Who is SKINNY? [Updated]

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I wrote a post this weekend which questioned certain commenters’ assertions regarding how “hot Desi girls seem to end up with White guys”. We discussed that misconception as well as…well, a few dozen other subjects, but that’s natural over the course of 1,349 comments. One sub-thread which I followed avidly involved I-bankers and their (for some) elusive prey: the skinny, hyper-maintained, hot brown girl with stick-straight hair.

Some of you compassionately responded to your banking brethren, when they plaintively admitted that they weren’t sure where to locate their loins’ fondest desire; instructions, right down to locations, days of the week and yes, auspicious times of day (yo, are we brown or are we BROWN) were offered and happily accepted. Much like the original exchange which inspired my post on interracial dating, which is where this comedy of heir-ers was going down, what I noticed was that these weren’t one-off sentiments. To me, that made them difficult to dismiss.

The one word which kept surfacing, repeatedly, insistently, was skinny.

Predictably, evolved mutineers were outraged and immediately broadcasted it; even more predictable than that, the obligatory, “I can’t help it, it’s just what ruins my boxers”- volley occurred, so that there was essentially a stalemate. Around skinny. While all of them pondered if it was okay to come out and say that “skinny” was a requirement, and whether such a requiring was nothing to be ashamed of, I was transfixed by something else which was related, but not discussed.

What did skinny mean in this context?

To some, Kate Moss defines skinny. To others, the woman who is pictured on our left qualifies.

I like to know exactly what I’m offended by, before I gift someone with a new orifice, so I couldn’t get my outrage-on– not until this question was answered. Yes, yes…we should all eschew superficial everything and it’s terrible that we’re judging female books by their covers, but it’s also a gross reality. And I wanted to know how realistic these I(yer) bankers were.

There was another snag—we were discussing Manhattan.

It’s a rarified world and understandably, the benchmarks are different. Everything is relative (and apparently, if you are an Iyengar reading SM, YOU are all relatives…oy, how I wish that I could actually link to relevant comments from MY OWN POST, which would make my attempts at wit successful vs. inscrutable).

In most cities, D.C. included, my 450 sq ft studio is tiny. In Manhattan, my friend is thrilled to have that much space for her ONE-BEDROOM. In most cities, making six figures is awesome. In Manhattan, it barely affords the afore-mentioned shoe-box, rent-wise and that’s if you limit your methods for self-intoxicating to PBR (note: life is too short for PBR, my darlinks). Anyway, if everything is tougher, better, more competitive, more expensive and more EVERYTHING in Manhattan, then…do brown guys expect brown girls to be skinnier, too? And does skinny mean fit? Or just skinny?

My guy friends (the unManhattanites, if you will…I’m not counting the Murray Hill dwellers et al for the purposes of this fluffy post) would line up giddily for a shot at the gorgeous girl above. Would our I(yengar) bankers? I think we have a bit of a vested interest in all this; the majority of the Desi vomen whom I am privileged to know are curvaceous, if they’re out of their teens. For most men, that’s a good thing. My male buddies don’t like straight lines—on the roads they’re about to break laws on or…uh…you know.

Curves are good. Right? Left? Those are definitely curves, on the left.

So, as I said memorably (and almost 1,700 comments ago!), out with it then. Let’s have the truth. What do you want? Is the woman I’ve wrapped this post around zaftig or is she just right? Err, left? You know what I mean. And this ain’t no heteronormative joint. I’ll be the first to tell you that she could inspire me to discover a love that dare not speak its naam. 😉 What about you?

::

isin’t that a picture of you ANNA?? or may be your sister?

While it easily could be, because my sister and I both have huge, bubble-like Malayalee kundis which resemble two coconuts attached to our lower back, and yes, apparently we also both have “thunder-thighs” like our helpful model above, no, it’s neither me nor my little sister.

I look exactly like that in jeans.

I am dismayed that some of you think that her thighs are ugly, but to each their own; we are attracted to what we are attracted to and that’s that. I bring this up not to call you out (S, you know you and labbie singh are my peeps), but to speak to the women who are lurking, who have body image issues. Because believe me, they are here and they are reading this. They inspired this.

