Art Imitates Kaavya’s Life

Kaavya.jpg

Since Miss Maya hasn’t done anything blog-worthy lately, I thought I’d torment you with the other Southern belle who gets assloads of Sepia space: Kaavya Viswanathan. Oh, admit it. You totally missed her. I know I did, especially since my plea for temperance in judging her brought me a few love letters with choice sweet nothings like the following:

Your defense of that plaigarist (sic) Kaavya destroys all your credibility with me. I will never take what you say seriously. You think lying and cheating is okay and you call yourself Christian? Maybe you are a plaigarist, too!

For the record, I am neither a plaigarist nor a plagiarist and I usually call myself, “you IDIOT!”. But I digress. Apparently, someone might have been inspired by the would-be author who…was…”inspired” by so many other writers. Could the saga of the other Miss Viswanathan be coming to a YA shelf near you? Via Gawker:

CHILDRENÂ’S: YOUNG ADULT Jamie MichaelsÂ’s KISS MY BOOK, story of a teen writing sensation who gets caught plagiarizing her debut novel, but finds redemption and romance when she escapes to a small town, to Krista Marino at Delacorte, by Michael Bourret at Dystel & Goderich Literary Management (World). [link]

Gawker didn’t explicitly state where that blurb was from, but I’m guessing that we’d find it on Publishers Marketplace if we could get in there. Nick Denton’s flagship blog snarks on:

Surely DreamWorks is considering optioning this, if only to get back at Viswanathan for screwing them over the first time. No studio exec is above exacting revenge on a teenager. Now, does anyone know who reps that Bend It Like Beckham girl? [link]

I know, there’s only one desi actress in Hollywood (and we had to go across the pond to find her), but maybe, just maybe, she doesn’t have to play EVERY brown female role? Surely it might be possible to import another hottie from the land of Pickled Politics and give pretty Parminder a break? Casting directors might have to– the current E.R. star isn’t known for her sneer.

38 thoughts on “Art Imitates Kaavya’s Life

  1. ANNA, I hear that Kaavya’s next novel is about a bucket full of brown soldier crabs, all of which try to pull down the one climbing to the top of the bucket until the little crab that could is saved by a Harvard undergraduate. Here’s an excerpt I spirited away from the Smoking Gun before they could publish it:

    He tapped me on the soldier and told me that he was absolutely terrified of crustaceans, and thinks that eating them is just gross. “Ewww, icky! They remind me of insects.” In a truly masochistic and even more icky gesture, he then told me we should buy Diet Cokes from Red Lobster. We then ran into a couple of more useful (read: non-history major) friends who told us that the two groups of ickiness, crustaceans and Nutrasweet, are actually related.

    I think it’ll be a big hit. If she opens comments in the website for her new novel, I’ll bet it gets at least 40.

  2. I say kavya should just pose for playboy and regain her lost credibility

    I second that motion. I would pay good money to see that. I wonder what all her ‘uncleji’s’ would think.

  3. I say kavya should just pose for playboy and regain her lost credibility

    for some reason, I just don’t think their readership knows about (nor wants to know about) our kaavya ;)

  4. for some reason, I just don’t think their readership knows about (nor wants to know about) our kaavya ;)

    If they can have a “Girls of Enron” portfolio, they can have Kavya as well.

  5. Surely it might be possible to import another hottie from the land of Pickled Politics

    Yes, I’m available. But I’m pricey.

    Oh Anna since it’s being mentioned again, I told your crab-Asian-authors story to Gautam Malkani – the Londonstani chap – and then weeks later he said he liked it so much he’s going to use it in his next piece for the Financial Times. Neither of us will be credited.

  6. Surely it might be possible to import another hottie from the land of Pickled Politics and give pretty Parminder a break?

    Indra Varma and Laila Rouass come to mind.

    Although both are (and look) slightly too old to be able to convincingly play a teenager.

  7. Indra Varma and Laila Rouass come to mind.

    Nope, we were definitely leaning towards Bongbreaker in drag vs. those two.

