Rolling down the street sippin’ Squishee…

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Rollin’ down Venice with Squishee in hand

I haven’t done any hard-nosed-journalism-type posts on SM in a while. Saturday night, when I found myself driving down Venice Blvd. in Los Angeles, I knew it was time to change all that. Out of the corner of my eye, on the errrr…corner, I spotted a Kwik-E-Mart with a huge line running around the building. I knew that I wouldn’t be able to film an undercover exposé with such a large crowd present so I determined that I would come back at a later time. On Monday I did just that. I casually walked past the bouncer who was shorter than me. What I found inside was shocking. Absolutely shocking! Indians were running the store and making a ton of money selling Squishees, hot dogs, and donuts. There were three brown dudes working the register and a really tall guy of uncertain ethnic origin pouring Squishees. I am happy to bring this exclusive hidden camera footage to our valued readers:

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You might not be able to notice this in the grainy film but the short brown man behind the counter (wearing green) had a name-tag that said “Apu.” I really doubt that his real name was Apu. I sure as hell didn’t see a Manjula around (I looked). The tall guy in the red next to him had a name-tag I couldn’t quite make out. It started with a “C” and it definitely wasn’t that no good Sanjay.

“Apu” behind the counter

As most of you know, Manish was on CNN yesterday lamenting the offensive nature of this whole Kwik-E-Mart campaign and the racist caricature it promotes, jumping from fiction to reality:

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p>In all honesty, what I really found offensive was the taste of my tangerine-lemon Squishee. I mean, the damn thing tasted like battery acid mixed with Mountain Dew. When I got back to my hotel I poured the melted Squishee into the toilet. It was then that I realized that I could make a killing if I created a line of neon colored toilet bowl cleaners (as opposed to the standard blue). The hot dogs were also kind of scary looking and the donuts looked radioactive. Plus, they had a corpse in the same fridge as the Gatorade:

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p>I really needed some cash but would you trust an ATM machine in a Kwik-E-Mart? I mean, the only place that might charge you a higher surcharge is a strip club (not that I would know such things).

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p>I bet you the tabloids would pay BIG money if someone were to photograph presidential contender Joe Biden in one of these establishments of ill-repute.

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Now that I went in to one of these things and satisfied your curiosities (and bought a Squishee) about what it is like, I think we should all boycott.

94 thoughts on “Rolling down the street sippin’ Squishee…”

  2. if you were a true guju.. you would’ve gotten your squishee for free 🙂

    And risk them searching me and finding the hidden camera? 🙂

  3. I hate the way the reporter in the second video likes to say, “Een-dee-an.” If “Indiana” is not a problem, why “Indian”?

  4. no, they were giving them out free today 🙂 in honor of kwikemarts 80th birthday.. chutney flavor 😉

  6. hey, whatcha drivng there, abhi? a prius?

    I’m not even sure but it wasn’t a hybrid. I know shit about cars. I could be driving a Ferarri and I’d tell you it was a Camero because they both have horse logos (I think). This was a rental and I want to say Dodge. I’ve taken an auto repair class and I’m an engineer so I mostly know what’s under the hood and all that, I’m just not in to cars beyond getting from point A to point B.

  7. no, they were giving them out free today 🙂 in honor of kwikemarts 80th birthday.. chutney flavor 😉

    Chick Pea you are a sell-out brown for going in to one of those things. I just did it to educate the readers.

  8. hey, whatcha drivng there, abhi? a prius?

    I know zilch about cars, but doesn’t the Prius have that fancy console showing when electricity is being used, and when gas is being used?

  9. I think we should all boycott.

    I am being very confused. Should I be canceling my holding up of the neighborhood 7-11 cash register planned for tonight?

  10. I could be driving a Ferarri and I’d tell you it was a Camero because they both have horse logos (I think).

    You did not, you just did not. 🙂

    And I think you mean the Bustang. That has a horse logo. Ferrari- Prancing horse.

    Plus I am sure that in certain countries, this could be grounds for divorce.