I have no problems in NYC or SF or DC…guess my hatred-since-infancy of LA has protected me from an eating disorder, since I am a size 8, not a size 4, and that is too big for La-La land.

I like my body. I like it so much, I don’t give a shit about telling you the truth– I am 5’6″ and I weigh a whopping 148 lbs. I’ve gained weight, since hurting my leg, because I no longer get to walk the three miles home from work. To go from walking more than 20 miles a week to not being mobile at all…well, it takes a toll. I’ve gained eight pounds, which I can’t be fucked to cry over, because I’m more upset over losing lean mass and the ability to walk comfortably, without pain or this huge, heavy, unwieldy cast on my leg.

To the young woman whose email to me on Facebook inspired this entire post:

Please stop calling yourself “fat” and “ugly”. You look exactly like this picture, I know, because I went through your albums and found one taken at a similar angle. You don’t have luck with desi guys in NYC because of timing, circumstance or that nakshatram with the tree or whatever– NOT BECAUSE YOU ARE OBESE. When you kept reading about how guys like Puli et al want “skinny” desi girls, in the mega-thread, they were talking about you, my darling girl.

I proved this. I proved my point.

The majority of men on this thread think that the woman pictured above isn’t just beautiful but hot, gorgeous, attractive, ideal.

Please eat your lunch today. And your dinner. And work-out, but do so because your heart and lungs and future grandchildren deserve to be taken care of– you’re too precious to starve, especially at your own hands.

To quote you, “Shocker. Indian girls have eating disorders, too.”

Well, they shouldn’t have to– no human should. Eat. Be healthy. Fall in love with yourself. Life is too short for bullshit, and that goes for all of you.

Thunder thighed-Anna, over and out.

785 thoughts on “Who is SKINNY? [Updated]”

  1. Jeez, SM has become a relationship/dating/group-hug blog.

    Hey, I resent that. I wasn’t included in any hug. Also, I haven’t had a relationship in quite a while. 😉

  2. To me, slender, fit, thin all means that you are at your perfect weight for your body type, curves intact. Skinny is a word that connotates an Indian aunty moaning that you need to eat some more because you look like you are from Somalia. Skinny means you can stand to gain 10 lbs.

    This is a great definition, scorps.

    Jeez, SM has become a relationship/dating/group-hug blog. Not that I have any right to complain. You guys can blog about whatever you want, it’s your site. And clearly, the post which sparked 1400 comments shows the stuff that the junta cares passionately about.

    teed off, I’ll say what I said on the last thread. I understand that many people don’t think relationships/body image/attraction are important topics compared to war, conflict, economies, diseconomies, struggle, inequality, etc. However, I would argue that it is precisely because we don’t take love/relationships (and I mean “relationship” broadly) seriously that we live in a world where people are disposable and conflict is inevitable. If people are going to explore their thoughts, feelings, experiences, and it takes 1400 posts, then I don’t think that’s a bad thing. It certainly has not detracted from the number of “serious” and well thought out posts which have gone up today.

  3. Before I really seem like some jerk just want to add I hope any guy who pursues something with me does it not just because of my mind, but also the attitude towards life I have and the spirit I exude in everything I do. The real ‘prize’ is good chemistry of me+him.

    Also, Pamela Anderson and Carmen Electra fit that skinny with b**bs look. For every person there’s a different look they like, I guess.

  4. Anna if that is you in the pic all I can say is wow and if a guy calls you skinny flog them now. There I said it.

  5. Hey, I resent that. I wasn’t included in any hug. Also, I haven’t had a relationship in quite a while. 😉

    some hindus believe not having sex stores up your psychic energies and crap. so look on the bright side of things de facto virgin.

  6. I think that would actually put her slightly “underfat” for the average, non-athlete woman (right? isn’t the average for non-athletes 18-22%, and for athletes 12-14%?).

    i understood this post as being about what each commenter considers to be the idyllic image of a desi woman–mine would include a higher degree of muscularity than is the norm and those women tend to have lower BFPs than the typical runway model.

    I’m projecting.

