Oh. My. Gawd. Babli. Look at her blog.
It’s like, out there, I mean – gross. Look! She’s just so…FAQ.
With sincerest apologies to Sir with love, but I could not resist. I just read Uberdesi and it immediately had me reminiscing (I reminisce, I reminisce) about high school thanks to the blunt advice contained in one of its latest posts; the straightforward way it handled questions everyone wondered about but almost no one dared ask reminded me of Sassy magazine’s shocking candor. How could I not also recall furtive curiosity, the novelty of espresso drinks, 90210 and most definitely, “Baby Got Back” on auto-repeat in my Pioneer.
Yes, ladkas and ladkis. Akka be so old, her first car didn’t have no bougie CD player. Uh-uh. “Auto-repeat” meant that the stereo would smack it up, flip it and rub it down for me and by that I mean, I didn’t have to physically take out the tape and reinsert it to hear the other side, not that any of you youngsters can relate to this in any way. Haha. I said “reinsert”. (Told you I was in a puerile mood).
So there’s a reason why I’ve got fornication on the brain and it’s all Uberdesi’s fault. Their blogger Amrita wrote a post with a title so naughty, I shan’t repeat it here, but I’ll quote from it liberally because any desi with a healthy attitude towards sexuality deserves some fame and appreciation.
Here’s the deal, your juices are altered by what you eat. While I can’t get enough of mamma’s fish curry, I might have to fight the gag reflex with a mouth full of fishy swimmers. Urban dictionary defines fish curry as, “the vagina of an Indian female.†Not so yummy.
That’s just wrong. I’m really sick of the “tastes like curry” remark. Enough already. What am I not sick of? Lines like this which make me laugh so inappropriately, I forget to be upset:
Who wants to be known for having a spicy taco?
No comment. 😉
Alcohol, caffeine, drugs, and heavy spices among other culprits can cause the funk-nasty taste.
And then, because Amrita is a helpful sort of gf, she breaks it down.
Here are a few tips:
*Drink tons of water and flush out your system.
*Eat plenty of fruits. As if one needed a reason to splurge on heavenly Indian mangoes. Pineapple juice supposedly does miracles.
Omnivores! I am windicated! Amrita says so:
*Eat plenty of veggies. Stay away from foul smelling veggies like asparagus, cabbage or cauliflower. This is a plus for the non-meat eaters as vegetarians taste better.
*Cut down on chowing down on spices like garlic and onion if you want someone to chow down on you.
*Cleanse out your system with green juice (parsley or wheat grass with a pinch of cardamom, cinnamon, lemon or mint).
Wheatgrass with cardamom? I didn’t think you could make those shots of freshly shorn lawn palatable, but hey, I’ll give it a try…for my health, of course. What other reason? 😉
Oh and families of suitable boys: if you are reading this, I have no idea what I am writing, I just blog what they tell me to, okay? This proves that I have the submissive proclivities you hope for in a bahu while establishing that I am very chaste; never would I ever find blog posts about what shame shames could or should taste like interesting. Nope. Not me. I am also not going to the store for some pineapple juice nor will I be purchasing a mango anytime soon. Nooooo. I don’t do things like that. 😉
Anna, you are a brave, brave girl. 🙂
what about milky sweets, what do those do?
Halwa off limits????
This is a plus for the non-meat eaters as vegetarians taste better.
Meh. What kind of girl doesn’t eat meat? 😉
anna, did you miss the episode of sex and the city where samantha tries to change her man’s ‘funky spunk’ with wheatgrass juice? it’s one of my favourites, esp. when her man objects to her complaint, and after a long sermon of what all goes into the act, she ends with the best satc line ever : ‘honey, they don’t call it a job for nothing.’
Wonder if anyone has conducted any experiments on this? I would gladly participate 😉
One question…..
Who here has actually swallowed semen? Forget the taste (generally nuetral), it’s the texture that gets to me …. reminds me of a runny nose, and even the thought grosses me out. There’s only so much I’m willing to do and swallowing snot is not one of them.
