I wrote a post this weekend which questioned certain commenters’ assertions regarding how “hot Desi girls seem to end up with White guysâ€. We discussed that misconception as well as…well, a few dozen other subjects, but that’s natural over the course of 1,349 comments. One sub-thread which I followed avidly involved I-bankers and their (for some) elusive prey: the skinny, hyper-maintained, hot brown girl with stick-straight hair.
Some of you compassionately responded to your banking brethren, when they plaintively admitted that they weren’t sure where to locate their loins’ fondest desire; instructions, right down to locations, days of the week and yes, auspicious times of day (yo, are we brown or are we BROWN) were offered and happily accepted. Much like the original exchange which inspired my post on interracial dating, which is where this comedy of heir-ers was going down, what I noticed was that these weren’t one-off sentiments. To me, that made them difficult to dismiss.
The one word which kept surfacing, repeatedly, insistently, was skinny.
Predictably, evolved mutineers were outraged and immediately broadcasted it; even more predictable than that, the obligatory, “I can’t help it, it’s just what ruins my boxersâ€- volley occurred, so that there was essentially a stalemate. Around skinny. While all of them pondered if it was okay to come out and say that “skinny†was a requirement, and whether such a requiring was nothing to be ashamed of, I was transfixed by something else which was related, but not discussed.
What did skinny mean in this context?
To some, Kate Moss defines skinny. To others, the woman who is pictured on our left qualifies.
I like to know exactly what I’m offended by, before I gift someone with a new orifice, so I couldn’t get my outrage-on– not until this question was answered. Yes, yes…we should all eschew superficial everything and it’s terrible that we’re judging female books by their covers, but it’s also a gross reality. And I wanted to know how realistic these I(yer) bankers were.
There was another snag—we were discussing Manhattan.
It’s a rarified world and understandably, the benchmarks are different. Everything is relative (and apparently, if you are an Iyengar reading SM, YOU are all relatives…oy, how I wish that I could actually link to relevant comments from MY OWN POST, which would make my attempts at wit successful vs. inscrutable).
In most cities, D.C. included, my 450 sq ft studio is tiny. In Manhattan, my friend is thrilled to have that much space for her ONE-BEDROOM. In most cities, making six figures is awesome. In Manhattan, it barely affords the afore-mentioned shoe-box, rent-wise and that’s if you limit your methods for self-intoxicating to PBR (note: life is too short for PBR, my darlinks). Anyway, if everything is tougher, better, more competitive, more expensive and more EVERYTHING in Manhattan, then…do brown guys expect brown girls to be skinnier, too? And does skinny mean fit? Or just skinny?
My guy friends (the unManhattanites, if you will…I’m not counting the Murray Hill dwellers et al for the purposes of this fluffy post) would line up giddily for a shot at the gorgeous girl above. Would our I(yengar) bankers? I think we have a bit of a vested interest in all this; the majority of the Desi vomen whom I am privileged to know are curvaceous, if they’re out of their teens. For most men, that’s a good thing. My male buddies don’t like straight lines—on the roads they’re about to break laws on or…uh…you know.
Curves are good. Right? Left? Those are definitely curves, on the left.
So, as I said memorably (and almost 1,700 comments ago!), out with it then. Let’s have the truth. What do you want? Is the woman I’ve wrapped this post around zaftig or is she just right? Err, left? You know what I mean. And this ain’t no heteronormative joint. I’ll be the first to tell you that she could inspire me to discover a love that dare not speak its naam. 😉 What about you?
::
isin’t that a picture of you ANNA?? or may be your sister?
While it easily could be, because my sister and I both have huge, bubble-like Malayalee kundis which resemble two coconuts attached to our lower back, and yes, apparently we also both have “thunder-thighs” like our helpful model above, no, it’s neither me nor my little sister.
I look exactly like that in jeans.
I am dismayed that some of you think that her thighs are ugly, but to each their own; we are attracted to what we are attracted to and that’s that. I bring this up not to call you out (S, you know you and labbie singh are my peeps), but to speak to the women who are lurking, who have body image issues. Because believe me, they are here and they are reading this. They inspired this.
I have no problems in NYC or SF or DC…guess my hatred-since-infancy of LA has protected me from an eating disorder, since I am a size 8, not a size 4, and that is too big for La-La land.
I like my body. I like it so much, I don’t give a shit about telling you the truth– I am 5’6″ and I weigh a whopping 148 lbs. I’ve gained weight, since hurting my leg, because I no longer get to walk the three miles home from work. To go from walking more than 20 miles a week to not being mobile at all…well, it takes a toll. I’ve gained eight pounds, which I can’t be fucked to cry over, because I’m more upset over losing lean mass and the ability to walk comfortably, without pain or this huge, heavy, unwieldy cast on my leg.
To the young woman whose email to me on Facebook inspired this entire post:
Please stop calling yourself “fat” and “ugly”. You look exactly like this picture, I know, because I went through your albums and found one taken at a similar angle. You don’t have luck with desi guys in NYC because of timing, circumstance or that nakshatram with the tree or whatever– NOT BECAUSE YOU ARE OBESE. When you kept reading about how guys like Puli et al want “skinny” desi girls, in the mega-thread, they were talking about you, my darling girl.
