A few days ago, I wrote a surprisingly controversial post about a baby girl who had been buried alive, in Andhra Pradesh. Stupid me, I thought everyone would find such news abhorrent. But, in a shocking and to some, sickening twist, it would seem that condemning infanticide is wrong because it is more important to engage in the worst sort of cultural relativism.
Disagreeing with a man’s choice to bury his newborn granddaughter alive would be Western and especially Feminist stupidity. Are you perplexed? Wondering what I am going on about? Ah, then enjoy the following amuse bouche of comments from a few lurkers and readers, which that post inspired:
Dont get carried away by sensationalism
Everyone has it bad in India. you’re the only one who choose to single out the plight of women and measure it by YOUR western standards. It MUST be measured by Indian standards, i.e. the plight of Indian men, children, grandpas, grandmas, the whole society. Everyone has it bad in India, not just little girls.
just don’t forget, we live in the West, lets not judge everything by Western standards…If they want to kill their girl babies because girls mean one less hand to till the soil (by hand, of course), that is their buisness.
Poor people will do anything to survive. As long as its their family, and not anyone else’s, no one has a right to interfere.
you, possessing such a craving for attention, would rather start a thread focused on a single baby, a TOTALLY isolated incident, just so you can feel better!
Yes, I felt much better after that depressing thread, especially after I naively attempted to offer a counterpoint to it while proving that feminism can be a desi concept, too. As one of you said via email, after wading through comment-sewage, “I can’t believe there is so much misogyny and so little outrage here.”
::
Isolated. I thought of all those apologist quotes when I read the story which MasterVK was alert enough to submit to our news tab earlier today, about another newborn baby girl, who was also found and rescued:
AHMEDABAD: Her feeble cries help almost drowned in the din of the heavy downpour near Kankaria lake on Monday. Until a fireman found the newborn baby shivering in the rain, abandoned mercilessly without a piece of clothing on her body!
The child’s cries had gone unheard for hours and she had turned pale, lying in the incessant rains, near Kankaria lake. The baby was found by a team of firemen led by Rajesh Goswami who heard the faint cries early in the morning when they embarked on duty to check the oxygen levels in the lake.
Instead of the fish, the firemen found the freshly delivered girl who was dumped from the womb straight into the lake to die. “The girl did not have any clothing on her and had turned completely white. We had become sceptical about her survival,” said Goswami.
The firemen first thought of waiting for the police but were alert enough to realise that any wait may compromise the life of the infant. The fire personnel immediately took the girl to L G Hospital where she was admitted in the neonatal intensive care unit. “The girl was hypothermic as her temperature had dropped due to exposure in the rain. She was also covered in sand,” said Dr Abid Vijapura, assistant professor in the paediatrics department.
Dr Vijapura said that the girl was probably delivered at home as her umbilical cord was cut non-surgically and tied with a thread. “Her condition is stable. We have screened her for infections and will treat her accordingly,” he said.
I’ll close with a different quoted comment from one of you, because I hope someone else declares similar fifteen years from now:
Every time someone (sometimes me) reprimands my 15-year old daughter for her highly “spirited” personality, I can’t help but think that she was born on the streets of Kolkata (one can only guess), spared infanticide, and turned over to an orphanage at the tender age of 5 days.
Just look at her now!
Sumita is right that we have to limit our outrage against people in the face of powerful socio-economic conditions, but Camille is right that we must then channel the outrage towards changing those traditions and biases, as opposed to wrining our hands or being apologists.
As Camille pointed out it is not just a class thing, most of us have an inkling that even those rich families must be stiflingly patriarchal.
But would this be a remotely good environment for the female child? Are we sure activism is not directed against innocent female children? Economics teaches us to be careful about externalities when targeting symptoms down the causal chain. As in my prev. comment, by banning sex-selective abortion due to our outrage, we are now seeing female infanticide by drowning and burying. Pro-lifers might not, but I find that infinitely more horrifying.
SM Intern, I apologise for my disparaging comments on the author of the blog. You are giving these insinuations more attention than they deserve by highlighting them.
With regards to gender selection in affuent localities, it will be worthwhile examining what regional background these people come from, as there are certain communities in India where misogyny is more marked than in others. And examine the reasons for the misogyny as well, I would assume dowry would be the pre dominant reason for the skewed preference.