My mehboob says it’s true that vegetarian yoni juice tastes better than non-veg. He adds that women who eat spicy food have a spicy aroma/taste – sweet and sour.
As I grow older and find myself for the first time in an actual long-term relationship with a man whom I don’t have much in common with as far as cultural background and habits, interests, religion, etc, I see that sex is a main contributor in keeping us together. By sex I don’t mean just intercourse or oral sex, but general things like hugs and physical affection like pats on the head, etc. Therefore when I hear people say that sex is not enough to keep a couple together, I wonder.
Reading some relationship books I’ve come across statistics that show that the two major contributors to marital arguments are 1.finances and 2. sex. Physical affection being a deep-rooted human need all the way from birth, even pre-natal, I make the assumption that a good physical life (including sex) can go a long way in bonding two people together for a very long time. Afterall, endorphins are released when someone touches us in a loving way. So when you have that going on regularly I imagine it could keep you happy on a continuous basis.
That’s why I’ve come to the conclusion that what I’ve been taught in India from various yoga-inclined persons — that physical affection between a man and woman, even husband and wife, should be kept to a minimum — is dead wrong. The claim is that it saps your energy and concentration power. My premise is “not getting any” does exactly that. Sure, if you indulge in sex everyday, all day, for your whole life, yeah that’s going to be unhealthy. But a regular or semi-regular sex-life accompanied by daily hugs and various forms of physical affection actually makes one feel secure and happy and that emotional security provides a foundation from which we can concentrate on other, perhaps more “spiritual” pursuits.
Of course we have all perhaps seen life-long “dry” marriages, where the couple remained together soley for “duty’s sake” and nothing else, where emotional bonding and physical affection are absent. One may ask – if sex and affection are so important then how is it that these people stay together? They feel they have to, that’s all. But their marriage is not a real bond, it’s a superficial farce. That’s not what I call “remaining together”. Now when I see couples in their 70’s who are still romantic and flirty with each other after 50 years of marriage — that’s what I call a marriage.
I only see i-scream kone :))
an idiot…associating with other ‘yoga-inclined’ idiots…great scot!!!
a wonderfully preditable, Faux News-type, “Some people are saying” lead-off to another misinformed inanity. Good job. Keep it up.
Ok, so…um…I really don’t think diet has too much to do with the taste of a woman. I know I’ve heard this a thousand times, especially the pineapple juice one, but after repeat experiments with various volunteers, I am tempted to label this in the urban myth category. I have never tasted anything remotely different after repeat attempts to “influence” the flavor. One girlfriend of mine was really funny about it, and tried to use it as a motivator. I had to convince her that I was happy to oblige anyway, and drinking a freakin’ gallon of pineapple juice a day was totally unnecessary. All she had to do was skin outta them skivvies, and that was plenty enough motivation for me to limber up my mouth and tongue.
That’s not to say it didn’t taste great anyway. But either my palate with regards to this area is simply not refined enough (cough I don’t think so) or it really doesn’t seem to make a difference.
Though I’d be interested to hear if other people have had luck with this?
PG: Thanks for sharing your wisdom.
Getting back to the point, I wonder what else makes / breaks the taste. I am talking about exercising, physique and sex life.
Smart-ass! Read the books of Shivananda and Johari to see what I’m talking about.
And these ideas are widespread in religious Hindu communities throughout India.
Lajja bhushanan stri and all that stuff springs from this. Where there is fruit, tree is not far.
It’s all inter-connected — culture, religion, sexuality issues. Different cultures have different issues with sexuality, but issues all the same.
Same sh*t, different toilet.
My experience is in a Hindu religion which is very widespread in India and around the world which puts a high premium on CELIBACY, hence my observations.
which is how you explain the over ONE BILLION FREAKING PEOPLE IN INDIA.
whatever the proscriptions of the religion, about which you apparently have sole authority to produce knowledge, it ain’t workin!
My experience is in a Hindu religion which is very widespread in India and around the world which puts a high premium on CELIBACY, hence my observations.
