Ladies: Sure our bras can push-in, push-up and push-out…create curves and decolletage where there might not have been otherwise…support us steadfastly through athletic events, bad days at work and first dates alike…and, by sheer ergonomic design, make us sinfully sexy seductresses in the crucial moments when it matters most but, as ever-prepared, forward-thinking members of the Mutiny, let’s get down to brass tacks — what can it really do to help advance our studies?
Just ask Ashish, a telecommunications graduate from India’s Pune University. He was caught cheating on his final-year exam – he diagrammed an elaborate electronic circuit on the underside of his calculator – and kicked out. But he returned and passed the next term, and freely admits to cheating on most tests at university.“Cheating sounds too grave,” he says, insisting that his family name not be printed. “Everyone does it.” He has written formulas on his ruler and smuggled notes up his sleeves and inside his shoes. Women have it easier, he claims, as modesty affords protection. “If I were a woman, I’d try smuggling them in my bra,” he says.
I find this great for several reasons. For starters, I think we can all agree that Ashish of TheNoSurnamePeople is probably not winning too many popularity contests over at Pune U — and to that end has not seen too many bras in his day — but I have to applaud him for managing to make his slide-rule nerd status international by granting this interview to the Christian Science Monitor instead of the Pune University Pioneer.
(And not to totally channel my mom here BUT) I think we can also all agree that at this point Ashish has spent more time thinking about ways to cheat than he has actually studying. That those ways include contemplating some kind of transgender existence is just saffron on the payasam.
And while I wonder a seemingly endless list of other things (When Ashish says “in my bra” does he mean the notes, actual formulas or rulers with the answers written on the underside? Has Ashish ever seen an actual woman wearing a bra? Does he think bras have a sort of Mary Poppins bottomless-purse quality? How exactly has he envisioned the cheating to play out — practical or pornographic? Has he not considered how suspicious it might look to feel yourself up in search of “the answers” in the middle of a lecture hall? And if, one day, when some poor woman doesn’t know why Ashish can’t “handle” second base as deftly as she’d like him to, will she be directed to this article?), I have to ask:
Can’t people just program equations into scientific calculators anymore? Is that not an option?
Now you tell me!
How would he read them in his bra? I mean, many men remark on the similarity between breasts and eyes (and also breasts and headlights), but … there is neither light nor eyes inside a bra.
Why then are men always trying to look down it … even if they are standing 3 feet away???
hmmmm, bras composed of hundreds of tiny microchips sewn together…
“Keeping abreast of things” takes on a whole new meaning.
What no pictures? 🙂
hahaha. this cracked me up… thanks for giving us a laugh barmaid 🙂
I think he probably saw a bra in a movie once, and deduced their storage capabilities.
I agree. I always wondered why Bollywood leading ladies were so impressively padded/stuffed in the brassiere area. Now I know: they forgot to take out the exam notes they were hiding in there. Another mystery solved!
dangit — i was looking for a graphic of a bra diagram that i could include as some kind of supposed poster i envision ashish hanging in his room, but i coudln’t find one that did the job.
Barmaid, Barmaid. Don’t you know that is not possible to program circuit diagrams into scientific calculators?
But yeah, one wonders why Ashish does not consider stuffing them down his briefs (or boxers if he prefers greater freedom)?
I can’t believe I am defending this guy for getting this idea in his head (and for nothing else, mind you), but have you guys seen how (many) women in saris carry their purses? That’s right, under the blouse and held firm with the bra strap. Now smuggling a ‘bit’ this way doesn’t appear fantastic, does it?
Barmaid,
I get you totally. It’s not fantastic at all. I can stuff an entire can of soda down “it” and you won’t notice it I swear!! And no it’s not a stupid human trick. The possibilities of stuffing things down “it” are endless…
yes. You really think no textbook has ever gone where the purses often do? I m with Ashish, more power to the Bra-cheaters!
Bra-stuffing for exams is old hat. There were girls in my school who’d write answers on their thighs and lift their skirts at opportune moments. These days text messages on cell phones do the job, though I suppose in a less desi Lolita titillating way.
