Apologies to Billy Idol, but a recent article in the Washington Post about local weddings has me thinking in the abstract (I’m as far from the lavan as I have ever been) about wedding customs and how they change.
The article makes a number of interesting points. It starts by describing how non-desis have discovered the business opportunities involved in brown weddings, such as Sue Harmon who has two white mares specially reserved for baraat duty, or Foxchase Manor which has learned how to handle the havan without setting off all the fire alarms:
“The normal instinct is to blow out the fire when you’re done … But that creates this huge puff of smoke that’s actually much bigger than when the fire is lit. So the key is to keep the fire in a portable container, and then when you’re done, you carry it outside and close all the doors before blowing it out.” With an average of 80 South Asian weddings a year, the staff has had ample opportunity to perfect the technique, he added. [Link]
Still more interesting to me was a story of how other “ethnic” couples have adapted some aspects of desi ceremonies:
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Why wear white? |
South Asian vendors, meanwhile, are increasingly hearing from non-South Asian couples who want to borrow their customs. Caucasian couples who came across photos of Sood’s creations … have asked her to decorate their weddings in the same shades of maroon and gold. She’s even draped a mandap — the wedding canopy — with kente cloth for an African couple… [Link]
But the bit that really caught my attention was about how ABDs are wanting to have hybrid wedding ceremonies that incorporate aspects of the white weddings they grew up watching on television:
Perhaps most radical, however, is the growing use of whites and ivories in the decorations. “In Indian culture, white signifies mourning,” she said. “It used to be such a taboo for weddings. But now so many brides are demanding it.”
Priti Loungani-Malhotra, 32, a dressmaker based in Arlington County, has even designed a white version of the classic Indian wedding gown, with a mermaid-shaped lengha, or skirt, that would do Vera Wang proud. [Link]
I always thought precisely those two aspects of western weddings – the procession down the isle and the white dress / black tux were boring and dull compared to the circumambulation of holy objects (at least in some desi weddings) and bright red wedding garments. I know I’m a guy, and the long walk down the isle brings attention to the bride, but I just never liked it. For one thing, I don’t like the parts of either culture that view a woman as something to be given from one man (the father) to another (the husband).
How many of you would (or did) seize control of your wedding from your parents and create a wedding ceremony that incorporated aspects of both cultures? Are you all more enamoured of white wedding customs than I am?
[An aside] Incidentally, the whole white wedding thing comes from Queen Victoria who changed white from a color of royal mourning (as amongst many desis) to the color of the virgin bride:
Queen Victoria was not the first royal bride to wear a white wedding gown, but the first of the modern era. White had been a traditional color of royal mourning, and although not often utilized as such, white was not considered a suitable choice for a royal wedding. Victoria’s choice popularized the white gown as no other had before her. [Link]
To my credit, I actually do not pick fights for fun, and I said “I hate you” to Pravin as a joke 🙂
I think this depends on the faith tradition. In Sikhi, the actual ceremony is only ~20-25 minutes. It’s all the other stuff (milni, reception) that take all day. I think rings are kind of a newer phenomena, also. My cousin had a “ring ceremony” at her wedding, which was totally bizarre to me. I think they were trying to integrate the concept of rings into a ceremony that doesn’t really accommodate for that.
I actually don’t think there’s anything more/less beautiful about desi v. American Christian weddings. What I love about weddings, broadly, is that they are a celebration of love, partnership, and the union of two families. I’m pretty cynical, but seeing two friends get married is a really special thing to be able to participate in, in my opinion.
