I wrote a post this weekend which questioned certain commenters’ assertions regarding how “hot Desi girls seem to end up with White guysâ€. We discussed that misconception as well as…well, a few dozen other subjects, but that’s natural over the course of 1,349 comments. One sub-thread which I followed avidly involved I-bankers and their (for some) elusive prey: the skinny, hyper-maintained, hot brown girl with stick-straight hair.
Some of you compassionately responded to your banking brethren, when they plaintively admitted that they weren’t sure where to locate their loins’ fondest desire; instructions, right down to locations, days of the week and yes, auspicious times of day (yo, are we brown or are we BROWN) were offered and happily accepted. Much like the original exchange which inspired my post on interracial dating, which is where this comedy of heir-ers was going down, what I noticed was that these weren’t one-off sentiments. To me, that made them difficult to dismiss.
The one word which kept surfacing, repeatedly, insistently, was skinny.
Predictably, evolved mutineers were outraged and immediately broadcasted it; even more predictable than that, the obligatory, “I can’t help it, it’s just what ruins my boxersâ€- volley occurred, so that there was essentially a stalemate. Around skinny. While all of them pondered if it was okay to come out and say that “skinny†was a requirement, and whether such a requiring was nothing to be ashamed of, I was transfixed by something else which was related, but not discussed.
What did skinny mean in this context?
To some, Kate Moss defines skinny. To others, the woman who is pictured on our left qualifies.
I like to know exactly what I’m offended by, before I gift someone with a new orifice, so I couldn’t get my outrage-on– not until this question was answered. Yes, yes…we should all eschew superficial everything and it’s terrible that we’re judging female books by their covers, but it’s also a gross reality. And I wanted to know how realistic these I(yer) bankers were.
There was another snag—we were discussing Manhattan.
It’s a rarified world and understandably, the benchmarks are different. Everything is relative (and apparently, if you are an Iyengar reading SM, YOU are all relatives…oy, how I wish that I could actually link to relevant comments from MY OWN POST, which would make my attempts at wit successful vs. inscrutable).
In most cities, D.C. included, my 450 sq ft studio is tiny. In Manhattan, my friend is thrilled to have that much space for her ONE-BEDROOM. In most cities, making six figures is awesome. In Manhattan, it barely affords the afore-mentioned shoe-box, rent-wise and that’s if you limit your methods for self-intoxicating to PBR (note: life is too short for PBR, my darlinks). Anyway, if everything is tougher, better, more competitive, more expensive and more EVERYTHING in Manhattan, then…do brown guys expect brown girls to be skinnier, too? And does skinny mean fit? Or just skinny?
My guy friends (the unManhattanites, if you will…I’m not counting the Murray Hill dwellers et al for the purposes of this fluffy post) would line up giddily for a shot at the gorgeous girl above. Would our I(yengar) bankers? I think we have a bit of a vested interest in all this; the majority of the Desi vomen whom I am privileged to know are curvaceous, if they’re out of their teens. For most men, that’s a good thing. My male buddies don’t like straight lines—on the roads they’re about to break laws on or…uh…you know.
Curves are good. Right? Left? Those are definitely curves, on the left.
So, as I said memorably (and almost 1,700 comments ago!), out with it then. Let’s have the truth. What do you want? Is the woman I’ve wrapped this post around zaftig or is she just right? Err, left? You know what I mean. And this ain’t no heteronormative joint. I’ll be the first to tell you that she could inspire me to discover a love that dare not speak its naam. 😉 What about you?
::
isin’t that a picture of you ANNA?? or may be your sister?
While it easily could be, because my sister and I both have huge, bubble-like Malayalee kundis which resemble two coconuts attached to our lower back, and yes, apparently we also both have “thunder-thighs” like our helpful model above, no, it’s neither me nor my little sister.
I look exactly like that in jeans.
I am dismayed that some of you think that her thighs are ugly, but to each their own; we are attracted to what we are attracted to and that’s that. I bring this up not to call you out (S, you know you and labbie singh are my peeps), but to speak to the women who are lurking, who have body image issues. Because believe me, they are here and they are reading this. They inspired this.
I have no problems in NYC or SF or DC…guess my hatred-since-infancy of LA has protected me from an eating disorder, since I am a size 8, not a size 4, and that is too big for La-La land.
I like my body. I like it so much, I don’t give a shit about telling you the truth– I am 5’6″ and I weigh a whopping 148 lbs. I’ve gained weight, since hurting my leg, because I no longer get to walk the three miles home from work. To go from walking more than 20 miles a week to not being mobile at all…well, it takes a toll. I’ve gained eight pounds, which I can’t be fucked to cry over, because I’m more upset over losing lean mass and the ability to walk comfortably, without pain or this huge, heavy, unwieldy cast on my leg.