    Those seem to be the accepted ranges but there definitely are outliers (endurance runners, fitness/figure competitors, boxers, sprinters, etc.)and you it is possible for some women to stay in the 14-15 range without great difficulty.

    but then again, this is a discussion of ideals and mine is completely unrealistic.

  7. I find this topic fascinating. But I have to run off to gym. Wouldn’t want slip up and no longer be a size zero. Must try to be skinny and not thin. [Half joking]

    I really do think there is something seriously wrong with how we perceive a “healthy” body size when our expectation of “normal” puts women relatively underfat and underweight for their height.

    I agree with the quote. But it’s so hard to internalize… skinny brainwashing will take years to shed.

  8. By the way, the girl in the picture has a great booty!

    God bless JLo for making a booty not only acceptable but beautiful. I don’t think it was before she became popular that it became acceptable and even desired in the mainstream to have “junk in the trunk” (individual preferences notwithstanding). Just look at how long breast implants have been around vs. butt implants… the white majority seems to lack in the booty department but us darker ones seem to have plenty.

  9. but then again, this is a discussion of ideals and mine is completely unrealistic.

    No, yours is fine, I just misunderstood your comment 🙂

  10. So I’ll go against the grain here and say that I consider her a little too slim for my tastes. But then, I liked Marilyn Monroe’s figure. And I dare say many respondents here would consider her too fat.

  11. Curvy or athletic (Jessica Biel type) is good.

    The girl in the picture is perfectly proportioned, just like a healthy woman should be.

  14. I really don’t like it when the boobs are too big for the body type. Couple that with a flat ass and it’s not very appealing.

    Camille, my wife is always complaining that jeans don’t cover her round ass. She absolutely hates hip-huggers. I’ve developed a subtle way of letting her know when she’s exposing her rear; I whisper “crack show” into her ear. She loves that!

  15. So I’ll go against the grain here and say that I consider her a little too slim for my tastes.

    Dang. Here’s a perfect youtube clip for you.

  16. So I’ll go against the grain here and say that I consider her a little too slim for my tastes. But then, I liked Marilyn Monroe’s figure. And I dare say many respondents here would consider her too fat.

    hey shaad, i remember you from EFNET #atheism. 😉 been a good 10 years.

  17. I just got back from the gym and this is what I find on SM…

    She’s not fat, but she’s what I’d term thick and curvy.

    I’m a girl and I like the stick thin figures with boobs best. Next would be the Kate Moss figure. that’s not to say I can’t appreciate the Kate Winslets and Beyonces of the world, but to me what is most beautiful (not looking at anything else) is the stick thin boobs figure.

    But one thing is that some women just do not look good stick thin and they look most beautiful voluptuous…so it depends on the person. For myself, I look best when I’m stick thin…I’d love it if I could gain weight attractively but the fact is when I gain 2 pounds, 1 pound goes to my cheeks – and I hate having chipmunk cheeks. I just feel everything attractive about me hides behind my fat cheeks.

    So I’m one of those woman who look best stick thin. And even though I still wear a size 0 in most things, the fact is with my body, I’d consider myself chubby now (my fat ratio proves it) so size of dress doesn’t tell me anything if someone is thin or chubby – it just depends on the person’s body type.

  18. after we achieve cathartic release on the topic of fit vs. skinny vs. fat girls (and how men are evil for having preferences…), how about a post on Short Men?

  19. Anna, I am having a hard time telling whether she is fat or skinny. Please add another picture where those unnecessary garments are not blocking our view.

  21. Thank the Flying Spaghetti Monster that I never had to wait until Jlo to appreciate the heinie things in life.

    Muralimannered: If the Daily Enquirer has a cover story on a Tamil-English bilingual oak sapling we will know who the culprit is.

    The girl in the photo…very nice.

  23. after we achieve cathartic release on the topic of fit vs. skinny vs. fat girls (and how men are evil for having preferences…), how about a post on Short Men?

    Don’t worry, Vinod, women have a lot to answer for in making each other feel terrible about their bodies 🙂

    I have a friend who brought up the short men issue in a convo where someone threw around the term “napoleon complex.” It totally made me rethink/reframe how tough it is out there for guys who are under 5’6″.

