SM’s Summer of Love: Ho or No?

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Oh, like I could pass THIS up:

I hear all of you on the drink-buying morass but I want a thread about whether I’d be considered the biggest ho alive for putting out on the first date. How about the second? More respectable?
I’m going through a dry spell and I’m in the mood to cut to the chase. I’m usually reasonably virtuous. Would I be seen as sensual or skanky? Would my amorous inclinations kill any chances of having a real relationship? [sm]

Of course they would, and remember, choose your orifice adventure wisely, so you can still be extra you-know-what, like olive oil…and I don’t mean light.

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When I was in college I was classified as a “ho” not just for being a Dirty Girl (Nothing goes down faster than an anchor!™) but…wait for it…wait for it…

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…for wearing leather pants.

It was December of 1996 and I was at someone’s lame-ass birthday thing in Davis. I was sick, in the middle of winter. My then-boyfriend had dropped me off at this Charlie Foxtrot of a night-out via his bike. So I wore leather pants as well as my helmet. And I was told, during a moment I shall never, EVER forget–

@$$#0!#: “Do you want to know why everyone thinks you’re a whore? Look at how you dress.”

I looked down at a ribbed turtleneck sweater and aforementioned leather pants, WHICH WERE MY BOYFRIEND’S, by the way, so by no means were they skin-tight.

Me: “But…I was cold.”

@$$#0!#: “Hope it was worth ruining what’s left of your reputation.”

Seriously, I remember this, then I type this and then I think to myself, I wish this were fiction. You desi kids don’t know how good you have it these free and lawless days…

::

We’ve all done things we regret; we all have rules. What’s the desi or better yet, the sepia rule on gettin’ down on the first, second, fiftieth date? I-bankers (and the straight-haired vomen who love them) want to know.

This hiatus is turning out to be a summer of inquiry; Sepia Mutiny ’07…all the frivolous and embarrassing questions you always wanted to ask a plethora of over-educated, witty South Asians– but never had the opportunity to pose. Until now.

73 thoughts on “SM’s Summer of Love: Ho or No?”

  1. Obviously I’m biased, but I wish you wouldn’t move the thread. Where else am I going to find enlightened South Asian sex advice?

    Well, hopefully you’ll find it– and more– there. See, on my own blog, I won’t run in to problems regarding the appropriateness of topics. I rule the roost. 😉 This is a group blog. If Ennis and Abhi are uncomfortable with these types of posts, we have to respect that– it’s their party, too.

    People are writing them and saying they don’t like this direction I’m taking…if we, who think this stuff IS worth discussing, want our feelings to be respected and valued, we have to accept such differences of opinion gracefully, right? 🙂

  2. I’m going to have more threads like this on my personal blog, so that people who are interested, still have a space to speak their minds, where it is safe and where someone is taking responsibility by moderating. Sepia Mutiny won’t have to suffer through such low-brow fun any longer.

    Normally I’m a healthy-pellet-eating, briefcase-toting, humorless corporate automaton, and frequent armchair academic, but I’ll never stoop to the level of cosmonot–he displays an almost Calvinist disregard for the most pertinent and pressing matters of both the flesh and spirit.

    Indeed, many who think that such subject matter should never be discussed are likely closeted book-burners, itching to consign the truest expressions of our human condition to the bonfire of intellectual vanity.

  4. Normally I’m a healthy-pellet-eating, briefcase-toting, humorless corporate automaton, and frequent armchair academic, but I’ll never stoop to the level of cosmonot–he displays an almost Calvinist disregard for the most pertinent and pressing matters of both the flesh and spirit. Indeed, many who think that such subject matter should never be discussed are likely closeted book-burners, itching to consign the truest expressions of our human condition to the bonfire of intellectual vanity.

    You are adorable:)

  5. Razib, in your experience, do you think people forget they’re guests when launching a ‘critique’ of bloggers? The internet has provided liberty that previously didn’t exist (voicing a opinion sitting at home on a comp). Without the physical surrounding reminding one that you’re a guest (like being at someone’s house), self discipline becomes critical IMHO.

    sure. people can get confused by the lack of physical cues in email. but another issue is that i don’t think that someone who blogs and has readers would go about criticizing the temerity of another blogger to post about what they were interested in. it happens to all of us who blog, and though i haven’t always been interested in the posts on SM or the comments, at the end of the day i know that it isn’t about me, i already have something about me, which is my own blog. posts are not just disembodied products of information packets flitting about the web, they are the product of other human minds. i think honestly that those who aren’t bloggers and haven’t had to deal with people telling them what to post don’t understand how the ecosystem looks from the viewpoint of the blogger. that is all.