To the young woman whose email to me on Facebook inspired this entire post:
Please stop calling yourself “fat” and “ugly”. You look exactly like this picture, I know, because I went through your albums and found one taken at a similar angle. You don’t have luck with desi guys in NYC because of timing, circumstance or that nakshatram with the tree or whatever– NOT BECAUSE YOU ARE OBESE. When you kept reading about how guys like Puli et al want “skinny” desi girls, in the mega-thread, they were talking about you, my darling girl.
I proved this. I proved my point.
The majority of men on this thread think that the woman pictured above isn’t just beautiful but hot, gorgeous, attractive, ideal.
Please eat your lunch today. And your dinner. And work-out, but do so because your heart and lungs and future grandchildren deserve to be taken care of– you’re too precious to starve, especially at your own hands.
To quote you, “Shocker. Indian girls have eating disorders, too.”
Well, they shouldn’t have to– no human should. Eat. Be healthy. Fall in love with yourself. Life is too short for bullshit, and that goes for all of you.
Thunder thighed-Anna, over and out.
PS. you ever notice manboobs seem more obvious on guys with less chest hair.
You are probably right, but I just try not view man boobs, drop my eyes, so I guess I didn’t really notice the difference between hairy manboobs and slick man-boobs.
What do South Asian men/women think is the ideal male Indian look? I just love the looks of that desi guy on that show Heros – he’s just too hot – but is that the American-desi look and not Desh male ideal look? But have you ever noticed the South Indian movie actors and how different they look than the “ideal” hindi movie actors.
Oh, I just can’t get over the chubby-cheeked and mustached South Indian male actors – and my cousins in Kerala do swoon over what I’d consider these chubby men!
Wow, thanks! Makes me happy, given that I delurked only recently.
But have you ever noticed the South Indian movie actors and how different they look than the “ideal” hindi movie actors.
unfortunately yes, yes i have. someone has got to make a change! join the new millenium!
Mammooty, Malyalee cinema’s one and only- now, he’d be a candidate for the hairy man-boob http://www.mammootty.com/gallery/newlooks/newlook2.htm
Maybe it’s an age thing, but when me and my friends are out we notice more how a woman handles herself past a certain point of physical beauty. Physical appearance is important in your 20s and connection, chemistry aka heat in your 30s.
Or perhaps it’s my circle of friends, but this rarely comes up and if a women’s weight does, it’s usually she needs to add weight because she looks unhealthy.
DQ said
I call total and utter BS. Men are sized up all the time, just in a different way: height. It’s like people feel a right to annihilate a man’s humanity in favour of his height all the time. It doesn’t matter how hot they are… 😉
Seriously though, men face the same thing, but women are often more hypocritical about it. The average 5’2-5’4 desi woman wants a 6’0 guy (even with 4″ heels I’ll still never understand this); whereas you don’t see a lot of morbidly obese desi men pining after stick thin desi women.
Can’t say I’ve noticed the chubby factor, but the mustache is much more common among South Indian actors than in Bollywood. I don’t know if this is universal in South India, but in parts of Tamil Nadu, the phrase “man without a mustache” implies someone effeminate.
I had the same reaction. 🙂 Although, I do have a male friend who used to shave Cal fight slogans into his back/chest hair. Yes, really.
He really is drool-worthy, although a little too slim for my tastes 🙂
156 · VMN Rao whereas you don’t see a lot of morbidly obese desi men pining after stick thin desi women.
uhh–folks–I think a small confession is in order here–awkward, I know. but I’ll slim down–next month! I swear! or get lipo…
If I might be a bit insensitive: the argument of immutability of women’s figures flies in the face of everyday obersvations of women changing their figures through various degrees of freedom in a short period of time. (Though I suppose this is also function of metabolism and age)
For men it is an order of magnitude more difficult to change our size: we put on fat in the gut first no degree of freedom there. So to increase size, muscle is the only way. This is not as fast: it takes plenty gymming. Also: once the fat gets to the gut it is supposed to take a lot of effort to remove it.
For women, blink your eye, and they seem to changing their shape as you’re watching them >:|
PS said
BTW the actor from Heroes is Sendhil Ramamurthy, who is South Indian (Tamilian, to be exact).