  25. Whoever the girl in the pic is, she has a hot figure. Skinny is as bad for a girl as is obese.

  26. how tough it is out there for guys who are under 5’6″

    you need to be a best selling author and have fatwas put on you to even have a fighting chance

  27. I can’t keep up with this blog anymore…the threads and comments are just coming too fast! Which is a very good thing of course.

  28. hey shaad, i remember you from EFNET #atheism. 😉 been a good 10 years.

    Small world, na? Good to see you too Razib; I used to hang around alt.atheism.moderated and the Internet Infidels/Secular Web quite a bit in those halcyon days.

  29. She was skinnier before I clicked and enlarged her.
    I know this sounds awful, but I was actually going to say the same.

    Oh my god! Camille, I was not making a judgment on whether she was skinnier or not, really, as much playing with the word “enlarge”. I’m personally not a big fan of this entire thread of conversation because I think it can go down lots of bad roads, so I definitely do not want to contribute to the “fat or not” aspect of the discussion. If there’s OT snark to be had on the other hand…

  31. Just for the record, I think the woman in the picture is unambiguously hot, so I guess I’m not just into skinny Desi women….

    Puliogre et al: no (unattached) Desis at the usual Italian places–did wander over to Aquagrill and chat up a nice (skinny!) Lankan med student (me likes!) at the bar–I got her #, but felt it was fake–just called to confirm–and it was!!–damn–am sick of the rejection– should I go here (seriously)–I have body issues myself: http://www.indiaprofile.com/medical-tourism/apollo-cosmetic-center.html

  32. Small world, na? Good to see you too Razib; I used to hang around alt.atheism.moderated and the Internet Infidels/Secular Web quite a bit in those halcyon days.

    well, the bleed between pre-blog net and post-blog net has resulted in this sort of thing happening a lot over the past few years.

  33. Re: 68, 73, 76

    Um, Dr. Outlier (5’2″) here. Never seemed to have a problem dating or “getting grounded” (if it means what it sounds like it means) as an undergrad or grad student. Mind you, they were all taller than me.

  35. A query like this has no satisfying answer since the laws of attraction have as much nuance to them as the laws of physics. Besides saying “yes” or “no,” answers will probably consist of one-liners or worse (misogyny).
    I’m personally not a big fan of this entire thread of conversation because I think it can go down lots of bad roads,

    Oh ye Rahul and Abhi, of little faith… 😉

    Let me get this gay (to quote Jack): a female blogger who is well-known for watching over her threads like a half-crazed hawk puts up an essay and a picture for a justifiable reason, and we’re suddenly worrying about misogyny? 🙂 As opposed to the other posts we’ve hosted over the years, where there were hot women, less thorough commentary/context and less modding available? Forgive me if I find this hilarious. We lost readers because of the “M”-issue long ago. Those who are left here are hardier souls. 😉

    Teed off- I won’t ban you, you didn’t do anything wrong. I will be a jerk and tell you to take your ass over to the Obama thread or one of the other, more erudite spots on this blog.

    You know, I love it when I put up a post which I acknowledge as fluffy, IN THE POST ITSELF and someone whines…as if I have taken over the entire blog and this is the ONLY thing available on SM to read. I didn’t delete the rest of this fabulous blog. Find what suits you and let the unwashed, stupid masses have their pleasure, thanks.

    Camille is right. This seems like a superficial, unimportant question or discussion…but it’s got far greater consequences than many of you seem to realize. That’s fine. For now.

    There’s a method to my madness posting, whether it’s obvious or not.

  36. Oh my god! Camille, I was not making a judgment on whether she was skinnier or not, really, as much playing with the word “enlarge”.

    I know, Rahul, that’s what made it so awful (on my part). You were joking, but I was serious! Eeee. Sorry to drag you into something you didn’t want to be a part of 🙂

  37. This girl’s lovely but I agree she could use some dress sense.

    Btw, Randomizer, YOU ROCK. Men who truly love women are the sexiest of all.

