Roundup: Updates on Anu Solanki

Time for more details about Anu Solanki, the young woman who freaked out thousands of us, when we feared the worst had happened to her, while she was actually absconding with a platonic friend. She’s getting off lucky…for now:

Cook County authorities will not bring criminal charges against Anu Solanki, the Des Plaines-area woman who disappeared from Cook County forest preserve property last week, officials said Monday…
“Between us and the sheriff’s [office], we’ve agreed there aren’t appropriate criminal charges in the case,” said First Assistant State’s Attorney Robery Milan. [Sun Times]

She did not file a false police report. That is why she is off the hook.

In case you forgot the particulars, Anu Solanki disappeared after leaving work to immerse a statue of Ganapati in a river with a very powerful current. They found her car running, with no sign of her. This inspired a frantic search for her, which included divers:

The four-day search for Solanki involved several police departments. Chief Richard Waszak of the Cook County Forest Preserves said they had a minimum of 40 people working around the clock during the investigation.
The cost of the search was estimated conservatively at $250,000, Waszak said. [WBBM]

The possibility of suing Solanki to reclaim wasted money is still on the table; we’ll try to keep you posted. Now that the actual news is out of the way, let’s hear about the other person in her marriage: Dignesh, her humiliated husband.

A man whose wife seemingly vanished near a suburban Chicago river only to be found days later with another man across the country said he noticed romantic text messages he didn’t send on his wife’s cell phone two days after they were married a little more than a year ago.
But the man, Dignesh Solanki, said he believed his wife, 24-year-old Anu Solanki, would be faithful to him.
“I gave her a chance because she promised me she would be 100 percent faithful,” Solanki told the Chicago Sun-Times. “I completely trusted her. I would never have run away with another girl. I would have tried to work it out.”…[AP]

Note, he’s not vindictive (I think some of us would indulge our lesser impulses if we were in his place, “i.e. hell yeah, press charges!”)

Solanki’s husband, Dignesh Solanki, said Monday he was satisfied with the decision not to pursue charges against his wife.
“That’s fine,” Solanki said. “She just left. This is not a crime.” [Sun Times]

Anu Solanki maintains that it was never her intent to deceive people, and one article described her as being “embarrassed” by what she ended up causing.

Anu Solanki told authorities she never meant for people to think she’d drowned and simply wanted a clean break from her husband. She said she was not a victim of abuse, but regretted the marriage. She also apologized. [WTOP]

How is leaving a car running “a clean break”? And even if you regret your marriage and don’t care about worrying the spouse you turned in to a chump, why would you put your family through this nightmare? Look how nice they are:

Saturday, Solanki’s older brother Dhiren Patel wouldn’t say if his sister explained why she decided to leave without telling her husband or family.
Patel thanked authorities for working round the clock to try to find his sister when it wasn’t clear what had happened and he said he’ll be working now to try and lift his sister from the troubled place that caused her to cause so much heartache. [WBBM]
Dignesh Solanki said he spoke to members of Anu’s family, who “did say what happened was wrong.”[Sun Times]

Well, at least her family isn’t blindly defending her actions. What about Karan Jani, the platonic friend who rescued Anu Solanki from her marriage (and Illinois)?

Police say Jani and Solanki had met about a year earlier and had been corresponding on the phone and Internet ever since. But Solanki’s husband didn’t know of his wife’s contact with Jani.
Solanki’s husband spoke out on Monday, saying he was worried sick when his wife disappeared one week ago. Now, he only wants to ask her “why?”
“If she really wants to be with that guy why did she come into my life?” Solanki said…
Dignesh Solanki says he’s happy his wife is safe, but bitter over the pain she caused by fleeing with another man, Karan Jani, to California. [WBBM]

I can’t imagine how bitter, after everything he’d been through to marry her. He was commuting to Virginia, to “court” her on a grocery store clerk’s salary. Her family initially didn’t approve of him, but once Anu’s mother relented, their wedding was scheduled for May.