My masiji’s husband is Lutheran, and neither is particularly religious, but their families are. They had a really beautiful, small ceremony in a church (she was wearing white) that incorporated both religious traditions. They wrote their own vows and were married by an officiant in a non-religious ceremony. Honestly, I think her wedding, for me, was a model of “blended traditions” done correctly. It was super tasteful and made both his parents and her parents feel accommodated and included. They also included their families extensively in conversations about how the ceremony would unfold, but they also made it clear that it was their wedding and that this was about the parents celebrating their children’s relationship, not about personal egos or attachments. I guess the point of all this is that I think it’s possible and not a cop-out to merge traditions 🙂
Yep, I know, buying an engagement ring is a complete waste of money. Seeing as how I’m currently single (and by the looks of things, will be for awhile), perhaps I can use the time to actively de-program my desire for a sparkly ring. I would say the majority of my friends, desi or not, have chosen not to get traditional engagement rings. I can’t say I’ve really been a fan of the alternative (contemporary his-and-hers engagement rings, less expensive gemstones, necklaces and oh yes, matching tattoos). Again, my mother thinks my ring desire is nothing short of hilarious.
Milli, just curious – why do you find the 9-yard sari ugly? I think it all depends on how you wear it – it can look very elegant. Of course, at most weddings that involve the 9-yard sari, there is about 10 minutes for the bride to wear that sari – and not many women know how to make that sari drape gracefully.
Well, I am a very small person, and all that material makes me look like an uncomfortably bloated pregnant woman. It would also appear that no woman in my family is capable of dressing themselves or anyone else in a graceful manner. I definitely won’t be wearing the thing for 10 mins. My parents abhor the shortened version of the Indian wedding that is so popular in the US these days. Actually, my cousin in India even had a shorter wedding (and by short, I mean 1 long day) and they were disgusted.
Oh, and as for the red — you’re right, it doesn’t have to be red. Most of my female relatives wore red, but there have also been some lovely magenta and even purple numbers in there; I wasn’t thinking straight last night (OK, I might have been drunk posting). There will most definitely not be a speck of white, though — it’s only a mourning color for us.
I’m hurt by something said on this thread and I want that registered…I’m late to do so, but that’s only because there were just two comments when I went to sleep last night. Anyway:
The Christian wedding ceremony is far more poetic and romantic than the clumsy, explicit Hindu one. The kanjeevaram sari, or bridal gown evokes wedding far more than some lengha. The Christian ceremony is so much more graceful and eloquent than running around some fire blah blah blah. Similarly, the sacred vows and obligatory reading of that “Love is…” passage from first Corinthians is a far more powerful statement than listening to some guy babble things in a dead language no one understands…
If I had said that, I would be pilloried and for good reason.
DQ, you’re one of the more sensitive souls here, I know you’ll understand that I’m just trying to express that your words hurt. Desi Christians are constantly dealing with the accusation of being “inauthentic” or somehow less brown because of many things, including wearing white. It’s not fair or necessary. It’s one thing to state a preference, another to dismiss an entire group; to me, this is a matter of respect. I try and respect every religion we write about, I hope people would do the same to mine. 🙁
I know, you keep saying you’re not religious and you’re not trying to criticize Christianity, but vows are a very big deal to a lot of us– and you can’t separate them from our religion, at least not in my tradition(s).
a few years ago, i told my mother that i didn’t plan on wearing my mangalsutra after marriage. with a severely angry look, she told me i might as well run off to vegas and elope, instead of wasting all that time and money on a hindu ceremony!
snicker
actually, i’ve been telling my mom for years that i really would like to have a family-only wedding ceremony. i find hindu weddings to be completely boring. as we all know — nobody (except for the best of friends, apparently) pays attention to the bride and groom, everyone is chatting or walking in/out of the room, everyone is there for the food. i’ve been learning more and more about the ceremony — so that i’ll feel like i’m actually committing myself to something rather than just parroting whatever slokas the priest tells me — and i’d prefer not to be distracted or on display to hundreds of people who could care less. my alternative is to have an old-timers reception, so everyone can get a free meal, and a young-timers reception, so everyone can get drunk without the disdainful gaze of all the teetotaling aunties and uncles. mom’s response? “right. when hell freezes over.”
