Since I don’t watch these television shows, it’s a bit dicey to comment on the spate of shows featuring romances between black men and asian women, so I’ll let Rinku Sen do it for me: 
The sugary romance between the excessively noble characters played by Parminder Nagra and Shafiq Atkins on ER follows the much hotter one between Ming Na Wen and Mekhi Phifer that ended two seasons ago. GreyÂ’s Anatomy features Sandra Oh in an up-and-down relationship with Isaiah Washington.
What accounts for such interest? ItÂ’s as though these couples have been pouring out of medical schools and producers decided to capture the trend.
The representations tread the line between cultural authenticity, sometimes considered stereotype, and colorblindness. The women exhibit some level of conflict with their cultures and are slightly neurotic: Ming Na dreaded telling her immigrant parents that she was having a baby out of wedlock; Nagra quit her job in a bout of rebellion against family expectation to work as a convenience store clerk. The men are dangerous but tender. Phifer grew up without a father and has a temper; Gallant went off to serve in Iraq. I did laugh at the effort to bridge cultures, though, when NagraÂ’s character got married wearing a white sari. White is the Hindu color of mourning.(link)
If it’s on TV, is it a reflection of a real sociological trend, or simply a convenient image of happy multiculturalism from television fantasy-land? Sen’s article gets into some sociological explanations for the phenomenon, none of which are terribly convincing (I don’t think these romances have much to do with “American Empire” or colonialism). But she does argue that it goes beyond “submissive Asian woman”/”sexualized black man” stereotypes:
HamamotoÂ’s theory would suggest that such a preference was grounded in a sexual stereotype of submissive Asian women. I am familiar with our so-called seductress image. My Asian girlfriends and I spent our college years snottily rejecting the few white men who came around as “rice lovers.” While I did experience an American man mentioning the Kama Sutra within five minutes of meeting me recently in New York, my adolescent self-image was much closer to nerd than slut. To see all these Asian women who might also have been high-school nerds paired up with the most sexualized actors in American culture has been, I will admit it, a thrill. However, in real life, Asian women and Black men donÂ’t get to be both equally sexy and smart. “ItÂ’s easier for a Black man to get his foot in the door when heÂ’s with me,” said Aarti, “especially if weÂ’re working.”(link)
Class dynamics may be important in the appeal of Asians to some African Americans. And the “bad boy” image (stereotype) may make people of African descent more attractive to children of immigrants traditionally considered too studious and repressed (spelling bee/ math team champions) to be generally attractive.
Or maybe not: since there are no hard statistics, this could be just another Dubious Trend Story in line with infamous New York Times stories about baby gyms in Manhattan, or Ivy League women who decide to drop out of the rat race to become trophy wives. The next time you see an East or South Asian woman dating a black man … it may simply be that they are two people who happened to meet, and fall in love — irrespective of Parminder Nagra, and sociology be damned.
(Incidentally, for Bollywood fans, guess who played Nagra’s parents in a recent episode? Anupam and Kirron Kher, of course.)
My apologies to all you artsy, sensitive, political engineers and lawyers and doctors out there (I know you exist!) but I just haven’t met one of you in male form yet. Wouldn’t kick one out of my bed if he materialized tomorrow (though the SO might have some trouble with that) but I simply haven’t had much in common with the doctors, engineers and lawyers among the desi men I’ve met in the past. I have nothing against this group as such (my brother belongs to it, as do most of the men in my family), just being realistic in acknowledging that they tend to want very different things out of life.
I don’t know if other desi women out there experience this, but I’ve hardly been approached by desi men (in North America)- maybe four times in my life. Even if I take statistics into consideration, it seems like it never happens. If I’m at a party and there’s one desi guy there, he generally acts as though I have the plague. I’ve wondered if it’s because I’m not a conventional desi looker – I’m fairly dark-skinned, don’t have round features etc. Anyway, I’ve had to content myself with the, ahem, LOADs of white/black/other guys who’ve chased me. All the same, some little part of me does always want a desi guy.
If you’re so interested, maybe you should approach them.