Their eight months of married life were not entirely blissful, he said: There was typical domestic tension over finances and housekeeping.
Still, Dignesh Solanki said he was in love. They traveled to Las Vegas, the Wisconsin Dells and the Indiana Dunes together this year. “I took her so many places, and we had a real good time,” he said. Solanki said he does not know what will happen to their marriage, but “I have to go on with my own life.”
“If she had to run away, she could have told me she needed a break from me,” he added. “The cops have spent all this time and money. I don’t know why she did this.” [SunTimes]
Dignesh Solanki told the Sun-Times he expects Jani to face God’s punishment.
“She was talking to him before, even six months before we got married,” Solanki said. “So I don’t know why she used me and for what purpose.” [WBBM]

As for what the future holds…

Solanki has not spoken with his wife since she returned to Chicago late Friday to meet with police, he said, adding that he has not decided whether he will file for divorce. [SunTimes]

197 thoughts on “Roundup: Updates on Anu Solanki

  1. I was starting to believe ‘DQ’ stood for ‘Drama Quotient.’ Sorry.

    Seriously, it’s obvious we don’t really know all the details of this or any story, really. The only thing obvious is that Anu has some major issues & troubles (not to mention some shortcomings in the communication skills). Some would sum that up more pithily by saying, “Bitch crazy.” I guess I’d give them the benefit of the doubt and assume that doesn’t make them “misogynists.” Above all, I hope everyone involved in this mess gets whatever help he/she may need to come out ok on the other side.

  2. Alphabeta – the very fact that you assume it must be ‘personal issues’ that lead me to defend Anu proves that you don’t really need information to pass judgment on someone. You just really, really want to pass judgment.

    No, I didn’t assume it. I just thought it was a probable cause for why your call on this matter seems so much beyond what normal common sense dictates. You just misread my comment.

  3. I was starting to believe ‘DQ’ stood for ‘Drama Quotient.’ Sorry.

    DQ is short for Dharma Queen. She is popular for her Uh-huhs, earlier it used to be Uh-Ho but was later changed after the Don Imus incident.

  4. I was starting to believe ‘DQ’ stood for ‘Drama Quotient.’ Sorry.

    By her ridiculous comments I knew she is the same old “Dharma Queen”. According to her women are always victims, it’s not the first time she is defending a women just for the heck of it.

  5. Silence is golden. That’s why I stay off the internets (mostly) these days. No matter what you say, someone is going to jump on you.

    But this comment thread was good. It is nice to see people arguing so passionately about the nuances of the case.. about precisely which inferences can be drawn, and expressed in exactly what kind of words.. and all this based on second-hand information provided by media! I should meet some of you in real world. You guys must be living amazingly rational lives.. always taking a pause before making choices, always thinking for that extra second before you utter a word.. always not judging people.. it must be all so exciting!

  6. Bang on dude. Alright, here is my christmas song for DQ,… Ho Ho Ho

    Topcat,

    Saying things like that would only cause DQ to become even more pissed off at males, and hence are most definitely counterproductive. In fact, I believe its quite likely that the very reason she is so prejudiced could be the experience of too many events like this. I believe realizing that would be helpful to all.

  7. This story is amazing. It’s fun to read. Sorry Dignesh.

    Is it Dignesh’s story that she went to drown the “Ganapati” ? or is that one cooked up by Anu.

  8. Anu’s whereabouts were completely unknown both during the SF zoo fiasco and Bhutto’s assassination. Just sayin’.

  9. Guys! dont know the history on this, but i got the perspective DQ was bringing – it does make sense. calling someone an idiot is one thing because the person can be clearly linked to a stupid or irrational act. however, calling a woman a bitch, a ho, whore, prostitute etc is dehumanizing that person and basically clearing the way to commit acts that one wouldnt do to anyone who’s a peer at some level; as in “I am morally superior to you and thus can commit violent acts to you as if you were an animal and it would be ok.”

    i kind of came out with the first ‘witch’ comment that she called me on. i think the above reason is why she did so and i respect her for that. i conceded the point earlier and i feel cmpelled to speak up here. there may be historical context to your emotional take on this exchange – but this was my 2cts.

    good nite.

  10. You guys must be living amazingly rational lives.. always taking a pause before making choices, always thinking for that extra second before you utter a word.. always not judging people.. it must be all so exciting!

    Dude, thats exactly what I wondered when I read some people’s responses to my comments on the original thread!

  11. given that nearly a third of North American women will be abused during their lifetimes (physical abuse), I’d say the parallel with being kidnapped by aliens is a trifle weak.