Also is sex identification and subsequent abortions synonymous with female infanticide? Or should the two problems be dealt with seperately, because there could be a debate as to the rationale behind one, but the other is pure evil.
Abortion of female foetuses and female infanticide are real problems in India, however I did not see anything in the news report quoted that suggests this was gender related infanticide. I don’t mean to be rude, but if you’re familiar with India, you wouldn’t necessarily make that conclusion. Desperately poor people are known to have sold their children for a pittance. This issue shouldn’t be about proving anyone’s point, there is no need to. The problems are deep rooted and will not be wished away.
Puliogre (#94), it’s already apparent in Punjab and Haryana. Haryanvi men are increasingly seeking brides outside the state, including far off Kerala.
Beautiful post Sumita #88. You really outline the multifactorial mess that leads to female infanticide, and how the problem is so large scale that simply educating folks on treating women better is not going to make a huge difference.
Nanda Kishore said:
I thought the same thing.
i enjoyed the information in your post – i had never even considered the unique situation of females being protected/valued in the sex trade because of their ability to bring in money, though this of course makes perfect sense.
for those who are actually interested in solutions as opposed to trolling/bitching, please let us know the name of your organization? what type of action is it taking to help combat this problem?
thank you!
They’re not the same thing, but they are deeply related.
Puliogre, the short answer is no. We have not seen an elevation of women’s position because of their “scarcity.” This is another example of how economic theory cannot always explain the world. Look, I’m a political economist (the discipline, not a description of my worldview) by training; I have a very healthy appreciation for the field, but I also understand its limitations as well. I’m not saying throw economics out the window, but I’m saying we need to understand that this is a very nuanced issue that comes from centuries of history and institutions heaped on one another. All that said, I really do think India has made some tremendous progress in the field of women’s rights, there have been amazing women’s rights organizations cropping up, and I do think there is quite a ways to go.
There are many organizations that do the things Sumita described; providing funding to families if they send their girls to school, economic benefits for immunizing their children, etc. The most notable is PROGRESA in Mexico, but there are several projects in Rajasthan, Mumbai, and Bangladesh that are trying to find innovative ways to get at the economic dimension of this problem. However, without greater changes, I don’t think we’ll see much difference. Sumita mentioned that countries with bustling sex trades don’t kill their daughters as often; that’s true, but do you want your child to be a sex slave for life? These issues are complicated, and an element of this is creating economic opportunities and alternatives for women.
HyperTree, I understand the dilemma — I often wonder about this also. When I hear about some of the sickening things parents have done so their girls will “accidentally” die, I wonder what was a worse evil — gender-based abortion, or gender-based killing after the fact?
Arpan, if you would like to have a discussion on what I wrote (which was neither hateful nor a diatribe), I am more than open to discussion. I also think it would be useful for you to take a look at the other 250+ post to understand the context of the previous discussion we’ve had.
a little off topic, geographically speaking, but I recently read an account by an Australian missionary traveling through China in the 1880s. He generally admired the country, thought the Chinese were pretty decent and lawful, and he displayed a distinctly unmissionary eye in detailing how appealing were the women, much more attractive than the Japanese. He also opined that western claims exaggerated female infanticide, as if such were a national Sino pass-time. It did not appear to him to be so common, because he saw many girls and talked intimately with many families. Yet, a paragraph later, a Chinese “amma” (servant) to a missionary wife, tells of how she had drowned several newborn daughters in a chamber pot. She may have done that relunctantly, through the press of poverty, we don’t know. But then in the next sentence comes the proof that daughter-birth was extremely frustrating in a society so dependent on male progeny. The last new-born girl she had, her husband picked up and smashed against the wall. Readers are left to muse on the aftermath. Methinks we do romanticize the past too much.
