Like many other browns I know, my name seems to bring out the worst in other people. When I taught elementary school in Brooklyn, an older colleague insisted on calling me “Ms. R.” “I don’t mean to offend,” he explained, “but if I try saying your last name, I know I’ll just sound silly.” Well, now you just sound like an idiot, I thought. A similar encounter occurred during my first week of graduate school, when the Dean approached me and introduced herself. I told her my name, and she asked, “Why couldn’t your parents just name you Molly or Jane?” Yes, I know, Naina Ramajayan…so difficult to pronounce, that even I just call myself ‘The N.’ It’s all pretty ironic, actually; considering that I’m a southie Hindu, my name is about as simple as it gets.
Thankfully, the baggage that comes with my name is fairly harmless, and I’m able to laugh it off. No one has ever looked at my name and suggested that I be targeted for homeland security. Some of my friends from college, however, haven’t been as lucky. When my friend Rahul Shah introduced himself to his co-worker a while ago, she responded, “Like, as in, the Shah of Iran, that Holocaust denier?” (Oh yes, she did.) Another friend felt pressured to start using his middle name at work because his boss joked that his first name, Amit, sounded like ‘Ahmed.’ And so what if does? “Dude,” he explained, “Three of the 9-11 hijackers were named Ahmed.” Amit, Ahmed, Shah, Iran…looks like the code is finally getting cracked.
I used to think these issues concerning names were a burden only for us brown people. But then I learned that Senator Barack Obama of Illinois is in a similar predicament. CNN did a nice story a few weeks ago (you can view the clip here) on the “controversy” surrounding the Senator’s name. Since Obama rhymes with Osama, Barack rhymes with Iraq (and Chirac), and Hussein is his middle name, he’s evidently a newly-discovered threat to the United States. After watching that clip, I felt guilty for thinking my buddy Amit was just being paranoid of his boss all these years. In fact, now I’m even more paranoid than I ever was before. Of rampant stupidity, that is. Aasif Mandvi appeared on the Daily Show on Tuesday night to bring his perspective on Obama-Osama-gate.
My favorite line: Aasif Mandvi? Yikes, I sound like trouble. People, keep your eye on me.
Jokes aside, I have to wonder: if Barack’s name — or any of our names, for that matter — rhymed with McVeigh, Rudolph, or Kaczynski, would any of this even be a topic of discussion?
Ok, a couple of responses:
Someone asked what desis do who have interracial kids and live in the west…
In our family, most (but not all) of the IBDs who married goris and goras have chosen to give their kids European origin first names and Singh or Kaur as middle names. The ones who gave their kids Indian first names, gave names that could easily be shortened to a European sounding name or were “crossover” names that were found in both Indian and European origin communities. Those IBDs who married Indians have chosen to give their kids Indian first names. Same with the ABDs.
About “selling out” – not sure that Anglicized names are a fair indicator, especially when so many immigrants from/people currently living in South India have had Anglicized names in their families for generations. Is a nice Indian boy like John Abraham a sellout? Or how about Susan, George, Elizabeth, Antony, Thomas, Theresa, Mathew, Michael, David, and Jacob who were born and raised in Kerala?
Peace.
Let not forget a man who had some desi roots named Farrukh Bulsara changed his name when he moved to England. His new name was more western and it could have played a part in his new life.
Is a nice Indian boy like John Abraham a sellout? Or how about Susan, George, Elizabeth, Antony, Thomas, Theresa, Mathew, Michael, David, and Jacob who were born and raised in Kerala?
John Abraham is a Christian-Parsi. Both of those groups have a long tradition of westernized names.
A lot of your examples are of Kerala Christians, same with other Christians (Assam, Meghalaya, Goa) in India. Same with Parsis. I know some Hindus too. But they are not doing to fit in, they have a long history of naming Johns, and Thomas.
Regarding DIXIT.
I always pronounced it dikshit, like most indians i know. But one young man with that last name here kept telling us to pronounce the x as x instead of ksh.
