America’s Got… Kashif, Hai Hai

America’s Got Talent is kind of the summer replacement for American Idol. For the most part it’s awkward amateurs getting “gonged” by the judges — with the occasional semi-professional dance/martial arts troupe showing up to keep the audience awake. (Oh, and Jerry Springer is in there, just basically being Jerry Springer.) Toward the end of last night’s episode, my jaw dropped when they put this guy on:

What’s your reaction to this? I don’t think it could be rated very highly as a specimen of Bollywood dance, though Kashif is pretty committed to those Hrithik-esque moves he’s doing. He seems very simple and pure; maybe that’s why the judges think he’s charming?

Unfortunately, the innocent-foreigner thing can only take you so far; I think Kashif should show up at the callbacks in Vegas with a flashy B-Boy outfit and a massive diamond necklace (courtesy of Jacob the Jeweler) that says KA$HIF. Otherwise, those shirtless pseudo-martial arts guys (tacky as they are) will eat him for breakfast.

76 thoughts on “America’s Got… Kashif, Hai Hai

  1. So, I have a taxonomical question based on #45? Can you be both a eunuch and a fag? What would that entail? “A friend” wants to know.

  2. Can you be both a eunuch and a fag? What would that entail?

    it would entail no tail.

  3. Chill, comment 16, got it right. The only entertaining aspect of this guy’s mediocre dancing was his obliviousness to how mediocre he is. It was entertaining in watching a real life Pakistani Nap. Dynamite who speaks like Pedro. I was laughing throughout the clip. But the guy was pretty lame.

  4. I agree with Saira, Kashif looks like a complete plant. It’s hard to believe someone can make such comical and cliched mistake when speaking English. “I am here to do the dance,” sounds like someone imitating someone who does not speak English well. I mean who could possibly look that expressionless when dancing unless they were trying hard not to. Plus, those dance moves were pretty awful for him not to be faking.

  5. [i]Filmiholic on June 20, 2007 04:27 PM · Direct link Is it just me, or did anyone else notice him slide off into a Riverdance kind of thing towards the end?[/i] It was Kashif sliding off into Flapdance. I wonder which dance he’ll attempt the next time? LOL, loved the way he said, ‘Different dance for different song’, like they were all his creations.

  6. I bet he is an ISI agent sent to destroy bollywood’s image!

    that’s it! he’s part of SpoorLam’s saffronist brigade, sent to destroy the global enthusiasm for bollywood, as it tears down humare desh ki parumpurah and leads innocent girls astray. Like myself.

    Kids, say No to Bollywood.

  7. Can you be both a eunuch and a fag? What would that entail? it would entail no tail.

    Is that why the Pope says…that the devil is in the de-tails?

  8. Saira:

    Your office sounds like a great place to work. What’s the dog’s opinion on the dance?


    Are you going to let DesiDancer get away with #14??

  9. This has to be a joke. First of all, Kashif is 23, and he said he’s been in America for 6 years, which would mean he came when he was 17, so I’d imagine his English would be a lot better. Second, do you think he would really look that “fresh off the boat” after coming to America at a young age? Third, sandwich shop manager???

    Yes, I know the funny foreigner thing helps raise ratings, but I’m really annoyed by the William Hungness of the whole thing. Kashif wouldn’t be nearly as entertaining if he did the same dance but spoke with a Midwestern accent and wore Abercrombie clothes.

    However, there’s a positive thing about this. He’s actually an innocent-looking Muslim on TV that isn’t an extremist or a fundamentalist!

    1. Cringe-worthy television

    2. There are Pakis in Skokie?

    3. The Hoff was clearly enamored.

  10. Kashif is the desi napolean dynamite

    Because that does explain why the audience loved him. There was something sweetly endearing about him. But it doesn’t explain the judges’ comments on how talented and unique he was, because it was very mediocre stuff. I’ve seen a dozen uncles with better moves at parties.

    Anyway, the thing that really stood out for me is that the audience laughed as soon as he spoke! Did anyone else notice this? What was so funny?

    1) his name? 2) his accent?

    What’s so comedic about either of those things?

  11. He’s the brown William Hung. You know because apart from C++ and being doctors we Asians and Indians are these bucktoothed nerds and Bollywood geeks.

  12. Manju: Are you going to let DesiDancer get away with #14??

    i hear you Legionary Pullo. and normally i’d let these artistic types– who depend so much on us bourgeois financiers, without whom they’d still be stuck on the farm wondering about paris–have it in no uncertain terms, especially since they find our existence grotesque and incomprehensible, despite the fact that we assuage poverty…which is of course something they don’t talk about during their tea parties in Cambridge.

    but i withheld because desidancer has it right. Kashif’s dorky immigrant shtick combined with the obvious michael jackson reference is clearly a subversive statement aimed at warning america that what seems so innocent is really very dangerous. jackson is the personification of america’s problematic race relations and the ibanking wardrobe of the analyst class is menat to warn america that the formally colonized have finally shed their fabian blinders and realized the path to true power lies in the creative destruction of american-style capitalism.

    like bollywood, kashif has chosen pop culture to expose this trojan horse, so only someone schooled in the high and low, like desidancer or camille paglia, can get it.

    much respect to DD.

  13. Its a, Napoleon Dynamite, trip… Perfect way to mock the brown community. Doesn’t this guy have friends that could have told him that his dancing sucked and that his only chances are in commedy?

  14. As a male Indian dancer, I wish there was someone more competent representing our creed…perhaps something more along the lines of [url=]this[/url]

  15. in principle i am glad to see someone doing this in the contest. but hrithik roshan he ain’t. kashif needs to spend a lot time in the gym and in dance class to make this “talent” work. too bad for america they are not getting a really great example of filmi dance and will have no idea how really fabulous it can be when performed by the right people.

  16. Lol, I love how you people are saying everyone in your family or your friends can dance better than him. In reality you’re all just upset because Kashif, a Pakistani was the one who had the courage to go up on stage and a actually perform and compete for a million dollars. While all you guys can do is sit at home and watch him.

  17. Bunch of loonies u are…academic..self-obsessed cupcakes. Whether he’s a plant, is for real or fell out of the sky, what does it matter. The guy has pulled off what he did and try and appreciate the entertainment value, rather than dissecting the issue with toothpicks. As for media trying to paint desis in poor light, guess what. any publicity is eventually good publicity and people will start loving the garish act that bollywood is.

  18. Kashif got his 15 min. of fame and 3:35 min. of free air-time to advertise his now world famous sandwich shop. Next time you see Kashif, you know you’ll go in and ask for an autograph and to see a little of that knee massagin’ action. Kashif is da man, don’t be hatin’.