maryland, Virginia, and D.C. weighed in on their favorite candidate. My dad was one of the voters who showed up bright and early to get his vote in. I know that one’s ballot should be secret and that this is one of the fundamentals of our Democracy. However, I am a blogger, and our kind is not known for always playing fair. Thus, I will share with you all the first email in my inbox this morning:
from: Dad
to: Abhi
date: Feb 12, 2008 7:27 AM
subject: Hold on to your Dreams * Love ……..Dad
2-12-2008 [0829]
Abhi: I voted for Hillary – an hour ago. I urge you to think positive and hang on to your dreams.
Also please try and select life partner before next January !! Good luck !! Love…. Dad
My primary in Texas isn’t until March 4th. I am still one of those undecided voters that I usually deride during other elections. All my recent energy has been focused on choosing the best candidate to elect to office next January. Now I have another choice to make on my plate apparently. A friend who I forwarded the above email to replied with an insightful remark:
Well, if you think about it, it makes sense. What else happens next Jan? Obama becomes president. So it’s perfect — Abhi will find a life partner when a black man becomes president. See, our dads really do know everything.
“life partner” – that’s so progressive! claps
Yeah, I was wondering about that too–is that some sort of artifact of translation, or is (as I suspect) he being “progressive” with his word-choice? That’s cert. not the way my moms or dads would put it in English!! Interesting difference between DBD parents, I’m guessing . . . .
Yo Dad for VP
Abhi, Yo Dad wants you to herald in the new administration along with the president in your life. I think thats kinda cute….
Cute that he mentioned his choice and his dream all in one sentence.
he probably thought that it was a very subtle hint! thrown in casually like an after-thought after talking about the vote– no mention of words like marriage or wife or grandchildren or how his duty as a father is not done till you have “settled down”. He probably thought he was totally subtle and cool about it —I love it!!
Abhi, I have no right to say this, but I adore Yo Dad.
This is an easy request to fulfill. Come January, you should say “Dad, I’ve selected Tricia Helfer.”
@#5,:)
I have a 7-year old and I’m totally getting an education on how not to pressure my 2nd-gen child on this blog. (I just realized…I’m 44 and could totally qualify as an Auntji on this blog…..aaaaaaarrrrrrrggggggghhhhhh).
Yesterday, my 7-year old said that the big kids at her school wore “weird” clothes. So, I immediately used it as an opportunity to tell that she should never expose her belly-button or her chest or her behind like them. My daughter just looked out the window!!!
sp
Sonya
I totally hear you! This blog is a big source of education for me in many subjects including parenting! And a good bit of it from Abhi’s dad on that subject, I must add. It seems like everything I say to my kids (a very perceptive and precocious 6 and a toddler 2) needs to be thought about from a hundred different angles 🙂
to sonya: you are still such a novice at the indian parent game- you gotta go “its not pressure at all beta/beti –its just out of sheer love and concern for your utter and complete wellbeing and your everlasting happiness.” then, as you sense weakness on the part of your child as they feel the weight of your love, you move in for the kill by casually mentioning that you need to go take your blood pressure pill.
I think YoDad realizes that the Lame Duck session between November and January will be the only time politically astute Abhi will have for finding the ballyhooed life partner. Once a new Congress and a new president roll into town, he’ll be too busy analyzing their progress and creating insurgency–someone will have to feed him parathas.
2 · rob said
I’m guessing it’s an artifact of translation. Unless Yo Dad is taking it from a Gujrati phrase I don’t know of, I think it’s a literal translation of the Hindi phrase “jeevan saathi”. The term is used in the North Indian mainstream with no specific intention of being politically correct; it’s more about the lyrical value of the phrase. The emphasis is on creating a new chapter in life (implicitly in a marriage), not so much on the logistics that we in the West think of when we hear “partner”.
English words for lovers of any kind are horrible. “Husband” and “wife” are gendered and rooted in patriarchy. “Boyfriend” and “girlfriend” are also gendered, but their real offense is in how idiotic they sound (boy?… girl?… just friends???). And “partner” sounds ugly and mechanical. Other languages have words to express romantic/sexual/marital relationships that are both elegant in sound and appropriate in meaning. Urdu/Sanskriti languages have a zillion different words for the lover, most of which are pleasant-sounding and gender-neutral. My favourite, though, is the Arabic “habibi”. It’s the cutest word ever, especially when pronounced with a deep, husky “h”.
Wah bay way. While “habibi” lilts off the tongue like a one-word ghazal, hearing the word “Mehbooba,” just like the song, causes my dil to no longer be still.