I proved this. I proved my point.
The majority of men on this thread think that the woman pictured above isn’t just beautiful but hot, gorgeous, attractive, ideal.
Please eat your lunch today. And your dinner. And work-out, but do so because your heart and lungs and future grandchildren deserve to be taken care of– you’re too precious to starve, especially at your own hands.
To quote you, “Shocker. Indian girls have eating disorders, too.”
Well, they shouldn’t have to– no human should. Eat. Be healthy. Fall in love with yourself. Life is too short for bullshit, and that goes for all of you.
Thunder thighed-Anna, over and out.
come on, you need a definition of skinny? keep the 18
puli, you have the whole world working for you! Next, you will be telling me that Jesus is your wingman and God is your co-pilot.
the funny thing is that the aunties that talk smack about the grls in the community usually are huge and dumb. HOLY AUNTIE BUTT!
symantics my friend…
hmmm…i would rather have the flying spaghetti monster guide a girl to me with his noodly appendage. Getting married is like my single minded mission at this point.
Wow, portmanteau, you seem to be into both i-banking and equity research at the same time!
“I don’t have a problem with calling someone fat and if I’m fat so be it. The thing is I have a problem with the assumption that skinny = healthy and having some pounds on immediately = unhealthy.”
“We’re the only country that makes people feel bad for eatin’ food… In Rwanda, if you’re fat , it’s like damn! how’d you get like that? Oh.. you think you’re all that with your fat self” – Chris Rock
I would steer well clear of any girl who has the FSM’s appendage.
As you said, semantics indeed.
thats a small amount of power that lasts for a really short time. i wouldnt play up its importance.
Paging Dr. Freud…
if you were to analyse everything i say, it would paint a disturbing psychological profile. best not to think to much about the stuff i say. i will make you dumber.
Rahul, I multi-task quite well. And yes, to pre-empt you, that’s what the kids are calling it these days.
Uh oh! I think that cracking sound I heard was the sound of my hairs splitting! Quick, what shampoo and conditioner do I need to use?
I’d tried to shift the onus onto skinny men but couldn’t succeed! The only responses were from women who’d felt even that was a statement on women rather than men.
This tells us why this thread is dangerous: women are hurt by more things they control or should I say society thinks they can control. Interestingly, for men it’s the reverse: Telling a man he’s not intelligent would presumably hurt far worse than if you told him he was fat.
In this backdrop I wonder if women realize that claims that men should like them for their “intelligence” and “inner qualities” might make less “moral sense” to a man: why should they want us to like things they cannot change?
Wow, so many terms! Kids these days are quite the cunning linguists, it seems.
Surely your hairs can’t split that easily?
who cares what i-bankers like in a woman, the reason they went into i-banking is because they have small pee-pees
the reason i went into i banking is that some day i might have to take care of my parents, as I have seen other people in my community struggle with long term care. it takes a lot of money to get the best home nurses and care in the US. i want to be able to provide for my parents, and my future kids. i want the best for the people i love. i-banking is the best way for me to accomplish this. also, i enjoy math and sales. go to hell.
One day and I miss so much.
Iyer puliz. Were you not saying bhai-bhai a few days ago? what happened? Bad batch of puliogare?
i thought they got porsches. ;-?
I weaned myself away from the laptop for a few hours and look at what I missed!I definitely like a woman with curves in all the right places.But I agree with scorps1027@110,its all about confidence and attitude.Having said that..how is it that its us IT guys who always find ourselves at the bottom of the heap when trying to get with those all nice Indian women out there?
i think thtas part of wingmanning. him telling me to get a better business card.
i never had any use for flashy cars, nice clothes, etc.
Thanks for getting it, PindaUSA. You know that everything I do, I do it for you (pingpong, that’s bait for you. I take care of my Tambram bruthaz.)
I reckon women are pretty savvy about the visual cues that men respond to. I remember being on the underground and a lady walked in, she was really skinny and about 5’11 in towering heels, but she was also about 45-50 and really haggard looking around the face. But her legs! Even I couldn’t stop looking at them, she had this tiny skirt on and I could see every man in the carriage just agog at those perfect pins.
But men and women have to or should do this if they are trying to attract others. We’re all imperfect, but we should highlight the something that we consider hot about us.
That’s what I tell my little sis when she complains none of the desi boys like the skinny, no-boobed, dark girl that she is. I always tell her we have to make do with what we were given and highlight the part that we consider how with/in us.
One thing that I realized – traveling to different parts of the world is that in some places I will be considered beautiful and in others I won’t, despite the fact that I haven’t changed. I felt gorgeous in Taiwan, but in India I didn’t feel that my looks made me pretty to their ideal. To maintain my self-esteem, and I know this is cliche, but I really knew there was nothing I could do to change my appearance and I just had to be happy with myself, and since I believe in God, I’d just think this is how God created me. Perhaps this sounds idealistic, naive, but it’s something I live by.
Er, whom are you talking about? Puli or me?
I could give you a few language lessons, if you’d like. It’d look nice on your already impressive CV.