Speaking of unfortunate names, I met an American expat in India named Mark Benchot. His life was less than pleasant, though it did take him 6 months or so to understand why anyone who knew his name sniggered.
What if you do name your kid something to ‘fit in’? Isn’t that your own darn business and no-one elses! I’m not saying you have to respect that particular decision, or the reasons behind it, but that the decision is an individual one. It’s really no-one else’s business. For some desi types in the West naming their kid Amy might be more ‘real’ than naming her Meera or whatever. What if you just like a particular name because you read it in a book or it means something to you personally? Do you have to name your kid a desi name just because your parents were born in India?
*Creative naming is part of modern American culture, especially modern celebrity culture, what with the Moon Unit and Apples, etc. Steven Levitt’s chapter in Freakonomics on baby-naming is hilarious, touching, and illustrative. We have aspirations!
Some desi name are easier to say and no need to change. Sanjay Gupta has a name that he didn’t have to make western cause it was not that hard to say.
We’ve been down a similarly named road before, Mutineers. Bidismoker, this one’s especially for you. “Thomas” is a fine desi name; stop acting ignorant and trolltastic.
….have relatives in India named, among other things, Hilton,Sabatini,Arun,Ramsey,Ayesha,Renato……..an ongoing attempt to fake the Bollywood tradition of Roberts and Lawrences.
I was raised in an upper middle class suburb in Connecticut and was one of the few Indians in my school. I was teased year after year because of my name. It seems like a lot of people here have brushed off this kind of teasing but I have never forgotten it. It wasn’t just being made fun of b/c of my name – it represented me not fitting in with my peers. I would’ve done anything to have an easier to pronounce, Western name…and yes, I changed my 12 letter surname since then.
I don’t care if people consider it selling out, but I will never give my child a name that is not easy to pronounce. There are other ways to show Desi pride. I’m okay with there being a new generation of Indian-Americans with names like Tara, Maya and Meera.
Even today, I wish my 1st name was easier to pronounce…hell, I just want people to know I’m female by looking at my name.
I wish I could feel the same pride as some of you, but for me, I just can’t shake the hell that was elementary and middle school.
Oh Pallavi: that’s terrible. Yes, I think some of us (okay, me) tend to forget how hurtful that teasing can be. I did get teased in junior high, but that was more because I was a straight-up nerd, rather than my desi-ness, which not so much changed in high school, it’s I just that joined a really big group of friends and we just made our own social circle: Still nerdy, but it was Iowa. Everyone was uncool in one way or another and transformations were possible! Am I the only one who enjoyed high school more than college? I don’t know why some kids get teased and others don’t. There is such a herd mentality at that age.
Anyway, teasing is awful, for whatever reason, and so hard on children.
i also enjoy the constant question of “what does your name mean?” as if sara and johnny have profound meanings behind their names.
Us gultis have got the worst last names. I’m constantly having to correct the pronunciation by non-telugus ( even the northies ) on how to say my fellow gultis last names. Sampler : Gottimukkala, Bollapragada, Kalanadhabhatta, Bukkapatnam, Jonnalagadda, Jatavallabhula ( All these names are just from a single google hit http://ias.berkeley.edu/southasia/telugudonors.html ), if one were to compile the real difficult names, we will definitely take the cake.
I won’t write my real full name here, but it is the equivalent of Annamail Sita Ramakrishnan. My parents always intended to call me Sita; Annamail was just my given name. In elementary school, up till 3rd grade, people called me by my first name. Unfortunately, I never taught teachers how to pronounce it correctly and because it was phonetically challenging, I basically ended up getting called by a name that sounded very similar to a common household appliance. Not cool.
Later, when I moved schools, I switched to Sita. Easy enough, right? Wrong. I was “see-duh” for years, even though I went out of my way to enunciate the correct pronunciation of my name. I didn’t understand why people insisted on putting a “d” into my name when there was none to be found. Eventually I ended up just introducing myself as “see-duh” out of convenience and a good dash of self-loathing.