    OMG My Tambram manual says I need to take a bath to get rid of this sin.

  11. And I think you mean the Bustang.

    You hateful furriner! Bustang? Why, just because it can’t make turns? That’s no reason to insult it so brutally…so what if it’s only mediocre good on a straightaway! Does it matter that it is a lumbering piece of crap? Actually, yes. Yes it does. MINI uber alles, biznatches.

  16. Karthik, what are the chances it was actually a Dodge Demon disguised as a Transformer?

    Manish, Not a big fan of the Demon. Its like a Honda S2000 front end fused to a Lamborghini Murcielago rear end with styling cues that the Nissan 350Z design group rejected.

    Having said all that, it could’ve been a Demon in disguise.

    This

    I mean, the damn thing tasted like battery acid mixed with Mountain Dew.

    might have lead it to not transform itself and had Abhi heard clearly it would have said effing kangaroos.

  17. MINI uber alles, biznatches.

    ANNA, could I pwetty pwease chase you in a MINI in Paris a la Ronin?

    but doesn’t the Prius have that fancy console showing when electricity is being used, and when gas is being used?

    Oui monsieur.

  18. Chick Pea you are a sell-out brown for going in to one of those things.

    no… i hate squishees/slurpees… i only drink the polar bear icees.. :).. i wouldn’t drink one even if it was for free..but you paid for yours.. and it sucked, right? haha.. my theory prevails..

  19. I know zilch about cars, but doesn’t the Prius have that fancy console showing when electricity is being used, and when gas is being used?

    Yes, and the clutch is a funny little thing to the right of the console (near the ignition, to the left of the steering wheel). There’s also a big button that says “POWER” (i.e. an on botton) and a button that says “Park” right above. The display looks more like other Toyota displays than this Dodge display.

    Abhi, why did tangerine-lemon sound like a good idea for a squishee to you? As much as I love tangerine, I don’t think I could choke down a slurpee full, let alone one mixed with more citrus. I’m kidding. A little.

  20. Yes, and the clutch is a funny little thing to the right of the console (near the ignition, to the left of the steering wheel).

    Wow, I have no directional sense. To the LEFT of the console and RIGHT of the steering wheel.

  21. Now that I went in to one of these things and satisfied your curiosities (and bought a Squishee) about what it is like, I think we should all boycott.

    boycott the 7-elevens or boycott the show? i think the latter would make more sense and would create the backlash the marketers were apprehensive about before executing the campaign.

  22. I know zilch about cars, but doesn’t the Prius have that fancy console showing when electricity is being used, and when gas is being used?
    Oui monsieur.
    Yes

    After all, without that display, what preening value does the Prius have? 🙂

    Yes, and the clutch is a funny little thing to the right of the console (near the ignition, to the left of the steering wheel).
    Wow, I have no directional sense. To the LEFT of the console and RIGHT of the steering wheel.

    I just figured you were being a lefty Britain hugger.

    ANNA, could I pwetty pwease chase you in a MINI in Paris a la Ronin?

    Maybe she’s planning (go to 01:53 minutes into the clip) a heist.

  23. I really wanted to get a Mini after seeing the Italian Job (I’m easily impressionable) but then I read an NyTimes article that told me that cars are statements about my sexuality and about myself, and I was scared (I’m impressionable remember) That Subaru -> Lesbaru, Mini -> feminist, and presumably Prius -> tree-hugger. I won’t tell you guys what car I drive now.

  24. I really wanted to get a Mini after seeing the Italian Job (I’m easily impressionable) but then I read an NyTimes article that told me that cars are statements about my sexuality and about myself, and I was scared (I’m impressionable remember) That Subaru -> Lesbaru, Mini -> feminist, and presumably Prius -> tree-hugger. I won’t tell you guys what car I drive now.

    Humvee? Sorry, couldn’t resist 🙂

  26. apu caused me to take a lot of $hit in my formative years. second only to indiana jones and the temple of doom…

  27. to that end, I drive a smart car.