From IMDB: Spouse: Olga Sosnovska (1999 – present) 1 child
But I guess that goes in the other thread.
you did not just say that! just kidding. i do agree somewhat – one of my best friends, who is very curvy (medically oevrweight i would say) is specific about height, weight, and build of her men, which i find hypocritical not for the fact that she is ‘fat’ (i don’t think people should be judging her by that standard, anyway) but for thinking that she can dissect guys’ physical looks while not being open to criticism about her own. and overall, height is a huge issue for women – i have heard many more females reject a guy for being too hot than for any other physical attribute. as for myself, having gone through a spectacularly unhot phase, i am far more ‘forgiving’/unpreferenced of male physical attributes..
Was he a disciple of Dennis Rodman?
i was just looking up pictures of chubby, mustachioed s. indian actors so that we could feast our eyes on these studs before bedtime. just as i was clicking on the 3rd delicious pic, my OS crashed. even my laptop doesn’t like the look!!
anna, you look good in the picture.
Tying this in with the current comics thread, one of the appealing aspects of Terry Moore’s Strangers in Paradise series was the fact that the protagonists looked like normal, attractive women — not the usual comic book caricatures with pencil-slim waists and pneumatic breasts. Francine, in particular, was pleasantly plump.
Snicker. 😉
I’m with Vinod – this calls for a post re: men’s height.
I find it interesting how Hollywood seems not to be bothered by the looks of Indian actors that are considered undesirable in Bollywood. Can you see Parminger Nagra, Naveen ANdrews, Mindy Kaling get good roles in Bollywood?
Well, here are some studs that hang around engineers.
Totally OT — VMN Rao, I looked at your webpage — my uncle’s family has been in Kolar for 4 generations!
Anna, in your post about HAIR, please include chest hair, back hair, and their potential uses.
Well, here are some studs that hang around engineers.
pingpong, you and rahul need to get together asap.
He really is drool-worthy, although a little too slim for my tastes 🙂
Camille, come to Kerala, (forget the skinny American boy in Heroes) – plenty of chunkier men for you 🙂 http://www.mammootty.com/gallery/newlooks/newlook4.htm
VMN Rao – I looked thru your site and I love your childhood pics (sorry I know this is off-topic from the thread)
And good night for now
are you talking about celebrities? or from a sampling of dozens of real women you know? because celebrities’ attention to their bodies, and the diets they go on, are un-human. plus, their livelihoods depend on it – so they over-exercise and over-diet to obsession. there are many women (most, even) who will always have bigger hips, arms, waist etc – partly due to bone structure, which even you cannot argue is mutable. and partly due to genetics – it is no wonder that many womens’ bodies resemble those of their mothers. i would say the same goes for men, except that men generally lose weight at a more rapid pace than women, even if some are still unable to change their body shape/size. i think it’s medically unhealthy for most women to take on diets and exercise routine that will give them drastic results in such short spans of time, not to mention the psychological elements that accompany…
pingpong – don’t mention it. hope to hear more from you soon – we esp. need your comments on these ‘fluffy’ threads. don’t tell rahul, but you might have just surpassed him as most-amusing-commenter.
Playing matchmaker, are we? 🙂
It may not be a good idea though – too many levels of TamBrahm ego – I, Iyer, Iyengar …
“But then, I liked Marilyn Monroe’s figure. And I dare say many respondents here would consider her too fat.”
and Gina Lollobrigida, Sophia Loren, Ava Gardener etc would probably (and unfortunately) be considered fat today. i guess the pendulum swings, because the hollywood actresses in the 30s were much slimmer, but elegantly so, not like the some of the entertainers today.
Er, thanks for the unmentionables?
Ouch! I didn’t hear it, I didn’t hear it! Lalala!
too many levels of TamBrahm ego – I, Iyer, Iyengar …
I am sending this to my parents immediately!
Well I have to make one more comment;
I find it interesting how Hollywood seems not to be bothered by the looks of Indian actors that are considered undesirable in Bollywood. Can you see Parminger Nagra, Naveen ANdrews, Mindy Kaling get good roles in Bollywood?
Yes I know and I love it! It’s so nice to see some south asians with color. Ash is beautiful, but India’s got more varied looks and colors and its great that at least in the US they can appreciate that. ( I know I often make statements about color but I just get so excited when I see a dark-skinned south asians in media b/c I see it so rarely – like very insecure Anchal from America’s Next Top Model); http://www.anchaljoseph.net/
Sigh 🙂
Rahul, couldn’t you say the same for all your girlfriends?
Nice teeth.
I can’t ell if she’s hot. Her eyes are hidden.