In high school, a girl named Anita (desi) heard me introduce myself as “see-duh.” She said, “what are you doing?? That’s not your name. It’s Sita, it’s 4 letters — you teach people how to pronounce it properly and correct them every time they say it wrong. If you can learn how to say their names properly, they can afford you the same respect.” Since that day, I have never, ever introduced myself as “see-duh.” I don’t correct everyone, but I expect my real friends to pronounce my name properly, or at least as best as they can. When strangers say “well, that’s a strange name,” I tell them that Suzanne and Jason are strange names in India. I try not to excuse linguistic laziness, but do not fault people who have difficulty with pronunciation in every language.
Anyway, Anita, wherever you are, we were never the best of friends, but you did more for my self-worth in one day that a lot of people ever have.
Oh relax, bidismoker. There are, like, a billion people in India, so a little multiculti mash-up here in the US isn’t going to kill any culture, which isn’t static to begin with…
Dude/dudette?, these things happen over time in an immigrant, polyglot culture like the US. Things, slowly, get mixed up. Get ready for your next congressperson from Texas or California or wherever: John Singh Garcia! Or, do you want lots of little ethnic ghettos where everyone lives exactly like their parents did when they first came over?
Well then, Samir did have a point in Office Space. His name was Nainanajjad.Na-eena–najjad. Since they dont learn..how about a mass conversion to “Micheal Bolton”…mutiny anyone??
The Adil Ray his BBC Asian show did a segment on how many people get thier names butchered. It was interesting to see that even in the UK where the Indian population is so large, names are still butchered! Listen to the Jan 8 show. (http://www.bbc.co.uk/asiannetwork/adilray/)
BTW…I’ve had my name butchered more times than I can count. The small town school system I enrolled in when I moved from India decided my name was too long and shortened it on my school records, without my parents consent. To this day, its interesting to see how many different variations people come up with.
And then they start a “cool” trend, but still we doubt ourselves! In the end respect in the society goes to those show confidence in their identity. At least that’s what I have figured in life so far. If you wait for someone else to make you comfortable about your own identity you have kind of lost some respect (not that it can’t be gained by other means).
The rising confidence of the south asian identity is why this blog exists and is popular. Hope this continues to the day that no one has to doubt if their names are stopping them from succeeding in the society.
If your handle wasn’t MD, I’d think you were the president of the NAAWP. Show me a study that says indian/black/hispanic/whatever names on resumes are 50% more likely to get callbacks as whites, then we’ll talk about bashing the poor southern white person.
To the person that thinks inbound (from whites) and outbound (towards whites) “racism” is equivalent, have a quick look here, written by a southern white man.
Actually, they do. Both are derivations of Hebrew names: Sara means Princess, and has the significance of being Abraham’s wifes name, and John means “God is merciful” or “God’s grace” or something to that effect. I definitely don’t mind being asked what my name means. Most names, unless completely made up, mean something or have some kind of significance.
Yeah, HMF, class sure doesn’t matter, does it? I’m sure the Ivy League desi grad with wealthy parents would sure love to trade places with someone who doesn’t have those particular advantages.
I never said there was no racism against desis, I just said I didn’t care for blanket stereotypical statements about any group. You need to learn to read more carefully.
Sigh, my first comment seems cryptic: I was thinking of previous SM comments threads, Nina Paley in particular who is good about bringing up the importance of class when discussing disadvantage. So, that’s where that is coming from.
Of course they do, but the current descendents of those Europeans who have those names are part of the “white-ization” that takes place in this country. That is – gradually phase at your culture, become “white”, and you’ll get privelages with respect to the non-whites.
Reminds me of the scene from pulp fiction:
Butch: That’s one hell of a name you got there, sister.
Esmeralda: Thank you. And what is your name?
Butch: Butch
Esmeralda: What does it mean?
Butch: I’m an American, our names don’t mean shit.
