55Friday: The Callipygian Edition

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I know. Normally, there is a song title plucked fresh from my iTunes to grace that prominent, headlining area, but today, by very special request, your girl Friday is going to acknowledge one adorable-assed comment from a few weeks ago and sample it for this post. This is the remix, etc etc…

So I see a word I don’t recognise. I go to dictionary.com to look it up. I find out this word means:
having well-shaped buttocks
Having beautifully proportioned buttocks
I suddenly discover a whole new meaning to my life, to insert this word into conversations whenever I can, because it is as curvacious a word as the thing it describes. I think this has taken over as my favorite word in the English language, which used to be ‘Serendipity’, followed closely by ‘luminous’ and in third place ‘lepidoptery’.
But now I know what callipygian means, I am in love with that word. Please write a post featuring this word in the headline.[link]

And you thought I wouldn’t remember…silly sepiates. I’m all about the love, especially when that’s MY word you’re crushing on (well, it’s mine along with “apposite“…can’t overlook that one). Red Snapper’s kind command has been playing on my mind for these past two weeks, as I considered what post would be…um…apposite for such curvaceous titling. Finally, I have decided to take the easy way out. 😉

This Friday, take a crack at writing a flash of a story, with just 55-words to flesh it out. Take your inspiration from Sir Mix-a-lot, Wreckx- n-Effect or anyone else who’s got love for the booty (HELL, YES!). Write nanofiction about Wessside interpretations of Miami Bass, extra-memorable Seinfeld episodes, Boricua starlets who destroy innocent Beatnuts songs or how “kundi” is going to be Sepia Mutiny’s big contribution to the emerging 2nd gen cross-cultural lexicon (HA! Take THAT Northies!). Or, write about something else which fits in exactly 55 words. Just write something. And then post your astounding ass-terpiece in the comments below, so we can ogle it shamelessly, okay? Get crackin’, you mutinous poo-flingers.

Sepia Mutiny does not waste your time. [link]

It does on Fridays, mang. 😉

54 thoughts on “55Friday: The Callipygian Edition”

  1. Oh my God, Kaavya, look at that book It’s so big…

    I like big books and I cannot lie You other brothers can deny, But when an author walks in with an itty-bitty name and a page count thatÂ’s in your face, You get sprung!

    So readers (yeah), readers (yeah), Want to be smart macacas? Get some Roy, read some Seth, Even white folks got to shout, Desi got book!

  2. First date. Bar counter with female applied physicist.

    I dropped my wallet.

    “Are you in construction?” gleaning and gushing over my toned gluteus maximus.

    “No, maÂ’am…”

    Down there, I peeked. She, herself, was flass as white could be. No cushion, no pushinÂ’? Semester of celibacy? Brownz need roundz.

    “…deconstruction, like Derrida.”

    Twas the last date.

  4. She, herself, was flass as white could be.

    woops.

    She was as flass as white could be.*

  5. Depressed after losing an e-bay auction by a sneaky last-second bastard, I clicked on SepiaMutiny. My girlfriend sat on my lap. But I was so angry with the world I said ‘Why do you have such a bony ass? Americano-Indian girls have real callipygian contours’. So she tells me to go fuck myself and leaves. And I think of moving to the land where all is voluptuous, curvaceous and juicy-round.

  6. And I think of moving to the land where all is voluptuous, curvaceous and juicy-round.

    One of the sexiest I ever saw was a gypsy in the desert near Jaipur, Rajasthan.

  7. “I have something to show you. I hope you won’t be offended.” “Okay”. She reached in her bag and handed me black-and-white pictures of her naked. So artful. So many curves and swooping contours. The perfect ass. My mouth went dry. My heart raced. “They’re gorgeous…You’re gorgeous. Wow.”

    I pulled her close and we kissed.

