This is going to be the sloppiest, most rushed entry I’ve ever posted, but that’s because I’m so excited about what I just saw, I want to get the information to you sooner vs. later. I can edit after I publish, damnit.
There’s a show we have received several tips about– “The Lot”. We keep hearing about it because it has a desi contestant named Shalini Kantayya:
ON THE LOT, executive-produced by Mark Burnett and Steven Spielberg, will give aspiring filmmakers from around the world the chance to earn a $1-million development deal at DreamWorks.
Premiering on May 22 and airing twice a week throughout the summer on FOX, this reality-competition series features a cast of undiscovered filmmakers who will compete to win the support of the show’s viewers, as their fate will be decided by a weekly audience vote…
Every week, the hopeful filmmakers will produce short films from a chosen genre, running the gamut from comedies to thrillers, dramas to romance, action to horror. They’ll have access to the best resources the industry has to offer — professional writers, cast and crew, and maybe even Hollywood celebrities. [link]
I usually don’t get home until about now, so I knew I wouldn’t get to watch it and that’s why I promptly forgot about it– until tonight, when I was channel-surfing because I’m sick and on the couch. Once I heard that of the 15 finalists, five would be featured tonight, I stuck around to see if the brown girl would be in the ring…and she was.
Despite being high on codeine and everything else in my virus-wracked system, I sat up for the first time all day because THIS GIRL IS TALENTED. No wonder they plucked her out of a pool of 12,000 applicants from all over the world.
I’m not typing that because she’s brown– she had the BEST FILM OF THE NIGHT and Michael Bay, the guest judge who directed “Transformers”, agrees with me.
Here’s the thing: there’s but a wee two-hour window in which to vote for true awesomeness (dial 1-88-Thelot-05 or click the next link to show your love online). You can vote as many times as you’d like (handy “Vote” button is highlighted in yellow) AND you can view Shalini’s 3-minute clip yourselves– I think once you do, you’ll be cheering her on as effusively as I am, though you won’t sound like a frog while doing it.
Well… as far as bringing income in, staying at home and documentary filmmaking are more or less equivalent.
I’m working on making myself enough of an asshole to get one, oh you may think I’m already there, but I’ve got a ways to go to erase the good natured, nice, polite person I am. Here’s a start, the opening line I use.
Because, the pressure to wed someone by a certain time is stronger in the desi community.
See? when this kind of logic is applied to other problems women face, like say, choosing bad relationship partners, it’s met with ‘you poopy mcpoopface! why do you blame the victim!’
A significantly lesser degree.
I know a woman who spent 100,000+ dollars on a Cornell education. She’s married to a finacial tax type guy who clears 2 million a year. They have homes in princeton and the upper east side of manhattan. she teaches ballet to children, very fulfulling work if you ask me, but no where near enough to cover her incurred loans.
From what I gather, she doesn’t have too much problem sleeping at night.
Yo! Sugar Momma’s are awesome – just hard to find! Bring home the bacon woman, I’ll get back to ma video game.
HMF..the financial tax guy is he particularly handsome? Is the women gorgeous? If the answer is no and yes….then his money and her looks are the fulcrum of that relationship…I mean whats a few college loans between lovers? 🙂
I just saw it on TV here in Bangalore – quite serendipitously, after noting the mention here during work-time feedscanning, and Shalini’s short was awesome. It was clearly ahead of the others in style and ‘maturity’, for lack of a film-education enhanced vocab. The voting thingie throws up an error right now, but I’m gonna try later for sure.
Congratulations. You just defined the terms of prostitution. Albeit, over a longer period of time.
She’s married to a finacial tax type guy who clears 2 million a year.
I think 2 million a year colors the situation somewhat. I was thinking more of the scenario where the spouses have approximately equal earning potential, but the expectation is that the wife will quit her (possibly lucrative) job and stay home. There’s never an expectation that the husband could do that instead, since the net loss of income is around the same.
This scenario frequently comes into play when children arrive, and most women do it voluntarily. Personally, I’d be more than happy to quit and engage in more fulfilling work. (teaching, filmmaking, non-profit, etc…)
“and Michael Bay, the guest judge who directed “Transformersâ€, agrees with me…”
Anna: Shalu 🙂 is the bomb diggy but I can’t condone Michael Bay in any way…cause he made Bumblebee INTO A CAMARO! WTF!