I do keep my paper money in my brassiere when I’m out dancing 🙂 And I’ve got a big rack, but a can of soda is a bit much. How do you do it, JOAT?
Hehe don’t ask…back in school a whole bunch of us were sitting at a diner. I got dared to stick tea bags and sugar packets etc down the blouse. It was silly. I sort of forgot! yeah don’t ask As I was walking out the waitress confronted me and said I was “stealing things” off the table and she saw me stuff “cutlery” down my blouse. OK the girls are too precious to try that. Anyway I had to take out all the nonsense paraphernalia out in front of everyone and prove to her that I didn’t have any forks in there. Everyone laughed about that for a good 2 months!
Given that scientific calculators cost 30-50% of the average Indian middle class person’s monthly salary, they aren’t really an option.
I have seen aunties of a certain age on trains in India produce a dozen tiffen containers from the folds of a sari and feed the entire second-class bogey. Imagine Ashish’s storage capacity in 30 years.
See how ignorant I am, I thought they wouldnt let you into a bollywood movie pretty girl role unless you had HUGE kn0ckers…
marry me….
This is posted under “Fashion”? LOL!!
I’ve done that too (not always succesfully, though, since once I walked around all night with a 20 dollar note visibly sticking out of my chest area). But it’s one thing to reach into your cleavage area in a crowded, dark club, and then another to reach into your cleavage area in a brightly lit test room while taking an exam. Plus, if these women are “modestly” dressed, as Ashish points out, wouldn’t it be sort of hard to get near to that area in general?
I think u gals need to get some advice from the desi aunties around. They’re pretty good at the art of carrying tons of gold jewellery etc past customs in India, all stuffed in the ‘safe deposit’.
You could always show up to the exam hall all “h0ed out”. Thats always fun. I would love to show up to an exam in speedo’s and a bow tie. That would make my day…
Is the above somehow the equivalent of a woman in a skimpy outfit?
Well…just showing up to an exam not appropriately dressed. Not that I have a problem with that. Might just get kicked out of the test though.
Carrying cash and an ID in your bra is standard, so it’s almost passe when a woman fishes down her shirt at the bar. But in a classroom, taking a test? How very UN-stealthy it would be to keep peering down my shirt as I stumble through the GMAT.
“sorry, professor, I have a bad case of hives and I’m just checking on them…” yeah, I don’t think that would fly.
Get a sense of humor. “LOL”!
Sorry, Picky One, if there had been a “Ways to Cheat” or “Fast Times at Pune U” category I would have used it. 😉
I think that most men would not question a woman if she said “I’m just staring at my breasts because they’re pretty”
depending on the woman, some could smuggle the entire Bar exam, while some could only smuggle a multiple choice quiz from Cosmo.
All answers can be found on thighs.
Generally, only ‘standard’ calculators are allowed for exams.
Anything more than a circuit diagram is a waste!
There were girls in my school who’d write answers on their thighs and lift their skirts at opportune moments.
If they were to be sitting around me I would never have passed any of my exams!
“If I were a woman, I’d try smuggling them in my bra,” he says.
You mean brassiere. Interloper.
You kids and your shiny calculators! In my days we had to make do with ragged clark’s table booklets
And if the girl , has a flat front , she can do even more ……..
😀
Because , people , expect coconut shells , not Answers … 😀
In my school (back in India), girls used to hide “cheat sheets” in thier bra while boys used their undies for this purpose. During the exams, the teachers used to switch our benchmates …mix and match..1 girl and 1 boy…to lessen the chances of cheating. The unwritten rule among students was that the girl will “carry the chit” if the teacher in that room is a male….and vice versa. Infact most of the girls normally wore slips (“shameez”)..but switched to bras during exam week !
well christ; i mean, no WONDER the stereotype prevails over “nerdy Indian guys”
Anjali: Bablu, is that a crumpled up IIT entrance exam bluebook stuffed down your pants or are you just hap… Bablu: oh – THIS old thing? giggle I spent ALL night, but I think I got most of it convered!!! Anjali: sigh
hilarious!
sigh Ashish got caught and hasn’t learned. Chits are evidence. Always, people, always, transfer the data from the chits to your answer sheet/question paper the minute they are distributed. (Distribution time is when there’s the least vigilance in the hall). Then eat the chits. (I got a lot of my nutrition from the ink-paper diet during exams)
<
p> Chits can get you debarred from writing not only that exam, but also the next few tries. Ashish was plain lucky.