There has never been a society which kills its newborn males with the regularity and normalacy affected by cultures from ancient Greece and Rome, Christian Europeans surreptitiously, India, China, Arabs before Mohammed, the Hawaiians, etc. etc. Probably poverty is often to blame, and over-population. But what’s the excuse now? You know who I mean. One thing I’ll say though. Both sexes are guilty. In an Indian publication, I was gob-smacked by a story of a mother in an Indian village who swore she would kill every girl born to her because “girls make trouble.” She had already committed serial murder of two little bundles of joy. Oh–so THAT’S why there are so many problems in the world? Too many girls. If only more of us would follow her course of action….and you wonder why feminists got invented. But chin up. no reason for India to be considered totally singular in this unfortunate deed. Loonies happen all over the planet. It’s a mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad world.
All I can say is if Anna keeps churning posts like this one after the other, I am sure not many people will turn to SM. The initial impression I got from SM was a place where mature, intelligent individuals would lead a thoughtful discussion into a topic that is representative of INdia today. However this author takes pride in hghlighting one-2 sensational incidents. We all know that if India has cases of female infanticide, it is also a country where we have already had a woman prime minister whereas the west is still not ready for one. If we have female oppression, we also have female worship, if we have poverty, we also have a very high number of billionares, if we are obsessed with fair skin, the west is obsessed with plastic surgery, so what? We have everything-good and bad-JUST LIKE ANY OTHER COUNTRY INI THE WORLD!
Love #88..can you put that in bold? Also how many of us are willing to take action, there are like 150+ comments
Wrong. SM is not about India today. SM was created by second generation Americans for their peers (and anyone else who was interested and respectful) and its focus is ANY issue which has to do with any part of the South Asian diaspora, not just modern India. So perhaps you either need to realign your expectations or find another site.
This post was a response to the other post, hence the “one after the other”. Did you read it before deciding to rant? Anyone who wants to avoid SM is welcome to that decision, I’m not sure what you were trying to accomplish with that opener.
If anything, the fact that so many of you are having the reactions you are validates the need for this discussion.
I did read before deciding to rant. I know that this post is in response to y’days post. When I said “one after the other”, I was referring to many such posts in the past.
–So perhaps you either need to realign your expectations or find another site— I will go with find another site!
I feel like I am of the offenders being alluded to obliquely in this comment. My responses come from (what was to me) the quite emotionally exhausting thread on the other post. The “pro-India” crowd seemed to keep one-upping themselves in the ridiculousness of their statements, and while I tend to let these go (how can you have a discussion with somebody on another planet?), a large part of the thread was just taken up with the “how dare you?” and “i saved them from marauding invaders, don’t i have the right to kill them?”. I don’t think that advanced any discussion – neither were those idiots convinced, nor were other people who agreed with the idea behind the post educated. Am I wrong on this? I think this is different when interacting with somebody in real life, where I think the thappar upside the head Camille speaks of can be delivered to good eventual effect.
I don’t think all these Indians from India who have time to sit at their computers all day and spout eloquent paeans to the plight of the depressed farmer with 10 children in a one-room hovel, whose thoughts are only consumed by the dolls he yearns to buy only for his female children, have much of a clue either.
No, in fact, this has shown to be correlated with a higher incidence of crime among young men, associated poorer treatment of women, and so on. There are some economists who have played similar “parlor games” (in my opinion) with polygamy, but I think that is basically people who got carried away with their own cleverness about pushing freakonomics-style thinking.
hepbnonissue#85 and #86, those are some great points and references. Consider me schooled!
Arpan#97, were you really referring to Camille’s comment #93 or was something deleted? Because I don’t think you and I are reading the same thing!
And even as I post, sunshine starts the rain on this parade 🙁
Could you define past? Past as in a century ago, or past as in last generation? It is hard for me to believe that there was no predominant joint family system a century. A generation ago, yes, believable.
Present-day, upwardly-mobile, two-income middle India is reverting back to depending on menopausal grandmas and retired grandpas to take care of the children’s children. In general, Indians, urban or rual, come across as understanding that it ‘takes a village to raise a child.’ So even my parent generation that came out setting about nuclear families in order to keep up with the Joneses a continent away (in addition to the Guptas next door), relied, almost to an unhealthy degree, on extended members of the family to raise their children. So, that’s why it is hard for me believe that, 2 centuries or so ago, when everyday living had to be done without any microwaves and washers/dryers while raising an average of 6.2 children, people didn’t conveniently embrace joint-family setups.
Has yester-Kerala been mentioned as an example? Not present-day Kerala, although I am sure there are remnants or pockets of a matrilineal culture waiting to be squished out by modernization and the ordinariness of globalized homgenization.