  8. I passed the Gultidom aka Sunnyvale CA exit on i280. As I was moving into the fast lane, I was momentarily blinded by the most awesome desi tushy in a jeep wrangler. Last thing I remember before my 1998 Toyota Corolla DX pushed into a 6000lb rasam-colored SUV was how much time I have wasted on sepiamutiny.

  9. The Mughal splendour of Shah Zafar Khan Zoobaan TaTa Shah Rukh Khan was splendorous. As the rising sun rose, a Rajput warrior lifted his sword and before battle declared that a callipygian goat be found with a splendid behind and brought for slaughter – or to provoke the Mughal oppressor by telling him to add it to his harem! Thus were the Pathan tribesmen distracted and the battle commenced in jewel encrusted sword of Rajput destiny.

  11. btw Anna – You left out the latest musical tribute to the bottom: Honky-Tonk Badonkadonk: “You hate to see her go but you love to watch her leave. With that honky-tonk badonkadonk. Keeping perfect rhythm makes you want to swing along” and “Lord have mercy how’d she even get them britches on?”

  12. So my girlfriend takes off her thong and spins around and shows me what she has and I just laugh at her and throw that thong back at her and say,

    “Hahaha, fuck yo callypgian, I don’t need that callygian, hahaha, fuck yo callypgian”

  13. Shall I compare thee to a ripe peach ? Thou art more lovely and more curvaceous. Rough hands do spank the darling butt of the lady, And temples are built in its honour Sometime too hot the moon of heaven shines, And often are its admirers blinded; The most delicious caboose from bootylicious sometime declines,

    But thy eternal summer shall not fade Nor lose possession of that magnificent behind; As the Purple One said, if I threw that ass in the air I bet it would turn into sunshine; So long as men can breathe or drooling mouths can gape, So long sways that tushy, as ripe as a grape.

  14. “It doesn’t matter. Anything you want babe.” “Don’t you have a preference? Pick something. We can go to the Brick Store Pub, we haven’t been there in a while,” she said. I noticed this desi kudi walk in front of us to her car in her gym shorts. “Let’s go to Bhojanic instead,” I said.

  16. From wikipedia, re: the above mentioned statue:

    The sculpture has always appealed to Red Snapper the prurient. Famin noted in 1836 that the sculpture “is placed in a reserved hall, where the curious are only introduced under the surveillance of a guardian, though even this precaution has not prevented the rounded forms which won for the goddess the name of Callipyge, from being covered with a dark tint, which betrays the profane kisses that fanatic admirers have every day impressed there. We ourselves knew a young German tourist smitten with a mad passion for this voluptuous marble; and the commiseration his state of mind inspired set aside all idea of ridicule.”

  18. From Siddhartha’s link:

    Aphrodite Kallipygos (of the beautiful buttock) lifting her robe and gazing down at her buttocks.

    LoL! How in love with yourself do you have to be to gaze at your own ass in admiration? Oh to be a Greek Goddess and be free to admire your own kundi all day….

  19. The definitive word on callipygian belongs to the great French singer Georges Brassens and his 1964 song, “Venus Callipyge.” Full lyrics here. It’s beautiful poetic stuff. Here are a couple of verses with rough translations.

    Que jamais l’art abstrait, qui sévit maintenant
    N’enlève à vos attraits ce volume étonnant
    Au temps où les faux culs sont la majorité
    Gloire à celui qui dit toute la vérité May never abstract art, today all the rage Remove from your assets this amazing volume In a time when false arses are in the majority Glory to the one that speaks the whole truth … Ne faites aucun cas des jaloux qui professent Que vous avez placé votre orgueil un peu bas Que vous présumez trop, en somme de vos fesses Et surtout, par faveur, ne vous asseyez pas Pay you no mind to the jealous who claim That you have placed your pride a bit low, That you presume too much from your buttocks, And above all, I beg you, do not sit down … Nul ne peut aujourd’hui trépasser sans voir Naples A l’assaut des chefs-d’Âœuvre ils veulent tous courir Mes ambitions à moi sont bien plus raisonnables: Voir votre académie, madame, et puis mourir None today will perish without seeing Naples They all want to rush to see the master works My ambitions, however, are much more reasonable To see your academy, Madame, and then die.