Definitely not fat. Wow. Curves are good, confidence however you are is better (easier said than done, i know). I’d have to see her walk and talk to tell you if she’s hot, but then again I’m not a ‘horny i-banker.’ Just trying to homo-balance this thread a little 🙂
Women definitely don’t obsess about men’s bodies the way men (and women) obsess about women’s bodies. VMN Rao, men may get scrutinized too but being called short (which happens to women too) is on a completely different plane. My short friends can’t do much but buy heels, while I have too many (intelligent, rational) female friends who control their eating because that girl is ANNA’s post is “fat.”
P.S. ANNA, your posts are the reason I read SM – for all the slack you get, you’re making the stuff we don’t talk about visible. Well behaved women rarely make history, eh?
What are you – the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal? HER eyes are hidden, not yours! You can still see her!
There is fairly substantial research demonstrating that, for both men and women, weight loss is almost always (approx. 95% of the time) temporary (i.e., all lost weight returns within a two-to-five year period, with usually more gained as well). This is true regardless of ‘lifestyle changes’, because the body’s metabolism will compensate by storing a much higher percentage of food intake as fat tissue, until the previous set point is reached. I’m a pretty good example of this. Several years ago, a prolonged period of severe illness caused me to lose close to 100 pounds. While I managed to keep about 50 of those pounds off for about three years, the extreme amounts of exercise (4 hours a day) and severe calorie restriction it required eventually resulted in permanent and severe organ damage (and almost death). Now, stopping that nonsense, I’m back to my natural weight (about 300), and I’m in much better health and overall physical and mental condition. The widespread misconception that a person’s food intake and exercise levels can be judged by their weight would just be amusing, if its effects weren’t so damaging to the lives of so many. My taller, 110-pound roommate and I share almost identical (healthy and pure veg) diets and (moderate) exercise patterns, and she is forever being called ‘anorexic’, while I’m labelled a ‘lazy pig’. Both labels are emotionally devastating.
Re: 171
Er, decorative patterns, albeit not the vertical stripes pingpong mentioned? And this is a little out of focus, but looks braided to me. These are all non-brown examples, but I am certain my hairy desi brethren can top them.
That video is about a UFO sighting? What UFO? Unidentified Follicular Object?
lol.. pingpong is on a roll…love the comments
EEEEWWWWWWW!
Points for sheer onomatopoeia.
Maybe he was one of the Braidy Bunch.
I’ve made this argument before one SM, and JOAT has swooped in to wack me, but it bears repeating:
I blame gay men, who control the fashion industry, for socially constructing the ideal female form much skinnier than nature intended. Men are biologically wired to like large breasts and hips since they are cues to fertility. Fashion mags present a desexualized version of the female form, ie women without breasts and hips, tall and skinny. if gay men like d women, that would be their choice.
now, if you want to know what men like, go look at porn. much, much more variety there.
I blame gay men, who control the fashion industry, for socially constructing the ideal female form much skinnier than nature intended.
uhh–no–see the work of that evolutionary psychologist at U. Texas–David buss.
pingpong: sometimes you can see, but you just can’t tell.
She’s not obese but she does seem overweight, her thighs are large. Anyway I didn’t get the impression from people in the other topic that comments were saying that the hot desi girls end up with white guys like you say, I think I found the opposite. Many were commenting that desi guys only want the skinny ones (i.e.aren’t these the hot ones?) so the larger ones end up with the white guys.
“I blame gay men, who control the fashion industry, for socially constructing the ideal female”
Sorry Manju, but I am a woman, who works in fashion, and am privy and partial to perpetuating this construction or deconstruction of the ideal female. yes, thin is in, and yes thin is the barometer for setting the standard for western fashion. We simply don’t value the thunder thighs or weightiness of women in style, whether there be a face or not. This is not to say the lady in question isn’t attractive, but the reality of the fashion industry (men and women) is style and clothes look better on thinner, skinnier, minnier people. The image above, of ill-fated denim is not one that sells. And, no, I am not gay.
Beyonce has an amazing body. any man would be insane to not be attracted to her.
I’ve heard this argument before, and I happen to largely agree with it, whether or not the designers were gay men. I have also read the view that desexualized women are deliberately chosen so that they show the clothes and don’t steal the limelight themselves.
Variety in behavior yes, hardly enough variety in body types (except for fetish interests). Then again, what someone may want in a longterm relationship (or marriage) may not be anything to do with how the person looks. This has been true in my personal case – if the first thing I notice about a woman is something physical, I don’t give the relationship very long. The longterm relations I have had have been with people I never noticed really, who hardly turned heads (except maybe those of their current Significant Others). Which works out fine by me, given that I consider myself physically unremarkable. I don’t speak for everybody here, but I would disagree with the view that porn is a fair representation of what men like in a serious relationship.
goddammit Ajit, stop reading Vogue. go rent The Seven Year Itch immediately.
200!