…and by the way, many women spend time on going to good schools, and moving to big cities, for the sole purposes of finding ‘bacon providers’….
“I’d be more than happy to quit and engage in more fulfilling work. (teaching, filmmaking, non-profit, etc…)”
And you’re telling me you wouldn’t? (assuming you’re male of course)
To give female directors their due, there have been quite a few female documentary filmmakers who have been nominated for – and won – the Oscar for Best Documentary Feature. Janice Loeb was the first to be nominated for “The Quiet One” in 1948. Nancy Hamilton was the first to win for “Helen Keller in Her Story” in 1955. Earliest this year, three of the five documentary nominees were directed or co-directed by women.
Best Foreign Language film is an award handed out to the director. Two female directors have won in this category, Marleen Gorris for Antonia’s Line (1995) and Caroline Link for Nowhere in Africa (2002). I’m not sure how many films directed by women have been nominated.
“And you’re telling me you wouldn’t?”
No I’m an artist and I make in a month what most doctors make in a year. 7 years ago; different story.
This scenario frequently comes into play when children arrive, and most women do it voluntarily
Sure, but why don’t more men volunteer to be stay-at-home dads? I mean, they’re parents too, so why do they limit their own responsibilities to just bringing the bacon home? If the wife makes more money (even marginally more), doesn’t it make more sense for the husband to be the stay-at-home parent? You hardly ever see this scenario because men never allow themselves to be content with staying at home.
…and by the way, many women spend time on going to good schools, and moving to big cities, for the sole purposes of finding ‘bacon providers’….
Yes, yes…I believe it’s called getting the Mrs degree at college. I personally don’t know any women (desi or otherwise) who went to school looking for bacon providers.
“I personally don’t know any women (desi or otherwise) who went to school looking for bacon providers.”
Hema, desi women might have it easier in that if they chose to marry desi their man will most likely have some $$$ anyways…So following mommy, daddys advice and marrying early would pay off…she would not have to hunt for bacon providers..one would be arranged for her.
You’ve completely strayed from the point. The scenario with children and the need for someone to “stay at home” at all is completely irrelevent. From what I’ve observed, women voluntarily take part time jobs to stay at home when their children are young, irrespective of what jobs they’ve had before. They do so not because their husbands staunchly folded their arms and said, “I’m not quitting!”
I was talking about proclivities towards and social pressures towards doing work for the sole purpose of earning money, and that, my friend, clearly falls on the male. Women can engage in all varieties of work without this nagging need to earn money hovering over their heads. Of course, they can choose to sell out all they want, no doubt.
I think the ideas of women relying on their husbands financially is beginning to lose a bit of traction. It’s definitely still the prevailing thought, and according to NYT, women at “elite law schools” are attending mostly to earn their MRS, but I do think there’s a growing expectation among younger generations that income earning capacity should be shared and that child-rearing should be shared.
I only know 2 stay at home dads, and it’s interesting how sometimes the underlying assumption there is that the gender roles within a relationship have to flip as well. I’ve rarely met a couple who manages to balance things and maintain some kind of power parity in the home as well.
You’ve completely strayed from the point.
How is that? I thought the point (at least my point) was that the pressure men feel to continue working is entirely self-inflicted. They could certainly opt for the allegedly pressure-free lives that women seem only too ready to choose, according to you.
From what I’ve observed, women voluntarily take part time jobs to stay at home when their children are young, irrespective of what jobs they’ve had before
From what I’ve observed, it’s not quite as “voluntary” as you’re suggesting. Part of the equation does revolve around whether the husband is also willing to adopt a more flexible work schedule, which (in my anecdotal observation) doesn’t really happen.
I’ll agree that for many women, marrying for money may be an option of last resort.. but it’s still an option. I can’t begin to tell you how many women I’ve met that take all kinds of risks with career, life, whatever, and end the discussion with, “if it doesn’t work out. I’ll marry rich” Obviously, its a tongue in cheek remark, but it wouldn’t be humorous, if that ‘marryable rich’ didn’t exist in the first place. That’s the point Im trying to make here.
but it wouldn’t be humorous, if that ‘marryable rich’ didn’t exist in the first place. That’s the point Im trying to make here.