Ah, that is tricky, complicated area you are going into, because animals are known to deprive their weak offspring of energy, nourishment and attention, when demand for parent’s limited resources are high, and resource investment should be made wisely and apportioned not necessarily fairly. I would argue that humans behave exactly in that animalistic way, when they favor one (healthy, gifted, promising, whatever) child over another not so promising. (Even during adoption, the healthy child apparently is more likely to be adopted than a sick child). But of course, as humans we have our evolved system of ethics, morality, and accepted social norms and these may have been put in place merely to steer us away from our basic, narrow instincts. (That is my perspective and language as a person rooted in bioscience; not as a person rooted in social studies).
Thank you, chachaji and especially Sumita, for taking this discussion to a much-needed higher level. I personally see the impoverished perpetrators of these crimes as “selling their lunch in order to buy dinner.”
I see the point. price rising, etc assumes that the woman has rights in place that are enforced. if a guy can just steal what he wants, things look pretty grim for the woman…
Sunita #88:
Sunita:
What is the name of the organization? Is there a website?
Ah, so you object to Anna’s posts, not Anna’s recent exploration of infanticide. Yes, how dare she be emotionally honest or a feminist. How dare she discuss shining India!
This blog is supposed to be “on hiatus” and she writes posts that allow us to avoid work all day. If she takes your brilliant advice and shuts up, that means less opportunity for us to do that. Don’t let the door hit you where the sun don’t shine, sunshine.
Rahul, I didn’t realize that was whom you were referring to– I’m sorry. To me, “shrill” is often code for “female”. I agree with you, then. They were shrill. And many unprintable other things.
Also, Camille is one of the most thoughtful, polite people on this site. Any accusation otherwise PROVES how skewed this thread is…not on the same planet, indeed.
why is everyone so angry and insulting all of a sudden? i remember the viewership of this blog being much more constructive before….
The people in this world are SO STUPID. I read a report that of all the sixth graders now in China and India(mainly boys) That by the time they reach adulthood there will not be enough females for them. Wait and watch, because of this favoring of males from generations past, all the future sons and daughters will suffer for their parents stupidity. Someone should broadcast to India, China,and every other country doing this that GUESS WHAT? WOMEN ARE AN INTEGRAL PART OF CIVILIZATION ie NO WOMEN=NO CHILDREN=NO FUTURE You’d think that theses places have some of the smartest people in the world and they still can’t figure this shit out!! I can see it now, a bunch of desis walking down the street with their jobs(rich or poor), with aging dying parents, with no one to turn to except other males in the same situation for understanding (but not allowed to be gay) sexually frustrated, unfulfilled, empty lives. For the girls, who knows what may happen, maybe this notion of reverse dowry, or people appreciating the birth of a girl for once? Or it could go the other way,there was a hindi movie(someone please remind me of the name)where society was running out of women and the men would sell off, kidnap, gang rape the women and then not caring about the mother, claim paternity of the child for their legacy? That might not be too far-fetched. Anyways, anywhere in the world people need to just accept the fact the IT IS AND ALWAYS HAS BEEN MORE DIFFICULT TO BE BORN A GIRL IN THE WORLD!
Don’t discriminate! Men can be high pitched too 🙂
This comment is going to make me very unpopular with some of you, but I understand where ‘sunshine’ is coming from. I think a lot of the pro-India outrage in this thread would have been averted if the original post was a little more balanced and less sensational in it’s wording and presentation.
Yes, female infanticide is horrible and deserving of extreme outrage–but it would have been nice to have started the topic out with calm, balanced introduction. Feel free to cite the tradedy of the child found near Kankaria lake in A’bad, but follow that up with a conceeding that it’s easy to feel outrage at a country, but we need to calm analyze the multitude of factors that can cause a mother to do this.
Perhaps I’m simply stating a personal preference, but I think it would be more professional if the topic to be presented journalism-style in a balance manner without the emotional comments that can trigger a defensive response in other. I sympathize with the need to get people riled up and excited about an incredibly worthy cause, but often in doing that you may also turn people away with that same enthusiasm. It’s amazing how much rational conversation will automatically generated (from both sides) when the original post is presented in an unbiased format. (and by ‘unbiased’ I mean: This is what happened, it’s horrible–but it’s also complicated).