Though not an Indo-Aryan word in provenance, I think the word “Mamihlapinatapai” is best used when describing the quiet desperation that wafts, ever so palpable, through the atmosphere at desi speed dating events and Patel Conventions:
[Link]
It’s great to have you around these parts again, Shruti. If there was a word for “person whose verbal prowess and unvacillating commitment to highlighting and attacking social injustice is missed on a South Asian group blog and whose return is gently awaited,” I’d just might have to use it.
14 · DJ Drrrty Poonjabi said
Too sveet, yaar 🙂
12 · Saheli said
Actually, I think the best time is now through November. I can vouch for this having been to Obama events which are scintillating and abundant in energy and personalities (read: socially engaged potential habibi’s!). Social cues and number exchanges, should you goof up in your approach, can be easily covered up by the energy, purpose and political networking of the event. And, as far as mixers go, the Mamihlapinatapai coefficient is like zero yo!
I am a big fan of your Barak Obama, your David Hasselhoff and your General Lee.
You should vote for one of them.
13 · Shruti said
Have you got a list of these zillion words? That would be really useful to know! Not that I’m an international playa or anything.
I have a 7-year old and I’m totally getting an education on how not to pressure my 2nd-gen child on this blog.
Just make sure you provide real-time verifiable proof that marriage is a positive step, rather than demanding it when you think “it’s the right time”
To: ptr vivek, Msichana, Saheli, LurkerAuntie: Thanks for your kind words. I do what I can – as time permits – to get the ball rolling, if you know what I mean. oh BTW Camille: You have all the right in the world – to adore anyone you please (including me):) Hello to Msichana and El Capitan. See if you guys can hook the NASA Dude up with someone ready to put up with his dreams… Like I said I what I can….
That kast sentence should read: LIKE I SAID, I DO WHAT I CAN
Ok, so I’d like to put out a serious question to anyone who’d like to answer it.
Why do parents make claims/statements/requests/demands for their children to get married, when they themselves haven’t exhibited positive results from taking such action? Is it because they themselves were forced and feel it’s their right to do the same?
Not making any judgement on Mr. Yo’s statement, but only asking it generally. Thanks.
HMF: Please define “Exhibited Positive Results”. Assuming that “they themselves were forced” is a mighty big assumption, and almost a pure conjecture on your part for “most” parents of my generation (Pre- Baby Boomers). Let me assure you, generally parents would not want their kids to repeat bad judgements they have made in their lives – purely out of love…… so that kids do not have to face similar agony in their lives. As they say charity begins at home, I suggest you may want to call collect your parents and verify the scenario in your particular case…. Sheesh….. I will tell you, it is not easy to deal with so-called “X” generation.
Mr. Yo: I didn’t want you to take this personally, I’m sorry if you did.
Please define “Exhibited Positive Results”.
I think the answer to this is pretty obvious.
I suggest you may want to call collect your parents and verify the scenario in your particular case…
Well, I really don’t want to get into an argument here, but it seems there’s enough “mighty big assuming” to go around, it’s not just my parents I’m using as sample points.
Let me assure you, generally parents would not want their kids to repeat bad judgements they have made in their lives
Being suggested/forced/urged/demanded/hoped to get married is not a ‘judgement call’ that one makes on one’s self, correct? Am I misinterpreting your statement?
Nebulous Conversation Starter party of one, you’re table’s ready.
True story from three years ago, right before engagement to current (non-desi) husband:
Mom, Dad and Maitri are running errands in the ParentMobile. Mom and Maitri begin to talk about Gujarati politics (Modi or some such) and what folks on Sepia Mutiny and other desi forums have to say about it. Dad and Mom pass exclamations of approval w.r.t. SM and think Anna, Abhi and the gang geniuses for having started something to bring “the younger generation together as a community.” Mom starts asking about Abhi.
Maitri: He’s working on a PhD somewhere in California; in fact, he’s a geo-geek, too. Mom: Is he married? Maitri: Not that I know of. Mom: Where do his parents live? Maitri: How should I know? We don’t really talk about these things on SM, you know. We discuss … ummm … issues, ethnicity, politics, elections, that kind of stuff. Mom: You should find out more about this Abhi. Maitri: Why? Dad: He’s Indian, he’s educated, you’re in the same fields, you’re on that Mutiny thing together. He doesn’t sound like a traditional Indian boy, and given as how you don’t like the traditional boys … Maitri: WHOA WHOA WHOOOOOOOOA. I know where this conversation is going and it is totally inappropriate and premature for so many reasons. I’ve never met Abhi IRL and anyone here remember that long-time boyfriend of mine back at home with whom I’m considering wedded bliss? Dad: I’m just saying. We are concerned parents after all. Maitri: LALALALALAAAAA
Parents say a lot – bombs of words – while “just saying.” Sweet nut sampler. I was so mortified by this conversation then, but consider it HILARIOUS (and declassified) in hindsight.