Ashish mentioned bras because all men love bras. They delight us and confuse us in unique and stimulating ways. They are frustrating in the way that a favorite, but unskilled, sports team is frustrating (I don’t know what that means, but I’m writing it anyway.). We always think that they are easily unhooked, no matter how much experience (and inexperience) has taught us otherwise. “I can do this with one hand tied behind my back”, you say. But then, just when you need your manual dexterity and mental agility the most, all the blood in your body rushes pell-mell downward, towards all men’s best friend (no, not the dog), leaving you unable to think any thoughts more sophisticated than “naked woman, must have naked woman”.
Of course, women DO unhook them with one had behind their backs. And once you’ve seen a woman remove her bra without removing her T-shirt, you are forever at their mercy. What powerful goddesses are these, that can perform such a feat!
He heh Barmaid, very amusing. 🙂 i agree about programming things into the calculator – sure sounds a step up from writing things on the underside. perhaps someone ought to tell Ashish he could hide his tingz in his socks… Perhaps he could also try a trans-gender trick and actually put a bra on himself. Dakhni has some fabulous advice in any case. What i thought was yeah i agree about the reaching into the bra thing – but you know i think that may be more of a modern day female response – in the old days didn’t women ‘tuck’ all manner of things ‘into their bosom’ – which i always thought was a bit funny. but hey..it seems to have worked for generations of women all over the world!
“I think u gals need to get some advice from the desi aunties around. They’re pretty good at the art of carrying tons of gold jewellery etc past customs in India, all stuffed in the ‘safe deposit’.”
Ennis asks
Maybe the notes are in braille
Maybe the notes are in braille
..yup, i tried this in my fluid mechanics course in my third year of engineering, spent the better part of the previous night filling up the holes in a perforated cut banian i borrowed from my friend’s wardrobe.. how was i to know that the humidity in that cavernous exam hall would make my sweat clog up the holes? or that my belly lint would screw up just the part of the navier stokes equation i needed the most, and i still curse my treacherous nipples that pointed at the exact moment i was checking my reynolds number calculations.. why they pointed you ask? because i was looking at the hottie in front of me dig into her bra for her cheatsheets.
barmaid:
fabulous post. the bra is indeed a technological marvel, and while many things may be stuffed into it, (with excellent results, I’ve heard) there is that downside: how do you get your cheat-sheets out without looking like you’re giving yourself a feel? Clearly, our man overestimates the wondrous abilities of the brassiere.
Far better to diagram the circuit on the back of the chair in front of you. We did this once in junior high with French verb conjugations and our one-eyed teacher (who was more interested in popping out his glass eye than teaching french anyway)
And as for diagramming a circuit onto a calculator–the genius involved in cheating is probably more effort than the work involved in learning. But, for certain rebellious types, it’s also probably more fun–even without the wonderbra.
I was going to say that, but in the interests of not crossing the badmaashi limit I thought it would be best if a woman mentioned it instead 😉
Anyway, I think people are making mountains out of molehills here. So Ashish had a handful of ideas about cheating and just wants to get it all off his chest now that he’s been busted. Let’s not front too much about this. The controversy’s probably peaked anyway.
GROAN
Sorry Anna. Since this conversation’s now on a downward slope, perhaps you should nip it in the bud before unsuspecting visitors to SM get too much of an eyeful. We have to ensure that discussions here remain sunny side up, otherwise people will think that our quota of hidden treasures has been filled to bursting limit and is now beginning to spill out over the top.