I get “That’s nice, Rita,” and “Am-a-Writer,” as well as “Aretha,” “Am-ritter,” and usually “Amareta” or “Marita” and then suddenly there’s “Ameetra” from people who have known me for years and been saying it nearly right the whole time. Worst os when I have to spell it out for the call center dudette beaming over from Delhi. I insist on my daak nam if I’m going to know anyone well, because nobody can mispronounce it. When my daughters tell me what strange names their Desi friends are being called or calling themselves, I give them the correct pronunciation, but then their friends sometimes beg them to go with the adapted version in public.
Tim Wise was very clear that a system of racial privelage exists within social classes. The Ivy League desi grad would rather be a poor white than a poor non-white.
adding on to my previous comment about telugu names being long
James Bond and a Telugu fellow happen to be sitting in the same row on a flight to London ..
James Bond : “My name’s Bond…(smiles and then says)…. James Bond.” James Bond: “And you?”
And the earnest gulti replies,
Telugu Guy : “I am Sai… Venkata Sai… Siva Venkata Sai… Laxminarayana Siva Venkata Sai….Srinivasulu Laxminarayana Siva Venkata Sai… Rajasekhara Srinivasulu Laxminarayana Siva Venkata Sai….. Sitaramanjaneyulu Rajasekhara Srinivasulu Laxminarayana Siva Venkata Sai…. Bommiraju Sitaramanjaneyulu Rajasekhara Srinivasulu Laxminarayana Siva Venkata Sai….
James Bond faints!!!
cute incident. but there are advantages ot an indian name. i had this delightfully earnest boy take my call one time. when we were wrapping up –
“is there anything else I can do for you, Mr _”.
“no thanks. you have been very helpful”.
“um.. can i ask you something sir?”
“sure Amit”, I am normally curt but this guy was just glowing and good.
“are you indian?”
“Yes”, smiling, “yes i am”. “where are you calling from?”.
“gurgaon. it is very close to delhi”
… and a little more smalltalk . i really didnt want to blow his handle time metrics but i quite enjoyed that little detour. i think the point that is lost in all the kerfuffle about outsourcing is that (at least some of) the kids working the phones are really enjoying their job and they are so… breathtakingly… polite and nice. they just do a better job in customer service.
Dear God you have got to be kidding me, HMF.
Hey desi Ivy Leaguers, hear that? If only you were poor and white, then you could finally get some respect from this white dominated society. Plus, poor people who happen to be white never have a hard time, never get made fun of, are never made to feel lesser by others and pretty much have a pain free ride through life.
Desis, even 1st gen ones, aren’t beyond mispronouncing/misspelling/missing even my quite simple but not particularly common first and last names. Just the other day when I ordered from an Indian restaurant, the desi-accented dude who answered the phone asked me what letter I spelled my last name with (imagine it’s “Shyam”, and he said “Shyam? What is the first letter?” It’s a name that can only be spelled with ONE first letter! ). I think people in general are just obtuse when it comes to names. My gori friend with a totally normal name like Andrea uses an alias to order pizza because people can’t even get her name.
Okay, now I misread you in my last comment.
I dunno. This page really depresses me sometimes. Some of you are really insecure. And no, I’m not talking about genuine acts of racism here, just, well, the idea that any and every difficulty in life has to be related to the color of your skin. Sometimes yes, sometimes no.
MD, you will be wasting your time and intellect arguing with the likes of HMF. I can also cite articles/books written by African American intellectuals ( Larry Elder, Shelby Steele among others ) who contend that African Americans are more racist than Whites.
And yes this page depresses me too. How did desis come to think the way HMF, Camille do? I think a lot of their disaffection has to do with their self segregation. Desis specially with big khandans in the US rarely get the time to venture out and see what the reality is.
The world is far more depressing than these pages. Personally I get confused at messages of the genre, “Aren’t we all alike? all racism is bad, no matter where it comes from!” It neglects the history of how and why race and racism developed in this country.