Why – are desi guys some sort of uber-precious commodity, that need to be courted and chased unlike other men?
its probably hard to find because its hard to be! ;-). our cultures – since i can’t think of a culture without sexism (although they may exist) – are in some way or another still sexist, being a non-sexist man is probably something we’re not likely to get on the first or second try
I guess, as a desi guy, I wouldn’t want it to seem that I am hitting on the only desi girl that’s there (for single guys, there’s always a subtle social pressure to do so — “hey, she’s Indian too, you should talk to her”).
I usually find that meeting other desi girls works better in a one-on-one situation; go out for a drink/coffee thing. Somehow it’s more comfortable than parties.
That’s like the “very special” eipsodes of “Love Boat” where if you saw a lone Black woman boarding the ship, you knew the bartender was going to hook up with her… 🙂
It just struck me that there might be another reason: I’ll throw it out there and let others comment on this. Is there any basis to the stereotype that desi women are less open to casual dating/relationships/play than white women? If a guy is looking for something not too serious (often the case), he might avoid desi women because of that. I’ll admit I carry a bit of that idea myself owing to my experiences.
WWJD said :
[Not to beat up on individual bloggers but…] Hear, hear WWJD !
this passage is annoying and i rescind it, because….its just an annoying thing to say
I feel like we’re working our way to the heart of the matter with this one. I’ve heard this from desi women before. I feel like the unspoken part of this is often that you are never in situations where there is more than one desi guy present, i.e., genuinely “mixed” or predominantly desi social environments. Maybe that’s not true for you, Chitrangada, but I suspect it might be. I appreciate that you don’t see the need to pursue desi men like some special commodity, but maybe when you’re in entirely non-desi environments, there are oppressive pressures on both you and the one other desi dude creating some amount of awkwardness or division.
I’ve noticed a lot of people complain that they can never meet a “decent” – however you might measure it – desi person to date, even though they have a desire to, but never EVER put themselves in situations where there might be more than one or two desis to meet. The excuse is that the desi social scene is somehow abhorrent, but I really don’t see any difference between that and any other type of scene, be it a pretentious music-oriented scene or an ethnic/racial scene… or the ultimate ethnic scene, the White scene.
I know that I certainly felt strange about approaching desi women in the years before I gained a more desi social environment – and then, suddenly, many things changed, to the point that I lost those hangups even when not surrounded by desis. It’s a self-esteem/self-hate thing – the idea that I can actually be proud to be with another desi, and proud to pursue another desi person. But it’s a collective problem, one that all alienated desis feel. I used to write off the desi social scene and then wonder what was missing.
As far as the flip side of that – desi men are definitely often fucked up when it comes to skin color. Far too many desi men express a blatant “preference” for light-skinned women, or desi women that “look white”. It’s a disease in our community that we need to do some serious work on. It hurts all of us, of every shade of brown, because at the end of the day it’s self-hate too. I’m sorry you had to even consider the notion that desi men might not be approaching you because of your skin color. I wish I could say that’s impossible.
I’ve also heard the same from desi men, sorry. Don’t want to pretend like desi men are somehow excluded from the same.
Hey, chitrangada & yeti,
Do you think some of the tendency to avoid culturally homogeneous events when looking for a date has anything to do with the fact that somewhere in the back of our minds there is the expectation that anyone that we might meet at such an event will not be as open-minded or have as diverse interests as someone we met at a culturally “mixed” event?
Yes, which is entirely the problem. Why is do we use whether or not someone chooses to be at a majority desi event (in a society which is not majority desi) as a gauge to measure how open-minded they are?
How do we define “mixed” events? Why is “mixed” invariably defined as one to no desis? There are actually scenes that are polyethnic, not 90% white liberals and 10% people of color. Why do we think we’re being “open-minded” solely because we’re the only desi in the room?
And the corollary, why do we assume that just because a scene is racially somewhat “mixed”, the room is filled with diverse attitudes and personalities and open minds?
After following these comments for the past couple of days, I’m glad that Yeti finally addressed the real reason that black/brown men exclusively pursue white women. Black men who specifically want a white/asian women are only hoping their children will have lighter skin, oriental shaped eyes, and/or straighter hair texture. Any black man that has issues with skin color will probably not be interested in a darker skinned asian woman.
Pbh said:
I think it’s actually even worse than that. Men of color who exclusively pursue white women are getting the exact same thing as women of color who exclusively pursue white men (or for that matter, non-hetero people of color who exclusively pursue whites) – escape from their own brown/black/yellow-ness. So whether that comes in the form of children, or the perceived status of walking down the street next to a white person, or the sexual thrill of feeling closer to the white sexual ideal, or whatever… many ways to manifest it.