  8. Nope, we were definitely leaning towards Bongbreaker in drag vs. those two.

    Anna, and this is God’s honest truth, I’ve acted in drag on more than one occasion. The most memorable was playing an Indian lesbian in front of about 800 people. Right, moving on…

    God please not Laila Rouass, that talentless whining numpty. And yes Indira Varma is knocking on a bit now. It’s worth bearing in mind too that pretty Parminder is going to be 31 in a few months. Parminder seems to be quite keen on fantasy fare, she provided her voice to Maya the Indian Princess, her latest films are Ella Enchanted and In Your Dreams (about a dentist whose dreams become reality). Is this because she likes it or simply because despite her success, she still gets offered medical and mysterious-east-type roles? A bit of trivia – I wonder, is she the only person to have appeared in Casualty, Holby City AND ER? Pretty sure she is.

    Anyway, fresh face please. There are plenty of pretty young brown things out there. I meet about 2 a week who “want to act and model”. Out of these 104 per year, most will go on to university and high-flying jobs or if they’re older they will give up soon, but I’m sure a few can actually act.

  9. I’m sure we could scare up a few yankee-desi actresses: Meera Simhan, Sheetal Sheth, Purva Bedi, Reena Dutt… and of the masala-desis: Zuleikha Robinson, Yana Gupta, Ravi Nawat, and BongBreaker-in-Drag… to name a few.

  10. Hmmm. I guess we could add Rekha Sharma from the most recent season of Battlestar Galactica to the list. However, the question is how many of those actresses/models could plausibly play a teenager.

    Actually, our very own DesiDancer could do it. She’s doing a very good impression of an innocent, well-behaved Indian youngster on those pics on her website ;)

  11. You’ve left out some incredibly talented Asian women in your list: Anna Kureishi, Jasmine Guha, Rakhee Ajnabarti, Srivasta Taramangularamshaanti, Mona Kaur Sahota* and Ramteri Gangameili*, to name but six. They have all, in some way or the other, contributed vastly towards furthering the plight of dark skinned women and, to some extent, animal love, thanks to their starring roles in hardcore pornography

    *Names have been changed to protect the identity of my family

  12. A pretty face can only take you so far. Only the ones with character and courage will be rewarded in the end. Any person who sells for X number of reasons and in X number of ways will finally fall.

  13. Isn’t it funny how people love others’ disgrace…like vultures or something.

    But in this case KV was the vulture. She ate carrion out of lots of other peoples books.

  14. A pretty face can only take you so far. Only the ones with character and courage will be rewarded in the end. Any person who sells for X number of reasons and in X number of ways will finally fall.

    Are you sure about that? A shit load of ex Playboy models have gone onto become successful business women. Not to mention Miss America alumni the most antiquated brain dead competition has produced extremely successful women.

  15. Are you sure about that? A shit load of ex Playboy models have gone onto become successful business women. Not to mention Miss America alumni the most antiquated brain dead competition has produced extremely successful women.

    Dont make this a gender issue. I am equally against men without character and honor. Women are equals to men, so be prepared to burden your share of failures. Money is a very shallow barometer to judge success. Pimps and hookers make more money but would you respect them? BTW the playboy models deserve some respect coz atleast they are not being pretentious.

  16. It’s true that looks can only take you so far, but I think we’d be kidding ourselves if we denied the fact that an attractive man or woman will get your attention and your ear a lot faster than one who isn’t commomly-accepted-aesthetically-pleasing-to-the-eye. However, after getting your attention, they can lose it equally as quickly if they’re clueless, poorly spoken, awkward, or without personality, don’t you think?

    DD – have you done any/much acting?

    not really… I’m a horrible liar, and it’s somewhat of a hurdle in acting– I can’t channel whatever character I’m supposed to be, so I’m basically just me, but saying strange dialogue. But wait! That one-trickism seems to be the bedrock of Kareena Kapoor’s career… maybe there’s hope for me yet!

  17. DD – have you done any/much acting? not really… I’m a horrible liar, and it’s somewhat of a hurdle in acting– I can’t channel whatever character I’m supposed to be, so I’m basically just me, but saying strange dialogue. But wait! That one-trickism seems to be the bedrock of Kareena Kapoor’s career… maybe there’s hope for me yet!

    oddly enough, kareena hasnt done v much acting either…

  18. Dont make this a gender issue.

    I wasn’t. I was simply pointing out successes experienced by “pretty” women thru shallow means. You can add men to that category. Arnold is a perfect example.

    Money is a very shallow barometer to judge success.

    Hmmm not in most of society or the world.

    Pimps and hookers make more money but would you respect them

    ?