The thing is, there are clearly women out there who are making a ton of money, so “marrying rich” is also an option for many men now. That’s my point…that you don’t have to feel that pressure to earn a lot of money if you don’t want to.
Yes, and you use the specific case of child-rearing (which occurs post marriage) , when my point was decisions men and women make pre-marriage, or pre-LTR for that matter.
I’m with hema on the “men at home” argument 🙂 A lot of the pressure in this is also that most jobs do not offer the flexibility that parents need to be able to decrease their hours and share responsibilities. There’s all sorts of worries around losing your benefits, not making ends meet, etc., etc.
Same! I think folks aren’t looking for their MRS (at least in metro areas) in college. Some are still looking for it at the grad school level. I think “many” is an overcharacterization.
Don’t worry HMF. I know guys out there who are leading the life you describe with their sugar mama’s by their sides. Not saying it’s common, just saying it’s possible. I think it would be (a bit) easier for men to have this option if women were paid equally and promoted equally as well. Oooo, like how I slipped in the gender (wage) gap, there?
Maybe it’s a generational thing, but I meet plenty of women who are absolutely turned off by the idea of a huge income earner type if the work that person is doing isn’t really contributing to the social good. Especially among the public interest women (e.g. non profits, teaching, the arts). Nearly all of them have dated, and preferred, men who have similar career interests (and usually smaller salaries) because they feel like they have more in common. Again, this is just anecdotal so absolutely not generalizable, but I think there are pockets where attitudes are changing a bit.
Yes, and you use the specific case of child-rearing (which occurs post marriage) , when my point was decisions men and women make pre-marriage
I don’t think that changes the scenario all that much. Surely, if all a man wants out of life is to live in luxury and not work at some boring, unfulfilling job, that option is available to him. That he chooses not to exploit that opportunity is completely his own problem.
I think members of our generation have expanded their thinking enough to realize that artistic and entrepreneurial pursuits are important. However, our parents still exert a very strong influence on our way of thinking at times. I know someone in a very long term relationship who is pursuing his dream of starting his own company, successful to a point but it has a lot of growth ahead and it’s going to take time and financial resources to make it a successful venture. His partner has however said that he must abandon all that and get a 9 to 5 job if he wants to be with her. I dont’ doubt that much of that comes from her parents. My own story, I’m within the next year starting my own firm and at the same time feeling the pressure from my parents (but not in a negative way, they’ve been patient to the hilt). The thing is I told them that unless I find someone who’s willing to understand my vision and be supportive of it, I’m going to wait until I’ve reached the level I’m at. I think HMF’s point is that if you look at the way our society is, you see guys mostly in serious but mindless pursuits because most women won’t give them the time of day if they were starving artists with ambition. I’m not saying all women are like that but that’s usually the case. But on the other hand, most of the successful desi filmmakers are usually women with husbands who support them. If anyone can point out an example to the contrary, it’d be interesting to see that.
I dunno if this is true. or as true. The rich women I know, want men who are at least in the same ballpark. Not that they need the money, they just use it as an indicator of “success” or “power” or “drive” or whatever buzzword happens to be floating in their heads at the time. And in the desi community, the pressure for men to make $$ has been socialized over generations.. a few rich b**ches won’t change the mindset overnight.
ding ding ding. and the converse is not nearly true.
Oh, I forgot to mention (speaking of “marrying on the level”), wasn’t there an article in the NYT that said men prefer to marry women below their professional or income-earning level, whereas women want someone on their own level? Makes me wonder about the guy must provide concept.
“I think HMF’s point is that if you look at the way our society is, you see guys mostly in serious but mindless pursuits because most women won’t give them the time of day if they were starving artists with ambition..”
Global Sanskrit this is very true. But take heart the white chicks love ambitious artists…you just have to endure death cab for cutie on auto repeat when your making out LOL!
You’re gonna tell me that desi attitudes don’t equate child-rearing/raising = women? Give me a break. If you bring children into the picture, and are speaking about post-marital issues, it completely removes it from the dynamic I was speaking about.
I’m talking about decisions people make pre.
You’re gonna tell me that desi attitudes don’t equate child-rearing/raising = women?