Here’s a great example: I’ll be the first to speak openly of my outrage withU.S. foreign policy, but something comes over me when my cousins from Canada hit me with phrases such as, “Americans have so many issues!” and “You guys are ruining the whole world, how can you just sit there?!” I completely understand what they’re getting at, but a defensive wall shoots up and I find myself actually defending what I had tore down earlier.
I am so angry and mad every time I read one of these stories. Since becoming a father of little girl last year, they are even more personal. Poverty is not the only cause of female-infanticide. Culture is more important. So called nuclear family culture is the reason many educated and well to do people go for abortion or infanticide. Since most people want only one or two child they want ‘a boy’ or ‘a boy and a girl’.This is not limited to India. China and south korea are other example of it.
Some data from a world bank study Table 2. Number of girls “missing” per thousand livebirths China South Korea India 1989-90 1992 1981-91 No. of excess deaths age 0-4, per 1,000 13 – 36 female livebirths’ No. of excess abortions per 1,000 female 48-81 70 9 livebirths2 Total number of girls missing per 1,000 61-94 70 45 female livebirths Total number of girls missing per 1,000 30-46 34 22 livebirths (m + f) 0-4 mortality rate, 1991 61 14-17 109-119
Female Infanticde :India,China and South Korea
mike tyson style…
When I read these stories I always remember this poem written by an Indian student:
Too many women in too many countries speak the same language of silence. My grandmother was always silent, always aggrieved Only her husband had the cosmic right (or so it was said) to speak and be heard. They say it is different now. (After all, I am always vocal and my grandmother thinks I talk too much) But sometimes I wonder. When a woman shares her thoughts, as some women do, graciously, it is allowed. When a woman fights for power, as all women would like to, quietly or loudly, it is questioned. And yet, there must be freedom — if we are to speak And yes, there must be power — if we are to be heard. And when we have both (freedom and power) let us now be understood. We seek only to give words to those who cannot speak (too many women in too many countries) I seek to forget the sorrows of my grandmother’s silence.
ANASUYA SENGUPTA
my grandmother wanted nothing more in her life to stay with her sons in india in her old age. they didnt take care of her. the people that did take care of her are her daughters in the US. when poeple talk about how sons can only take care of you when your old, and talk about how people in american dump their kids in nursing homes while indians take care of their parents is slightly annoying. my grandmother can come to my tiny 1BR apartment whenever she wants….
Again, incorrect expectations. This is a blog. The author of this post is not a journalist or even a professional blogger, for that matter. Part of what makes this interesting is the “emotion” some of you find so distasteful. If I want unbiased, detached and frankly, boring commentary on news, there are NEWSPAPERS for that. I don’t come to Sepia Mutiny and expect the New York Times, I’d suggest several of you do the same. People come here looking for the wrong thing and then blame the blog when they are disappointed. It’s irrational.
In the not so recent past, that “enthusiasm” didn’t lead to anything like this, so I’d really caution against blaming the author for this shitstorm of a comment thread. She hasn’t changed, the audience, inexplicably and suddenly,has. There were rational discussions before, even when she wrote posts (gasp!) like these.
If some people are turned off, that’s fine with me. I have a feeling that those who would be aren’t the ones who are adding value to the discussion, anyway.
I believe (as every one does) that female infanticide is an abhorrent act.
I believe (as every one should) that a woman’s right of choice is inalienable.
If a woman chooses to abort a foetus because of the real (and/or perceived) difficulties in raising a girl child, do we vilify her?
If the same woman chooses to abort a foetus because of the real (and/or perceived) difficulties in raising a child (irrespective of gender), do we vilify her?
Till such time as we fix the deep rooted disease that inflicts the Mata Desh of systematic discrimination against women, how do we uphold the absolute right of a woman to choose?
Confused
EcO
Yes. And didn’t see the same amount of male on male affection that I see in India. And that’s OK. Not dissing it, just explaining how it might look to some people who aren’t used to it like some of us are.
