Shove your petition up your…

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For the past few years I have dreaded the approach of Diwali. Why? Because my email inbox gets flooded with emails asking me to sign a petition so that we can have a U.S. Postal Stamp commemorating the Hindu holiday. As if a simple postage stamp would rid me of years of pent up post-colonial anger.

To: Citizens Stamp Advisory Committee, c/o Stamp Development, U S Postal Service, Washington, DC

Dear Ronald A Robinson,
Chairman – Citizens Stamp Advisory Committee

We are requesting you to issue a US postal stamp commemorating ” Deepawali”, the ancient and joyous festival of lights celebrated universally by Hindu and several other faiths, reflecting the unity and multi-cultural rich diversity of the people of USA and India.

Freedom of religion is a hallmark of United States of America. The U.S. Postal Service has befittingly honored Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa and Eid by issuing commemorative stamps depicting these festivals. According to former President William J Clinton, ” Deepawali” presents all of us with an opportunity to reflect on the many ways, the talent, the history and the traditions of the Indian people who have contributed to our national life and cultural heritage. President George W Bush, this year- even though he was traveling in Asia-, made sure that ” Deepawali” was celebrated in The White House and he sent personal greetings and felicitations to the community on ” Deepawali”… [Link]

Even our own Sajit spread the word in 2004, prior to the formation of the Mutiny. Manish reluctantly followed suit in 2005. Now a crack team of SAJA assembled journalists [led by Arun Venugopal] has finally provided me with the excuse I needed to ignore this stupid petition, guilt free. The whole thing is fake.

The petition was started by [signatory] #2, Bob Ghosh, a businessman in Atlanta, and Amitabh Sharma (#42), who wrote the polite and pluralistic-minded appeal to Ronald A Robinson, whom they identify as Chairman of the Citizens Stamp Advisory Committee (the Chairman’s name varies depending on the email you receive, as this early hoax detector realized)…

The petition has been blessed with some very high-profile names, including Amitabh Bachan (sic, #452) and Bihar’s own Laloo Prasad Yadav (#458), as well non-desi celebrities like Bill Gates (#590), and dead ones like Nehru (#843)…

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p>But none of that appears to change the basic futility of the matter. The US Postal Service most respectfully wants us to know that petitions don’t actually count.

“We do not track the number of signatures,” said Mark Saunders, a spokesman for the USPS, which is exactly what they told me last year when I wrote about it for India Abroad, in a famously un-circulated report. [Link]

This Diwali I will be enjoying the baklava my mom just brought me as I delete emails asking me to sign this petition. How will everyone else celebrate?

49 thoughts on “Shove your petition up your…”

  1. How will everyone else celebrate?

    If I say “with a meetup” is that the wrong answer? Damnit, we never celebrated Diwali in my family. I have no clue!

  3. If I was in India, I wouldn’t miss the fireworks for anything. This is the one festival I always looked forward to as a kid. Down here in Oz, a nice bottle of scotch (I’ve been trying to get my hands on a rare bottle of Laphroaig) would be it.

  4. How will everyone else celebrate?

    tabouli and i are celebrating by going to game 1 of the world series baby! go tigers! they’re grrrrrreat!

  5. With a line of diyas outside the home (never done it before in the US) and maybe a desi movie. Fireworks, I’ve had a mixed relationship with them. Started out loving them. Had a lot of fun with the sparklers, ground chakras and Vishnu chakras as a kid. Not to mention the flower pots and snakes and rockets. One thing that really fascinated me as a when I was five was the black snake pill thingy. It looks like a black pill, the size of a tylenol. You light it and it just grows and grows till its a few inches long. It’s smoky and the least spectacular, but I could not take my eyes off it.

    But when you hit the age of 10, no boy wants to be seen with sparklers and shit :-). You gotta show your manliness with Lakshmi bombs, Krishna bombs, 1000 walla chorsa (a string of 1000 small firecrackers), “Atom bomb”, “Hydrogen bomb”. In order to be a “real man” you had to light them in your hand and then throw it. Some of us (me too) got gashes on our palms/fingers from this. Lawd, how stupid can you make some people. Girls either felt it’s more fun and continued with sparklers or maybe just didn’t feel any peer pressure to demonstrate their “bravery” with these “bombs”.