    A stat like this really deserves a link. Even if true, it doesn’t prove any kind of point you’re making, 100% of relationships out there have ‘friction’ Seriously you sound like a member of team bush saying, theres a chance she was abused. Just like team bush saying, “iraq has weapons of mass dest. program type documents that were perhaps thought of at one point” when they had no facts to prove the real deal.

    In this day in age, there are multiple options out there for an abused woman to make, especially in the USA. And all this “crying wolf” crap she pulled really sucks for the true, legit cases out there.

    Who’s buying this “male aquaintance” bullshit either?

    Saying things like that would only cause DQ to become even more pissed off at males

    for future reference, other things that will cause DQ to become even more pissed off at males:

    being male.

  12. I pointed out that plenty of abused women are not fully aware of what constitutes abuse.

    And some women classify shopping here as abuse.

  13. Bang on dude. Alright, here is my christmas song for DQ,… Ho Ho Ho

    Is this acceptable?

    I’d like to remind everyone that it was qouted by one of the neighbors of Anu and Dig that they had “issues” and Dig was gone most of the time, “he was never around”…..

    There’s a song by Aretha… “if you wanna do right, all night woman, you gotta be a do right, all day’s man”

    “a woman’s only human…. flesh and blood, just like a man”

    How many lonely and neglected women in this world have turned to other men for affection when their hubbies were not around?

    Or on the otherhand, maybe Dig felt neglected by her and that’s why he was never around?

    The couple had issues.

  14. The couple had issues.

    Captain Obvious strikes again!

    Jokes apart, I think that statement should have been a part of the original post. After that, any comment saying anything more could then have been deleted on grounds of being one of the following: speculation, slander, misogynist, parochial or somethingortheother.

  15. saying anything more could then have been deleted on grounds of being one of the following: speculation, slander, misogynist, parochial or somethingortheother.

    What about misoandrist.

  16. 64 脗路 $2000.00 said

    Is this acceptable?

    Nope, and that is why it was deleted. What part of Anna’s admonition to play nice didn’t take? Disagree, don’t disintegrate.

  17. One more thing. I’m assuming that the three of you who did it on this thread didn’t know any better, but one handle/name per thread, please. Thank you.

  18. saying anything more could then have been deleted on grounds of being one of the following: speculation, slander, misogynist, parochial or somethingortheother. What about misoandrist.

    Welcome to the Matrix. Let me show you the light, the path, or as we call it: The Code.

    somethingortheother = something or the other = whatever strikes your fancy = misoandrist (for you)

  19. 48 脗路 pingpong said

    (thanks for the free therapy btw 馃檪 )
    So Nala, now that you’ve had some therapy, I take it you won’t be setting people on fire then?

    Nope, especially since I’ve stopped denying my problems, have overcome my ‘miso’andry (but i love miso soup!), and have found my inner light light.

  20. Bwahahaha…’misoandrist’ 馃榾

    On another note, it’s rather foolish to fake your own disappearance to get out of a bad marriage. Hubby sounds like a good guy, hopefully he makes the right decision(i.e. divorce).

  21. I’m a visitor to SM, not a regular reader. I was attracted by the first thread on Anu Solanki being missing, but by the time I saw it and started reading, there was already an update that she was believed to be alive. So, as I read through that thread from the beginning, and this one, I was shocked at the baseless assumptions made about (1) Anu being abused by her husband; (2) Anu being oppressed by her family; (2) Anu was abused but didn’t know it, and so on. Let me say, that I have been working with abused South Asian women for many years now, am Indian, a female, and a feminist since the beginning of the current feminist movement in North America,in the 1960’s. I hope those are sufficient qualifications to prevent me from being labeled misogynist or uninformed. What amazed and shocked me is this automatic assumption that Anu was being victimized by her husband, even after all the facts came out. If we are not supposed to dismiss the possibility that Anu “may” have been abused, despite there being no evidence presented, why are we supposed to dismiss the probability (not possibility) of her husband being blameless, and being the victim of deception and manipulation by Anu, on the basis of the facts as presented? There are exploited men as well as exploited women. In the last ten or fifteen years, I have been hearing about many instances where Indian men (DBD and NABD, to use your definitions) have married Indian women (DBD) in complete good faith, only to be then abandoned a short time later by the woman, who merely used them for purposes of visas or as a means of getting to North America, and once here, dumped them to rejoin their real boyfriends. I have personal knowledge of several of these kinds of cases, too. On the family oppression front, again, while this is a real issue for many young women brought up in North America (whether DBD or ABD), a person capable of forming relationships over the internet and conspiring to run away clandestinely, is also capable of Googling for help for family oppression or violence, and making a phone call to a toll free number. In fact, the evidence that Anu had free access to the internet, had her own car, and her own cell phone, and full and free contact with her family and friends, all contradict one of the most oommon and important indicators of abuse or oppression, since most abusers seek to isolate their victim from any outside social contact, and control their freedom of movement. I agree with whoever said upthread that this reflexive assumption that Anu must have been a victim actually trivializes the issues of domestic violence and familial oppression. I will go further and say that, not holding a 24-year-old woman, who has not been shown to have any mental incapacity, to normal adult standards of behavior, is actually to treat her as being inferior to a man in similar circumstances, and reinforce the old, disproved idea that women are not capable of behaving in a rational or responsible manner.