I used to think the same way, but adult women choosing to go under the knife of a professional surgeon, in an informed way, is very different from the way FGM is “practiced” in Africa. Now I’m beginning to see ads on TV regarding “vaginal reconstruction” and while I would never do it, at least these are professional surgeons performing surgeries on adult women who have sought them out, not some old village elder strapping a toddler down and cutting off her clitorous with an unsterilzied stone or razor blade or whatever.
what is the logic behind FGM? Seems to be bad for the grl as she cant feel pleasure. but…it also seems bad for men, as its much more fun to sleep with a woman that is enjoying it….do the guys get off on a comotose woman?
pondatti wrote:
Fair enough. In that case however, I think it’s almost expected that an emotional post should receive equally emotional and defensive responses.
I realize that things used to be different on here “back in the day”, but speaking objectively as a newbie who has frequented other boards, it’s not unusual that an emotional post will often lead to an emotional thread.
And you know what? I’m not sure that’s a bad thing.
You’re right, it’s a personal blog and the author should certain post a piece as he/she wishes as per their opinion. I guess I just don’t think it’s that surprising to receive some dissention for it…that’s all.
As a mother, reading this shakes me down to my very core. Even more bothersome are some of these comments. Don’t want a baby? Try investing in some damn condoms or self control. Don’t want a baby girl? Give her up for adoption. HOW DO YOU RATIONALIZE BURYING/DROWNING A BABY or anyone else for that matter? YOU CAN’T, period.
“The child’s cries had gone unheard for hours and she had turned pale, lying in the incessant rains, near Kankaria lake.”
How do you read that and NOT be affected by it?
“Poor people will do anything to survive. As long as its their family, and not anyone else’s, no one has a right to interfere.”
That comment really takes the cake for me. Oh okay, so poor people can commit murder just because they are poor? My grandfather was quite poor, yet he didn’t think to drown or bury any of his children. COMMON SENSE, PLEASE.
people can use national pride or religion to justify anything….even child murder. if people didnt feel their pride being threatened, they would speak much more reasonably…
Hello Mary, Is this the story you heard
female infanticide and skewed gender ratios in the indian population dont bode well for anyone that thinks desi grls are h0t….
where do these people expect to find wives for their sons if there arent very many of them around?
It’s an attempt to control female sexuality.
In the cultures that do it, the last thing on those men’s minds during sex is if their partner is getting any pleasure.
But the question is – is it usually the mother who wants to abort or kill her newborn girl or is she pressured by the members of her husband’s family? Understanding the heirarchal dynamics of the Indian joint family system, one has to take this into account.
Is it really the independent choice of the woman?
Props to Shalu. All those who are not Buddha are defensive about our group associations. Be it religion, or nation or gender or something smaller. Attacking these without an escape valve will bring out defensive reactions. This does not mean they are condoning the actions of their group, just that their group association emotions rush to the front. Those who are not Buddha will attack these defensive reactions in turn; which is ok if it isn’t taken personally or escalated emotionally.
137 – Incidentally, that’s the plot of Manish Jha’s Mathrubhoomi. He got some 100,000 Canadian dollars at TIFF but his later mainstream effort Anwar didn’t fare too well in India. Taran Adarsh said it was plotless and pessimistic. True. But still a very nice movie.
Thank you chachaji and aanchal. There are no absolutes, and yes, babies are abandoned in dumpsters here too.
We are responding to a news report on NDTV– not as if nobody in India has a conscience about this!
Wait a minute, Anna highlighted female infanticide in India, not just any infanticide (you don’t think it happens? I do, though perhaps at a much lower rate than female infanticide). And she also single-handedly highlighted the voice of one or two naysayers by dedicating half her post to them. And in that process she insulted the well-meaning attitude and intelligence of perhaps 99% of the regular people here with a genuine sense of empathy for the girl-child and are willing to learn more about the multi-factorial complicated issue (even from those who are not second-generation Americans). Is that what you consider exploration? Well, maybe we are just getting started.
Emotions are valid and they have a place in all discourses (remember, pathos, ethos, logos?). But when the person or personal emotions become larger than the cause highlighted (intentionally or unintentionally), I think we’ve lost our way somewhere.