    By the time I was twenty, though, the constant noise (2/3 entire days)of these things being set off by the next generation boys (the ‘mini-me’s) was painful and I finally understood why all the uncles and aunties used to hate our stunts from a few years before.

  7. I’ll celebrate with a phone conversation with my mom in which she’ll tell me she made all my favorite foods because she’s thinking of me… which is kinda sweet but then it’ll just make me feel even more lonely and depressed. All the other desis are going home. Kurma, SB or SD this weekend? I have illegal fireworks in case you get nostalgic.

  11. “Donnie Abhi Brasco”

    BOB “LEFTY” GHOSH: You Don Abhi the Jeweler Blogger?

    Abhi looks up to the Bartender Barmaid. The Bartender Barmaid nods. Lefty reaches in his pocket, produces A FIVE-CARAT DIAMOND RING petition for a Diwali postage stamp.

    LEFTY: That’s a beauty, eh? That’s some beautiful thing.

    Abhi looks it over. Gives it to Lefty.

    ABHI: Give it to your wife.

    LEFTY: How’m I gonna give it to my wife? I ain’t married.

    ABHI: You got a girlfriend?

    LEFTY: Yeah. Farah Damji.

    He returns the diamond petition to Lefty.

    ABHI: Marry her. That explains everything.

    LEFTY: Are you for real? I’m asking if you want to middle a diamond here sign a stupid petition. All I want for my end’s eight thousand the satisfaction of knowing I obfuscated a simple issue, needlessly elevated emotion, and wasted a bunch of people’s time.

    ABHI: I’m saying give it to somebody who don’t know any better. It’s a fugazy.

    LEFTY: How can you say it’s a fugazy? You looked at it two seconds.

    ABHI: Go ahead, try and sell forward it, you wanna be a dunsky macaca.

    LEFTY (angry): I’m a dunsky macaca? Let me tell you something, my friend — do you know who you’re talking to? In all the Five Boroughs I’m known, fuggedaboudit — I’m known all over the world. You ask around — ask anybody about Lefty from Mulberry Street. I’m Bob Ghosh – Technologist, Entrepreneur, Investor, and now Shameless Hoaxer.

    ABHI: Fuggetaboutit!

    Fin.

  12. DJ DP: Classic 😀 I’ll be giggling while thinking of this on Diwali.

    Actually, I’ll be watching movers pack my stuff and take it to DC tomorrow. Is it auspicious to move on Diwali? I sure hope so.

  13. As if a simple postage stamp would rid me of years of pent up post-colonial anger

    You tell em, mate, you tell em.

    The Governor General (who’s Indian! Do any of you guys know him ;)) officially opened up Diwali over here… no stamps but a definite royal seal of approval. And I think like most festivals of any culture it should be celebrated with overeating and mucho overdrinking 🙂 Just to make those shiny lights look even prettier…

  14. Oy paaji, you can’t move without getting a copy of my new album! I sent you an email last week, reply to that or leave a comment on my (in desperate need of content) blog. If we can’t meet up, have Brimful make you a copy.

  15. In order to be a “real man” you had to light them in your hand and then throw it.

    That reminds me of a pretty gory incident when I was about 10 and one of my friends lost three fingers of his left hand because an “atom bomb” prematurely exploded in his palm.

  16. I’m celebrating with the annual fantasy basketball draft- 10 brownz, one garage, a whole lot ruckus. There isn’t an exclamation point large enough to relay my enthusiasm.

    Extra special, super unique draft tip for the one who finds a connection between basketball and diwali.

  17. Is it auspicious to move on Diwali?

    mr. salil..it’s super duper auspicious.. eat a piece of mitthai (gulab jamun, jalebi, or a chum chum ;))..are you joining in the countdown while in DC?