Well, I don’t know how widespread this religion is, because if celibacy really were at such a high premium, India wouldn’t have some of its current and well-documented problems.
I think you conflate the private realm and the public. Just because Indians eschew public display of affection or sexual desire does not imply they behave the same in private.
Dude. I don’t even bother spitting anymore.
I’d be interested to know how this attitude ties into caste and the things discussed over in the tam-brahm “teethu” and “madi” convo.
If a woman is off limits during menses as far as temple-going, cooking, etc., is her yoni considered “dirty” enough month-round in order to prevent going down on her?
Is oral sex big or not in tam-brahm and other brahmin communities? What about lower castes – are they more likely to pleasure the yoni and drink of it’s nectar?
Cranberry juice doe the trick.
If a woman is off limits during menses as far as temple-going, cooking, etc., is her yoni considered “dirty” enough month-round in order to prevent going down on her?
In traditional households, she’s off limits, period (uh, pun not intended). That is, no temple going, cooking, housework, or sex. So the question simply does not arise.
Outside of that, I don’t think you can generalize on the prevalence of oral sex in a particular caste setting. It is what it is, and people either like it or they don’t, regardless of caste.
Well that’s my goal in life — getting laid every single day. It’s good exercise!
Men definitely can have funky sperm taste. Haven’t tried a girl yet, so I wouldn’t know;)
typeo: does
I didn’t mean is the yoni off licking status during mensus, I meant, is the yoni off limits for the tongue in general. I think most men have issues with sex during a woman’s period – east or west.
My general assumption is that strict orthodox type religious people do not go down on their wives in India due to all their cleanliness taboos and what-not. In fact, some can not even conceive of oral sex. Never heard of it or imagined it. I found this out via conversations amongst the people I lived with.
What to speak of India, even in USA I don’t think oral sex is yet totally mainstream. And amongst the older generation who grew up in the 1940’s and 50’s – even rarer.
I heart you Roonie.
That’s just wrong. A lot of women, myself included, get really horny during our periods. Period sex is messy but can be pretty mind-blowing.
“ure, if you indulge in sex everyday, all day, for your whole life, yeah that’s going to be unhealthy..”
Ummmm no
That guy needs to be dumped ASAP.
Are you kidding me?
What I want to know is the answer to this question.
My general assumption is that strict orthodox type religious people do not go down on their wives in India due to all their cleanliness taboos and what-not
I think it’s impossible to know, because I doubt the average orthodox/religious person is willing to discuss his/her sex life. That is, there is probably a lot of sexual activity going on that nobody ever talks about. And if people are telling you stuff, then well, I tend to doubt its veracity. I can see a traditional Indian woman saying “chee, chee…of course my husband doesn’t do that with me”, all the while lying through her teeth to protect her reputation (and her husband’s for that matter). That does kind of play into your “people think it’s wrong” view, but I think what people say and what they do aren’t converging, in this case.
Personally, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with people not discussing the intimate details of their sex life in public. That energy is better spent on getting it on anyway.
Everyday for a whole year? You will get tired.
I find sex everyday for just a week to be tiring – physically and mentally in the sense that I feel like I’m in a euphoric haze and can’t really focus on things that need to get done — I just want to make love all day and night. Not good for accomplishing goals.
So I figure intercourse once or twice a week and yoni sucking twice or thrice a week is about as much as I can take from my fiance.
My fiance prefers to lick the yoni than to have intercourse. He’s one of those guys who LOVES to pleasire a woman more than getting pleasure for himself. It’s a blessing and a curse at the same time. But so far I’m not complaining. I realize there are probably millions of women around the world who wish they had a man like that.
Why do I break out in hives every time I hear someone call it their “yoni”?
Coz it’s sexy???
How would you know?
After only five or six sessions of intercourse per day for a straight week my fiance was feeling weak and tired.
Anything in excess drains you. We are meant to be moderate and balanced in eating, sleeping, sexing, work, sport, etc.
Talking about sex can get you really turned on and get the juices flowing.