By the way, I’m not belittling the programmed nature, or trivializing the difficulty in deprogramming it. I’ve looking for an mp3 player, and it’s hard not to buy an iPod even though the creative Zens offer the same functionality.
What exactly do you mean by non-tradtional engagement rings? If you’re talking this, then you’re on point.
As an ABD, I am trying to organize a wedding in Chandigarh, India. Most Indian girls just pick the clothes and sit down at the mandap with their uncles and father planning everything. NOT THIS ABD!! I’m trying to have wedding favors the American way, disposable cameras on the tables for people to take candid shots, a slide show of our childhood photos, and speeches by my 4 WHITE bridesmaids (my best friends). 🙂 Oh and don’t forget the candles!! I almost booked a Roman theme but the cost was a bit much. I can’t tell you how much resistance and looks I get for incorporating these un-Hindu traditions into the ceremony. But my argument is…I grew up in US, why shouldn’t we do things that incorporate both cultures?
We tried to have pre-wedding cocktail party (sort of like a rehearsal dinner without the rehearsal part) but my desi in-laws put up such a fuss that it was inauspicious to view the bride before the wedding and that all the charm of the bride would be gone, so hence I would not be invited to the cocktail but everyone else could go!! Argh…so of course we got rid of that idea and settled on the typical post-wedding day reception.
As for colors, I’m trying to get white flowers ONLY at my Hindu Punjabi wedding (keep a red backdrop) but of course it’s considered UNLUCKY and MOURNFUL so people keep suggesting a multitude of colors.
What’s a mangalsutra? Sorry, I’m just really ignorant when it comes to the Hindu wedding ceremony 🙂
HMF, that is hilarious.
Hi Anna,
Yes, you’re right and so was Ennis. I should have dropped the religious references entirely. As Razib pointed out, the typical ‘North American white wedding’, or whatever you want to call it, probably has little relation to how Ethiopian or other Christians get married etc. The religious references were easy to hand, and I threw them out unthinkingly – a bit, I guess, like a redneck seizes on ‘brown’ as an easy identifier for terrorist. Reading over what you wrote, I would indeed have been indignant if I’d been on the receiving end of my comments. My tone was also not as respectful as it should have been. This may be because I tend to view wedding rituals in a detached way (hence the serial living in sin and the despair of my granny). I know others identify strongly with them, though. My apologies.
Chikki, why have the wedding in Chandigarh if you’re an ABD? Is your spouse desi, or your family des-based?
We tried to have pre-wedding cocktail party (sort of like a rehearsal dinner without the rehearsal part)
Chikki – if anything, desi weddings NEED a rehearsal! Everybody wants to be front and center or else they’re walking around chatting just when they’re required for some obscure part of the ceremony.
HMF
Only watch once or twice…WHATEVER I still watch my engagment video inumerable times, and I’m sure I’ll watch my shaadi video a lot too. I think girls have a bit more interest though. But then maybe I’m just nuts.
Milli
sigh That sounds like my Mom! I tell my bridesmaids that there will be no drunken reception, since the only people drinking will be the MEN in a seperate whiskey room. (Not proper for me to drink then). Will have to sneak in a flask or two to stick under my lengha. 🙂
That’s all I wanted you to see. 🙂 I’m grateful that you did.
Thank you so much for your comment (so quick, too!). It means a lot to me. I just want to keep things at SM fair and kind, so more people feel like they can de-lurk…it’s part of my grand strategy for spreading Sepia crack to the masses. 😉
The official permission for beginning the Kamasutra phase.
Camille ~
My fiancee’ is a Desh – Born Desi. He’s been in states for a while though. His fam is from Simla, my relatives are from Delhi, so Chandigarh was the compromise we made smack dab in the middle of the two cities.
Ashi ~
Tell me about it…I’ve already forewarned friends that there will be CHAOS in this ceremony since no one plans things out (or at least plans things out enough for my taste). I already know family will have major drama too, because when there is no rehearsal/planning, there are FIGHTS and petty arguments over “why didn’t you do that” or “I told you to do that” and utter lack of delegation.