Please consider the above as well-intentioned, but unsolicited of course, advice from one who is unapologetically feminist, brown, anti-classist, anti-casteist, anti-organized religion of any region and first-generation North American with no romance or nostalgia whatsoever to land of birth or other lands that educated me. That is, if this comment is allowed to live its life on the SM site.
Don’t forget they get FREE MAIDSERVICE as well!!!
That’s unnecessary and petty. The rest of your comment wasn’t abusive, intolerant, off-topic or a flame. You knew it wouldn’t get deleted and if you didn’t know that, now you do.
Yes, because the story which one of you sent in was about female infanticide, not just any infanticide.
I use both hands when I type, actually. It’s Abhi who blogs single-handedly. 🙂
I highlighted those disturbing comments because I couldn’t believe they were being made here. I have the right to dedicate half or even all of my post to them. If I don’t take a stand against that kind of insanity, who will? It was my post. It was my responsibility. We have worked too hard to let this space be lost.
I’m sorry that I insulted you and disappointed Shalu. Both of you are commenters whom I greatly respect.
No one else who wrote to me said that they felt insulted and I promise that they, too, from their emails, seem well-meaning and intelligent. I’m confused at your point– how did I offend “perhaps 99% of the regular people”? The “regulars” of this site were pretty much on my side, if I have to reduce it such terms.
This entire thread is depressing. It’s not relevant to discuss infanticide in other countries for two reasons, one, this is a SA-themed blog and two, my point wasn’t laser-focused on just infanticide– it was about a woman’s worth in our culture. What does some teen ditching her baby at prom in this country have to do with that? Nothing.
I don’t hate India and I can’t be anyone except for who I am (read: emotional, excited, shrill, naive, clueless…whatever else I’ve been called); I can’t write in a different way than this. If I could, I would be a journalist.
If some of you are offended by me, my words and my attitude and you want to imply that I do more harm than good to causes like awareness here or for Vinay, I hope you understand exactly how hurtful such insinuations are.
I’m not unlike you. I’m just someone who happened to be part of something special which was coming together exactly three years ago. Any of you could have been me.
I get your point here, but the ironic thing is, for many families in India, the daughter in law IS the primary source of wealth. I’ve seen many families living in sub-par conditions before their son marries, and then just before the wedding, and for some weeks after, you see the refrigerators, the almiras, the proper bed-sets, the first couch, the motorbike and sometimes even the car, start rolling in.
Overnight they went from having nothing to having more than most. And all this thanks to the graciousness of a daughter in law and her family.
So what is going to happen as more and more female fetuses and babies are killed, is these men are not going to be able to find wives and their families are going to go without refrigerators for that much longer. And eventually wives and daughter in laws will be in so much demand that they will start demanding dowry and the bridegroom’s family will have to rise to the occasion. Now, if they have other sons, and those sons were married with dowry, they might be able to supply the family with their first daughter in laws used dowry gifts, but if not, what will they be able to give???
I have seen too many families where the bridegroom, without even having a job, lives off of the wealth given to his family by his wife’s family (but the wife is the root of it all, so the wealth really comes from her).
And yeah, she still serves as an unpaid maid for her in laws. The system is really whack I tell you.
Tom Hagen: Now your new son-in-law. Give him something important? Don Corleone: Never. Give him a living, but never discuss the Family business with him.
Thanks Pondatti and Rahul 🙂
Puliogre, honestly I don’t know, but I think we’ve had an influx of trolls and a collective inability to refrain from feeding them (self-included). I’ve had many great conversations with folks on SM about a wide variety of topics. I wish that that’s what we talked about — the issues, not whether or not we like ANNA’s hair today. Perhaps this is the price of having a growing readership? It could just be that people get off on being total jerkwads; isn’t that what the luxury of the internet provides? I don’t know, I’m beginning to favor the convos we had a while ago about registered commentary more and more.
Anna wrote:
I think you’re doing a wonderful service to two wonderful and extremely important causes in our world today, and I apologize if some of my comments have hurt your feelings. I was genuinely pointing out some issues that stuck out for me, I knew they disagreed with your decisionmaking, but I mentioned them not as an attack to you, but simply to offer up another point of view that you may/may not have thought of.
For example, with regards to the article about Seattle-TiE, I mentioned what I did not to bring you down, but to question the validity of the argument. It made for a nice little intellectual analysis on my end.