    So, you’re not Peter? When I was in Italy last year, I played an ugly American tourist to the hilt taking a gazillion photographs of smart cars.

  29. I hit up the Kwik-E-Mart in Chicago last weekend and considered the trip a pilgrimage. I grew up on “The Simpsons” (who didn’t?) and though the past, uh, 9 seasons, sucked . . . I admit freely that Apu was my only example of an Indian in mainstream media, and thus played a very important role in my life.

    Also — only white dudes working in the Chicago branch.

  30. damn thing tasted like battery acid mixed with Mountain Dew.
    the only place that might charge you a higher surcharge is a strip club (not that I would know such things)

    If you know what battery acid and dew tastes like..you DEF know what surcharge is at a strip club. I should be a detective! and Anna, you seriously didnt compare PonyGT to a MINI. People will never change lanes to let a tailgaiting MINI pass them. PLEASEEEEEEEE

  31. abhi, i am most impressed with your investigative skills. sorry to hear about the disappointing tangerine-lemon squishee – it sounded yummy (or as yummy as something called a squishee could be).

  32. People will never change lanes to let a tailgaiting MINI pass them. PLEASEEEEEEEE

    They don’t need to. That’s what the shoulder is for. Tailgating is so 90s. 😉

  34. I don’t buy this piece of edited video footage. There are loads of fudged errors in them, when I get the time I’ll point them out. Clear use of props and candy.

  35. Also — only white dudes working in the Chicago branch.

    I commented on the other thread about this as well…sad that I only comment occasionally and then on this Simpsons baquas(sp?)…but I visited on the Chicago location Saturday – only white dudes, one of whom is profiled in TimeOut Chicago this week, a guy who is a HUGE Simpsons fan and lobbied to have his way-out-of-the-way Southwest side store be the kwik-e-mart.

    Puliogre in da USA, I hear you on having people ask me about monkey brains etc. when I was growing up. My parents owned a convenience store for a while and when I told people what they did, I quickly followed it with, “And don’t make any Apu in the Kwik-E-Mart jokes.” Sad that I even had to do that.

    But shortly thereafter, my father got back his job at the nuclear power plant, and then people asked me if he was like Homer Simpson (seriously).

    So maybe people just use cultural references to process that which they do not understand. Instead of asking questions about our cultural backgrond, they assume that THEIR only Indian cultural frame of reference – Apu – is representative of us. Cutting them off at the pass worked for me. It’s not the same for everyone, thought, I know.

    One could also argue that putting fake Apus in these Kwik-E-Marts perpetuates the stereotype that Indians run convenience stores. But these are mock-ups of Kwik-E-Marts for the promotion of a film. The Kwik-E-Mart has a character named Apu who says, “Thank you, come again” as customers leave the store. If the store told employees to say the catchphrase in an Indian accent, I’d have a problem. But I don’t.

    Why do I get the feeling I’m about to be scolded?

  36. My parents owned a convenience store for a while and when I told people what they did, I quickly followed it with, “And don’t make any Apu in the Kwik-E-Mart jokes.” Sad that I even had to do that. But shortly thereafter, my father got back his job at the nuclear power plant, and then people asked me if he was like Homer Simpson (seriously).

    chicagodesidiva, I realize you meant this comment seriously, but I almost fell off my chair when I read this part. Especially because after the first part, I was actually thinking, “But what if he had been in a nuclear plant?” Sorry.

  37. They don’t need to. That’s what the shoulder is for. Tailgating is so 90s. 😉

    Welcome to my world. 🙂

  38. I dont tthink the makers of the simpsons would care if a small minortity boycots a show….

  39. My parents owned a convenience store for a while and when I told people what they did, I quickly followed it with, “And don’t make any Apu in the Kwik-E-Mart jokes.” Sad that I even had to do that. But shortly thereafter, my father got back his job at the nuclear power plant, and then people asked me if he was like Homer Simpson (seriously).

    chicagodesidiva, I realize you meant this comment seriously, but I almost fell off my chair when I read this part. Especially because after the first part, I was actually thinking, “But what if he had been in a nuclear plant?” Sorry.

