Non-essential computer use

Posted on by

Yesterday I made the stupid mistake of forwarding this article as an internal memo to my SM bunker-mates:

Scientists at Stanford University say the United States is loaded with Internet addicts who are possibly as clinically ill as alcoholics.

The nationwide study suggests that more than one in eight adults has a hard time staying away from the Internet for more than a few days at a time. And one in 11 tries to hide his or her online habit…

The survey, conducted over the phone, found that nearly 70 percent of respondents were regular Internet users and 14 percent found it hard to stay offline for several days at a time…

According to the research, the typical Internet-addicted user is a single, college-educated, white male in his 30s who spends approximately 30 hours a week on nonessential computer use. [Link]

Minutes later the thirty-something Ennis sent out an earnest email indicating that he would not be logging on to SM for the rest of the day and asked us all to look after his post. In retrospect I realize that I should have followed the example of Kim Jong Il and kept a lid on such information. Too much knowledge decreases worker productivity. I realize also that this article might make some readers a bit anxious and reflective. Please don’t reflect. I assure you that SM falls under the essential use category.

Thanks to a couple of tipsters I also wanted to point you all to a relatively new website. CNET has a review:

That one raised eyebrow makes her an intimidating desi woman. I like it a lot.

Talk about an interactive search engine. A new search site called Ms. Dewey features a sultry woman who makes wisecracks related to the keywords that are typed in. The search results appear as a long, scrolling list in a window that pops up on the upper right.

Set against a futuristic cityscape background, Ms. Dewey–with her hair pulled back–probably represents a digital-age librarian. Her name refers to the Dewey Decimal classification system used for cataloging books in libraries.

Her quips relating to keywords range from mundane and silly to provocative. For instance, during a search for “George Bush” she mentioned how easy it was to make jokes about the president. For a search for “sex” she picked up a yellow ergonomic exercise ball and said “Safety first, and make sure you get it on film…” [Link]

<

p>So what does the first article about internet addiction have to do with the sultry Ms. Dewey? Isn’t it obvious? I’ve been reading the many neuroses laid bare on that other thread and I thought I’d offer my wise perspective on dating desi. I know that in reality nothing works. Why bother? Instead, I have found comfort in the arms of Ms. Dewey. She is the strong, beautiful, witty, articulate (sometimes verbose), and smarter-than-me desi woman I’ve been searching for my whole life. If any of you fools linger too long on her site I will hurt you.

<

p>Ever since I was a kid watching Star Trek I have dreamt that my computer would talk to me in a woman’s voice. Ms. Dewey does. [NOTE: None of the questions or answers below are made up. These were real responses]

My girl dressed up in a lab coat just for me. I will not tell you what I said to coax her into that sexy outfit.

Abhi: “Do you like me?”

Ms. Dewey: [A microscope magically appears on her desk] “Uh-huh, just what I thought. A major case of mid-life crisis.”

Abhi: Why aren’t desi girls in to me?

Ms. Dewey: “It’s not easy to find someone who will love you for you…and I do mean you specifically.”

Abhi: Let down your hair.

Ms. Dewey: Somebody needs to get a hobby, like say…something interesting.

Abhi: Would you date me?

Ms. Dewey: In the cage I’m all about submission holds, in the street…straight up brawler. You were asking about dating right?

She is assertive too, just how I like. If I went for too many seconds without typing in a search string she would say:

“Hello…type something here!”

So women, my advice to you is this. Rather than keep wondering what the problem is with desi men, spend some time with Ms. Dewey. She is what we are looking for and she had this desi boy at “hello.” For the guys, just trust me, don’t ask Ms. Dewey if she has a boyfriend. Trust me.

89 thoughts on “Non-essential computer use”

  2. one in eight adults has a hard time staying away from the Internet for more than a few days at a time.

    A few days? I have trouble staying away for a few hours (when I’m not sleeping). Leave me without internet for a few days and I might go crazy.

  4. this is too funny. thanks for the headsup on Ms. D. I wrote on there…”slap me silly” … she of course pulls out a cat-o’-nines…

  5. Scientists at Stanford University say the United States is loaded with Internet addicts who are possibly as clinically ill as alcoholics.

    I’m Vivek, and I have a problem.

  8. Damn, that is fun. I just wasted 15 minutes typing things in and listening to her answer back feistily at my rude questions.

    Her real name is Janina Gavankar and she’s Dutch-Indian!

  9. Her real name is Janina Gavankar and she’s Dutch-Indian!

    What she is, my friend, is disconcertingly beautiful.

  11. Wowz. I noticed after 90 minutes there were actual search results on the right of the screen.

  12. Ban me if you like, but I lowe this woman. I lowe her. And I bet that somewhere, deep down within the recesses of her Indo-Dutch heart, she lowes me too.