Chikki, that makes sense. Sorry, I know it’s none of my business, but I was curious and appreciated your answer 🙂
I think one of the hardest things about ABD weddings is coordinating between des family and Umreekan family. It is just really cost-prohibitive.
I feel like this is endemic to Punjabi weddings (i.e. fights/fighting, family and otherwise) regardless of whether there’s a reception 🙂
[I say this jokingly, as an ABD Punjabi. Please no hateration on my gross over-generalization]
Not that I’m arguing with your claim (both the watching and the being nuts) but after the wedding, it seems like both men and women watch the wedding video maybe once or twice. Since no one else has thrown up arms over this claim, I think it’s pretty sound.
Secondly, the fact that girls have more interest doesn’t increase its rationality.
Out in Sri Lanka the Sinhalese Brides (both Buddhists and Christians) have been wearing white sarees since the turn of the century. Its kind of surprising since white is the sign of death for Buddhists (as for most of Asia).
Tamil Hindu have remained wearing red for weddings whereas the Tamil Christian brides wear white saree.
Have look at the wedding pics in http://www.manaali.com/ourwedding/
Oh, how I long for the day when the Freshman and transfer students have been oriented, and the Sophomores et al don’t have to include parenthetical disclaimers for those who don’t know them well enough yet to have a proper context for their comments. 😉 Who could hate on you, Camille? WHO, I ask, who? 🙂
Haha, apparently my vehement hatred of Pravin and my hypocrisy, paired with my martyr-complex, make me easy to hate 😉
Camille ~
Not hating at all. 🙂 Yeah fighting is a given I suppose, argh.
HMF ~
And you have no data to support your claims either. By saying “it seems” – not very convincing. And yes it does increase it’s rationality. Girls are usually (usually, not always) more keen on seeing details of weddings, decor, how they looked, etc. Anyway you were giving your opinion, as am I. 🙂
I am a quick learner. Never put up a disclaimer. If I did, it would spoil the fun.
Camille, I think you’re being playful and Pravin too. Or…I think Pravin is being playful, that whole “uptighty whitey”, anti- salwar bit…
I hope neither one of you water it down for the sake of wanting to appear “nice”. Lurking would be less fun if so.
I can’t believe I’m agreeing with you for once , Hydroxymethylfurfural(HMF).
Speaking of data, here’s in informal questionnaire?, where at least some of the responses do corroborate what I’m saying. And anecdotally, most of the people I know rarely watch it, just because it’s a serious investment of time, the video usually encompasses the entire event, which if it’s boring in real life, would be much more so when on a 2-D screen.
I knowm, but it still doesn’t make such behavior rational, as I said, there’s no data correlating this attention to decor, etc… with marital longevity, as many implicitly claim that such attention is indicative of their commitment to the union.
“I knowm, but it still doesn’t make such behavior rational, as I said, there’s no data correlating this attention to decor, etc… with marital longevity, as many implicitly claim that such attention is indicative of their commitment to the union.”
LOL. When did I say it was indicative of their commitment to the union?
HMF, As an old ,married woman I really wanted to stay clear of this but I think you are being too harsh.Almost everyone who gets married enters the union expecting it to be a once in a life time event and so its actually rational that they would focus on making the day memorable. I expect no one – not even Liz Taylor – got married expecting the union to break-up and to have to go through the same ceremony again with someone else.Same reason we celebrate 16th/18th/21st/40th birthdays etc -no? because its a once ina life time shot
“…with marital longevity, as many implicitly claim that such attention is indicative…”
When did I say you did? If you read #49, I was only stating that such behavior is irrational, irrespective if “girls are more into that stuff”
HMF, this one. in fact, even some of my guy friends think it’s terrible that i’m not into engagement rings – as one said, ‘it’s the last thing that the feminists left us with to give women – how can you take that away, too?’ though, i must profess i LOVE jewelry, but i just don’t feel i need to have any piece of jewelry to commemorate a particular stage in a relationship. i also don’t believe in marriage, so you see how the enagagement ring is a bit of a moot point for me.