  6. Are they?

    Yes, and they have every right to be. We’re all different, na? 🙂

  7. ANNA, i say, fight the fight! i quickly fell in love with SM and its commenters. so much so that i was actually upset to see the hiatus notice – and then pleasantly surprised when the posts were still abundant. you were right to say that it’s a place where people like to come at least once a day, and it’s nice to have this space, sometimes no matter what the topic. as has been pointed out many times over, there are other places to check the news, discuss SA-Am current events etc., but quite frankly, there is no other forum in which to discuss the social elements that come with being brown. and i think SM is keeping up with enough of the political/news angles to be allowed to focus on the social elements without judgment (not that SM would allow for itself to be ‘allowed’ anything). i understand that some people have take issue with this, but you will excuse the rest of us for being upset with making this safe place a little less safe.

  8. Yes, and they have every right to be. We’re all different, na? 🙂

    I agree. Ah well, at least people who want these posts can get what they need from your blog.

  9. well, all i have to say is that i was impressed by the collegiality of the comments on these posts. even if the content didn’t draw attention, i give mad props to that.

  10. Indeed, many who think that such subject matter should never be discussed are likely closeted book-burners, itching to consign the truest expressions of our human condition to the bonfire of intellectual vanity

    Well said. A discussion about sex can be as thoughtful, witty and memorable as any other. Oh, and illuminating!

  11. “sepia mutiny?????? @ 17 ” – Totally agree with you.

    “A N N A @ 42 ” – Thank you. I think herStory is a better place for blogs like this. Love you more for doing that.

  12. I have a theory that the whiners are socially inept people who find it awkward to participate in such discussions. On the other hand the commenters here can effortlessly switch to the ‘ high-brow ‘ discussions and take part in them with equal gusto.

  13. Well said. A discussion about sex can be as thoughtful, witty and memorable as any other. Oh, and illuminating

    Another Brown Chick – how many blokes shagged ya? you prefer ‘slap and tickle’ or de ‘rumpy pumpy’? just curious…

  14. I have a theory that the whiners are socially inept people who find it awkward to participate in such discussions. On the other hand the commenters here can effortlessly switch to the ‘ high-brow ‘ discussions and take part in them with equal gusto.

    Just gusto isn’t enough, imho.

  15. Seriously, though it is summer in this side of the world. I like the idea of having meandering, sometimes serious/sometimes not discussions on carnal topics in the season most designed to quicken the blood.

    Still, I respect the viewpoints of the bloggers.

  17. You know, I can’t resist pointing out that the reported breakdown amog the mutineers on this issue (granted, n only = 3), eerily tracks pankaj’s point about the “sex-based discrimiation”–i.e., desi men not getting “grounded,” and then falling “developmentally” behind their desi sisters. Just sayin’.

    Ayway, Anna, you should get a huge number of new readers! I’ll cert. be one! not that I’ll give up on SM, of course!

    Indeed, many who think that such subject matter should never be discussed are likely closeted book-burners,

    The trouble with book-burning is–they always burn the wrong books! 😉

  18. Indeed, many who think that such subject matter should never be discussed are likely closeted book-burners, The trouble with book-burning is–they always burn the wrong books! 😉

    That qualification is a little more respectable. I trust Ennis and Abhi must have been “uncomfortable” about this only after it got a little too overboard.

    crawling, slithering and skittering across the floor, back into the woodwork :D…..

  19. I just think there’s something sexy about delayed gratification and the kind of intimacy that comes with not jumping into the sack right away. But whatever floats your boat…I don’t judge. But then again, I’ve been called a ho for other reasons, despite the fact that I’ve slept with three guys and I’m 27. I just think that label is kind of inescapable when you’re a woman, so I choose my victims wisely. 🙂

    For some reason, that Liz Phair song “Fuck and Run” is permeating mind. Oh, the memories…

  23. Are they?
    You know, I can’t resist pointing out that the reported breakdown amog the mutineers on this issue (granted,n only = 3), *eerily* tracks pankaj’s point about the “sex-based discrimiation”–i.e., desi men not getting “grounded,” and then falling “developmentally” behind their desi sisters. Just sayin’.

    Thanks for the queries/theories all but when I (and perhaps Ennis) have a fucking opinion we want to share about something you’ll hear it straight from me.