  18. no von miss

    basketball to diwali.. challenge? frick i’m running late for the OR but here it goes…

    yao ming was raised in china… china supposedly made the first firecrackers.. firecrakers are used in diwali..

    DING DING DING

    okay over and out..

  20. Deepavali!

    How could one possibly go wrong commissioning a stamp for the Festival of Lights? Sounds like a no-brainer to me…

  21. yao ming was raised in china… china supposedly made the first firecrackers.. firecrakers are used in diwali..

    😀

  24. Abhi: Thanks for hosting us last weekend. Hope you will share that Baklava we brought, with your friends and not hog it all by yourself. It was nice meeting Taz and few other friends. Want to know how I will celebrate DIWALI? Our kitchen is still full of the fragrance of tons of Baklava your mom made. I will just sniff around and see if there are any crumbs leftover. Go buy some “legal” firecrackers (not the one who goes to school) and fire them at your school campus with some “brownz” and celebrate the triumpph of GOOD over EVIL. HAPPY DIWALI and BRIGHT NEW YEAR (The year five thousand one hundred …something – since the death of Lord Krishna)to all SM folks.

  26. If I was in India, I wouldn’t miss the fireworks for anything. This is the one festival I always looked forward to as a kid. Down here in Oz, a nice bottle of scotch (I’ve been trying to get my hands on a rare bottle of Laphroaig) would be it.

    oh forget “if i was in India…” i was in alabama this weekend and bought sparklers and some fireworks which i fully plan on setting off in the parking lot of my apartment complex — even if i’m the only one who watches them go off.

    hehe

  27. I’ll celebrate with a phone conversation with my mom in which she’ll tell me she made all my favorite foods because she’s thinking of me… which is kinda sweet but then it’ll just make me feel even more lonely and depressed. All the other desis are going home. Kurma, SB or SD this weekend? I have illegal fireworks in case you get nostalgic.

    In town this weekend, Shruti! Thanks, that’s awesome. Illegal sounds twice as fun :). How come it’s legal in AllMixedUp’s town – or maybe it isn’t? Don’t all states require licenses for fireworks?

  28. i was in alabama this weekend and bought sparklers and some fireworks which i fully plan on setting off in the parking lot of my apartment complex — even if i’m the only one who watches them go off.

    You will be violating some law or city ordinance 😉

  29. This Diwali, during my annual visit to India, I hope to avoid any and all crowded places, lest I be blown to smithereens and, give some of you commenters a really good reason to celebrate.

  30. Oh thank god someone else thinks those damn petitions are cokamamie! After the last person that sent it to me got blasted by me with a CC to the entire list I don’t think I’ll be getting any this year.

    I’ll be in PA for the Diwali weekend and indulging in some firecrackers Indian style, legal and illegal. People walk around with guns and dead deer in public, you think anyone cares about firecrakers. Shieeeett!

  31. oh hell yeah their illegal… that’s why i bought them in ‘bama… all the firework stores are on the GA/AL border. hehehe… it’s like being back in MI and driving to Ohio… hehe…

    anyways this year i also bought some back in July from the ‘approved’ georgia dealers. yay!

    i’m most excited about my mom’s gujia [i know i spelled that wrong], they’re homemade and the yummiest!

  32. It aint Deepawali, if you arent in Desh! Fk it , I dont neeeed no staaamps!

    How am I gonna celebrate – there will be some useless Indian association who might throw a fitting party. I ll too shall go and throw some fits.

  33. I agree with Ennis. I always wanted to celebrate Diwali, but my Dad never got around to introducing us kids to it. I have no idea what to do. I think a meetup is a great idea. I think all the standard mutinous locations should have one. And I have no problem with baklava. 🙂

  34. I’ll be in PA for the Diwali weekend and indulging in some firecrackers Indian style, legal and illegal. People walk around with guns and dead deer in public, you think anyone cares about firecrakers. Shieeeett!
    oh hell yeah their illegal… that’s why i bought them in ‘bama… all the firework stores are on the GA/AL border. hehehe… it’s like being back in MI and driving to Ohio… hehe…

    You macacarebels like to live on the wild side!