  20. The desi angle, from the OHD

    nitamb: (from Sanskrit) buttocks esp of a woman

    Next definition is for the word nitambini, you would assume that it means “a woman who has attractive buttocks”. But the actual and only definition for nitambini is “a physically attractive woman”.

    PS: Mr. Kobayashi, well done sir san

  21. Okay, enough quoting other poets. Here is my 55. Dedicated to ANNA, DesiDancer, and all the brothers out there who feel the same way I do.

    :+:

    I look serenely to my later years. Depredation of my mind and figure Has already commenced: hirsute ears, A little belly, diminished vigor, Concern me little. I shall age with grace, Regardless of the furrows on my face. But shoot me if it ever comes to pass That I should suffer shrinking of my ass.

  24. How in love with yourself do you have to be to gaze at your own ass in admiration?

    hey, we all have personal goals, don’t scoff at mine!

  26. Siddhartha,

    I agree with the plaudits for your 55 — excellent stuff. My one was based on one of Shakespeare’s famous sonnets, by the way — I just changed some of the words 😉

  27. My one was based on one of Shakespeare’s famous sonnets

    Is this the same Sheikh Zubair who wrote, “There’s a divinity that shapes our ends” (Hamlet Act V, Scene ii)? I never fail to think of the bard everytime I see a divine, well-shaped end.

    T.S. Eliot was much kinkier about it. In the Lovesong of J. Alfred Prufrock, he asked, “Then how should I begin to spit out all the butt-ends of my days and ways?” Yo, Tom! What you do in the privacy of the men’s locker room is no one’s business but yours.

    But, surely, the philosophical apogee was reached by John Keats, who quoth:

    “When old age shall this generation waste,
    Thou shalt remain, in midst of other woe
    Than ours, a friend to man, to whom thou sayÂ’st,
    ‘Booty is truth, truth booty,’—that is all
    Ye know on earth, and all ye need to know.”

  28. I’ve been dating this wonderful brown woman, oh so perfect in every way. Except — she got no back. And the lack of that has been eating away at me. I’ve been thinking that I’m a shallow, undeserving person for even contemplating breaking up because of that. And now I read this post. Now you people are messing with my head — with the admiration, the poems, the damm Sanskrit… Will some sister roll her eyes and slap me and call me a jerk. PLEASE!

  29. That was brilliant, Siddhartha.

    As for this:

    But shoot me if it ever comes to pass That I should suffer shrinking of my ass.

    Never fear. So far, everything has indicated that you’re desi in all the right places ways.

  31. Siddhartha, I see your ABABCCDD, and I raise you an AABBCCDD. Exactly 55, of course:

    Nothing to do with race or class, he simply was shocked by her ass.

    HeÂ’d always thought himself refined, but he was easy prey to her behind.

    And thus launched he a new-found career: to follow every movement of her derriere.

    And the devil himself couldnÂ’t have fought him from admiration of that astounding bottom.

  33. siddharta, you want me to pay for something that our talented bloggers have been suggesting is my birthright? But your link was an interesting read. Here’s an excerpt followed by a couple of questions:

    Few would argue that the Brazilian derri̬re has become the global standard against which all others are measured. In a nation of close to 190 million; perfectly round, shapely butts proliferate. The explanation for this phenomenon lies in the diversity of the Brazilian gene pool. In the sixteenth and seventeenth centuries the northern Brazilian state of Bahia saw the arrival of more African slaves than did the entire United States. The blend of these shapely African rear-ends with the lean Anglo-Saxon form found in the south of Brazil gave rise to the modern day bumbum РBrazilian slang for butt.