26 · No von Mises said
Oh, snap.
Yo Dad,
Presumptuous of me but I wanted to say this: You are a great dad! Not only are you genuinely concerned about Abhi’s welfare – you voted for Hillary ! Yay !!
I’ve said this before, but Yo Dad and my Dad would be BFFs in real life.
Abhi and anyone else from TX
What’s the scene like over there? Hillary had over 10,000 people at her rally last night. Does this mean she is doing really really well and will probably sweep through the elections there? Or does the brotha have any chance in TX?
People from OH can also share their opinions on the same. It seems like it’s going to boil down to these two places and unless we have a stalemate, Hillary may end up getting the nomination.
I’ve learned to avoid discussing any of my guy friends/acquaintances that are still single with my parents. Or even if I barely know the guy but sound like I find him interesting. They’ll start asking questions as if to appear genuinely interested in the friend and in my story. Not true. “What does he do?” “Does he live by himself?” “Where are his parents?” “Have you ever thought about.. you know… Well, what do you think about him?”
Ugh.
Yaay for Shruti’s return!
What’s the scene like over there? Hillary had over 10,000 people at her rally last night. Does this mean she is doing really really well and will probably sweep through the elections there? Or does the brotha have any chance in TX? People from OH can also share their opinions on the same. It seems like it’s going to boil down to these two places and unless we have a stalemate, Hillary may end up getting the nomination
I will let Abhi answer about Texas.
Here is the analysis on Ohio:
As of yesterday, SUSA had Hillary up by 17 points (Zogby Polls are turning out to be crap this election season while Survery USA is more reliable and SUSA has Hillary up by 17)
The Democratic Primary in Ohio should get around 15-17% African Americans where Obama is currently leading by 75-25. I think he will probably take another ten plus points and he should get between 85-90% on Primary Day. That will shave the 17 points lead by around 2.5 percentage points.
Obama is tied among men and is losing 1:2 on women. I think he can go upto 60-40 in men and lose women 55-45 (those should be Hillary’s floors) This will translate into 5 percentage points for men and to 6 percentage points for women. Men are expected to be around 45% of the Primary.
This will cut the lead to 17-(2+5+6)= 4 points and thats the most optimistic scenario for Obama. I think he will lose Ohio by 4-6 percentage points. The wildest scenario will be for him to tie up or lose by 1-2 points. He is not going to win Ohio.
Even if this is the case, the fact of the matter is that wherever he wins big – admittedly, the smaller states – he wins huge, by 20-30 points. That’s a lot of votes to make up for Hillary by just winning two states with smaller margins, even if she does pull that off. Plus she’s low on money.
And if she does win and starts getting close to him on delegates, it is not going to be a slam dunk in either direction, and the result will be ugly for the democratic party. Whoever is chosen as a result of the brokering will have a difficult job keeping the hardcore supports of the losing candidate motivated.
rahul: the candidate is almost certainly going to be chosen by the old powers that be, most probably in a smoke-filled back room over glasses of scotch. the young will certainly protest that their wishes are not being considered, but yo-dad is wise and has abhi’s best interests at heart.
<
blockquote>Even if this is the case, the fact of the matter is that wherever he wins big – admittedly, the smaller states – he wins huge, by 20-30 points
Now Virginia is a small state too? Obama defeated her among all the demographics, rich, poor, men, women, blacks, whites I mean she was a first lady for 8 years, she should have had a better showing in the Chesapeake primaries than she did right? Its funny how Hillary Clinton has dismissed Obama’s wins Oh they were caucus states, oh he won because black people voted for him (Maine, Utah, Iowa have a lot of black people right?) Oh he wins red states, they don’t matter, and Texas where is making her stand is a blue state right? Now they are blaming the weather, according Mark Penn she lost yesterday because older voters couldn’t vote yesterday because of the bad weather.
In short according to Clinton states that matter are the ones that voted for her.
Well the excuses are wearing thin, and the losses are becoming harder to explain. She has lost 8 states in a row now. She has made Texas and Ohio her must-win states, kinda reminds of Giuliani and his stand in Florida. We will see if she has better luck with this strategy than him.
