Off the Market

600_bolly.jpgWhen the hell did I become a chronicler of Bollywood? I barely know a damn thing about the films. But the pulsating worldwide buzz of matters Ash and Abhishek is so intense right now, it has penetrated even my cortex. I surrender to the glamour and the glory. Consider how our dashing duo have spent the last three days:

Thursday: Star in glamorous, media-frenzied, movie premiere event in Toronto.

Friday: Star in glamorous, media-frenzied, movie premiere event in New York City.

Saturday: Travel, presumably.

Sunday: Oh, I don’t know… how about we get engaged at a private ceremony at Daddyji’s Juhu crib?

A couple of days ago the Indian press was still reading the tealeaves based on Ash and Abhishek’s “hand-in-hand” appearance in Toronto — actually, the pictures show Ash demurely at her gentleman’s elbow —

The buzz about the marriage of Aishwarya and Abhishek has become almost a belief now after Ash has been spotted more frequently in the company of the Bachchans in the recent days thereby adding more fuel to the gossip mills.

Well, mill no more! It’s official. Sorry, Neha and Chick Pea and the rest of you lovely ladies… Thank God we know another superfine Abhishek who might still be available. Having U.S. passport even!

70 thoughts on “Off the Market

  1. When the hell did I become a chronicler of Bollywood? I barely know a damn thing about the films.

    Denial ain’t a river in…what about the time you Mom found that secret stash of Stardust mag underneath your bed?

  2. At the press conference Friday, I wondered what the body language between the two would be like.

    That is until Mani Uncle and A.R. the Soundtrack Wunderkind took the two center seats at the table, leaving AB 2.0 and the lovely Miss Rai to flank them on either end.

    After emcee Nisha Mathur repeatedly asked those in attendance to refrain from personal questions, I was tempted to high-five the gentleman from the Indian Express, who asked Bachchan Beta, in the most innocent tone, “What’s it like working with Aishwarya?” (Hey, it’s a work-related query, right?) 😉

  3. The movie ‘Guru’ is supposed to be pretty good, BTW, from word-of-mouth reports that I am hearing. Haven’t got a chance to see it yet.

  4. Thank God we know another superfine Abhishek who might still be available. Having U.S. passport even!

    Heh, Heh, Heh

  5. It’s excellent, though it could be taken by some people as a hagiography of a man who made it to the top by less-than-legal means.

    Abhishek Bachchan has really grown into a solid actor in his own right, never mind being his father’s son. And, wonder of wonders, this is the first film where he and his betrothed actually have tangible onscreen chemistry.

    The first two song picturizations with Aishwarya Rai are beautifulm and also reminiscent of two of her numbers in Kandukondain, Kandukondain (Konjum Mainakkale and Kannamoochi, respectively), but then again, both have Rajiv Menon’s touch…

  6. “The first two song picturizations with Aishwarya Rai are beautifulm and also reminiscent of two of her numbers in Kandukondain, Kandukondain (Konjum Mainakkale and Kannamoochi, respectively), but then again, both have Rajiv Menon’s touch…”

    that’s exactly what i thought, especially the first aishwarya song.

  7. sorry guys, but since we’re on the topic of bollywood, i gotta say this. most of the films are mind-boggingly terrible. every time i watch one with the hope that it will actually contain some substance, but again and again i’m bombarded with pointless dance/song numbers and horrific acting. The only ones I’ve enjoyed are Veer Zaara, Monsoon Wedding, and Water(and the last two wouldn’t really be considered part of bollywood). and speaking of ashwariya, i saw bride and prejudice with hopes of a nice crossover only to feel simply embarrassed by the over exaggerated theatrics. the random dance numbers + horrible songs = disaster. plus, she’s a horrible actor. a beautiful face, yes, but not good at acting. however, if the people love her, which they do, no ones gonna care. just my two cents

  8. I’m bored, you’re watching the wrong bollywood films. Mani Ratnam (who directed “Guru”) is a step above. Also try Vishal Bhardwaj’s films (as in, this summer’s “Omkara”).

    BTW, neither Monsoon Wedding nor Water are actually Bollywood movies — both were funded with foreign production money.

    I wouldn’t disagree that most Bollywood is mind-numbingly bad, but the same could be said of Hollywood. “Night at the Museum”? Spare me.

  9. Abhishek gone? Who cares! I’m sad that Aishwarya is officially gone!

    This is a sad, sad day.

    I’m going to go eat a pint of ice cream.

  10. i’m bored, I’m with Amardeep on this… Mani Ratnam’s films are not mindless drivel, and this past year especially, Hindi movies have edged closer to elements you’d see in mainstream Hollywood movies, but without losing their Hindimovieness altogether.

    On the subject of Ash in B&P, I agree, I thought she was very shrill in it and seemed to look annoyed most of the time. I haven’t been wild about her in most Bollywood flics either (she was terribly plastic in most of Dhoom 2), but, my thoughts at Guru on Friday were that this is the “realest” I’ve seen her on screen since she played the lovesick young girl in Kandukondain.