I try to follow a simple rule that if I have nothing productive or constructive to add to a thread, then DON’T jump in…so I really hesitated before entering this one, and I’m sure I’ll get a lot of flak for this but…why can’t people accept that for some men (myself included most of the time), white women are just more physically attractive? Their features, their hair, their eye color, their (general) body type, their height, their complexions? And for the same reason, African American women (and many Indian women) would probably NOT be found attractive? These type of attractions do not follow political correctness. Marriage (as opposed to affairs/flings) to a non-desi can be problematic because of the cultural differences, but if you’re a very westernised ABD, I suppose even that’s not an issue (though you still have your parents to deal with).
The only reason you see these Asian and African-American couples on TV is because those interracial couples were supposed to be of the white and black form. But, since, showing that form of an interracial couple on TV would cause problems from the white majority in America it is more common to show interracial couples between the relationship of an asian woman and a african-american man.
There’s something fundamentally wrong with the fact that you can’t see any aspect of your ideal of beauty in a woman reflected back at you when you look in the mirror. I’m not saying that we can’t find what is “different” beautiful. I’m saying it’s sick when you particularly find your OWN people essentially ugly unless they look white/european. And it’s not about being “PC” – actually, being critical of relationships between white people and people of color is EXTREMELY “un-PC”.
You can’t pretend that you’re free from the political and racial context of the world you’re living in. If you find white women the pinnacle of beauty, that’s a severe problem. Why? Look around you and think about the world for a minute. Then go to a mirror and look at yourself carefully.
This seems to be as endemic among desi men as it is among Black men (according to what I’ve been told) – a strongly stated “preference” for white women that specifically vilifies desi women. It’s disturbing, not to mention offensive to your desi sisters (isn’t it, desi women? Or am I wrong?)
On a related note – one of the most pathetic pieces of caste prejudice and colonized mentality is the way in which we have so quickly bought into this beef with people of African descent. I’m really sick of hearing about desis and their hatred of Black people – thinly veiled and watered-down, naturally. No matter how timidly and diplomatically you state it, it’s there.
Yeti,
I vividly recall an incident in college, when after a basketball match, the team of five had lined up before the mirrors doing the post-shower grooming, and five Aishwarya Rais stared right back at us; it was creepy;)
If these are the features and qualities that make women attractive, then that must mean that all non-white men are unattractive too.
If the natural features of white women are so attractive, then why do they spend so much time and money tanning to become brown, fattening their lips with injections, and getting plastic surgery? Also, I have never met a white woman who looked naturally beautiful without makeup.
Frantz Fanon had something to see about all this in Black Skin, White Masks and The Wretched of the Earth as did Antonio Gramsci, thought not specifically about race but dominant ideology.
oops
FF had something to say*
The subtle racism in this thread troubles me. AmericanGirl, you probably haven’t looked around you. I have seen lots of white women who look beautiful without make-up. Also, what’s up with the ridiculous assumption that ALL white women get plastic surgery? Because really. That’s what your post implies.
On another note, there is nothing wrong with preferring men/women of a certain race. I personally prefer white or (East Asian men over Indian. Of course I never rule anything out. But it also depends in my opinion a great deal on where someone grows up. In a predominantly desi neighbourhood, with much exposure to desi films, it’s only natural that one cultivates an interest for desis of the opposite sex(or same, depending on whatever floats your boat;)). However for me, growing up in a city which was almost 100% white, with little or no contact with desi boys of my age, I grew more attracted towards white males. It’s just something a person has no control over, I don’t think anyone should be vilified for that. On a side note, my ex-boyfriend, pale and blond, claimed that he was more attracted to non-white women. Oh of course, I forgot that most here would deem that ‘exotification’ of coloured women. There’s just no pleasing some people.
I would like to amend the somewhat controversial statement above by Amitabh with the modification of referring it to lighter-skinned Indian/South Asian women (not white women). It’s often just an aesthetic thing. However, it is correct that the bias towards lighter women within desi culture is also intimately connected to certain status-related concepts (as has been discussed extensively on SM on previous occasions), although — again — this does not necessarily mean that the guy concerned likes such women because of their perceived greater status. As I said, sometimes it’s purely an aesthetic thing.