Just let me know when and where. Also, do you prefer cash or should we charge to your card ? (And Miss Manners would encourage you to leave an appropriate tip. You know I’ll be better than those Russian websites. )
Yeah, Rex, shut up.
Puli, you sound like a sweetie. Come sit in my lap ; )
those russian websites dont compare to this one.
My mistake then, sorry about the unintentional upgrade. All Indians are my bruthaz and sistas.
Skinny? nope Fat? Defn’ly No Then? Fit and just right!
Man, all this Iyer masala is gettin really interesting……
The shortest rendition of Goldilocks in known history.
ladies, in the last several comments, i have noticed that PindaUSA has put a link on his handle. coupled with his vociferous desire for a lady, i think he’s asking any interested parties to help him ‘hit’ that/you
also, PindaUSA, your comment in #240 – did you mean that she is skinny? or that she just has an attractive figure, skinny or not? because if you think she’s skinny, your conception is very different than what many initially understood
Oui, portmanteau. I’d love for you to be pardoning my French.
Just tell me where I should swipe it.
So it looks like you’re set on the Russian websites then. Too bad. Enjoy your mail-order whatevs.
My ankle hurts and I’m in a shitty mood. Will be until painkiller commences killing pain. I love you all, but the next person who calls this thread “dangerous” OR doesn’t pay attention to the context in which I posted it is gonna get hurt real bad.
If you have “skinny” floating around repeatedly in a 1,300+ comment thread, and impressionable young desi women are lurking, did it ever occur to some of you that giving them some perspective regarding what the men were talking about ISN’T A BAD THING?
Fuck.
Do I have to disclose everything? If so, I will…but I’ll wait ’til I’m not whimpering, so I can express myself perfectly, lest people misinterpret more shit that I’m trying to do.
Re: 234
Pingpong, thanks for the link to the BMJ article (M. Voracek and M. L Fisher. Shapely centrefolds? Temporal change in body measures: trend analysis. BMJ 2002; 325: 1447-1448). Their thesis (based on increasing waist:hip ratios of Playboy centrefolds from 1953 to 2001) is that there might have been a temporal shift in what men consider attractive over this period — from “hourglass figures” towards a more tubular androgynous shape.
However, these authors fail to address a rather critical point in an article by D. Singh (Adaptive significance of female physical attractiveness: role of waist-to-hip ratio. J Pers Soc Psychol 1993; 65: 293-307) whom they also cite (and not quite accurately, in my opinion). Singh found that while waist:hip ratios of Playboy Centrefolds did show a slight increase (from 0.68 to 0.72) over time, waist:hip ratios of Miss America contest winners showed a slight decrease instead (from 0.72 to 0.69).
Other studies, e.g. that by A. Furnham, C. Hester and C. Weir (Sex differences in the preferences for specific female body shape. Sex Roles 1990; 22: 743-754) based on (ahem!) detailed anatomical drawings of female stimulus figures also showed that males displayed a preference for large busts and hourglass shapes. Not surprisingly, this was accurately predicted by women. What’s interesting, though, is that males perceived all the figures as more attractive than did the females in the study.
So (and with apologies for sounding so very pedantic), I’d say that the jury is still out there on what men consider attractive in terms of voluptuousness or skinniness. The one thing that we can say (see plot) is that there’s definitely considerable variation in what men find attractive. Now, body mass index (BMI) as a measure of attractiveness — that’s an entirely different kettle of fish.
brilliant 😉
are there no non-tambram boys with clever one-liners? i mean, come on!
Well, there is the Maximum City out, you know (I’m not comfortable enough with using French to repeat Suketu Mehta’s Hindi here).
Re Shaad@336,
I agree that the jury is hung. I wasn’t advocating that the Voracek work was true. In fact, given that I learned about it through the Improbable Research column, I am not sure how much to trust it. But I do find it interesting that Playboy and Miss America are heading in opposite directions re W/H ratio.
If it helps, I’m not very religious about it – it’s just something I grew up with.
you need to understand what your image as an i-banker entails – all those skinny, straightened-haired girls you’re looking for would never look your way if you don’t have any of the accoutrements – start spending, dude – your experiment is never going to take off if you don’t…
You’re right, maybe he’s just a wannabe b(rahnm)-boy.
Who you calling “wannabe”?
.
ak, I love how you dropped your implicit hitting invitation by not including your email address in #341 right at the point you confront his non-materialism.
342 @Rahul… thnx for pointing me to that link, man that tambram, tambaram thingy had me in splits!
Re: 339
Er, is Rahul now one of the jurors?
Alright, don’t wannabe then.
Shaad, I think that is the topic of A N N A’s next post.
i know, i know! i only picked that up in my last post – i included my e-mail address because i meant in #236 to ask muralimannered on advice for his macronutrient diet. not only did i forget to ask the question, but i also forgot to remove my e-mail address. damn that ‘remember me’ function! for the record, it was not meant implicitly, or explicitly, as an invite to hit anything.
She is not skinny. As long as she is not waddling in oodles of fat.
On the basis of that single picture(with the face cut off), she looks just right. 🙂