    Oh god, Rahul I had the same reaction. Thanks chicagodesidiva for sharing, and please don’t take offense.

  40. Probably OT, but Since you guys know so much about cars: What’s this “paddle shifter” i keep hearing in ads for some chota Mitsubishi.

  41. My point was…people would rather drive faster rather than letting a MINI pass them. Beaten by a Mustang still sounds better

  42. From Wikipedia: The Simpsons character Apu is named after the movie trilogy, which were among the favorite films of Simpsons creator Matt Groening.

    To use the same Indian name that, for fifty years, has stood for India’s artistic greatness, is nothing short of blasphemy. It would be like naming a British buffoon on television Eliot. Right, Rahul?

  43. Manju: Go test drive a prius. That car is incredible. I dont think I am going to buy it but test driving it was sure fun.

    I looooooooove my Prius. I love its gas economy, I love how spacious it feels and that all my gear fits in it (amps, guitars, drum kit), I love how it just sails over roads like it’s flying, I love that I can parallel park it nearly anywhere in any city, I love that I can cross bridges toll-free, I love not paying for parking, I love my tax credit, I love driving in the carpool lane without a carpool, I love that I no longer have to spend $50+ to fill the tank (even though gas prices have increased). I even like the silliness of its “on” button, and I love love love the rear display video when I’m backing up.

    chicagodesidiva, I prefer “bakwas,” but I think we all understood what you meant 🙂 I’m kind of giggling at the nuclear power plant statement — I used to hear this in AZ often, also (my dad did not work at the plant, but anyone’s dad who did was asked, “like Homer Simpson?”).

  44. It would be like naming a British buffoon on television Eliot. Right, Rahul?

    No, that would be if the character was named Satyajit. But whom are we kidding? That’s never going to happen. And J. Alfred Prufrock really doesn’t inspire that level of outrage in me. In fact, he is almost, at times, the Fool.

  45. Camille, how come you weren’t featured on the NY Times article? I really need to find another source for my one-sided news.

  46. Actually, thinking about it, Prufrock would be a perfect Kwik-e-mart store owner. He is deferential, glad to be of use, politic, cautious, and meticulous. At times, indeed, almost ridiculous, too.

  48. My parents owned a convenience store for a while and when I told people what they did, I quickly followed it with, “And don’t make any Apu in the Kwik-E-Mart jokes.” Sad that I even had to do that. But shortly thereafter, my father got back his job at the nuclear power plant, and then people asked me if he was like Homer Simpson (seriously).
    chicagodesidiva, I realize you meant this comment seriously, but I almost fell off my chair when I read this part. Especially because after the first part, I was actually thinking, “But what if he had been in a nuclear plant?” Sorry.
    Oh god, Rahul I had the same reaction. Thanks chicagodesidiva for sharing, and please don’t take offense.

    None taken! The best part is that he is a safety engineer. He never watches “The Simpsons”, but if he did, I think he’d be apalled by how Homer reps for safety engineers.

  49. 38 – “I dont think the makers of the simpsons would care if a small minortity boycots a show….”

    Actually, I think the marketing campaign is loving this controversy – and maybe even hoped for a controversy in the first place. Free ads for the simpsons movie in the form of a ‘CNN panel’ … This controversy is perhaps as lucrative for the makers as the investigations of M.Moore’s trip to Cuba was for publicizing ‘Sicko’.

    If anything, I suspect that even the limited publicity this controversy was given, has overall improved its visibility rather than hurt it… Even us offended desis might at the most stay away from the kwik-e-marts – but we love the franchise too much to stay away from the movie.

  50. Actually, I have never been offended by the cartoon, but I do find the promo and 7-11’s participation in it distasteful (or “pushing the envelope” as that guy on CNN called it).

    Of course, I don’t know if I am just being hot and othered by reading too much SM recently.