i know that red seems to be the traditional colour for hindus in general, but in the south, red does not seem to be a predominant colour for most brides – both here and back in india. i have seen all sorts of colurs (though sometimes they try to keep it within the yellow/orange/red scheme)
re bridesmaids – in our family (and in several parts of southern india) there is a concept of a bridesmaid and best man. it’s less formal – just one person for the bride and the groom, who keeps them company, chats with them, and makes the whole ceremony a little more comfortable. since i’m one of the youngest girls in my family, i’ve played the part a few times.
ha ha. in response to my mother’s elopement ‘suggestion,’ i asked her if that would really make her happy – to tell all her friends that her daughter got married in vegas? she got the point…although, i suggest you have the drunken reception with the young friends – my version will be a party at a lounge or club. i also suggest you find some aunties and uncles to invite to the old-timers reception who get drunk themselves – almost all my aunties and uncles drink, and nothing is better than being at a desi wedding, watching an uncle drunk-dancing.
camille – a mangalsutra (aka thaali) is a necklace that the groom puts on the women to signify their union – the equivalent of the wedding bands. culturally, as many have mentioned, it is sometimes used by christians, instead of or in addition to their rings. other hindus do not do the mangalsutra – i know a few punjabi aunties who wear a kangan instead.
While white complements light brown skin beautifully (pity those english and american girls slathering on the fake tanner to go bare legged in skirts), I plan to eschew white on my special day in favor of a traditional indian celebration regardless of the background of my husband… But I think all girls should be happy on that day, and I like all the choices described in the comments except for the negative ones…
ps I have a lot to do, so I am hoping that day is a long way off 😉
I think then, there’s a difference in what constitutes “memorable” – and as I said, I’m not opposed to treating it differently than just an average day, but spending so much time on a single day is very irrational as it doesn’t correlate to longevity at all. It makes more sense to spend time and energy on things that would actually assist in longevity.
This is slightly different, it’s a time dependent thing, it’s going to happen (assuming you are alive) whether you want to or not, weddings are entered into by choice (at least, they should be) But I think any excessive energy spent on these are wasted as well.
If the only argument is “once in a lifetime” I can be silly, and say, every time you open up a peanut you should throw a grand celebration. You’re never going to open that peanut again, once you eat it, no one will ever see it again. It’s existence and consumption will only occur once in your lifetime.
Not the only argument ,HMF. Getting married is a milestone like turning 18 etc If you are going to approach marriage with the same seriousness as opening a peanut can , I can only say that you are in for some BIG surprises! 🙂
Weddings are real community/family-wide events – that’s why we fuss about them, I think. The rituals are important because they help everyone in the family start thinking of their little darling girl/boy as an actual grown-up. I’ll never forget my husband’s Nani hugging me with tears in her eyes and describing how she finally realized her beloved boy was a grownup with his own family when she saw us pouring ghee in the fire together. Ditto with my grandmother when she saw my husband slide a ring on my finger. The families need to see these moments, so much.
A side point about “bridesmaids and groomsmen” – they don’t have to be some weird, formal concept. They are just your best friends, after all! There’s lots of ways to involve them in desi weddings – for my bridesmaids, after they stood up and carried flowers in the morning at our church service, they stayed “sequestered” with me during the baraat, and then walked with me in a big pack to the mandap, together with my uncle. Groomsmen should absolutely be key driving forces in your baraat. And then once the ceremony started, the bridesmaids/groomsmen faced off over the groom’s shoes, of course. Talk about hours of fun for them and everyone!
