It’s well known that washed-out crooners and comedians end up in Las Vegas. The same role is played in the international soccer world by a few wealthy backwaters where once-glamorous players on the far side of their prime can poke the ball around a few more years against subpar opposition. For some reason Qatar, principally among the Gulf states, has been such a haven for a decade or more. Japan is another such venue. But the place you really want to end up if you’re a footballing once-great is — following the path that Pelé and Beckenbauer once trod — the good old U. S. of A.
Before you pounce: Yes, I know that the U.S., Japan, even Qatar are all soccer powers on the rise in an international scene where talent is more and more evenly spread. And it’s arguable that some of these early retirees have contributed to this leveling, although I’m more inclined to believe that when they get off their arses and coach (like Zico for Japan last year), as opposed to collect large checks and come on in the seventy-fifth minute to please the adoring masses.
In light of these considerations I guess we should refrain from judging in advance the impact that the arrival of Golden Balls himself, David Beckham, in the U.S. to play for the Los Angeles Galaxy will have on the development of the sport. But considering the amount of money that’s being shelled out for him — $250 million over five years, the richest contract in American professional sports — it’s fair to say that someone out there has great expectations.
One constituency that has to be happy is Los Angeles realtors, as the establishment of a West Coast Beckingham Palace is sure to reflate the market for Beverly Hills mansions. Victoria Beckham (I know, how did I manage to take this post so far without mentioning her?) has been spotted scoping out properties in the company of Katie Holmes, the latest Tom Cruise brainwashee spouse. It seems Katie and Posh are BFFs — who knew? — and so I suppose we can expect numerous stories ahead of TomKat and Posh & Becks double-dating shenanigans, hopefully in all possible permutations.
But what does it mean for the desis? Tipster Kamala is on the case. She sent us a link to this picture that Sports Illustrated ran a couple of days ago on its website. She notes:
observe Beckham’s left hand. If my hindi is right, his tattoo says Victoria in Hindi, in huge letters. It’s so clearly visible. Hmm.
Hmm is right, my sister! Well, it’s been documented before that Posh and Becks like to get their India on — it’s apparently a common malady among the Brit celebrity set — and beside, who could resist that sinewy Devanagari script, it’s so sensuous and exotic. Between this and the whole Bend-It thing, perhaps Posh and Becks could help us re-open our recently-shuttered Los Angeles bureau.
We’re also going to need some investigators and paperazzi of our own (Taz, Shruti, I’m looking at you). For now we’ll have to make do with this Los Angeles perspective from Defamer, which has opened a new category (“Celebutard Immigration Issues”) to mark the event and offers here its “official position” on the arrival of Posh & Becks:
We are wholeheartedly against the idea of foreign attention whores stealing away scarce Lohan-diddling and vagina-flashing opportunities from our homegrown celebutards, and we’d rather see our native paparazzi burn down Los Angeles rather than forfeit their turf to the coming wave of alien guerrilla photographers who will soon be dispatched to document the Beckhams’ every Starbucks visit.
Meanwhile, Las Vegas just got a whole lot closer. Spice Girls reunion tour, anyone?
Chelsea lifer since I first laid eyes on Gianfranco Zola.
Well, it’s Liverpool V Chelsea next Saturday and United V Arsenal on Sunday. The top four in the standings right there; Should certainly be a nice weekend;)
“The trouble with this place is, you can’t get decent English food here, I mean, where do you go for a good old fashioned CURRY, what is an English dish and all that” (metaphorical of multicultural Britain and all that”
Redsnapper, it’s clear that you should be churning out scripts asap…you’re hilarious!
UMM: I support Crystal Palace, always have and always will.
But as long as we’re not in the Premiership, I have a soft spot for Arsenal out of the top sides. One – because I’ve been to more of their games than any other club’s and two – because my best mates support Liverpool and Man U and I love watching them lose. Oh and three – the golden days of Henry and Vieira bringing French class to London.
sk I’m being serious, I’m going to script-write this sucker in a frenzy next weekend. Who has Chadha’s agent’s details? Let me know or get her to drop her e-mail address here on this thread.
I’m debating whether to introduce a lesbian element, because let’s face it, Rosario Dawson would look good with Parminder in the shower after a game. But not in an exploitative manner. And let’s not forget there was an oppressed gay in the first one, so we have to balance it out.
Anyway….let me know of any new ways to demonise Indian men so I can incorporate them into the script. It’s a dead cert to make at least $100 million at the US box orifice. Easy to market:
‘Starring the macaca from ER, the one with the fake English accent’
We could stick Naveen Andrews in the film as well:
‘Also starring the macaca who plays the terrorist in the English Patient and Lost, the one with the fake English accent’
We can properly mash it up, also to show how British people are so cool and inter-racial these days, maybe have a scene in which Becks goes to the gurdwara too or something like that. Final minute goal he scores that somehow is metaphorical for everything else. Add curry. Just have to work out hot to include spices with magical powers. With a sub-plot about how Mexicans in California are like Punjabis in England. Somebody give me Chadha’s agent’s telephone number, my typewriter is burning up here….
After Red Snapper’s rant, I’ve eliminated supporting Chelsea. Man Utd. would be too easy – like choosing the LA Lakers or Dallas Cowboys. I’m looking for a London side, so that when visting I might catch a match. Arsenal seems like a good choice- Van Persie and Fabregas, Henry, perpetual Europe contenders, wonderful logo. I know that West Ham is associated with thuggery.
I don’t know if anybody else said that, but Beckham team in Spain has benched him for rest of the season, ha that just made my day.
Re: teams to support: If New York can have the Red Bulls, I think London should have the Red Snappers.
siddhartha is it the Rosario Dawson / Parminder naked in a shower scene in my script that clinched it for you? Like I said there was an oppressed gay in the first one so we have to continue that theme, tastefully.
Chadha, if you’re reading this, give me a call.
Getting the Indian on is apparently not just confined to British celebs, but now, Brett Lee from the Australian Cricket team has released a song and video of him singing partly in Hindi to woo an Indian girl. The song also features Asha Bhosle. Story’s here: http://archive.gulfnews.com/articles/07/01/13/10096368.html.
The actual song and video can be found here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qqFM6HC3tZM.
Spice Girls reunion tour!? YES PLEASE.