    On a side note, was anyone else reminded of a young Al Pacino when Guru was showing Abhi’s character’s rise?

  11. Ugh, why do people always mention Bride & Prejudice when citing that Aishwarya is a horrible actress? I’m in love with her and even I couldn’t stand that movie – it was horrible. And Dhoom 2 wasn’t exactly a movie where the actors were supposed to deliver outstanding and moving performances – it was about the actors wearing minimal clothing, looking sexy and dancing a lot.

    Try watching Umrao Jaan, Guru or even Devdas. Don’t judge her by a movie that I couldn’t even sit through!

  12. why is ash hooking up with abhishek? I thought Vivek Oberoi was a good match (100 times cuter than abhi)

    whats wrong with women!

  13. I’m with I’m bored: most Bollywood (AND Hollywierd) films are booooooooooring. 😉

    IMO, Ash is easy on the eyes, but a horrible actor. I prefer Preity Zinta. Abhishek seems to be getting good though — must be something in the genes. after all, he boasts some on BOTH sides of the (gene) pool.

  14. why is ash hooking up with abhishek? I thought Vivek Oberoi was a good match (100 times cuter than abhi)

    Well, Vivek is hardly as popular at the box office as Abhishek is. Also, Amitabh seems like a better father in law in terms of fame then Suresh Oberoi.

  15. and no mangosteens

    what do these things taste like? i know people who break laws to get their hands on them. when i tell them i’ve never had one they look at me like i’m a virgin and they’re aishwayria rai’s lover. (the last line saves me from charges of thread jacking).

  16. what do these things taste like?

    the juicy flesh is the color and texture of lichi. but mroe than the taste, it’s the packaging that makes it intriguing – quite like aishwarya – i totaly think if it were like the pineapple, it would lose the mystique – but the shell – yes, it’s a brittle covering is a fascinating purple color and the seed is huge, but the meat’s skimpy – probably like abhishek’s package – and the taste of the flesh is interesting and nothing like chicken.

    i’m glad to be of help.

  17. the juicy flesh is the color and texture of lichi. but mroe than the taste, it’s the packaging that makes it intriguing – quite like aishwarya – i totaly think if it were like the pineapple, it would lose the mystique – but the shell – yes, it’s a brittle covering is a fascinating purple color and the seed is huge, but the meat’s skimpy – probably like abhishek’s package – and the taste of the flesh is interesting and nothing like chicken.

    Thanks Hairy D. And may I add…Heh, Heh, Heh.

  18. the gandhi’s at first, then the bachchan’s now are the keneddy’s of india. ash is smart to make this move. she was bigger in the international scene, but to be part of the abhishek and amitabh crew is vey huge for her career. i’m certain this couple realizes how much power they have at the right moment; at the highest point of bollywood’s popularity.

  19. but the meat’s skimpy – probably like abhishek’s package

    Speak for yourself bro! I bet your puny pecker cannot even peek past your pubes. Lol.

  20. I don’t really watch Bollywood but having taken a look at this guy Abishek, I wonder. Yikes! Being a straight male, I suppose I’m not an expert in this field but I’m sure I’ve seen more presentable guys in the computer science faculty. To be fair, I don’t really get the fuss over Aishwarya either. Sure she is attractive but the “most beautiful woman in the world?” I am curious though. Do people really think of Abishek as being attractive? Could a guy who looks like him get roles in Bollywood movies if he wasn’t the son of a big star? It’s not like Bollywood places a premium on acting talent. I suppose dancing skills are important but how hard is that to pick up?

  21. Speak for yourself bro! I bet your puny pecker cannot even peek past your pubes. Lol.

    hunnh! a true desi-ghee mard would still be partakign of wedding night pleasures – much better than banging the keyboard i tell you.

    and regarding my virility, here’s a true story.

    i was climbing this cliff at rattlesnake point in milton, ontario – without harness or rope of course. i had climbed about thirteen feet. the jagged quartzite below me was gleaming in the sun. Then, as i reached into a crevice with my left hand to look for a solid grip, i felt a jab and a burning pain. Once, twice. I yanked my hand out and saw this scorpion scurry out and into another crevice. i had a good foothold. My right hand had a good grip but my left hand was throbbing and swelling up. I didnt think i could use it anymore. talk about being in a pickle.

    i tried to scrape my way sideways to where a tree was growing next to the cliff, hoping i could jump off into the bough and to relative safety – but my left hand was going numb now. the situation was dire. my right hand was getting clammy with perspiraiton and i could feel my legs starting to tremble. this was not good. i snuck a look down and the jagged rocks did not look forgiving. there was only one thing to do.

    with a fast motion i drew my hand down and undid my fly. as i thought of aishwarya my python flew out and smashed its way, through a spray of stone dust, into the rock. I had the extra anchorage i needed to move sideways. I repeated this steadily until i was next to the tree and leaped off the cliff. the branch cracked but did not break and the needles of the tamarack pine went through my clothes but i held tight with both arms.

    Slowly but steadily i worked my way down to safety.

    Like I said, true story.