Clueless, I mixed it up like semidesimasala’s parents but their Desi names ae nearly a secret, in fact so are their other given names– they go by their nicknames which are culturally neutral.
Actually, you’re way off. I grew up in a mostly white suburb, I knew maybe 3 other Indians until I got to college. I’ve lived in rural areas (Upstate NY, Rural Indiana). I dont even know what a khandan is.
So. care to take another shot ?
HMF: you are constantly shifting the goalposts in this discussion. All I initially said was that I didn’t like blanket statements about one group or the other. Stereotypes. Nothing more, nothing less. And I understand there is a narrative to racism in this country, but that is not what I was talking about and not what you responded to. You misread me initially and continue to do that.
Whatever.
Don’t know about being more racist than any other group, but they are about as racist as any other, that is for sure.
And the point about self-confidence is well taken.
Many people report that when they learn to love and accept themselves for who they are, their popularity with others increases many times over. And of course “confidence” is rated as one of the top qualities that make a person “sexy”. It’s not always about looks, or names or skin color.
I’m definitely giving my future half-white/jewish kids Indian first names,and Jewish middle names but it’s a personal choice. I don’t care what other desis do.
These call center dudes can be a pain in the a– at times. I had to call to clear a credit card payment by my SO. Generally the card holder has to call in person but as SO was travelling overseas I made the call. Both of us have a typical gender specific indian names that non-indians would not be able to distinguish so I pretended to be my SO. Of course call center dude would not be fooled. Dammit, why can’t a guy be called Preiti?
By more I meant proportionally – as a percentage of their respective numbers.
Though other iconic actors have changed their named either to hide their ancestry (Issur Danielovitch Demsky -> Kirk Douglas) or to sound more tradionationally masculine (Marion Morrison -> John Wayne).
MD:
Here is your original quote:
This seems like an equivalency statement to me. My point is, given the history of this country, it can never be equivalent. Whether you’re discussing individually held stereotypes (honkey vs. n*gger) or large scale institutional racism (labor market discrepancies, criminal justice inequalities, etc…)
(See how I had to censor the N-word and not honkey? I did that naturally without even thinking about it)
If somehow you make your statement while acknowledging the scales are tipped heavily one way, then I concede your point. But, blanket statements about whites cannot be taken with the same level of discord as blanket statements of nonwhites, precisely because how each of these statements developed and what they imply historically and emotionally.
Why do people who can spell and pronounce Schwarzenegger and Slobodan ÂŽivojinović fumble with my far less complicated South indian name even after I help them say it several times?
Don’t assume that it’s the call center staff who decide on their own to call themselves “Jim” or “Ashley” — often call centers even in the States have policies that the staff use pseudonyms. A friend of mine said that when he worked in Disneyworld reservations, their pseudonyms were actually assigned by management: he was called Zack, and a female colleague was actually labeled “Caress” (and she would apparently actually say “like the soap” when clarifying for callers!).
It’s somehow stranger when I get calls from some American-born desi IT company vendor reps (who have obviously desi last names) with names like “Chuck” and “Jack”. These types of pseudonyms seem a bit different than just shortening Nikhil to “Nick”, Pramila to “Pam”, etc.
That was your choice. You didn’t HAVE to.
Jane wrote:
“In the past 5 years my desi friends have had children named Ethan, Dylan, Megan, Ryan, Jason & Katie. Maybe itÂ’s the fob in me but damn that killed me. Some of these people werenÂ’t even born here and migrated here as teenagers so it really really bothers me that they chose to sell out in a way and name their kid something so generic and disregard Indian names.”
A couple of years ago I would have been offended by openly anti-assimilationist attitudes like Jane’s. I mean, look at it from a white American’s point of view: we built this great society — so great that many of your parents traveled half a world away to live here — and you simply refuse to assimilate? That’s against the traditional spirit of immigration in America historically. Mix in the contempt I often see on this site towards white America — there are plenty of insults on this thread alone — and a white American might be forgiven for asking why some of you don’t just go home to India if life here is so awful.