    Why pick the lowest denominator to compare? When you make a encompassing statement like “money is a shallow barometer” you lump everyone that isn’t a hooker or pimp into that category as well.

    BTW the playboy models deserve some respect coz atleast they are not being pretentious.

    Aren’t you now just contradicting yourself?

  19. We need to make up a whole “new” actor to play Kaavya, any star just wouldnt cut it. Dreamworks and Pixar need to do this together.

    But wait! That one-trickism seems to be the bedrock of Kareena Kapoor’s career… maybe there’s hope for me yet!

    watching her act is painful, i wanna smack the smirk off the faces who say she is a “natural performer”.

  20. “If they can have a “Girls of Enron” portfolio, they can have Kavya as well.”

    Great idea! how about a brown writer spread?

    Who wouldn’t want to see Jhumpa, Arundhati and Shobha De nekkid?

  21. Pleezzee, don’t hate on Playboy. It has wonderful articles :)

    TopCat and JOAT – Regarding pimps and hookers, I was once posed a question by my grandfather, the answer to which I don’t have even today – “Who is worthy of more respect, a beggar or a prostitute?”. I don’t think it is obvious that for whatever reason, pimps and hookers are somehow deserving of such a low opinion. Take any definition of prostitute, replace body with mind and sex with work and you have pretty much everyone in the world covered.

    DD – I don’t think acting abilities are an important factor when it comes to casting in Bollywood ;)

  22. Who wouldn’t want to see Jhumpa, Arundhati and Shobha De nekkid?

    no thankyou, i dont want to be scarred for life.

    Pleezzee, don’t hate on Playboy. It has wonderful articles :)

    Is it sad that in the 22 yrs of my life i have never read, owned or looked at a playboy mag?? ok dont answer that

  23. DD – I don’t think acting abilities are an important factor when it comes to casting in Bollywood ;)

    Well…faking it is an important factor. That’s acting ;) DD you know what you have to do to land that role. And don’t start with the whole ‘morals’ thing, that’s snobbery.

    Beige seige, Playboy HAD wonderful articles. Now it’s lame.

  24. Bong Breaker – I agree with you. I believe Playboy of the past was considered a good read. Not so much anymore. A Playboy reader evoked images of a sophiscated, worldly, gentleman bachelor who challenged moral mores of society and also derived satisfaction from the pictures. Now it only evokes a dirty old man.

    Thinking aloud,that is exactly what Hugh Hefner was in the past and is now.

    Plus it is against my principles to admire the beauty of photoshop.

  25. Re: #26

    Why pick the lowest denominator to compare?

    I didnt. You brought in the playmates example.

    You say money is not a shallow barometer for judging success in many societies

    You mentioned that many playboy models became successful bussiness women, I asked do you respect them even though they have money? I am not talking about Bill Gates or Kiran Mazumdar Shaw.

    Playboy models being unpretentious. You say, Aren’t you now just contradicting yourself?

    I said the playboy models are not pretentious, in the sense that they are selling flesh for money and they thats their deal with the world. Whereas some women (in the name of ambition) can sell their sexuality for say getting their work done, to get jobs etc and finally pose to the outside world fully covered. The first thing a girl from India(who was waiting for her turn) asked me after my interview oncampus was “Is he young”?

  26. Bong Breaker –

    Oh Anna since it’s being mentioned again, I told your crab-Asian-authors story to Gautam Malkani – the Londonstani chap – and then weeks later he said he liked it so much he’s going to use it in his next piece for the Financial Times. Neither of us will be credited.

    I hear that ANNA has a great new novel coming out in the fall — it’s called “Californiastani,” look out for it.

  27. Beige Siege,

    I was once posed a question by my grandfather, the answer to which I don’t have even today – “Who is worthy of more respect, a beggar or a prostitute?”.

    On a fundamental human level, both are equally worthy of being treated with consideration, empathy and courtesy.

    It’s only when the other party starts behaving maliciously (towards you or someone else) that one has to consider taking a more assertive stance, but even then it’s not a good idea to start crossing the line in one’s own behaviour and become malicious, vindictive or insensitive towards them — as a moral principle (again, basic human courtesy) and also in order to prevent any corrosive impact on oneself of one’s negative actions, not out of fear of how the other party may react.

    So there’s one possible answer, anyway ;)