Guess it depends on girl. I haven’t gotten tired yet. I need it a minimum of 3 days a week (any kind of sex). It all depends on your sex drive. Some people like spending their weekends humping away. I’m a fan of that. Whatever floats your boat.
Talking about sex can get you really turned on and get the juices flowing.
Depends on who you’re talking to, I guess. Talking to a friend or a partner, sure. Talking about it with the random homeless dude sitting next to you on the bus? Meh, that does nothing for me.
Are you the same people who think calling the kundi a tushie is cute? Like a friend once told me “you sound like an old grandma from Boca Raton”.
I am not judging, to each his own.
Who is that in the picture ?
Um, he’d acquire a good reputation amongst the aunties who secretly covet that though!
Once my (orthodox brahmin) friends asked him what he did to prepare a woman for sex and he told them that he kisses her down there. They were shocked and said they would never serve him a glass of water from their houses anymore! hee hee hee
For those of you who have conservative parents, grand-parents, aunties, uncles, etc, how likely do you think it is that they engage in oral? My parents are not even Indian, not religious, don’t have ritual cleanliness taboos, aren’t orthodox brahmins, etc, and even they never did it. (i never discussed the issue with them but i’m pretty damn sure it was rare in their generation).
The term “yoni” seems kind of lame to me…an attempt to use an exotic euphemism that is really not necessary.
You’re opinion only.
“yoni” is not exotic sounding at all to me
loved that post..Amrita is toppin my i dig funny girls list right before sam b from the daily show.I put anna in the hall of fame.
That’s still moderate. I said all day, everyday, for at least one year. That will wear anybody out, Kamadeva/Rait notwithstanding.
Do you like pussy or cunt better? Some chicks dig calling their vagina yoni/pussy/cunt/etc. Whatever makes you feel sexy.
misogynistic alternative from East London: “Gash”
And that sums it up perfectly. PG – evidently I misjudged you. I thought you make unsubstantiated , sweeping and offensive claims about Indians and India because of some deep rooted issues with desis and the desh but evidently you do not spare your parents either! You judge everybody – not just us desis!
I need it a minimum of 3 days a week (any kind of sex). And of course those wonderful days when hubby was still a student we got to do it everyday.. sometimes twice a day. I never got tired. Effing works gets in the way.
There’s no competition! It’s all about your own needs.
I’m equal oppurtunity (smirk).
It’s not an insult to say certain people don’t like or do oral sex. It’s an acquired taste.
But my mom did make disparaging remarks about it when she read about it in a book and I heard that as a kid so that is the basis of my “assumption”.
Again, how many Aunties and Uncles back in the desh do you think really stick their tongues up their partner’s genetalia???
How likely is it that people who have major cleanliness taboos (pujaris in mandirs, etc) do that?
I have a 40 something Bengali brahmin friend and she had never heard of it.
PG While we’re on the subject, do you drink ass juice?
I am waiting … waiting… Tell me they stole the 40 year old virgin script from you, please do.
No. But my fiance drinks mine. When he first put his tongue up there I was aprehensive — taboos, embarrasment, etc. But once I let him I loved it. There’s something up there that is very sensitive and feels good touched by a tongue.
I’m still not “liberated” enough to reciprocate that, or drink his lingam juice.
He calls it “booty juice”, by the way.
Nope. She was a mother of two teen sons. However, I almost broke that record… I was a virgin till my thirties. Again, the high-premium put on celibacy, sexual purity, chastity, etc in my “Hindu” religious sect.
coach diesel is the best. I’ve never seen bait snatched with such wild abandon by so reckless a fish.
Any girls tried Viagra. I once had a friend tell me that it enlarged her clitoris. It sort of poked out. She said it was mind-blowing. Any experience with viagra ladies?
muralimannered-
besos 😉
Ahhh, for that you have to thank me, oh Bamboo Flute! I was the bait SNATCHer!
Bengali Chick, seems like you and me are the only 2 here who like to talk about our personal sex lives.
Honestly, I’m just happy to have one after decades of celibacy.
And how I landed a totally sexually compatible mate after so many years is a mystery to me.
No experience with viagra. I’m not into drugs.