For some guys, however, I guess the bias towards preferring white women is a natural consequence of being from an ethnic community where lighter-skinned women are regarded as being more attractive and, simultaneously, being a citizen of Western society where white women are in the majority.
These statements are only correct if the Indian guy concerned is not at the lighter end of the spectrum himself. It doesn’t necessarily apply to guys from the northern and northwestern ends of the subcontinent who are the light-skinned/sharp-featured North Indian stereotype. It’s also worth bearing in mind that amongst certain North Indian communities, there is not exactly a severe shortage of vanilla-coloured women and in some cases they are even as light as the “English Rose” cliche. There are plenty of them here in the UK.
If a dark South Indian, or a Northie who is very dark himself, has a strong bias towards very light women and, rather than this being just an aesthetic preference (in terms of his notions of female beauty, not male attractiveness, assuming he has different criteria for both), he is actually sexually repelled by darker women, then I would agree that this does indeed indicate some kind of neurotic issue at work in his psyche.
AmericanGirl, “If the natural features of white women are so attractive, then why do they spend so much time and money tanning to become brown, fattening their lips with injections, and getting plastic surgery? Also, I have never met a white woman who looked naturally beautiful without makeup.” That’s a huge generalization. If you’re looking for movie star beauty, then it would probably be safe to say that no woman looks “naturally” beautiful without makeup. Yeti, “strongly stated “preference” for white women that specifically vilifies desi women. It’s disturbing, not to mention offensive to your desi sisters (isn’t it, desi women? Or am I wrong?)” My opinion? I don’t find it offensive as long as it remains at “I find white women attractive, more so than the desi women that I have met.” I would be offended if the comment was “All white women are more attractive than all desi women and I think that every man feels that way.” I have problems with blanket statements like that. I guess Jai’s comment on the difference between a lack of attraction vs. sexual repulsion applies here. We can find a ton of ways to not be attracted to someone and I guess this would be just one more way, if it weren’t for the fact that the lack of attraction is based on an issue as volatile as skin color. I guess the thing is that attraction changes; my ex was a desi doctor and right now, I can’t imagine dating someone who’s a doctor or planning to be a doctor. I won’t be devastated if I can find someone who makes me want to break that rule. Repulsion isn’t as changeable, and repulsion based on skin color is a terrible thing.
i think its incorrect to say that desi men generally don’t find desi women attractive. most do, and its not hard at all. if by converse a desi woman were to say she does not find the features of desi men attractive, i would not be concerned because i do not think this is indicative of the majority of people. other than that, even if it was true, i am not about to be born again, in this life, and i like being desi.
if only to turn a phrase a refer to one of the better rap songs of the last decade; to all the brown skinned ladies, there’s more than a few desi guys who like the way you walk.
These statements are only correct if the Indian guy concerned is not at the lighter end of the spectrum himself. It doesn’t necessarily apply to guys from the northern and northwestern ends of the subcontinent who are the light-skinned/sharp-featured North Indian stereotype.
On a side note, in my observation, I think darker Indian men get more attention here than lighter Indian men. I don’t think lighter skin on a male is considered either virile or sexy in this culture, and therefore the Sindhi-Punjabi “look” is generally a matter of indifference.
There is a light skin bias among especially North Indian men, but I think that’s slowly changing. I know many married couples for whom each other’s complexion was not not an issue. And it doesn’t seem to be a big issue for white men interested in South Asian women either.In fact, white men are very amused by the gradations South Asians discern in one another’s skin tone. Black men often find women attractive who the Sindhi-Punjabi types would reject; and vice versa. And I think several posters have touched upon this.
No. I think all men should be chased and courted when the woman is interested. Instead of just sitting around wishing he would not “avoid her like the plague”, this chick said she wanted a desi guy to come talk to her. Is it so horrible for her to talk to him?
Some comments here are a little racist to say the least. However there is nothing racist per se in having a preference for white women. I prefer tall, blond, light eyed, well built germanic women. My mom thinks they are the ugliest women on earth and she thinks that they look like men. Just because I like tall blond women, does not mean that I have a blanket preference for all light skinned women. I prefer dark skinned South Indian or Indonesian/Malaysian women over light skinned Kashmiris, Persians or Lebanese women. Maybe we should all refrain from making blanket generalizations which originate from our own preferences.