Brides wearing white started in the Victorian era, blame Queen Victoria for the custom. Before that women just wore their best dress. Why not go the older traditional route, of wearing your very best, no matter the color.
When I got married, I incorporated some aspects (more along the lines of a guestbook and such) rather than anything as part of the ceremony. All of my non-Indian friends were excited as I planned the wedding that it would be more traditional than westernized (although having a seating chart for the reception is probably more western too…). They were so excited that some of them even bought Indian outfits for the wedding. The one thing they commented on was how much they loved the colors of the Indian wedding….everyone at the event was beautifully dressed in every color imaginable rather than the the white/black seen at Western weddings.
Technically, I didn’t even say can, I just said a single peanut. But I understand the complexity, difficulty, and social significance of marriage is much higher, than consuming a peanut, (although you ever had one of those Mr. Planters ones?)
But spending months deciding whether purple-lavender or a tiehl-sky blue napkins should go on the guest tables, doesn’t add to the ‘memory’ of what the event should symbolize to the people involved.
ak – I hear ya about the engagement ring. I cringe when single girls go on about their carat expectations (go talk to J Lo..) It really doesn’t matter what the ring looks like, it’s what it represents and the fact you have one. I think it’s funny how newly engaged grooms show off the ring as much as the girls — they should! it’s a big investment. My note to the girls who want the “2 months salary” ring, remember that if he goes into debt buying your ring, you BOTH will inherit that debt after the wedding.
reg the Las Vegas theme, we entertained the wedding cruise idea for a family member. She said no right away.. she doesn’t want to wake up the day after her wedding and see the Kakas first thing in the a.m., and then be trapped on a boat all day with the Masis lurking around!! 🙂
I knew you’re a prominent resident of OppositeLand, had no idea you’d just been elected mayor.
bess, I hear ya. Like Kelis, we could all wear green, or turquoise, or magenta for that matter 🙂
I think my least favorite conversation is the carat conversation. I like that with the increased information re: blood diamonds people are opting for antique rings, alternate rings, or just more subtle rings. I actually think the big honking stone is unattractive on most women/fingers.
is the dress the grl in the picture wearing normal to wear at a wedding? I think ive only seen grls in saris at wedding. really conservative saris worn like a tent.
I got married in NJ with 6 guests (closest friends) and indian traditional clothing. Personally, I think like those Indians that say wear red for auspicious events and wear white only when life is colorless. I love white, but in my wedding, I wouldnt wear it.
Puliogre in da USA, yes the girl in the picture is wearing a very normal dress for a wedding. I own two of those, and I wore one recently to a Queens wedding which was pretty normal.
Puli, Yes that is a lahenga that could be worn at a wedding ( used to be northie weddings only but now has increasing acceptacne across India)but remember that is a posed photo with a model.The dupatta that she is trailing in her hand would in reality be wrapped around her like a “pallu” and provide quite the same coverage as a saree
a grls gotta do a lot of crunches to pull off that look me thinks. not for the faint hearted.
My first thought was to eschew the stereotypical American wedding in favor of a traditional Indian one. Upon further consideration I realized that my idea of an Hindu wedding is actually a Indian American one. The Indian American wedding is a hybrid creature. Indian-American wedding seems to borrow heavily from Bollywood fantasy weddings as well as western weddings.
A Hindu wedding in India is very different than one in the United States. Especially the reception. In India you will not see place cards, numbered tables, and elaborate table centerpieces. Most Indian-American weddings have speeches, champagne toasts, first dances, and cake cutting. I suppose some of these traditions, such as wedding cakes, are also being adopted in India now. The choreographed dance numbers by little cousins seems to be more of an Indian-American institution. Handing out a booklet explaining the wedding vows is also a very Indian-American touch. When my cousin got married in India there was a carnatic music program after the wedding rather than a wild dance Bollywood party.
The bridegroom coming on horseback and elaborate mendhi ceremonies have been adopted by many Indians, even if their parents did not get married this way. I know that many South Indians are borrowing some northern customs, such as hiding the grooms shoes and wearing lenghas at the reception.
