DC SMeetup V: The Belated Writeup

Sixteen of you showed up to one decadent brunch at Heritage India in Dupont on Sunday afternoon; afterwards, most of us meandered over to the Cosi across Connecticut Avenue because we couldn’t bear to stop listening to and laughing with each other. What a FANTASTIC meetup (click the picture above to enlarge it, if you’d like proof of that). DC’s fifth was easily its best and that’s saying a LOT.

That makes what I have to type next even worse. I know. You mutineers are disappointed in my lack of prompt meetup writingup; if it is any consolation, you can’t possibly be as irritated as the actual attendees, some of whom came all the way from New Jersey and Florida, all of whom watched me type furtively and furiously, only to later wonder, “WTF?” as references to one of the BEST events we’ve ever hosted in any city popped up on my diary blog and my ancient fotolog. Will you reduce the number of spankings I deserve if I point out that I flickr’d the album of photographs from the meetup that same night? All 72 of them? No? Damn.

Well, here’s the cringe-inducing story, morning glories. I am an idiot. I am so used to Microsoft word saving, checking and wiping my kundi for me that I have become ridiculously lazy. I no longer do any of the above on my own (okay fine, maybe I do one of them) because I just assume it will all be taken care of…and by assuming…oh, how I’ve made an ass out of you and me. Or maybe just me.

I lost everything, because I no longer HAVE MS Word on my uber-adored iBook. I have whatever no-nonsense word-processing crap it comes with…and while it worked just dandy for my purposes, it taught me a very expensive lesson by not spoiling me via auto-save. Le sigh. If only I had been able to get online to liveblog all the mischievous merrymaking…

I’m not exaggerating– this was one of the funniest seven-hour conversations this website has ever inspired and it’s awful you won’t get to read any of it.

Here’s an example of what went down:

PORN!
This still reduces me to giggles. Ok, I’m going to summarize for the benefit of the poor people who were unable to share in the joy that was Sunday’s DC Meetup. Be warned, the following description is NSFW or children.
At a certain point in the conversation, our beloved ANNA decides to STAND UP and wax eloquent about this great new reality show she’s discovered…”Debbie Does Dallas Again.” She relates this great moment wherein our favorite brown porn star, Sunny Leone, is seeking career advice FROM HER BROTHER, and actually begins to mimic a certain act. “Should I start doing boy-girl?” our Anna yells, “because if I do, it’ll mean I have to do double-penetration,” and here she pantomimes with her hands…um…well…fellatio and spelunking the small hole, if you will. One hand forward, one hand back, so to speak.
Now, this wouldn’t be so bad if we’d had the restaurant to ourselves, which we did right up until roughly that moment. But fortuitously, a largish gaggle of desis wandered in at JUST THAT POINT, children in tow. While the parents were discussing whether to park themselves at a table, two or three 8-to-10-year old boys walked to the door, then froze there, utterly stunned, mouth agape, transfixed by Anna’s enthusiastic rendering of her new favorite TV show.
This led some of us to comment that Anna had more-or-less kick-started puberty in a few kids that day, and that there would be some interesting Q&A sessions with the parents in the Accord / Camry on the way home that night. “Mommy, I feel funny…in my pants.”
I still get the giggles when I think of the total expressionless intent stare on the faces of those kids while watching you, AJ. Pure gold!

Here’s what I remember:

  • When I did that aforementioned Sunny Leone impersonation which set the tone for the entire day, the one person who was supposed to photograph this (or more appositely, wideo tape it!) was so concomitantly astonished and appalled, he never turned on the camera. You can see a shot of my, ahem, very vivid acting in the center pic/bottom row of the collage above.

  • When SJM mentioned that his botched last name was his clan name, I asked about his tartan. Oh, shut it– you had to be there (and why weren’t you? Hmmmm??)

  • We got a brief introduction to parkour, which I associate with my favorite Bond flick (DBS! DB5!)of all time. There might be a meetup organized around THAT opportunity to break every bone in your body– wheee! I will NOT be hosting that. ;)

  • While at brunch at Heritage India, I ordered chai then watched as everyone else got…SODA. Was I the ONLY DESI PERSON there? I might have been, but it was the awesome gori who ate with her hands, sending me in to a shame spiral because I lack such skillz.

  • “May I give you an inappropriate hug?” was asked at least a dozen times. Two of you were baffled as to why they were inappropriate in the first place. Well, anything I do tends to be and besides, ve are South Asian. No touching hanky pankies betveen the boys and the girls, vokay?

  • And the ONLY memory I have worth sharing is the following convo:

Mutineer: “Well, you know…you could always just get sperm frozen”

Me: “I don’t know why that isn’t more popular in the desi community…such a no-brainer…”

Mutineer #2: “Excuse me?”

Me: “Yeah, like I don’t know why brown parents don’t schlep their mortified 12-year old son to the clinic and go, ‘okay beta, make shame shame in the cup please?’ as soon as its physically possible…there is such an all-consuming obsession with passing on one’s genes, with having an heir.”

All mutineers: (Horrified and yet intrigued)

Me: “This way, if something happens to their precious royal beta, they still get to sire grandchildren. It’s so pragmatic– freezing spare heir juice.”