  38. I thought she was skinny. Until I read this thread. And developed a complex.

    And this coming from a LaLaLand girl….

    I personally hate skinny bitchez. I feel like they can’t be trusted. And then I wonder what their eating disorder of choice is. And that’s where the LaLaLand girl in me comes out. 😉

  39. I personally hate skinny bitchez. I feel like they can’t be trusted. And then I wonder what their eating disorder of choice is.

    that’s a thoughtless comment; I’m sure no one could/would say that about a fat girl. Well I personally hate bitches in general, fat or skinny.

  40. Camille – my point of posting those stats from Wiki was to counter JoAT’s statement:

    To me skinny is Kate Moss as are most of the Victoria Secret Models. …. They are super skinny under 110lbs and over 6 feet tall.

    not to make a statement about my personal preferences per se. I’ll leave my personal preference with my original statement – too much junk in the back trunk.

    I guess it’s a good thing that men like women ranging from super skinny to BBW and everything in between.

  42. And then I wonder what their eating disorder of choice is.

    Ah yes…every skinny girl must have an eating disorder right? (if you were being serious, that is….)

    I’m sure no one could/would say that about a fat girl.

    There does seem to be a double standard on this. It’s ok to hate on the skinny (I suspect that is what more people would prefer to be) than on the fat (this is what more people are probably wanting to head away from).

  43. Hey, mutineers.

    No need to walk on eggshells, over-clarify, unnecessarily justify or otherwise disclosure…-ify. 🙂 The heart wants what it wants.

    This is merely an interesting and potentially helpful conversation– just like the one on interracial dating. Be honest and don’t be a dick…which none of you are, anyway. Body image issues are real and worth thinking about…and that’s what we’re doing.

  44. There does seem to be a double standard on this. It’s ok to hate on the skinny (I suspect that is what more people would prefer to be) than on the fat (this is what more people are probably wanting to head away from).

    Oh yes, there’s def a double-standard.

  45. This post is quite interesting.

    For men, “athletic”, “skinny”, “muscular” and “fat” have clear connotations. For women it is not so at all — their bodies are able to attain greater curves and have greater “degrees of freedom” as it were. What’s more, it is possible for the same woman to attain all types within the space of a single year, like a chameleon or something.

  46. Yay! I read all 1349. I want my prize!! Anyways, given all the haterade flowing towards engineers/doctors/ibankers, what about people who are all three? – i.e., if somebody did his/her PhD (“Doctor”, haha) in engineering and works in an investment bank? Do the “alterna-desis” add a triple shot of hell before serving the haterade? OTOH, would the “skinny/perla” desis be triply turned on? Will the parents triply lurve this homebringing?

    Anna, I love me a girl that hearts an engineer.

  47. I actually think that, regardless of size, most women have some form of eating “issue” (whether a disorder or an inadvertent amount of attention/consciousness paid to food/eating).

    NoDesh, thanks 🙂

    ANNA, I think the difficulty with a topic like this is that there feels like there’s a “right” answer on a topic re: interracial dating, and most people generally don’t feel SUPER strongly about it. But, when we talk about size (especially a woman’s size), it seems too taboo to be honest, but also taboo because there really isn’t a right answer, but in answering people tend to get hurt. That is, if someone said “I prefer black women to desi women,” I probably wouldn’t be offended. I’d just be curious. If someone said, “I prefer rail thin heroin-chic models to women who are packing in the back,” I’d probably roll my eyes. I’m not saying there’s a huge difference, but I do think there’s more judgment in assessing someone’s size-preferences.

  48. Camille, I’m curious. Why would you be offended by a remark on something which you have control over vs somethign over which you do not?

  49. I’m feeling uncomfortable with this thread, though I commented above. It makes me feel like the time I was out with one other girl and a bunch of guys – and after a few beer the guys had this secret ballot on which of us was hotter. We conveniently came out equal (chivalry is not dead (?!)) but I remember feeling like a slab of meat. Feeling angry and powerless. In any case, I’m getting that feeling now, though no one’s evaluating me. I want it to stop, or at least to have a guy up there who we can dissect too.