Having grown up in NJ I can say that there are also Indian American traditions for sweet sixteen’s, graduation parties, 25th wedding anniversaries, and 50th birthdays that are nothing like what you would see in India or in a mainstream American celebration. My white-American friends and their parents tend to have very simple celebrations at home, while the Indian American community have elaborately catered fetes.
I’d like to hear other’s thoughts on this growing Indian-American hybrid culture. I think many Indian Americans now celebrate Raksha Bandan and Holi and go to garba, even if their parents never did. I think that many Indian-Americans who are lesser represented in the US are absorbing many Gujurati or Punjabi customs and traditions, since they the more dominant groups.
Or she can order a longer lengha blouse 🙂
This is interesting. My friends who are Hawaiian Filipino also choreograph dances, and I never thought to ask if this is a Pil-Am thing as opposed to a “traditional” custom. What’s tradition, anyway, though?
ak, I forgot to say thank you for answering my question!
Chikki, no worries, I was disclaiming for anyone unfamiliar with my posts who was going to leap down my throat for stereotyping Punjabi weddings 🙂
yes, HMF, i am a true path-breaker amongst the ABDs. ha ha. everybody always picks up on this point (i get a LOT of defensive comments, particularly from the married lot) but it’s a viewpoint that has come after a lot of thought and observation. i believe in most things associated with marriage – commitment, trust, fidelity etc. but i just do not feel the need to have religious/social/legal sanction to justify or recognize the level of a committed relationship. i hate that most of society only recognizes marriages as the end-goal for all serious/long-term relationships. esp. with the high rate of divorce these days. i know a lot of unmarried couples who are far more committed to each other than their married counterparts. not to make this a generalization – i respect others’ marriages – but it’s also unfair of people to only think commitment comes in one form. of course, i am a practical person, so i realise that marriage is almost inevitable for me – my parents will never accept my partner unless we’re married, and marriage is needed for legal purposes in many circumstances (esp. if children are involved). though i do hope that the legal system here eventually evolves to recognize other institutions that rival mariage in commitment and are accorded similar or equal legal privileges, as is happening in parts of europe (is this also catching on elsewhere?). though you should pay special attention to my posts, HMF – one of them might land me the nomination for president of OppositeNation!
PindaUSA – it is for some, yes. it also depends on the region. for non-south indians, i would say these days, this is a typical outfit – for the reception and/or ceremony. for south indians, even here, mostly, i have seen traditional saris for the ceremony, but a lehnga like that might show up in the reception.
I definitely agree with all the comments about ridiculously-priced engagement/wedding rings that are a waste of money. Maybe I’m in the minority; but as a girl, I prefer a wedding band, in place of an engagement and wedding ring. But why do I get the sense that bands are generally worn by men? I see way more women sporting a rock than a band. What gives?
Like what? Not that I’m arguing with you, marriage serves social sanction more than anything else, religious and legal kind of follow suit from that I think.
But what are these rival ‘festivus’ institutions you speak of?
Until Flavor Flav! wore out his welcome on VH1, I thought he would be fun to have as a priest/minister at my wedding. And if any of the fussier relatives have an auspicious time in mind, I can always ask Flav to adjust one of his bigass clocks to keep the relative happy.
Seriously, dont want no priest at my wedding regardless of who I marry – Indian or non Indian. I cannot sit through that. She can get a priest for some pre and post marriage stuff if she wants. My buddy got married at an atrium where his buddies(including me) gave our brief speeches replacing what a priest/minister would normally do at these occasions. 10 years later. They are a nice lil couple. Oh, and 11 years later, they are divorced.
About the bridesmaids, as far as I know hindu ceremonies do not have explicit “bridesmaids” roles but the brides friends always have a huge role, getting her ready, taking her into the mandap and being with her every moment of the ceremony.