No, I’m saying that if the above is true, then how is the decision to rear children “voluntary”, as you suggested earlier? Obviously, women are under a lot of pressure to conform to gender roles. But as with men, this pressure is self-inflicted too. It’s as if the women are thinking “oh, if I keep my job and put my kid in daycare, everyone will say I’m a bad mother”, even though kids who go to daycare grow up just fine and the women aren’t bad mothers at all!
In a similar vein, there’s no reason a guy can’t make the decision to marry a woman who has a decent job, and engage in whatever pursuit makes him happy, as a pre-marriage decision.
HMF, basically for a desi guy looking to pursue his own personal ambitions, he’s on his own and should know that. It’s a tough road. I think the other problem is that a lot of us are always starving for validation from the greater community. It’s the whole uncle/aunty syndrome that your parents feed you when you’re growing up. Once you break free of that need for validation from our own community, it should come from yourself. M. Night Shyamalan is a very good example of that. I was at the SAJA conference years ago and a reporter from some small desi media publication tried trashing him by saying that he only provides interviews to major publications and doesn’t pay attention to the South Asian ones. Someone retorted back that maybe it’s because he doesn’t feel like he owes a debt to South Asian society. He’s a success because of his own talent and drive, not because of the South Asian community. Nagesh Kukunoor gave a speech at some South Asian professionals meeting in Atlanta after filming “Hyderabad Blues” and before it’s release. He stated that being a desi filmmaker is the hardest thing to do because everyone turns against you, especially your family and their community. He said that in our society, he felt like being a filmmaker was only slightly ranked above the social standing of a prostitute. He said it with humor but it’s a point to be taken. When we see successful South Asian artists, we love to celebrate them and claim them as our own but when you see South Asian artists who are broke, struggling, and finding their way, we tend to look at them as losers who need to find a real job and the whole “don’t you want to get married one day?” question always comes from the uncles and aunties.
“When we see successful South Asian artists, we love to celebrate them and claim them as our own but when you see South Asian artists who are broke, struggling, and finding their way, we tend to look at them as losers who need to find a real job and the whole “don’t you want to get married one day?” question always comes from the uncles and aunties. “
Global Sankskrit can I commission you to write my biography?
Seriously, I dunno, I don’t mean to be rude, but saying that a man’s career choice is completely his own ‘fault’, and not in some way a product of social pressure – particularly in a desi context where our parents only valued of 2 or 3 professions (doctor/engineer/etc..), to me, is just as absurd as saying a woman’s relationship choice is completely her fault devoid of any external pressures.
They should write books. Better yet, have them email me
saying that a man’s career choice is completely his own ‘fault’, and not in some way a product of social pressure – particularly in a desi context where our parents only valued of 2 or 3 professions (doctor/engineer/etc..)
I think the pressure is real, but succumbing to it is something people do have control over…as opposed to whining about how women who want to have interesting (but non-lucrative) careers have it so much easier.
If a trend is going to change, then somebody has to be willing to change it. Men (and desi men especially) can’t just keep blaming societal pressure all the time, especially considering that (unlike women), they have not been subject to systematic social pressure, wage depression, gender discrimination in schools and workplace, etc.
Maybe if I see examples of women (desi in particular) who actually look at a guy who’s penniless but pursuing, not in completely negative light, this argument might hold water. But as I said in #76, even rich women tend to prefer men that are at least in the same financial ballpark.
As for M. Night Shyamalan, both his parents were eye-surgeons, he lived in a posh-philly suburb. His parents funded his first film “Praying with Anger” I’m not discounting his risk taking, and the ‘middle finger’ he received from the desi community at large. But his parents, his mom in particular was very much behind him, especially as his career blossomed, and from what i know, never had to deal with abject poverty.
I agree, just as long as you don’t deny the truth of the latter.
HMF props on knowing ‘Praying With Anger’ not too many folks know about Night’s first film. I’ve been trying to get a copy for years.
Hahaha, HMF, I will send the next available high-earning sugar mama friend of mine your way 🙂
Global Sanskrit, thanks! I’ve really enjoyed reading what you’ve provided, so far. I wonder if desi writers feel similarly?
I don’t think it’s entirely fair to say that men make their own beds and then lie in them. There are a LOT of external policies, pressures, etc., which shape our choices. Not even the ones we make, but the ones that are even available to us.