On a side note, in my observation, I think darker Indian men get more attention here than lighter Indian men.
IMO, most whites cannot really differentiate between different shades of brown. So maybe the features play a bigger part than color.
As usual I can only speak from experience here in the UK, but I think that if the white women concerned think you look like a Mediterranean guy in terms of your facial features and skin colour — essentially a southern European who happens to have a fairly deep tan (which would actually be at the lighter end of the desi spectrum, ie. not darker than “light cafe latte”) — then that is something they find attractive. Which follows on to something AlMfD said:
Yes, that too, although both sometimes go hand-in-hand.
In these cases, maybe they find it easier to “identify” with such guys on a psychological level, especially if they’re dark brunettes and are instinctively more comfortable around them (very broadly speaking, I’ve noticed this myself too, although there have been exceptions, eg. friendlier blondes and vice versa). Either way, I think that local English women became more amenable to pursuing relationships with desi men here after it became “cool” to be (South) Asian approximately a decade ago, although it was probably also influenced by the fact that large numbers of white girls had grown up amongst desis from the 1970s onwards. Mixed-race relationships have also become very widespread and “normal” here in the UK in recent times — especially in the case of black people (I believe about 1/3 – 40% of British black men and women are involved in steady relationships with white people) — so perhaps that carried over into the view on relationships with desis here too.
By the way, I don’t think it’s true that (for want of a better term) “white culture” doesn’t have its own biases in terms of perceptions of beauty amongst those of European extraction. Until relatively recently, the blonde/blue-eyed type was regarded as the ideal for women — something which has changed in recent years, as demonstrated in the media in general (a lot more dark-haired women in lead roles, sometimes even with black hair) and in winners/finalists in the Miss World & Miss Universe contests. In the case of the latter, the finalists these days are disproportionately very dark-haired women from Latin America and Eastern Europe.
Also, I’ve sometimes wondered if the “tall dark handsome” male ideal amongst white people is a European legacy of Roman times — perhaps their equivalent of the Aryan invasions* and later Mughal/Middle Eastern impact on subcontinental perceptions in matters of attraction.
*Just an example as an analogy — let’s not have any arguments about the legitimacy (or lack) of the “Aryan Invasion Theory” 😉
As an appendix to my previous post #281, I should add that there may well be some transatlantic differences in the behaviour and attitudes of white women towards desi men, but I’m sure you’re all factoring that into the equation anyway. We’re just bouncing ideas around here 😉
Al Mujahid for debauchery :
while instinct begs me to condemn any further consideration of your mother’s concern, surely she means well and simply needs distraction from obviously falsified stereotypes.
Hmm. Reading some of the posts here, I think I’m indeed better off without a desi guy…Yeti: yes, I find the blonde-haired/blue-eyed preferences of these desi ‘bruthas’ to be offensive. And while I’ve been in mostly non-desi milieus all my life, I don’t believe this to be a manifestation of self-hate, but of my school/career choices, which have landed me in classrooms, small towns, activities where desis are very few and far between.
As for chasing and courting desis – if a hot white guy/black guy is making an effort, showering me with attention, charming me with his personality, why would I ditch him to go after the ball-less, snooty, white-obsessed desi across the room??
Wow I can’t believe this is still going onÂ…I missed out on so much of it and I oh so hate to :-)\
This applies to desi men as well. I can’t speak for black culture but in the desi culture any woman that is “independent” (not funded/molded by mom/dad) is “too strong” or “masculine” and looked down upon. I experience chauvinism in the Indian context with my own family on a daily basis. And simply because it’s sugarcoated doesn’t make it any less offensive. As a woman I’m expected to “not have a strong opinion” about ANYTHING. And when I do have one I’m deemed argumentative or “too strong”. I’ve experienced this with family when both my parents were sick at different points in time. No matter how old I am, how successful I am and how capable I’ve proven myself by the virtue of being a woman has prevented me respect from so many people and I think a lot of desi women would relate. It’s subtle and usually dipped in the “Beta don’t worry yourself with this, let your brother take care of it” concern and so often it’s disguised. And I hate to say it (and I’m no exception) men rather be with a woman that parents approve and I see it with my own parents, disapproval of my brother’s girlfriends because they’ve had a mind of their own.