Ignore # 37, I messed up the block quotes
Now Virginia is a small state too? Obama defeated her among all the demographics, rich, poor, men, women, blacks, whites I mean she was a first lady for 8 years, she should have had a better showing in the Chesapeake primaries than she did right? Its funny how Hillary Clinton has dismissed Obama’s wins Oh they were caucus states, oh he won because black people voted for him (Maine, Utah, Iowa have a lot of black people right?) Oh he wins red states, they don’t matter, and Texas where is making her stand is a blue state right? Now they are blaming the weather, according Mark Penn she lost yesterday because older voters couldn’t vote yesterday because of the bad weather.
In short according to Clinton states that matter are the ones that voted for her.
Well the excuses are wearing thin, and the losses are becoming harder to explain. She has lost 8 states in a row now. She has made Texas and Ohio her must-win states, kinda reminds of Giuliani and his stand in Florida. We will see if she has better luck with this strategy than him.
I think Obama certainly has the momentum and he will finish this month with 10 straight wins. I also think its much better for the Democratic Party that Obama wins because I think it will be more difficult for Obama voters to support Hillary than for Hillary voters to support Obama.
Obama will also probably end up ahead in elected delegate count. However he will probably stumble in states like Ohio and Pa. If Hillary loses either Oh or Tx she will probably drop out. If she wins narrowly she cant catch up Obama and will be forced to drop out. I dont think she will win any state by double digits and her campaign is doomed for the most part.
Manju, that was hilarious!
I agree, I don’t think there’s any doubt that Obama has a more robust, energized, and broad based support base than Hillary does, and he is very strong in many many states. I still feel that he is campaigning on a false promise, but who knows? Maybe he will really be the change he claims to be.
lol@Manju.
Thanks PAFD, that is very helpful (is this ACFD in a morphed avataar?). It’s nice to know that even in the current situation, he is not doing too badly.
I think Yogi has made a good point and I was thinking about the same thing (am I being overly optimistic?). Yesterday he won among poor sections, latinos ( albeit a very small population) and women. If this is a sign of things to come, the situation in OH may change. However, one must keep in mind that there is a lot of mob mentality involved and if say a lot of people in OH support Hillary to start with, his in roads in these demographies may not hold. And winning or losing by small margins and thus keeping the race in deadlock is not in Obama’s favor (Obama better be very afraid of smoking rooms and scotch centric meetings). Whether his momentum is worth anything or not will become clearer after we know the support among various demographies in Wisconsin
I really think he needs to step it up on the populist rhetoric a la Hillary. And he easily could given his unionbaazi background. And throw in some specifics besides his feel good speech to silence the criticism about generalities. I wonder if anyone saw his speech in Wisconsin on economic policy today, that should give us some clues on his future strategy.
Never in the last 50 years of US has a politician with such less national (or executive) experience is being considered for the highest office. Obama took his Senate seat in 2005 and in 2007 he was running for President. All these votes are for a good speech at the 2004 Dem convention and inspiring speeches at rallys. So inspite of absolutely loving his speeches and his personality I am a little …. not sure
Eisenhower in 52 (just one term before the 50 year boundary) had no civilian governing experience either. He too promised change!
Well he was a successful General of the ‘good war’. A high level general is a preety good executive experience. I mentioned “executive” also in my comment.
As someone who is a passionate supporter of democracy (despites its warts), a Hussein will do more for American standing in the world than a Clinton. This is not to say that Hillary will be bad but symbolism matters. I was always a Clinton supporter (the other Clinton).
If Obama can overcome race to become President is racism officially dead in the USA ?
Does anyone know if Bill C is good in bed – many conquests but not a peep from any of his conquests on whether he made the earth move.
Australian desi, (stupid) people already make those claims because Oprah’s rich. Obama’s probably just going to put a nicer face on the same state of affairs.
OMG. I could totally hear my mom saying those exact same words: “you need a life partner.” It’s like when I was going to a dance, my Mom wouldn’t ask who my “date” was, but who my “partner” was…
LOL. your dad has a definite sense of humor.
which is?
Thanks Ardy. I think Obama’s campaign needs to be cautious, I wouldn’t count Hillary out just yet. If she can’t win in Ohio, Texas and Pennsylvania. She will try to seat the Michigan and Florida delegations and other strong arm tactics. So what if she destroys the party to win the nomination.
She doesn’t like caucuses because they are supposedly undemocratic, but loves super delegates because she currently has a lead among them. I am sure she will change her mind if her lead in the super delegates evaporates.
I am keeping my fingers crossed and hoping for the best.