  36. WHat are the chances of seing George Allen do a Diwali fundraiser at a constituent’s house this week, hmmmm…

  37. Been a lurker on SM and find it always informative and incisive..if a tad irritating at times 🙂

    don’t mean to be a wetblanket but although Diwali memories are some of my most treasured childhood ones, in good conscience ,once I heard about the sweatshops in Sivakasi where little children slave often at the cost of their lives, I have never been able to enjoy “bursting crackers”.

    To read more:

    http://www.icfa.org.au/sivakasi.htm

    http://library.fes.de/pdf-files/netzquelle/01310.pdf

    http://www.ulandssekretariatet2.dk/siteen/oplysning/videoer.php

  39. Oh man, its getting closer. luckily in my family we have a tradition where older members give younger members gifts and money. Dude, i’ll totally still take money from my pops and older syblings, even though i’m almost 30!

    ch-ching! (note to syblings, due to infighting within presidents in my wallet, only benjamins will be accepted.)

    Happy Diwali ya’ll

    vik

  40. hotyogini, I was going to write about Sivakasi thing, but you beat me to it. Sivakasi is the child labor capital of India. Many children are hurt and some even die because the work is dangerous. By the time I grew up to know about all this, I was off them anyways. They also claim it is the fireworks capital of the world.

    It’d be nice if firecrackers carried a “not made by children” sign in the subcontinent. I’ll bet many would be willing to pay extra for that. I suspect it’s the supply end where the problem lies because manufacturers probably believe that the customers wouldn’t care either way. I can easily see it becoming the trend in the cities if some manufacturer could offer child-free crackers.

    But that makes the West a particularly nice place for some guiltfree patakhas for macacas. Buy local.

  41. how we would celebrate?? balance an emty can of Amul cheese on the green colored rope bombs (I think they used to and still call them “hydrogen” bombs) and set them off. the fun part was looking for pieces of the can after the explosion. I have found pieces over a 50 ft radius!!

    too bad cannot do that stuff here :-((

  43. But that makes the West a particularly nice place for some guiltfree patakhas for macacas. Buy local.

    Almost all of the fireworks in Amreeka are from China. Hmm, prison labor……and what not.

    I would not be surprised that even in India, they will soon corner the market.

    Most of the Ganesh for puja are from Cheen (Hindu-Chini Bhai, Bhai)

  44. uber metro mallu:

    yao ming was raised in china… china supposedly made the first firecrackers.. firecrakers are used in diwali.. 😀

    :D….and drumroll please…. ming plays for the ROCKETS… hehehe…

  45. diwali was always fun in India. Sweets, clothes, money from elders, gambling, patakhas…just memories now. I just found out that diwali is this coming weekend. Hopefully i make it to gurudwara and light a candle atleast. Enjoy everybody!

  46. open a company with that name! -or a band…

    Band, :-). Since patakha is also slang for a hottie, a band by that name would be awesome.

    Almost all of the fireworks in Amreeka are from China.

    I didn’t know this. We were passing though South Dakota (just a few miles South of SM HQ) on a cross country drive and the part next to the SD/MN border was had lots of fireworks shops. I just assumed they must be local and not from China.

    Although they’re made in Sivakasi, there is a class of crackers still called cheena vedi (“seena/seeni vedi”) in Tamil Nadu because of Chinese origins. I don’t really know if this is the reason for the name, but my history teacher in school said this.

  48. illegal fireworks with my little nephews in California…lots of amazing Kannada food including Wobatu (any K-digaz will know)…lighting deepas outside the house…temple visits…did i mention good food?????

    HAPPY DEEPAVALI!! it’s almost HERE!!

    and yeah, foxy new clothes and money, honey…

  49. one of the few (rare) things that makes living in the midsection of the US better than the east coast is that we can get REAL PETAKHE! They sell year-round, y’all. All the boom-dhoom dhamaka on Saturday night will be coming from my house 🙂