But now my attitude has been tempered somewhat. I think first-generation American-born desis are stuck between a rock and a hard place. The old model of immigration and assimilation was “the Brutal Bargain” — you were accepted as fully American, but had to tie your genetic and cultural future line to America, not the old country. A big chunk of European immigrants couldn’t handle that and went home. The ones who stayed largely assimilated.
Now it’s different. Now our intellectuals tell us America is a salad bowl, and that immigrants should retain their culture — and nurture grievances assiduously, as this site displays on a regular basis. I don’t blame the Janes on this site — your all’s choice is an extremely painful one; in a nutshell, name your kid Jeff Patel and tell him it doesn’t matter who he marries, or name your kid Amit Patel and make sure he knows you’d prefer a South Asian bride. It’s still the same Brutal Bargain, but the societally-encouraged choice is different.
So don’t call us white Americans “idiots” or “ignorant” because we can’t pronounce long Indian names — and don’t resent us for being slightly resentful if you name your kid Amit instead of Andy. There are lots of Andy Changs around, and we accept them better than we do Amit Patels. Why? Because they’re choosing to become part of our tribe, like the Robin Patels Jane decries.
I’m not here to tell you what choice to make; that’s personal. But I’m telling you that white America’s reaction to you will be different based on whether you’re pro- or anti-assimilation, and first name is a huge part of that (just ask congressman Bobby Jindal!).
You can’t blame us for preferring that you become one of us to not.
Signed,
Whitey McWhiterton
I was reading an article about David Beckham’s move to LA just now (hey I wonder if he’ll hang out with Parminder Nagra?), and it was all about how he’ll be used to appeal to the growing soccer crazy Hispanic market by advertisers over there. And it said that in the next 10 to 15 years 20% of America will be Latino. TWENTY PERCENT!!
WhiteGuy will have a hernia.
To whiteguy- I don’t think assimilation into US society requires a Judeo-Christian name. Your view of America infers that there has always been a majority culture in this nation’s history that molds an incoming immigrant base to a set of societal norms, and this just isn’t true. Huddled masses from Ireland, Germany, Italy, etc. yearned for better lives in America (with different names) and changed the definition of what is was to be “American”. I think celebrating St. Patricks Day and eating pizza are American, don’t you? So, there is no Brutal Bargain that you speak of–there are South Asians (and other immigrants) who have rightfully and legally come to this great country, and we will once again mold the definition of what cultural practices and names are regarded American, given time. Perhaps your great great grandson will be named Pankaj?
Snapper,
California is already a third Latino and rising, and we see how well it’s working out.
Despite Jane’s insistence that there is no core American culture, there is, and it’s in danger. That’s labeled xenophobia and racism on this board, but it’s not hatred of other cultures at its heart, it’s love of one’s own culture.
Just as you all on this board love Indian culture, so do Americans love American culture. Why is that unfair? It seems like the same thing.
Re European immigration and assimilation: there was less cultural and racial space between Irish, Italian, German, etc. immigrants to the U.S. than there is for South Asian immigrants, which is why your all’s choice is more difficult, in my view, than old Irish etc. immigrants’ choices. It is easier to go from Giuseppe Martinelli to Joey Martinelli than it is from Amit Patel to Brad Patel. The Martinelli guy didn’t have to give up his religion, his skin color allowed him to assimilate easier into white society, etc.
So again, I’m understanding of your all’s position. I think it’s tough, but I also think that the whole “white is a social construct” thing is false, and that multiculturalism is basically a failed social theory.
My cousins in Long Island have those versatile anglicised Indian names. So WhiteGuy wouldnt feel so resentful about them. But my cousin who married and has a baby boy, gave him a hardcore Indian name, so that boy (grandson of huddled mass) might get resented. I am advising my other cousins to give their future kids Spanish names, it’s the future.