I so strongly agree. Love happens when we allow it. I have a very clinical way of looking at it. I’ve found myself ONLY attracted to men I know would get approval at home. It has meant not dating Muslims for me because I know this is something that will simply not fly. I find myself simply not attracted to them. Biased? Absolutely but I think a lot of us are a product of our conditioning. I wouldn’t find a man less successful then me attractive! And yes I’ve been brainwashed to think so but I’m not ready to discard this belief system until someone proves me wrong. And I think a lot of people function this way and don’t want to admit it because it sounds abrasive and non PC but it’s the truth. I
I find this above particularly offensive simply because I’ve been hearing that my whole life. Who is anyone to decide what demands or expectations are too high. Men are never scoffed at for seeking someone above their league, why are women? Indian culture loves to throw the word “compromise” around especially more so as you get older and continue to remain single. Why should a woman expect anything less then all the things she has to offer to a man? If you expect what you bring to the plate you are entitled to it.
Is that not the truth. How many of our mothers, despite being successful career women, were really feminists? And some might tell you that their marriages were successful because they decided not ot be feminists (aka give into their husbands). How can we expect male feminists to grow out of this environment? Most desi women who are feminists will become so more out of oppression and need to recognize their worth instead of a fostered environment of feminism.
🙂 I could write a book on this. Wait I’ve already written so much about this phenomenon. I find it much easier to meet desi men in a non desi environment then the general desi meat market aka SANA environment in NYC that is stifling. Most of men generally concentrate on the 2 hot desi women and ignore the rest. The 2 hot desi women know it, milk it for all it’s worth and bank on the 2 hot men in the joint. Who leaves without dates? Everyone except the 4 people. Reality anyone?
Oh absolutely. In NYC it seems everyone is looking for a casual hookup. Very few people want to commit to get to know someone more then a one night stand and desi women thanx to the (sati savitri) image get booted from fair play. IMO however I’m perfectly happy to not be in the casual sex dating pool. Personally I have no gripe towards the guy who doesn’t approach me because he knows I won’t be interested in anything casual.
“As for chasing and courting desis – if a hot white guy/black guy is making an effort, showering me with attention, charming me with his personality, why would I ditch him to go after the ball-less, snooty, white-obsessed desi across the room??”
You should ditch Jim Finkleberger and Tyrone Biggums, if you actually want to meet/talk to/date/whatever the desi guy. Do that instead of pouting and expecting him to come to you. The irony is, you’re using his non-approaching to rationalize why you shouldn’t approach him, in fact when it’s rationale to why you should talk to him, if you’re interested to meet him that is.
If you dislike desi guys in general, that’s your perogative, and I’m sure you’ll have lots of company on that one…
I find the blonde-haired/blue-eyed preferences of these desi ‘bruthas’ to be offensive
if a hot white guy/black guy is making an effort, showering me with attention, charming me with his personality, why would I ditch him to go after the ball-less, snooty, white-obsessed desi across the room??
So having a preference for certain type of women is being snooty, ball-less and white obsessed?
…unless of course you are suggesting that women should never approach men in any situation, and that courtship is purely unidirectional, but that would mean, oh golly gee willakers, men and women are treated gasp inequally!
As for chasing and courting desis – if a hot white guy/black guy is making an effort, showering me with attention, charming me with his personality, why would I ditch him to go after the ball-less, snooty, white-obsessed desi across the room??
Absoultely. One of the wonderful things about being here is that you get to reject all of that nonsense.
Janeofalltrades,
With all due respect, you may be misinterpreting my original comments.
Men who are on the receiving end of these demands and expectations, for example. Also those close to the women concerned who have seen such people destroy relationships and their lives in general because of misguided priorities, which are sometimes encouraged by some of their similarly-ambitious peers.
Men most certainly are “scoffed at” in these situations. In the case of women, it becomes a problem when a) her demands and expectations wildly exceed the reality of her own capacity, and b) when it becomes destructive to guys, either those she is involved with or people she regards as being “beneath” her and which causes her to mistreat them in the course of her normal interaction with them.
I agree completely and I am more than a little irritated by the word “compromise” in this regard, especially the tendency of many Indian parents to use this word when attempting to manipulate their children into marital relationships with people who significantly fall short of what their sons/daughters would ideally want to be with, even more so when their own life-experiences contradict the assertion that they would have to actually “compromise” anything at all.