  22. Amen to that !

    What I want to know is :

    1. Why did she leave the car in a deserted place, unlocked and running ? ! It makes no sense. She got off work early. Her husband was still at work. Mr Jani was conveniently available at her bidding. Why not leave the car at home ? Or in some parking lot ? Why leave it in such a dramatic fashion ?

    2. Why did she call a friend and say she was near the lake (when she was not) and that she was being followed by four men ? And then call up once again and say she was not being followed anymore ? What the hell was that about ?

  23. I will go further and say that, not holding a 24-year-old woman, who has not been shown to have any mental incapacity, to normal adult standards of behavior, is actually to treat her as being inferior to a man in similar circumstances, and reinforce the old, disproved idea that women are not capable of behaving in a rational or responsible manner.

    My kind of feminist – that is a compliment.

  24. sm:

    Well said.

    There are exploited men as well as exploited women. In the last ten or fifteen years, I have been hearing about many instances where Indian men (DBD and NABD, to use your definitions) have married Indian women (DBD) in complete good faith, only to be then abandoned a short time later by the woman, who merely used them for purposes of visas or as a means of getting to North America, and once here, dumped them to rejoin their real boyfriends. I have personal knowledge of several of these kinds of cases, too.

    I have been hearing about such cases too. The “general impression” is that “women” are abused and “men” are abusers. Even if the facts are clear and contradict the “general impression” some people find it difficult to accept.

  25. I agree with whoever said upthread that this reflexive assumption that Anu *must* have been a victim actually trivializes the issues of domestic violence and familial oppression. I will go further and say that, not holding a 24-year-old woman, who has not been shown to have any mental incapacity, to normal adult standards of behavior, is actually to treat her as being inferior to a man in similar circumstances, and reinforce the old, disproved idea that women are not capable of behaving in a rational or responsible manner.

    Amen, sister! Please, keep reading and commenting — your point is right on and really well said.

  26. Bwahahaha…’misoandrist’ 馃榾

    the word misoandry itself is misogynist. dont you know? In fact, if you take deep breaths, that’s misogyny as well, you’re depriving the female population of oxygen.

  27. I think the fact that she was texting love notes to this guy not even a month into her marriage tells us that whatever problems she had were self inflicted and the husband’s behavior was irrelevant.

  28. I hope those are sufficient qualifications to prevent me from being labeled misogynist or uninformed.

    Nope sorry, you disagree with DQ. Which means you must be a misogynist and not even know it, in fact you might even be male, and not even know it. I suggest you go check real quick.

  29. HMF:

    the word misoandry itself is misogynist. dont you know? In fact, if you take deep breaths, that’s misogyny as well, you’re depriving the female population of oxygen.

    Not sure if I misunderstood your meaning, but I was poking fun at the misspelling of the word, not suggesting that the use of the word itself is laugable.

  30. Eek, my HTML buttons weren’t working and now the quote tags are messed up. Can any intern help?

  31. but I was poking fun at the misspelling of the word

    Oh I see. the correct spelling is ‘misandry’

  32. 84 脗路 Meena said

    Can any intern help?

    Fixed.