Mutineer #1: “SPARE HEIR JUICE?!”

:D

::

So someone asked me via flickr what exactly occurs at these meetups and I did an impromptu list, which I am going to past here, since it contains a few relevant highlights:

So what happens at these meetups ?

Yo, your fault for asking! ;)

1) Far too much inappropriate hugging

2) Laughing which makes hyenas feel embarrassed for us

3) Eating. And more eating. Especially the part of the dal makhani which had a creamy yellow butter crown resting atop it. Sweeeeet.

4) Chai drinking. Plenty of that, of course.

5) Marriage arranging…except everyone forgot their bloody biodatas, yaar. Vat I am to do?

6) Talking about anything and everything, with everyone, even though you didn’t know them from Adam 15 minutes ago. :)

7) Porn. ;)

8) Storytelling of the, "you think THAT is bad"-sort. In other words, it’s a quest to see who can one-up whom while regaling us all of how severely and creatively they were punished for doing anything besides studying and breathing.

9) Lots of number-exchanging and plan-making. I think former strangers are hiking next week! I’m taking someone brown-grocery shopping.

10) Pure, unbelievably awesome, long-lasting (seven hours!) FUN.

When do I get to meet YOU at one? :D I host them in DC, NYC and SF.

::

I’m hoping our attendees add their own impressions/memories, beyond those they kindly typed here…? :)

64 thoughts on “DC SMeetup V: The Belated Writeup

  1. Thunder….Thunder…..Thunder…. Thundercats Hoooooooo!!!!

    Where is the Texas meet-up? Abhi get on it

  2. mostly, ashamed that I know who Sunny Leone is. Wish I could’ve been there. . . having merely read the “spare heir juice” dialogue I must now go hit myself repeatedly with a wooden spoon.

  3. Sorry, the previous should have read from anandos, ashamed – I forgot that the ATDs (anti-troll device)s don’t like the word “shame.” iiiiiiiiinteresting.

  4. My first meet up and I am wondering why I missed the previous ones. Thanks ANNA.

    And Salil, Forget the mispronunciation, If I am not getting the Feng Shui book, you are getting one my friend. :)

  5. From the kids’ perspective, you must’ve loomed as a cloud-clad, vulgar, brown angel dropping culturally relevant fruits from the tree of post-pubertal knowledge. Quite a powerful and moving experience, no doubt.

  6. that sounded like it was fun. when is the REAL east coast that counts (you know, NYC) meeting. cicatrix, siddharta hook it up.

  7. what’s a girl gotta do to get an atlanta meet up???? hmmm??? does no one come here?

  8. It looks like you guya had fun…very interesting (kinky?!) topics…Anna, when is the next Chicago meet?

  9. A good looking group!

    Indeed! But maybe a little lopsided, gender ratio-wise? But everyone is so good looking and having a lot of fun anyway.

    Who is everyone?

    Guessing game! I think I can tell who Lizzie is in the pics…and Anna of course, but from there on, it’s not easy…

  10. Rajiv (12): I think I’m going to take a tiny bit of credit there, too. ANNA did most of the work (with her kundi, as usual).

    I’m the one that Asha’s Dad is referencing in #2. I had to run off to North Carolina all Cinderelly-style as is usual for my Sundays, so it was depressing to bail on such a fun meetup.

    HMF, and anyone else interested in le parkour: I go to Primal Fitness in NE DC on Saturday mornings at 10am. It’s amazing, it’s the best workout you could possibly imagine. I’m slightly less pudgy and roundular-faced after 6-7 weeks of working out in the most brutal fashion. I’d probably have dropped 30 pounds if I hadn’t had to eat in Wilkesboro, NC, where fine dining is Applebee’s or Ruby Tuesday’s, and “normal” dining is Taco Bell or Burger King.

  11. Oh, and Sriram (and anyone else who might be interested):

    We’re going to go hiking on Sat. morning next in Great Falls, VA on the Billy Goat Trail, but upstream for a slightly different experience. It’s absolutely gorgeous (pardon the pun) up above the falls, and there’s some good bouldering around those parts, too, if anyone wants to bring their climbing shoes. My email is in my tag, so let me know if you’d be down!

  12. HMF, and anyone else interested in le parkour: I go to Primal Fitness in NE DC on Saturday mornings at 10am

    That’s some cool stuff, I didn’t know they taught it so officially. Then again, I took breakdancing classes in 1984.

  13. what’s a girl gotta do to get an atlanta meet up????
    move to another city.

    that’s cold chickpea… cold…

    some of us (me) happen to be afraid of earthquakes and don’t want to go to cali. :P
    the south suits me just fine! :P

  14. We’re going to go hiking on Sat. morning next in Great Falls, VA on the Billy Goat Trail

    I’d love to come out but I’m doing a volunteer project that day. I definitely think an outdoorsy SM meetup sometime this summer would be a great thing.

  15. that’s cold chickpea… cold… some of us (me) happen to be afraid of earthquakes and don’t want to go to cali. :P the south suits me just fine! :P

    nah, it’s not cold, it’s the truth.. you don’t have to move to california for a meetup, just a better state/city.. DC, chicago, houston, LA, SF…to name a few.