This is the key point and, again, possibly the main thing you have misunderstood. Please note the word “realistically” which I used previously. There is a difference between wishing to be with a person of a certain type because one’s own life-experiences have proven repeatedly that one is more than capable of attracting that kind of individual (and maintaining a relationship with them), and opportunistically viewing that kind of individual as some kind of trophy to be ambitiously acquired, even if such an individual had not previously exhibited any serious interest in one and who one may want to be with for all the wrong reasons (egotism, money/lifestyle etc being the major factors, as has been discussed before). It comes down to whether the woman concerned has an exaggerated idea of what she “brings to the plate”.
Exactly the same applies to men in the reverse situation, of course.
It think it’s obvious that we don’t live in an ideal world where beauty from all ethnicities are promoted equally. If this were the case, then it would be totally acceptable if a man naturally developed a preference for white women. The fact is that most of these men have been brainwashed by the media and it’s just sad that they choose to snub the women that look most like themselves. It is self-hatred and it is a sickness.
The only way to sum up this discussion is to quote from the classic song: KKK b*tch, by Body Count
“So what we really tryin’ to say is Body Count loves everybody. We love Mexican girls, Black girls, Oriental(1) girls, it really don’t matter. If you from Mars, and you got a pssy, we will fck you. You know, that’s all we’re sayin’, word.”
The fact is that most of these men have been brainwashed by the media and it’s just sad that they choose to snub the women that look most like themselves. It is self-hatred and it is a sickness.
So if a non-white person has a preference for blond hair/green eyed women, it a sign of self-hatred and sickness? Your assertion is quite silly to say the least.
Why do Desi guys love goris? Have you seen some European or South American actresses? They have hot accents and are simply gorgeous. Heres a short list of some hot foreign goris:
-Mia Maestro (Argentina) -Adriana Lima (Brazil) -Any Brazilian of Italian or Portuguese descent -Penelope Cruz (Spain) -Alizee (French Pop Singer) -Paz Vega (Spain) -Naomi Watts (England?) -Monica Belluci (Italy) -Audrey Tatou (France)
etc……..
I cant believe this article has 295 comments.
Despite my first comment (294)…brown pride!
No, your inability to understand her assertion is blind to say the least. That’s okay though – nothing americangirl or Yeti says will keep you or other self-justifying desi men from your precious white women.
You can’t separate media and social reality from your own needs and desires. I hope we don’t have to argue how pervasive and influential socialization and media are.
The fact is simple – you have a fetish for a particular race of women. It’s not just “features”. It’s blatantly racialized. And a racial fetish is related to racism, one way or another. Just admit it to yourself – you agree with the white ideal of beauty. Hence, you see yourself and women who look like you to be less than beautiful. You may be light-skinned – I don’t know – but I’m willing to guess that one look at your nose, eyes, lips, and perhaps your hair quickly indicates that you do not fit the nordic ideal that you so love.
And please don’t try to argue that all so-called “preferences” are equal and the same, that people who affirm the beauty of their own are “fetishizing” them as well, blah blah blah.
Why must I repeat myself? There is nothing wrong with a non-white man having a preference for white womenm as long as it is developed naturally as an individual preference. If a non-white man is raised in a society that promotes white as beautiful and in turn prefers white women over all other ethnicities including his own, then it is not a naturally developed individual preference. I don’t even think that most Indian men even feel entitled to be with a white women without having first reached a certain status level.
I’m going to second Yeti on this. I’ve found myself attracted to men of all different colors, but usually they have similar features. For one thing, I’m sensitive about noses. If a person has a flat nose, as some South Indian/black/Latino people have, its unappealing to me. And while I could take the easy way out and say, its just my preference and i’m allowed to have preferences, i honestly think it has to do with being a Tamil, and having been programmed from an early age that flat noses are ugly. The blacks and Latinos that I have found attractive are those with more anglicized features. It’s embarrassing to admit openly, but I know for a fact a lot of people of color feel the same way.
I need not comment any further, Yeti’s previous comment is exactly what I wanted to say. Thank you.
Jai # 290 thanx for the clarification. I wasn’t necessarily jumping at you just making a generalized observation about getting people to keep things in check in the desi scheme of things.