Now, I am just wondering aloud, so please take this with a grain of salt. Sometimes I wonder if desi women have a bit more leeway to pursue their interests (even though that does not necessarily mean they’ll be hired/recognized, etc.) because their work is so heavily discounted, as well. Not only that aunties/uncles think the guy should be the provider, but that further still even if you do work it is a “hobby” or something that isn’t to be taken seriously. I hear this allll the time from the auntie/uncle crew – that my career isn’t really that important because when I get married (a required assumption) I should rely on my husband, and then I can work “for fun.” Definitely not the attitude I have towards my own work, but it’s interesting that people think of (desi) women’s work as a pastime or diversion as opposed to recognizing that we are entitled to have careers of our own as well. Hmmm..
glass houses, what kind of art do you do?
Maybe if I see examples of women (desi in particular) who actually look at a guy who’s penniless but pursuing, not in completely negative light, this argument might hold water
I agree that it’s a rare thing, especially in the desi community. I suppose it goes with my earlier proposition about women being attracted to success (which correlates, at least indirectly, with money).
I only know of one example where a desi woman I know married a guy who didn’t have a steady income, but was very committed to a non-traditional career (as a classical musician). He was really very talented, and she probably thought he had really good prospects. He hasn’t hit big time yet, but he probably will, and they seem pretty happy with the choice they made.
There is something of a trend here with NRI films vs Desi films. Deepa Mehta’s films as well as the short film this post is talking about, tend to portray poverty and ignorance in village life a lot … more ethnic, more village stories. However Bollywood seems to be trying to get as far away from the village as possible – every other movie is shot in NY, Sydney, London or Switzerland. The Western-rich feeling is what is typical of most Bollywood movies, while moving stories like ‘Water’ get hardly any recognition in India.
Any theories for this trend ?
@82 Global Sanskrit – Very well said. Once we liberate ourselves from the whole pressure of Uncles/Aunties/When are you getting married/ network, only then can a desi really do what he feels like doing. I am pretty sure that Night Shyamalan didn’t get whole-hearted support from his desi uncles/aunties at the time he was getting into film … and it is very possible that he feels he owes the SA community close to nothing at all for the success in his career.
Definitely not the attitude I have towards my own work, but it’s interesting that people think of (desi) women’s work as a pastime or diversion as opposed to recognizing that we are entitled to have careers of our own as well.
Agreed. The view that a woman’s career is expendable seems to be pretty pervasive among desis, whether here or in the desh.
Now, ladies, will you stop jabbering and run along and make me some lunch?
I’ve seen it, it’s not that great, but cost somewhere in the half million range, a big chunk of change around 1992.
I also know about spike lee’s first film, “Bed Sty – we cut heads” that won an award , I also know about the tuffle spikee lee caused at NYU when he wanted to do a film on a black character hired to rewrite “birth of a Nation” when the NYU heads thought he was committing blasphemy by toying with the father of film, DW Griffith.
I agree with this, and I’ll say it’s discounted not because they feel the inherent work is ‘useless’ rather it’s discounted because it doesn’t yield high income.
Peculiar enough, this success = money, even indirectly, somehow only applies to the female –> male attraction direction.
“Agreed. The view that a woman’s career is expendable seems to be pretty pervasive among desis, whether here or in the desh”
Yup, but it is definitely on it’s way out. Us desis in our 20’s/30’s might face the heat from Uncles/Aunties in the community, but at least the number of desi men in their 20’s/30’s who will want a stay-at-home wife, and desi women who would want to be housewives, at least from my personal experience, is very low.
“glass houses, what kind of art do you do?”
Camille, I paint; my work has been described as “looming Rothkos brawling with ambiguous Twombleys seeking light”…I took it as praise.
“but cost somewhere in the half million range..”
Night’s parents gave him half a mil?!!
Shyamalan also released “Wide Awake” in 1998. Also a flop. But privileged upbringing aside, he persevered and then released “Sixth Sense”.
Shalini has the best name eva!
Yup. My mom has told me many times that I should have kids so I can stop working and stay at home. I love her so I don’t take her too seriously, but it would definitely be acceptable for me to stay at home vs. my husband.