    On another, unrelated note, the next time you (and you know who you are) call Anu or anyone else a “crazy psycho bitch”, you will be banned. See sm’s comment @ 74 for how to express displeasure eloquently. If that requires too much effort, just excise the nasty, hurtful name-calling.

  33. This is not a thread where you get to work out the demons gifted to you by that one girl you dated eight years ago.

    Sweeping comments about what “women” need to “fucking” do will be deleted. You do not know every single woman alive, you are no expert on an entire gender and your pronouncements add nothing to this discussion.

  34. I cant believe my Christmas song was deleted. C,mon you know it was funny. Anyways, here is an old hindi song, not directed at anyone but just meant to be funny. o Ho Ho Ho… khoya khoya chand, khula aasman

  35. she was texting love notes to this guy
    it also tells us she was getting her f*ck on.

    That’s an assumption. A possible one of course, but still an asumption.

    Maybe this guy reall is just her friend and was helping her escape what she considered an unhappy situation.

  36. Does anyone remember the “Runaway Bride“. A few years ago the crazy woman embarrassed herself nevermind commited all kinds of felonies by saying she was kidnapped etc and it turned out that she just didn’t want to marry her fiance.

    All I can say from this case is people have the profound potential to be fucked up and make some very poor judgments in their lives. We don’t need to be mentally challenged or stupid or even inexperienced to commit such incredible fallacies. We are human and sometimes we fuck up. Anu fucked up. The name calling is a trite at best.

  37. That’s an assumption. A possible one of course, but still an asumption.

    She should submit to a polygraph, in my view thats the only way to create reasonable doubt to the conclusion that she was getting her f*ck on.

  38. We are human and sometimes we fuck up. Anu fucked up.

    The next time a guy does something similar in nature, I want you front and center, stoic with the “we’re all human and we all fuck up, fucked up” Seriously, I’ve not seen a quicker rush to generalize

    Rather than categorizing it as part of some kind of inherent “desi male” nature that’s bent and destroying women around the globe. (not saying that you particularly did this, however, it is done quite frequently.)

  39. 79 脗路 HMF said

    Bwahahaha…’misoandrist’ 馃榾 the word misoandry itself is misogynist. dont you know? In fact, if you take deep breaths, that’s misogyny as well, you’re depriving the female population of oxygen.

    Thats funnier than my christmas song, aaa ha ha ha, ooo ho ho ho

  40. The next time a guy does something similar in nature, I want you front and center, stoic with the “we’re all human and we all fuck up, fucked up” Seriously, I’ve not seen a quicker rush to generalize

    We do fuck up. Look in this case it was inconsiderate, deceptive even if it wasn’t apparently deliberate and it cost money but it in the grand scheme of things no one was hurt. If it was a case where the woman ran away because there was abuse involved or something more sinister I’d have a different conversation.

    Rather than categorizing it as part of some kind of inherent “desi male” nature that’s bent and destroying women around the globe. (not saying that you particularly did this, however, it is done quite frequently.)

    The truth is men do this with far more frequency then women do (desi or otherwise) so the general assumption to attack them is natural. Not justifying it but I can see where it comes from.

  41. I think the men’s indiscretions receive more attention and are often potrayed as villians.

  42. We do fuck up.

    Alright, just make sure you grant men equal quarter in your apologetics.

    The truth is men do this with far more frequency then women do

    There you go with the generalizations, stats please? Stats that men run away from relationships more so, without any kind of notice, to go shack up with their “aquaintances”?

    If you’re generalising now to say, “men commit abuse more” then again I ask. Why does a group of independent individuals affiliate with another group so closely that’s disproportionately bent on it’s destruction and abuse?

  43. but it in the grand scheme of things no one was hurt.

    Stop minimizing accountability because no physical harm was done. That’s what I assume you meant by “no one was hurt” Most guys I know would’ve been very hurt if someone they were financially supporting took their car, their phone to go shack up with some dude. I dont remember from the details of the story, but I dont know what kind of dough she was pullin’, but Im going to assume Dignesh was paying most of, if not all the bills.

    The key here is accountability. We live in a society that demands more from men than women, and that’s an inequality. Fake feminists are all too happy to let that inequity persist, real ones (as post #74 is) don’t.

  44. 97 脗路 HMF said

    Why does a group of independent individuals affiliate with another group so closely that’s disproportionately bent on it’s destruction and abuse?

    sex