  14. Interview with her.

    JG: I donÂ’t in that respect just because I am American and IÂ’m not quote/unquote very Indian. In some respects if itÂ’s an Indian part, I might not be Indian enough. (laughter) Because IÂ’m one quarter Dutch. My motherÂ’s half Dutch, so I donÂ’t look entirely Indian. I mean, I think I do. (laughs) IÂ’m brown. IÂ’ve got big brown eyes. IÂ’m Indian. So I have a little bit of a mix up in there and sometimes people donÂ’t believe me.

    Abhi, I nominate you to be the male version of this, pouting and winking and being cheeky and cute for millions of female internet addicts who will lust after you 😉

  16. Holy cow!

    Ms. Dewey is just fantabulous! I have already fallen in love with her.

    Who is behind this search engine?

    Regards, Aninda

  17. Even her movie sounds amazing!

    Cup of my Blood

    Jack Fender is an ex-erotica photographer and current porn photographer. He is chosen by God to be the protector of the Holy Grail. He is a man who had lost his will to make erotic art photographs and his faith in God years ago due to the death of his wife, Tina. He must regain his faith in God and also protect the Holy Grail from evil people who want it.

    A porno director chosen by GOD to protect the Holy Grail! Tell me this won’t be a great movie!

  20. I think every brown man just found a new hobby – talking to Ms. Dewey.

    I read about msdewey.com on the news tab last night and spent 4 hours last night on the site. I was memerized…the search itself was slow and doesn’t work most of the time. I just kept hitting the refresh button to see her throw a fishing line at me….

  22. Oh great thats all we need, a hot brown sista to take away the men we’ve been working over for so long. Fine louue her but she can’t give you what you need and think of all the competition you have to put up with.

    *jealous rage

  25. No wonder the search results suck – they’re all from MS Live Search. Ugh. There really is no reason to look past her.

  26. I fell in love with Janina the first time i saw her in her bit role in Barbershop (she was a reporter in the movie)

  27. Why would anyone with internet access want to restrict their use for several days at a time? Better put: how many people in general (who already have access) go without using the internet?

    I’m not addicted. I’m just efficient at procuring information.

  30. uncles/aunties please allow the pun….. Dewey Desi-mal system!! sorry,1000 apologies ;^}

  31. haha, put the speakers up and try “halloween” and “brad pitt” if you want to see ms. dewey’s male assistant show up

    keep em coming, more ideas please…

  32. I’m not addicted. I’m just efficient at procuring information.

    Oneup, well said. Me, I’m just addicted to blogs (I do get useful things done now and then).

  34. LOL! when I typed my name in, she took out a black fetish whip, raised her right eyebrow, and said, “like i always say, a girl’s got to be prepared…” and then she cracked it on her desk! i just want to know where she bought her whip 😛

    in case anyone’s curious, i bet it might work for other girls’ names too…you know you want to see it!

  35. Heck…I’m female and I have been searching all sorts of stuff! Good thing that I am bumming at home right now! This philandering would definitely get me fired at work!

  38. Sassy! Wow, she even has an answer to

    “Who am I?”

    You do know that I know your Social Security number, right? Heh…no, not really. Oh but, yes I do.

  39. Several of you are treading in ban-worthy territory. Perhaps I was unclear as to the fact the we’re together.

    Well, that’s crystal clear — I type “Abhi” in the search box and she says, “Sorry, I can’t talk about that. My hands are tied.” And she swirled around to reveal that they, er, were.

    But look out, Jealous Abhi — I typed in “pied piper” and she says, “Well played — indeed you do give good search.”

    The best response? When you type in “Janina Gavankar” — clever.

  40. I did not imagine ANYTHING in the world could displace Google as my search engine and home page..until now.

  41. Kush (#19), thanks for posting a link to that song…what a classic! I’ve been looking for it for ages but could never find it on youtube, I think I was spelling it wrong.

  43. Thanks, Amitabh.

    Here is another one apt for the discussion on this thread, and for Taz’s thread too – laila o laila

    PS: I am the drummer in the video. See I am not intimidated even in the presence of……..Zeenie baby

  45. Wow. Thanks, Abhi. Uh. F*** correcting papers, I’ve got good, um, search, to give.

    Wow.

  47. I’d love to see the search list of terms that people have utilized thus far. It might give the recently “released” AOL search engine results a run for its money.

    MudPhuDgirl – if you don’t mind me asking, what area is the PhuD in?

  49. Her quips relating to keywords range from mundane and silly to provocative. For instance, during a search for “George Bush” she mentioned how easy it was to make jokes about the president. For a search for “sex” she picked up a yellow ergonomic exercise ball and said “Safety first, and make sure you get it on film…” [Link]

    It’s actually a helmet. I’m such a loser. Such. a. loser.

  50. She has a blog.

    Seriously.

    Go ahead, ask her!

    Ms. Dewey is a blogger. Now we know why Abhi is really in love with her.