  16. For those of us who are new to SM, could we get captions for all the pictures? Pretty please?

  17. For those of us who are new to SM, could we get captions for all the pictures? Pretty please?

    i think some people like to remain semi-anonymous… it’s kinda mysterious in a ‘james bond’ kind of way.. ;)

  18. some of us (me) happen to be afraid of earthquakes and don’t want to go to cali. :P the south suits me just fine! :P

    Not to scare anyone – or threadjack, but check this out. And this map for a quick look.

  19. Dang – sounds like a really good meetup :)

    And for those that’re curious, the Debbie Does Dallas Again ‘reality’ show is on SHOwtime. Heck, they’ve filmed it in HD, so I watch it on SHOHD. It is truly amazing how vacuous the ladies of (Vivid) porn are … and no that has nothing to do with can & can’t be shown on cable!

    Salil, which Saturday would that (hike @ Great Falls) be … tomorrow? If it’s the following weekend, count me in – but it’s unlikely I can make it tomorrow! Thanks for the open invite :)

  20. nah, it’s not cold, it’s the truth.. you don’t have to move to california for a meetup, just a better state/city.. DC, chicago, houston, LA, SF…to name a few.

    hmm..does this mean we’ll have another SM meetup in LA?

  21. hmm..does this mean we’ll have another SM meetup in LA?

    heck yeah, hopefully as soon as i land into my bowl back in southern california.. from the peach to the beach.. can’t wait. taz you in?

  22. There needs to be a NYC throwdown for sho’!…In addition Boston could stand to represent :)

  23. All Mixed Up: We can always keep up with the mutineers’ personal blogs and see if they accidentally reveal any travel plans to Atlanta and force them into a meet up. Wanna join me? oh wait, someone might probably spoil our fun by telling us – “dude, that is like stalking… like that so NOT cool…” whatever, let’s do it anyway. what say?

  24. I can’t believe we left before the flag-waving and sign-wielding protesters showed up! That makes a party.

    Things I remember: * Discussing Salil’s collection of Feng Shui and interior design books. * Tallying whose parents gave their teachers special permission to smack them around when naughty (and whose told their teachers to slap the kid next to them). * Wanting desperately to see Sunny Leone’s parents update her biodata based on her decision to venture into boy-girl professional territory (which, sadly, she hasn’t done yet). * Jay laughing helplessly while simultaneously trying to fold himself up under the table as the large family slowly filed by, single-file, behind us as ANNA recapped Sunny’s convo with her brother. * All the super-friendly, hilariously-funny peeps that I had to leave after only 2 and a half hours (I shake my fist at you, grad school finals!).

    Thanks for the brunch, y’all! I’ll definitely be there next time.

  25. Anna! Not only the hugs, but most of the meeting was ‘inappropriate’! I shudder to think of those poor kids, whose morals were no doubt corrupted by your inappropriate rendition of a porn star!! What example are you setting for our fine desi youth of tomorrow? When you are desi, you must act desi! No to porn, yes to desi culture!! :)

    ;)

  26. The meetup was quite a good time, all around, and not least beause I had to roll myself out of the joint having stuffed my face. But, I wanted to add a comment about class to this discussion, and I find it comes up with many South Asian community events. Basically, that there are many yuppies, well-off professional types — and there’s nothing wrong with that — but I think it’s worth remembering that there are a bunch of brownies who are working class, who are starving artists (tis true, i’m one of them — but i come from the upper class brownie eshcelons — but lizzie is my sugar mama, so…) Basically, just that the meetups are a good place to get people who are observers of the blog to start partiipating more, feeling more a part of the community. I think the community (and all communities) would benefit from the dialogue brought by more class diversity. To be more clear and to the point, though the food was fabulous, it was pricey and I think that keeps certain members of our community away, and it’s just important for us to be aware of that. That’s my two cents as someone who has observed this blog, and now that I have been a part of an official meetup, someone who will probably take part in the blog discussion more.

    Also, we disussed porn and I like discussing porn.

  27. LA Meetup? With Chick Pea, and Bengali Chick? Yay! Can’t wait for the bean to move back, and the festivities to begin!

    We’re going to go hiking on Sat. morning next in Great Falls, VA on the Billy Goat Trail

    Awwwwww! I’ve BEEN on that trail! That is so weird and obscure. Have fun! I’ll be picturing masses of Mutineers hiking on the trail this weekend.

  28. spare heir juice

    Ahem. Had a bit of a There’s Something About Mary moment there. I think it would’ve put me off kheer for dessert.

  29. It’s a good spot, Taz. Next time y’all come out East, we’ll head out to Shenandoah or something. Plan ahead now…

    So Deeno, are you saying no to Indian buffet because it’s too upscale, yaar? This reminds me of an episode of Friends

    Insert joke about “Hooters and a BJ” here.

  30. So Deeno, are you saying no to Indian buffet because it’s too upscale, yaar?

    Ha!! Ha ha ha! Deeno, I understand your point, but I was drinking a glass of water and seeing this sentence in print made me snort my water through my nose.