  22. I don’t really get the fuss over Aishwarya either. Sure she is attractive but the “most beautiful woman in the world?”

    Get used to the asinine hyperbole that seems to be the norm among desis. India Shining anyone?

  23. hairy d: that was brilliant..

    manju: ‘it is like seeing a unicorn’.. it is divine.. more divine than the engagement of these 2 bollywood stars.. ;), for a better description, here is a nyt article

    “I’ve waited so long for this moment,” he said in July, savoring the floral, sweet-tart flavor of one of the most delicious of fruits, and certainly the most hyped: the mangosteen.
  24. hairyd, i believe you. btw, whom did you think of while you were retracting your python to get to your next anchor point? Lalita pawar? kader khan? me curious

  25. I bet they’ll be back in the market in less than 24 months; they all do, eventually.

  26. uber: i am also cynical about most bollywood marriages… however.. i have a gut feeling that this one will last..i think it will… (well hope so anyways!)

  27. cinnamonrani:

    I was hoping it would be Rani!

    have you seen her without makeup? fugly personified.. like oprah without makeup.. ugh.. that would not make for pretty babies..

    sonia:

    I’m sad that Aishwarya is officially gone!

    yeah, i think the amitabh clan will keep her indoors and out of the public scene now… that is pretty sad…

    what is even sadder: indian satellite tv cannot STOP talking about this… and it is annoying as all hell since my parents are addicted to this and refuse to change the channel.. isn’t anything else going on in india?

  28. from comment 2: the gentleman from the Indian Express, who asked Bachchan Beta

    Being of the white persuasion, I thought for a moment this was a slightly mean way of referring to the guys…you know, Bachchan Alpha and Bachchan Beta… 😉

  29. I don’t really get the fuss over Aishwarya either. Sure she is attractive but the “most beautiful woman in the world?
    Get used to the asinine hyperbole that seems to be the norm among desis. India Shining anyone?

    Julia Roberts is Desi.

  30. yeah, i think the amitabh clan will keep her indoors and out of the public scene now… that is pretty sad…

    She’s got about 11 more movies that haven’t been released yet, or that she is still filming, so I think we’ll be seeing plenty of her =)

  31. “Get used to the asinine hyperbole that seems to be the norm among desis. India Shining anyone?”

    it’s silly but no different than people magazine’s “50 most beautiful people in the world”(with the majority coming from the u.s. or the western hemisphere and looking rather homogenous with a few exceptions.), its “sexiest man alive”, or even award shows such as the oscars with “best movie of the year” “best actor” or “best movie of all-time”. hollywood has been doing this sort of thing ever since its inception.

  32. Abhishek gone? Who cares! I’m sad that Aishwarya is officially gone!

    Condolences to lesbians in the cyberspace. Actually Gurinder Chadha would be more be dissappointed that the muse of her feminist movies is actually marrying a brown man in real life.

  33. i am also cynical about most bollywood marriages… however.. i have a gut feeling that this one will last..i think it will… (well hope so anyways!)

    This one might work.

    You know Abhishek B. was engaged to Karisma Kapoor some years ago.

    I read that Madhuri D. is back in Mumbai, and has a role in theater play.

  34. kush: yeah, knew about his prior engagement to karishma…aish is truly a step up… i think the kapoor married a divoriced childhood friend…

    but i think this one is in for the long haul… i think it’s a great match…

    and as for madhuri, totally feel sorry for her… she was pressured by her family…her husband trained at my medical school and was a compelete and utter jackass…

  35. and as for madhuri, totally feel sorry for her… she was pressured by her family…her husband trained at my medical school and was a compelete and utter jackass…

    Yeah, supposedly he never saw a single movie of hers before he was introduced to her…how is that even possible for a Maharashtrian guy of his age who grew up in India? He’d almost have to be a complete shut-in…or just a very big nerd.

  36. sorry guys, but since we’re on the topic of bollywood, i gotta say this. most of the films are mind-boggingly terrible. every time i watch one with the hope that it will actually contain some substance, but again and again i’m bombarded with pointless dance/song numbers and horrific acting

    That’s why some of us actually watch them – for the incredible kitsch factor and escapism.

    Highly enjoyable when your depressed.

  37. Yeah, supposedly he never saw a single movie of hers before he was introduced to her…how is that even possible for a Maharashtrian guy of his age who grew up in India? He’d almost have to be a complete shut-in…or just a very big nerd.

    amitabh: he is pure american, not born and raised in india… he flaunted her picture to the other surgeons saying ‘i’m marrying the ‘madonna’ of india’… he was an ass nonetheless..

  38. “I am really OK with the way I look, It’s fine. All this is transient. I mean, it’s really, you know, it changes with time, and that’s the external.”

    Aishwarya Rai

    An intelligent, grounded and very true statement.

    I saw Aish on Oprah via youtube recently and was actually impressed. She came across friendly and relaxed and down-to-earth, although I have read several criticisms of her regarding that interview, that she was stiff and what-not.

    Let’s see how she does in Mistress of Spices – has anyone seen it in the theatres? It’s coming out on DVD in Feb.