    Questions: 1. Are we behind them Brazilians behinds? 2. What’s the history/geneology behind the shapeli-ness of desi bumbum’s?

  36. that word is BLOGALICIOUS 🙂

    I wish Callipygia was a place so I could go live there…

    FukYo you did it again 🙂 I’m missin’ the couches though, they added a brilliant postmodern touch.

  39. Mr Kobayashi,

    Though I stand in awe of your poesy (“I like big book” is clearly Saraswati-inspired), rhyming career with derierre is the sort of thing that keeps us Macacas the corner office. Perhaps you could work in something sophisticatedly videshi instead, say, as follows:

    Nothing to do with race or class, he simply was shocked by her ass.

    HeÂ’d always thought himself refined, but he was easy prey to her behind.

    He mused as he drowned his Perrier could he make his career her derriere?

    And the devil himself couldnÂ’t have fought him from admiration of that astounding bottom.

  40. I dont exactly know how to write “55-word fiction”. But i couldnt pass up a chance to write about booties in the words of ying yang, “booty booty rocking everywhere….”

  41. It’s not so difficult, Jeet. Find an examplar of economical elegance and rip him/her off. Try to pick something obscure. As a quick example:

    Lalita, light of my life, waterer of my lawn. La-lee-ta: the tip of the tongue taking a trip of three steps down the palate to tap, at three, on the teeth. She was Laali, in the morning, curled callipygian in bed. She was Lallo! in the park. But on my leash she was always Lalita.

  42. How bout a bad current events joke?

    Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert spots Mark Foley just back from rehab, down the hall talking to callypygian young staffer. He angrily shoves Foley against the wall and says “Foley, I thought you were turning over a new leaf. Foley responds: I am. Right after I get to the bottom of this page.

    Ok. Sorry. Carry on.

  43. Lalita, light of my life, waterer of my lawn. La-lee-ta: the tip of the tongue taking a trip of three steps down the palate to tap, at three, on the teeth. She was Laali, in the morning, curled callipygian in bed. She was Lallo! in the park. But on my leash she was always Lalita.

    Excellent stuff my friend, good work!

  44. How bout a bad current events joke? Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert spots Mark Foley just back from rehab, down the hall talking to callypygian young staffer. He angrily shoves Foley against the wall and says “Foley, I thought you were turning over a new leaf. Foley responds: I am. Right after I get to the bottom of this page. Ok. Sorry. Carry on.

    Hahaha that was great. Did you come up with that on your own?

  46. You see me now a veteran of a callypygian war My buttocks spent at last And my anus is destroyed I have used up all my kundi and I’m helpless and bereaved Ass is all Im made of Did I hear you say that this is victory?

    Oh, please dont let this bum go on…

  47. The eunuch gazed at her as she walked towards the bath – her pear-shaped torso, her mango-like bottom, her skin like glowing alabaster kissed with sunny olive, her callipygian curves sinking into the milk infused with saffron and rose without a ripple. His whisper brushed her cheek like yesterday’s feather and she turned in wonder “Anarkali”.

  48. White boy here, but also a lover of all things callipygian. Doubt anyone’s still reading this thread, but here goes…

    In times when Nature, with lubricious verve, Was endowing the races with bounteous rumps, Spiteful Nordia, cursing her exclusion, Wished to sow discord forevermore Amongst the fleshly Grecians, Phoenicians, Persics, Nubians, Hebrews, Arabians, Bantus, and Hindoos, And thereupon tossed into their fertile lands A golden apple on which was inscribed: Callipygiste — “For the most booty-ful.”

  50. The eunuch gazed at her as she walked towards the bath – her pear-shaped torso, her mango-like bottom, her skin like glowing alabaster kissed with sunny olive, her callipygian curves sinking into the milk infused with saffron and rose without a ripple. His whisper brushed her cheek like yesterday’s feather and she turned in wonder “Anarkali”.

    Yowsers. My computer is overheating.